Christian Schneider

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Author: Christian (page 30 of 81)

Not Related

Okay, a quick admission – occasionally, I google my name to see what people are saying about me on blogs. Don\’t judge me – you know you\’ve done it too.

In any event, this morning I found out this wonderful tidbit about some German dude named Christian Schneider:

From Wikipedia:

\”I Am Your Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song)\” is a novelty dance song by German composer Christian Schneider and released by Gummibear International that received international and internet meme success, in part, due to its corresponding 30-second video clip.[4][5] The song has since been released in at least seven languages and has virally spread worldwide with more than 30 million plays of the corresponding videos on YouTube and MySpace.[4] With the song ready-made for ringtone use one critic commented \”he\’s the ultimate cross-platform, cross-cultural phenomenon YouTube was designed to unleash.\”

Naturally, I had to see this \”Gummy Bear Song\” that bizarro Schneider had composed. Here it is:

\”Hey Jude\” it ain\’t.

I\’ve always thought one of the keys to racial reconciliation in our country would be for people of all races to figure out what they have in common. In this case, I think we can all agree that no matter what color or creed you are, we can all get together to loathe Europeans. Unity!

Mark Your Calendars

Tomorrow morning (Wednesday, June 25th,) I\’ll be on the Joy Cardin show from 7 to 8 AM to discuss third party candidates in Wisconsin. It\’s a follow up to this piece I wrote for the Wisconsin Interest magazine. Be sure to tune in, and call if you want to chat.

Looking in the Funding Mirror

Last week, George Lightbourn and I released a report that demonstrated that the proposed \”Healthy Wisconsin\” government health plan would run a large deficit. As expected, proponents of the plan pushed back – yet without addressing any of the concerns raised in the report.

I chuckled when I saw the following quote from State Senator Jon Erpenbach in Friday\’s Wispolitics REPORT, referencing the study:

I don\’t know where they\’re getting their numbers, and second of all I\’d like to know who backs them financially on this stuff. – Healthy Wisconsin sponsor Sen. Jon Erpenbach, D-Middleton, on the WPRI report.

First of all, it\’s pretty easy to figure out where we got our numbers, since we lay that all out in the report, which Erpenbach clearly didn\’t read. In fact, most of our data comes from the Lewin Reports on both the Wisconsin Health Plan and Healthy Wisconsin – reports which Erpenbach himself commissioned and uses to bolster his plan. Maybe he should get around to reading those, too, since he paid for them.

In fact, the math is pretty easy – the state Department of Revenue expects incomes to rise at 4.6% per year over the next 10 years. The Lewin Group expects health care costs to rise 6.5% per year over that same time. That creates a gap that has to be funded – and the Lewin Group itself says the plan will have to raise taxes in the future to make up the deficit. If Erpenbach disagrees with that premise, perhaps he should get his money back from the Lewin folks.

The second irrelevant criticism leveled at our report is to question our funding. This is even more entertaining, since people who spend all day polluting comment threads on blogs somehow aren\’t able to perform a Google search to research WPRI\’s funding. But, of course, this is all just a sideshow to distract people from the actual criticisms of the plan that we level – since proponents of the plan don\’t really have an answer. Regardless of our funding (and honestly, I don\’t even really know much about it), the facts are the facts – just ask the group commissioned by Jon Erpenbach to research the issue.

And as long as we\’re on the funding issue, it might be instructive to look at who\’s funding Jon Erpenbach\’s effort to get Healthy Wisconsin passed. You may remember last year, when Erpenbach may have violated state law by co-mingling lobbyist money with his campaign funds to produce a poll showing support for Healthy Wisconsin.

From the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel:

Lawmakers who joined with interest groups to conduct a poll on a proposed universal health care plan might have violated campaign finance laws by taking money from groups not authorized to make political contributions.

State Elections Board Executive Director Kevin Kennedy hadn\’t seen all the details of the arrangement Tuesday but said Senate Majority Leader Judy Robson (D-Beloit) and Sen. Jon Erpenbach (D-Middleton) might have benefited from special-interest funds that aren\’t allowed into the electoral process.

The two senators contributed campaign funds toward a poll also bankrolled by groups that cannot give to candidates.

If the interest groups had paid for the poll themselves and simply given it to the senators, there would be no trouble, Kennedy said. Potential problems have arisen because the poll combined political and non-political money.

\”Our concern would be to make sure non-political money wasn\’t providing a political benefit\” to the senators, Kennedy said.

Oops. Maybe Erpenbach, who thinks we should use taxpayer money to run political campaigns in order to lessen the influence of lobbyists, should start the effort by actually adhering to the law himself.

***Outrageous Profit Alert***

It\’s panic time, folks.  The Green Bay Packers apparently turned a 10.5% profit last year.  Not because the team was any good or provided the fans with a product that they were willing to pay for,  but because the franchise is simply greedy.  We\’re being gouged by Big Packalope.

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Perhaps if we levy an excessive profits tax on the team, they\’ll get better.  We need to make sure they don\’t have any money to improve the team – that way, I might end up as third string quarterback.

What\’s Another Word for "Thesaurus?"

Shame on both you and me. Here we\’ve been going on, living our daily lives, without recognizing that the single greatest television show in our lifetimes is currently airing deep down on the cable channel dial.

I am talking, of course, about \”My Big Redneck Wedding,\” which currently airs on CMT (formerly known as Country Music Television, I think.) Each episode features a set of two self-described \”rednecks\” planning their wedding – generally on a budget akin to what you spend on pizza every month.

I can\’t do the whole series justice in just one post, but let me describe just one episode, in which Gail and John from Maryland get married:

  • John proposes to Gail by writing \”Marry Me\” in urine on the street.
  • John constructs a wedding arch out of beer cans, which is used in the ceremony.
  • As his wedding gift to his wife, John gets a stuffed animal out of an arcade claw machine.
  • John and Gail get married upstairs in a flea market.
  • Centerpieces are made by stuffing flowers into Budweiser tall boy cans.
  • Before the ceremony, Gail can\’t find her dentures, and John\’s mother offers to lend Gail hers.

Yet the high point of the episode occurs when John sits down with his grandmother to write out his wedding vows. They read as follows:

I wish I could put your love in a locket;
Because you\’re hotter than a hot pocket;
We did it in the back seat, we did it in the zoo;
I don\’t care where we do it, as long as it\’s with you.

Like manna from heaven, YouTube has provided me with a clip of this inspired poet at work. And be sure to catch the last line of the clip, in which I\’m pretty sure John means to say \”Thesaurus.\”

I have about four more episodes waiting for me on TiVo, so I better get to them ASAP. And when you\’re watching with tears streaming down your face, as I was, feel free to cut me a check to thank me for the tip.

Everyone\’s a VIP to Someone

A friend alerted me to the fact that there appears to be a music festival coming to Madison this September. It has been dubbed the Forward Music Fest, and features a couple of my faves, Neko Case and Bob Mould.

What I found funny is the quote the festival organizers used to promote Neko:

\”I\’m a die-hard Neko Case loyalist, so it should surprise nobody that I went to see her at the Barrymore last night. The show was sensational – and I can\’t really describe what it was like for fear of sounding too much like a lovestruck teenager. Let\’s just say I was catatonic – other people in my area were dancing and clapping, and I stood frozen with my hands jammed into my pockets. She\’s just impossibly good.\”

What music expert wrote that? Well, it was this genius.

So I\’m thinking that at the very least, the use of this quote to promote the show has earned me a backstage pass. I\’m fairly certain that when people see this show gets my seal of approval, it will bring hundreds of new bodies in the door. Let the letter writing campaign begin.

The Legend of Butterbeard

For those of you who haven\’t seen me recently (that means most people, I think), I am sporting a lush, flowing urban beard. My original thinking was that a beard was a good way to go incognito, but I have recently begun to think that it actually makes more people look at you, which wasn\’t the intent.

What I figured out tonight, however, is that a beard is completely incompatible with eating corn on the cob. The family grilled out tonight, complete with steak and corn. And by the end of the meal, I believe half my food had nestled comfortably in my facial hair. I wiped my face with a napkin, thinking that would do the trick. But an hour later, I actually had to go into the bathroom and shampoo my beard in the sink to get the smell to go away. (At the time, my two year old son was doing his Beavis and Butthead impression while trying to go potty, and he stopped to look at me, as if I was the weirdo.)

Incidentally, the beard will be making its world debut on the \”Here and Now\” show this week, but it has yet to decide what it wants to talk about. What I do know is that the beard is already being difficult, demanding the TV set be catered with corn on the cob.

UPDATE: Savvy commenter reminds me of this video. And it all comes full circle.

Three Minutes You Won\’t Regret

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

\”You see, there\’s a point in the song where we mention the devil, and we think the viewers may not get the reference, so put this devil costume on and walk around.\”

Madison to Bums: Drink Up!

In an effort to pretend like they\’re doing something to alleviate the city\’s homeless problem, the Madison City Council last night voted to ban the sale of certain quantities of liquor in some downtown stores.  Basically, they won\’t be able to sell less than a six pack of beer or malt liquor (except imports or microbrews), fortified wine and less than a pint of liquor.  This is an attempt to make it more difficult for the transients downtown to get cheap liquor.

In effect, all it will do is make sure that when the bums get enough money, they\’ll just have to buy more liquor at one time.  It will do nothing to stop the harassing behavior they inflict on the residents downtown.  It will also make it more of a hassle for non-alcoholics to purchase liquor, as downtown residents will have to buy in larger quantities.  They will also have to pay more to procure their fine fortified wines, such as Wild Irish Rose and Thunderbird.  (For a full listing of the finest fortified wines, visit Bumwine.com.)

Of course, the council doesn\’t have the guts to do anything serious about the homeless in Madison, even after high profile murders have been linked to the transient population.  The State Journal article about last night\’s ban spells it out:

On Tuesday, Scott Thornton appealed to the council to extend the ban into his 6th District, where he said intoxicated people disturb and scare residents, leave cans strewn on the sidewalks, urinate in public and even threw up on his Christmas wreath last winter.

Hey, here\’s an idea – how about you start arresting people? Does anyone actually believe making bums buy extra liquor at one time is going to solve any of these problems?

So thank you, government, for making my life better by increasing the cost of things I buy.  You\’ve done such a good job with gas prices, it only makes sense to keep going from there.

The Presidential Election: And We’re Off

To show that the Presidential election is almost in full swing in mid-June, here are a couple of notable TV ads currently running.

First, here’s a John McCain ad that emphasizes the environment and global warming:

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

I’m skeptical as to how effective the environment actually is as a campaign issue. Everyone considers themselves an environmentalist, but few are actually willing to vote on that basis. Furthermore, people are increasingly getting the idea that “environmentalism” equals “higher gas prices.”

But this ad is important for McCain not because he’s any kind of beaver hugger, but because the environment serves as a platform for differentiating himself from other Republicans. He’s obviously seen the polls that show the GOP doing poorly across the board, and he wants to get away from them like they’re a garage sale nose hair trimmer. (The hint here is his use of a newspaper clip image that expressly says “McCain Climate Views Clash With GOP.” You need a graduate degree in political science for this kind of insightful commentary, folks – don’t try this at home.)

Next up is a MoveOn.org anti-McCain ad:

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

The central talking point of this ad is almost too stupid to address, and since you’re obviously smart enough to be reading a public policy blog, you know why it’s bogus. When McCain said we were going to be in Iraq for 100 years, all he meant was that we would have a presence there. Hopefully a peaceful one. We’ve been in Germany since the end of World War II, but nobody suggests we’re at war with them. (I actually had a sister born there as a result of my father’s military duty in Germany. My mom wasn’t exactly dodging grenades during childbirth.)

In closing, a couple amusing graphics:

Never Underestimate the Heart of a Champion

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Monday was an epic day for golf, as two events took place that will forever change the course of golf history. In one event, a golfer was crowned champion after years of dedication and hard work, earning the praise and adulation he so richly deserves, and forever altering the way children and their parents think about the sport. In the other event, Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open. (Yawn.)

In case you haven\’t yet seen highlights on ESPN, yours truly netted the lowest score in the Monona Municipal Golf Course men\’s Monday night league this week. This is about as likely as John Daly being named \”Sexiest Man Alive.\” Sure, Tiger won one of the most exciting major tournaments in history, and sure, he gets a big trophy and millions of dollars for his efforts. But I feel I have won the coveted \”trophy within.\”

My golfing history is a long and sordid one. I actually played a lot as a kid, even making my high school golf team. (Thus, I can say I played \”three sports\” and sound as legitimate as all the guys who played football, baseball, and basketball. I played golf, baseball and basketball.) At some point after high school though, I put down the clubs for a decade. I just couldn\’t handle the stress of the game and suffered a David Duval-style meltdown. Those who have played with me will tell you that my language on the course has probably earned me a full years\’ worth of rosaries when I finally get around to going to confession. At one point, I threw three of my clubs up in a tree at the Mee-Kwon golf course north of Milwaukee. But that\’s another story for another time.

What\’s important now is that my game is starting to come around. Nobody is happier to see this than the golf courses themselves. In my golfing career, I have probably single-handedly undone most of Gaylord Nelson\’s environmental achievements with the damage my golf game has wrought on Wisconsin\’s sensitive habitats.

Of course, nobody\’s going to confuse me for Tiger Woods just yet. But in a strange way, I think watching as much of the U.S. Open as I did actually helped me. I realized that even the best players in the world don\’t hit perfect shots every time, and that helped me relax. Of course, my ample handicap helped, too – but every stroke of that was earned, given how poorly I had played in the past couple of weeks.

There\’s so many people to thank for this achievement, but I would be remiss if I didn\’t first credit myself for all my hard work, dedication, and willingness to starve my children so I have more money for greens fees. Imagine how hard it is on me when my starving little children come up to me, begging for bread crumbs. It just breaks my heart when I have to push them away and say \”maybe next week.\”

And if I may, I\’d like to offer some words of encouragement to the other golfers in my league – keep practicing, and maybe one day, you will get to touch the trophy. Until then, I plan on being insufferable. (I told my wife I beat a bunch of scratch golfers, and she said I should fit right in, since I scratch myself all the time.)

Behind Enemy Lines

So I figure if my position as \”citizen journalist\” means anything, I should be willing to experience things to which no man would ever willingly subject himself, then report on it. Which is why on Friday night I agreed to watch \”27 Dresses\” with my wife. Almost as if I was embedding myself with the female gender, like a war correspondent.

First of all, the Brewers were getting hammered, so it\’s not like I was giving up a lot. Plus, you could do a lot worse than watching Katherine Heigl for an hour and a half. And as busy as she is cleaning up after me and the kids, my wife doesn\’t get a whole lot of chances to do \”girly\” stuff. So I agreed to suck it up and go along – which I kind of had to do, since I picked the last movie, \”I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With.\”

\"\"The first thing you need to know about this movie is that it\’s pure science fiction. It\’s one of these flicks where Katherine Heigl somehow manages to get into her 30s without having a single meaningful relationship – which is preposterous, because Kate is other-worldy hot. This movie makes \”Kung Fu Panda\” look like a Ken Burns documentary.

It\’s also one of these movies where everyone is either a newspaper columnist about love issues (seriously, there have to be maybe three of these people in America), or works at a high-powered ad agency. And for effect, they throw in that it\’s an \”eco-friendly\” ad agency, at that. Barf. At one point, Heigl\’s character\’s sister really hits rock bottom and has to go get a job designing hand bags. It\’s absolutely true.

Anyway, eventually she falls for some marriage columnist, who – gasp! – actually has some misgivings about marriage. Of course, this guy doesn\’t make a single humorous or insightful comment throughout the entire movie – yet, somehow, he is the guy that this woman finally falls in love with. That\’s what\’s frustrating about movies in general – people don\’t really talk the way they do in real life. Think about it – those are the times when you laugh the most. When you\’re with friends discussing things that come completely out of the blue. But, sadly, your regular conversations don\’t serve the purpose of moving the plot along. Anyway, all this guy has going for him is that he\’s (I guess) good looking, although he has a weird haircut that clearly is meant to draw attention away from his big ears.

So Heigl\’s character\’s sister falls in love with Heigl\’s boss by pretending she\’s a vegetarian and into the outdoors and animals and stuff. But Heigl is secretly in love with her boss (the columnist comes later), so she sets out to ruin her sister\’s engagement by telling her boss the truth about her sister. So at the rehearsal dinner, to \”out\” her sister, she shows a slide show that shows a picture of her sister eating ribs and being afraid of a dog that it appears is attacking her. Naturally, despite being engaged for what seems like months, the boss immediately calls the engagement off, given the horror of seeing an old picture of his future wife eating meat. I can only imagine what my wife would have said if she had seen me attacking the pan of Rice Krispie treats she made this week.

The rest of the movie is pretty irrelevant. Trust me, you know where the whole thing is going 5 minutes in. Heigl\’s acting is somewhat hit or miss, but I was actually surprised in some spots where she was kind of funny. (Oh, and did I mention she was hot?)

So I don\’t have any grading system, but whatever it is, this movie gets two of them.

And as long as I\’m on movies, here are my grades for some I\’ve seen recently:

I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With – B plus. A cute, funny movie that\’s almost like a chick flick for fat guys in their \’30s.

The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford
– A. Really slow moving, and certainly not for everyone. But I loved how it unfolded, and the last third is really thought-provoking. And I didn\’t even know Brad Pitt was in it until I started watching it.

Michael Clayton – B minus. Entertaining, but a goofy lefty anti-big business fantasy. Certainly the cops wouldn\’t be smart enough to figure it out when all the attorneys working on a case relating to this chemical company start dying. I\’m still waiting for the big Hollywood movie where some poor woman gets breast cancer, then gets the treatment she needs and beats it because of the insurance benefits provided by her employer. I imagine that happens ten thousand times more often than the scenario in this movie, where some chemical kills over 200 people. (Incidentally, if a company made a chemical that killed two people, it would go under. If someone found a rat head in a Wendy\’s frosty, they\’d have to spend millions of dollars to stay afloat – much less killing hundreds of people.)

Before the Devil Knows You\’re Dead
– B minus. Begins with a completely superfluous sex scene with Marisa Tomei, who is naked through the entire movie. That\’s worth a whole letter grade. But there are three major movie cliches in this film that must be addressed:

1. In movies, whenever someone pours themself a drink, it\’s always scotch, straight up. You never see someone mix their whiskey or scotch with anything. How many people do you actually know that drink this way?

2. In movies, whenever someone is watching television, they are always watching something that no reasonable human would watch. They\’re always watching Looney Tunes or some kung fu movie or something.

3. In movies, when someone points a gun at someone else, the victim always either gives a long speech, or says \”just go ahead and do it.\” As if, somehow, they have spent their lives perfecting the speech they\’re going to give when someone finally sticks a gun in their face. Needless to say, if someone pointed a gun at me, they would hear a lot of crying and pleading for my life. I would not go out like a man. If they shot me, they\’d have to shoot a whimpering, sad little man.

Lars and the Real Girl: B. This one really divides people – but I tend to be on the more favorable side. Plus, any movie that brings mustaches back is welcome in my book.

Educator of the Year

Teacher Banned for Classroom Strip

supply teacher was asked to leave a secondary school after removing his shirt in front of a class of 13 and 14-year-old pupils, education authority officials said today.

The incident at Sudbury Upper School in Sudbury, Suffolk, in April was filmed by a pupil on a mobile phone and footage broadcast on internet website YouTube.

Education authority Suffolk County Council said the man was asked to leave the school and the agency which supplied him informed.

\”It is not the case that children were put at any risk,\” said a council spokesman. \”But the school felt his behaviour inappropriate.\”

In the 40-second YouTube footage the teacher is seen to remove his shirt and point to his left bicep – as girls and boys giggle and scream – before getting dressed again.

Wisconsin’s Third Party Animals

On the evening of November 5, 2002, the election results began to roll in. A rainy election day had come to wash away the grime from an often-brutal gubernatorial race in Wisconsin, which had seen the candidates refer to each other as “crooked” and “absolutely disreputable.” Incumbent Republican Governor Scott McCallum, who had been in office scarcely two years, faced a strong challenge from long-time Democratic Attorney General Jim Doyle. The race was a crucial turning point for Wisconsin, as it represented the first time in sixteen years iconic Governor Tommy Thompson was not on the ballot.

Merely a year earlier, Republican officials could only have dreamed about Doyle pulling a paltry 45% of the vote on election night. McCallum had suffered in Thompson’s shadow after Tommy had left to be Secretary of Health and Human Services in the Bush Administration. McCallum, saddled with a large budget deficit, sought to cut spending to local governments to make up the difference. Naturally, local officials, many of them Republicans, appeared all too willing to defenestrate McCallum in favor of the Democrat.

Yet on election night, Doyle’s poor showing did little to cheer up the GOP faithful. While the Democrat had fallen well short of the magic 50% mark, McCallum had pulled in a woeful 41%, losing to Doyle by nearly 66,000 votes. For the first time in sixteen years, Wisconsin would be led by a Democrat – and a long time bitter Thompson foe, at that.

The reason both major candidates together could only muster 86% of the total vote could be found in bucolic Tomah, Wisconsin (pop. 8,400). Former boxer, professional card player, tavern owner, and Tomah Mayor Ed Thompson had decided a year earlier to run for Governor in 2002. Thompson, a short, stout man with glasses so thick they looked like they could plausibly protect him from a bullet, had signed on with the Libertarian Party of Wisconsin in order to make his third party charge toward the state’s highest office. His sole qualification for the office of governor appeared to be that he once emerged from the same womb as his brother, Governor Tommy Thompson.

Thompson’s 2002 run for governor represented a perfect storm for a third party candidacy in Wisconsin. The Legislature was in the midst of a scandal that eventually led to leaders of both houses being convicted of felonies for crimes such as extortion, bribery, and using state offices for fundraising. The economic downturn of 2001 left voters skeptical of either party’s ability to deal with their financial troubles. By September 2002, 45 percent of Wisconsin residents felt the state was on the wrong track, up from 20 percent only three years earlier. Seventy-five percent of citizens believed lobbyists had more say in how the government spent money than voters did.

Of course, Thompson’s last name didn’t hurt either. As the brother of the state’s most beloved political figure, Ed Thompson had immediate name recognition throughout the state. Plus, it’s not entirely impossible that some voters may have actually confused Ed Thompson with his famous brother. Confusion over names at the polls isn’t exactly unprecedented—it is believed by some historians that Wisconsin’s first African-American legislator, Lucien Palmer, was elected in 1906 because voters confused him with another political Palmer, who was white. Lucien Palmer only lasted one two-year term, which may have been just enough time for voters to figure out their “mistake.”

Perhaps the most famous example of mistaken identity in Wisconsin politics occurred in 1970, when a Sheboygan gas station attendant Robert A. Zimmerman ran as a Democrat for the position of secretary of state. At the time, the incumbent secretary of state happened to be a popular Republican, Robert C. Zimmerman. Robert A. Zimmerman, who wasn’t allowed to speak during the campaign by his mentor Edmond Hou-Seye, won the Democratic primary against up-and-comer Tom Fox, presumably because voters confused him with the incumbent secretary. (Fox went on to become commissioner of insurance in Wisconsin.) Zimmerman, the mute gas station attendant, went on to lose to Zimmerman the secretary of state. Hou-Seye went on to run several ill-fated races for statewide office himself, coining the phrase “journalism is the science of distortion” along the way.

Wisconsin historically has been a sanctuary for third parties. It was in Wisconsin where Robert M. LaFollette, Jr. split the Progressive Party off from the GOP in 1934. That year, the Progressives won a landslide of state offices, including Philip LaFollette winning the governor’s office for the first time as a Progressive candidate. Milwaukee famously elected three Socialist mayors in the first half of the twentieth century, the only major city in the U.S. to have done so.

In recent years, third parties in Wisconsin have continued to affect statewide elections. In 2000, Vice President Al Gore defeated Texas Governor George W. Bush by 5,708 votes in Wisconsin. Gore’s margin of victory was actually less than the 6,640 Wisconsin votes cast for Libertarian Harry Browne for president in that same election. In the 2000 election, third party presidential votes numbered 116,445 in Wisconsin—nearly 20 times the size of Gore’s margin of victory. Everyone remembers the vote count debacle and subsequent court action in Florida following that presidential election, yet that charade would not have occurred had a small fraction of third party voters in Wisconsin shifted their votes to George W. Bush.

Strong third party voting in Wisconsin held true to form in 2004, when Senator John Kerry beat Bush by 11,384 votes. In that election, Wisconsin saw 26,397 votes cast for third party candidates. While well below the 2000 third party vote (due mostly to a drastically diminished Ralph Nader effort), the third party total still greatly exceeded the final margin of victory for Kerry.

Naturally, Ed Thompson wasn’t the only third party candidate in the field in 2002. Thompson was joined by 34-year-old Aneb Jah Rasta Sensas-Utcha Nefer-I, who insisted that he was already governor of Wisconsin. “I was born to rule, because God’s judgment will judge all unrighteousness,” said Sensas-Utcha, a native of Milwaukee. “I’m the damn governor of the State of Wisconsin.” To back up this claim, Sensas-Utcha pointed to several bills regarding E Coli that he had passed earlier. Unfortunately, he was unable to describe the details of this important legislation, claiming the press might be able to use it against him. Despite his previous hypothetical electoral success, Sensas-Utcha was only able to muster 929 votes statewide in November.

Thompson was also joined as a third party gubernatorial candidate by Mike Mangan, who campaigned wearing a gorilla suit. Mangan, a self-employed energy consultant from Waukesha, waged what he called a “guerilla attack against state spending.” Mangan criticized the state’s “King Kong deficit,” which is quite a coincidence since he happened to own a gorilla mask. (Fortunately for Mangan, the deficit wasn’t the size of a turtle, as he would have had to scramble for a new costume.) Mangan was actually a fan of Ed Thompson’s run, seeing it as a breakthrough for third parties in future races, saying, “I think he’s opening doors.”

These independent candidates represent only a small sliver of the colorful history of third party politicians in Wisconsin. In 1974, flamboyant West Milwaukee used car dealer James Groh legally changed his name to “Crazy Jim” to run for governor as an independent. Crazy Jim was a staunch advocate of legalized gambling, and frequently spun a tale of how he once played cards with Frank Sinatra in Las Vegas. At the time, the concept of legal gambling in Wisconsin seemed to be far-fetched—yet Crazy Jim turned out to be a visionary, as Wisconsin adopted a state lottery and welcomed almost unlimited Indian casino gambling by the 1990s. Crazy Jim lost to incumbent Patrick Lucey 629,000 votes to 12,100; but his family said he took solace throughout his life in the fact that he carried Waushara County. (Although he did not—records show he only garnered 47 votes in Waushara County, which placed him a distant fifth.) Crazy Jim died in 2002 of a heart attack.

In Madison, self-described “futurist” Richard H. Anderson has run for numerous offices, including state assembly, mayor, and city council. Anderson routinely ran on an “anti-mind control” platform, believing the government had planted a cybernetic chip in his brain. A self-described bisexual, Anderson fought for better treatment of minorities and, as a surprise to exactly no one, for legalized marijuana. “Just because I’m a pot head doesn’t mean I’m not qualified to hold office,” he once said. Unfortunately, the government rarely used mind control to direct voters to vote for him, as he once mustered a scant six votes in a race for the state Assembly against now-Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin. Naturally, the Progressive Capital Times newspaper said Anderson had “made a good impression.”

(One has to wonder what a debate between a “pro-mind control” and “anti-mind control” candidate is like. Presumably, the “anti” candidate would get up to speak, the “pro” candidate would glare and point his finger at them, and the “anti” candidate would sheepishly sit back down without saying a word.)

Yet the candidacy of Ed Thompson in 2002 represented a breakthrough for independent candidates, who had previously been relegated to the scrap heap of oddities, curiosities, and also-rans. In early 2001, Thompson was a man without a party. Without the backing of a more established third party, a Thompson candidacy could have been viewed as a fringe endeavor and may have lost traction quickly.

Early that year, Thompson met with notorious independent Governor Jesse “The Body” Ventura of Minnesota, who had been carried by his nationwide wrestling fame to victory in 1998. (Thompson would later joke that he should be called Ed “The Belly.”) The meeting was arranged by Bob Collison, leader of the Libertarian Party of Wisconsin. Soon thereafter, Thompson signed on as the official Libertarian candidate for governor of Wisconsin. It was a symbiotic relationship—the Libertarian tag gave Thompson the legitimacy his campaign needed, while Thompson gave the Libertarians a big enough name to finally make a splash in state politics.

Yet there remained an internecine struggle within the party between Libertarians who fundamentally subscribed to the Libertarian principles of limited government and those looking for statewide legitimacy in the electoral process. Clearly, Ed Thompson wasn’t a dyed-in-the-wool Libertarian, although he espoused many of the dangers of government police powers. In the late 1990s, Thompson’s Tee Pee supper club was raided by authorities and four nickel slot machines were confiscated. He refused to cut a deal and plead guilty, and the charges were dropped when the county district attorney was voted out of office over the raid. Thompson said that one of his motivations for running for governor was to beat then-Attorney General Jim Doyle, whom he believes had ordered the raid on the Tee Pee.

However, this desire for deregulated gambling alone wasn’t enough to make him a Libertarian. As mayor of Tomah, Thompson governed as if he were any mayor of any small town in Wisconsin. His gubernatorial platform included more environmental regulation to preserve Wisconsin’s natural spaces and more money for the University of Wisconsin system. Thompson’s supporters bred more distrust among philosophical libertarians when they bitterly complained about Thompson not receiving enough public tax money to run his campaign—a concept anathema to those truly interested in restricting government spending.

Furthermore, as his running mate, Thompson signed up retiring Democratic Assembly Representative and former Ladysmith Mayor Marty Reynolds. While Reynolds described himself as socially liberal and fiscally conservative, throughout his twelve years as a representative he represented a reliable vote for Assembly Democrats when they sought to expand taxes and spending. Yet, as is required of Northern Democrats in Wisconsin, Reynolds was staunchly in favor of individual rights with regard to firearms and property. Before picking him as his running mate, Thompson said he had never actually met Reynolds—he had only read an editorial the representative had written decrying the “corruption” at the State Capitol. Thompson praised Reynolds’ experience as a legislator, saying he would be an “active participant” in his administration, instead of “playing basketball all the time”—a thinly veiled shot at McCallum, who was known for his hard court wizardry during his brother’s administration.

On November 15, 2001, at the State Capitol, Thompson officially announced his candidacy for governor of Wisconsin. He posited himself as the everyman candidate, saying:

I am no big time Charlie. I’m just a common hard-working man who is dedicated to serving the hard-working people of Wisconsin. I’m a fighter. I’ve been in the ring many times as a boxer and there is nothing I like better than a good fight. This is the biggest fight of my life, and I plan on winning it.

Having announced he was running, it was time for Thompson to mobilize his supporters. This included Libertarian Party of Wisconsin President Bob Collison, who had introduced Thompson to Jesse Ventura. Collison had recently garnered press attention for his opposition to the U.S. Census, believing the questions asked on their survey were too personal. (Collison would later leave the Libertarian Party to make an unsuccessful run for the Wisconsin State Assembly.)

Also in the mix was Wisconsin Libertarian Vice Chair Rolf Lindgren, who in November 2003 was accused of stealing $50 out of a bar apron at the Irish Waters Tavern in Madison. After being accused of stealing the cash, Lindgren was arrested for his fourth drunk driving violation. At his trial, he pleaded insanity, testifying that the stress caused by the police accusations related to the Irish Waters incident caused him to blow a .23 on the breathalyzer (11 times the legal limit for someone with three prior drunk driving arrests).

Lindgren also said he was feeling anxiety over appearing in a documentary about Ed Thompson’s life the next morning, and suggested that his arrest was retribution for his attempt to recall Jim Doyle from the governor’s office. Said Lindgren, “it doesn’t really matter why they [filed charges]. What really matters is that they did do it. If I were a black person, I’d be charging racism. What are they saying, all white people look alike?”

The charge against Lindgren for stealing the $50 from the tavern was dropped, as the Dane County District Attorney said the prosecuting attorney needed more time to prosecute the drunk driving charge. In 2006, a jury rejected Lindgren’s insanity plea and he was sentenced to five months in jail for driving while intoxicated.

With his campaign team mobilized, Thompson hit the road in his beat-up, 20-year-old motor home. In the week following his campaign announcement, he visited Waukesha, Wausau, Superior, Eau Claire, and Sparta. On the trail, Thompson’s policy agenda began to round into shape. He espoused the benefits of lower taxes and more local government control. He pushed for legalization of marijuana and for the release of nonviolent felons from prison. He argued for term limits that would limit governors and legislators to eight years in office.

However, Thompson most often used what he thought was his most powerful talking point—that government was corrupt and it was time for a third party candidate to change it. Eventually, discussion of policy issues merely faded into the background in favor of his corruption speech. When Thompson launched his first radio ads in April 2002, they focused on the ongoing criminal investigation of the Legislature. “Our state government is being tarnished by corruption,” Thompson boomed in the ad. “Enough is enough. It’s time to put the people’s interests above special interests. We need common sense and accountability in government,” he said.

At one point in May 2002, students at a campaign appearance at Rice Lake High School asked Thompson what a Libertarian was. “It means you have the right to live your life as you want, as long as you don’t physically hurt someone and no one physically hurts you,” he said. “It takes the business attitude of the Republican Party and the social attitude of the Democratic Party and improves them,” he added.

Later that day, at Bob’s Grill in Rice Lake, an 81-year-old patron asked Thompson what life was like in Washington D.C. “No, that’s my brother,” Ed Thompson politely replied. He then mentioned that he’s three years younger but ten years smarter than Tommy, and definitely better looking.

As the campaign wound into the oppressive Wisconsin summer months, Thompson was able to set himself apart from the other candidates in one regard: his yard and highway campaign signs seemed to outnumber his opponents’ by a fifty-to-one ratio. By September, Thompson had 850 large highway signs and 9,000 yard signs out the door. Thompson’s close ties to the Wisconsin Tavern League virtually guaranteed a black and yellow Ed Thompson sign would be in front of every bar in the state. In rural Wisconsin, those bars are often the centers of civic debate. Tommy Thompson’s exploits in local bars are often credited with catapulting him to statewide recognition. It seemed his little brother may be able to capture a little of the same plainspoken magic.

Meanwhile, the race between the major party candidates raged ahead. McCallum ran a television ad that accused Attorney General Doyle of being “crooked” for not aggressively pursuing corruption in the Legislature. Doyle volunteers held a “bingo party” at a Kenosha home for the developmentally disabled where there also conveniently happened to be absentee ballots available for residents to fill out on site.

As election day grew nearer, Thompson was finding it harder and harder to take his “common man” message to the voters. For one, he was having difficulty working his way into debates, which required a candidate to earn six percent of the total vote in the primary. Since Thompson ran unopposed in the Libertarian primary, he didn’t garner enough votes. He argued, accurately, that rather than waste their vote on him, his supporters likely voted in the contested primaries between the major candidates.

Eventually, Thompson filed a complaint with the State Elections Board, arguing his exclusion amounted to an illegal campaign contribution to the major candidates. He lost the complaint, but went on to take part in minor debates throughout October. Finally, on October 29th, he participated in a debate broadcast statewide. But by that point, the race between Doyle and McCallum had turned bitter and personal, and Thompson was left without much time to speak between the bickering.

When the dust settled on election night a week later, Thompson had received 10.5% of the vote. While it wasn’t nearly enough to win, it was the largest percentage any third party candidate for governor had received in sixty years. Watching the results at the Tee Pee, Thompson seemed upbeat. “We changed the face of politics in Wisconsin,” he beamed, adding, “We’ve made the third party viable.” Furthermore, reaching the 10% vote level meant that the Libertarian Party would be validated by having an official representative on the State Elections Board.

Thompson’s supporters, however, were confused as to why their candidate didn’t fare better. Following the election, Rolf Lindgren wrote an editorial claiming that Ed Thompson hadn’t been beaten by the voters; he had instead been beaten by the polls. In the column (in which he listed his credential as “1986 UW-Madison Mathematics Graduate,”) Lindgren expressed disbelief that Thompson only received 10.5% of the vote, when a poll prior to the election had Thompson’s approval rating at 39%. Since a candidate merely had to receive 34% to win the three-way election, Lindgren was confused as to why Thompson wasn’t able to garner enough support to emerge victorious. Apparently, he was unaware that approval ratings measure a candidate’s popularity against only themselves, while actual elections pit candidates against each other.

Lindgren went on to argue, as only a 1986 mathematics graduate could, that polls published during the campaign that showed Thompson with single digit support actually depressed his popularity. Lindgren believed the polls showing (accurately, as it turned out) Thompson with little support drove away individuals that normally would have been supporters. “In hindsight, if he had done a few more polls at key moments, and put out a few more polls-related press releases, he might have won the election,” said Lindgren.

The debate still rages in Wisconsin about whether Ed Thompson handed the state over to Jim Doyle by stealing votes from McCallum. Conventional wisdom tells us that since Libertarians are further to the right, they steal votes from Republicans. Thus, the GOP immediately groused that Thompson’s 10.5% vote total may have swung the race to the incumbent Governor had “Fightin’ Ed” not run.

The numbers seem to indicate that, even had Thompson not run, a McCallum victory would have been a long shot. When Thompson’s 185,000 votes are divided up, McCallum would have had to win 67.7% of them to overcome Doyle’s 66,000-vote margin. While it is true that Thompson did extremely well in GOP-dominated counties like his home Monroe County (Thompson 45%, McCallum 27%, Doyle 26%), Thompson also pulled substantial votes out of the city of Madison, likely due to his support for legalized marijuana. (It is estimated Thompson received 100% of the vote from the much sought-after “dudes who make late night trips to Taco Bell” demographic.)

Additionally, rather than merely being a Libertarian, Ed Thompson was a once-in-a-generation cult of personality. There’s no evidence that his votes were from people who lean Libertarian. It’s possible his votes were comprised of voters sick of the two parties generally and who recognized his family name as a safe haven for their vote. His addition of Marty Reynolds to the ticket may have made it even easier for Democrats to vote for him.

On the other hand, it is possible that Thompson pulled more votes from Republicans than Democrats. Aside from the votes on election day, Thompson’s entry into the race drew other types of resources away from the major candidates—he was able to raise and spend over $400,000, which may have favored McCallum, had Thompson not been able to get his hands on it. Furthermore, the curiosity of Thompson’s campaign took up media time that may have changed the face of the race had he not been in it (although given the press McCallum was getting at the time, it might have been better for him to get less coverage throughout the campaign).

Whether Ed Thompson gift-wrapped the 2002 election for Democrat Jim Doyle, we can never really know (although Doyle did defeat a strong Republican challenger, Republican Congressman Mark Green, in 2006). What we do know is that third parties in Wisconsin are a force to be reckoned with. While many regard third parties as a motley group of political nutballs, they have what the major candidates need—votes.

Given the proclivity of Wisconsin voters to cast their ballots for a third party, the 2008 presidential election could hinge on how well candidates relate to these third party voters. With Wisconsin’s traditional razor-thin margins of victory, the major candidate who appeals most to third party voters could be the one who emerges victorious. Senators John McCain and Barack Obama need to tap into the wealth of Wisconsin votes that could easily stray into third party territory. With big names like Former Congressman (and star of “Borat”) Bob Barr running as a Libertarian, Former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney seeking the Green Party nomination, and Ralph Nader doing whatever it is he does, independent voters could very well decide Wisconsin, and therefore the presidency.

In 2005, three years after his gubernatorial run, Ed Thompson was elected to the city council back in Tomah. The problem was, he didn’t know he was running. Thompson had benefited from a write-in vote effort of which he was unaware. After receiving 31 of 34 votes, he begrudgingly took office. In 2007, Thompson flirted with the idea of running for president himself after aligning himself with a group of “9/11 Truthers” who believe the U.S. government had a role in the September 11, 2001, attacks. In 2008, he was once again sworn in as Mayor of Tomah, assuming the comfortable position he had left to run for governor. It appears he is now content to be an important footnote in Wisconsin’s political history—one that major candidates should not soon forget.

Jim Doyle\’s Got 99 Problems (but GM Ain\’t One)

A friend told me about this, and I honestly didn\’t believe him.

Last week in Janesville, Jim Doyle stood at the podium before hundreds of General Motors workers who had just found out that the plant will be closing in 2010. The pain in the room was evident, as the workers flanking Doyle onstage openly wore their disgust on their faces.

Doyle began his speech expressing outrage at General Motors, and threatening \”revenge\” against the company. He continually praised the workers, who had done nothing to deserve their fate. (We\’ll set aside, for a moment, the fact that Doyle\’s plan to raise gas taxes by 7 cents per gallon could have hastened the demise of the plant.) Then, to fully ameliorate the pain being felt in the room, he pulled out a quote from one of our great philosophers: Rapper Jay-Z.

In an attempt to say the workers had been \”flicked aside,\” Doyle tried to use The Jigga Man\’s \”Dirt Off Your Shoulder\” as an excuse to make the now-famous gesture. He immediately tried to catch himself, understanding what an absurd statement he just made. But this is why I fear public speaking so much – I\’m afraid I\’m going to say something this stupid in front of an open mike. And in doing so, Doyle may have inadvertently set race relations in Wisconsin back 30 years.  Father Michael Pfleger\’s references to black culture were actually more comfortable than this.

To see the video, click here and fast forward to the 25 minute mark. I\’d pull the clip off and put it on YouTube to make it instantly viewable, but WisconsinEye\’s warnings have sufficiently spooked me into thinking they\’re going to sue me for a hundred million dollars if I do so. (Then they\’ll team up with INTERPOL to come get the backup copies of my DVDs.)

If one asks how in the hell Doyle knows that Jay-Z song, remember that Barack Obama used the same gesture to respond to attacks by Hillary Clinton. Except there were two stark differences: Obama actually used it in the correct context, and Obama looked like a smooth mother doing it. (Shut yo mouth!)

Since the readership of this blog likely doesn\’t even know who Jay-Z is, here\’s the video for \”Dirt Off Your Shoulder.\” Warning – there\’s explicit language, but it\’s necessary, as it exposes how ridiculous it was for Doyle to use it in such a somber context.

And here\’s a video of Obama\’s \”Dirt off Your Shoulder\” reference that\’s good for a chuckle:

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

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