Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Month: March 2008 (page 2 of 3)

The Bag Revolt

I am going on record as being 100% for this:

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Note the look of irritation by Herb Kohl as fans stage a paper bag protest during last Saturday\’s Bucks-Celtics game. BrewHoop has the details:

On Friday we told you about a group of RealGMers\’ plan to wear paper bags during the Celtics game, and as the above picture suggests, they not only made it out to see the Bucks\’ 99-77 loss to the Celtics, but also managed to confront owner Herb Kohl near the end of the fourth quarter.

In sum, the bag revolutionaries totaled 39, certainly far fewer than what some previous fan demonstrations have mustered, but not surprising given it was organized over a closed message board. However, what they lacked in numbers they made up for in strategy (kudos to Dan for that). Shortly before tipoff and during halftime they paraded through the concourses to maximize exposure, led by Nowak\’s brilliantly subversive \”Where Amazing Happens\” sign, and after the game they stationed themselves by the escalators. They were seated in a block of 30 in the upper deck, so not surprisingly the television cameras managed to avoid them, though the group did make it onto the jumbotron briefly during a prize giveaway, forcing an abrupt cut to a different camera.

Calibrating The Obama Supporter Continuum

Recent revelations about Barack Obama\’s minister, Jeremiah Wright, have forced the political world to go back and re-calibrate the Obama-Meter to try to place his supporters in order of coherence. After a complicated mathematical formula was devised, the continuum now looks like this:

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Hate George W? You Should be a Conservative

There’s an old saying: Republicans get elected saying big government doesn’t work, then go about proving it.

In recent years, America has become a breeding ground for liberals. The Left has used their universal distaste for George W. Bush to recruit new footsoldiers all over America. They’ve been voting in Democratic primaries at twice the rate of the GOP primaries. They deride the President as a smirking, right-wing buffoon. And that’s probably what it says on his fan mail.

Naturally, much of liberal distaste for President Bush stems from the Iraq war. But war in itself doesn’t necessarily fall anywhere on the liberal-conservative continuum. The reason more Democrats don’t start more wars is because only one Democrat has been elected in the last 28 years. As everyone can recall, the modern-day liberal gold standard, John F. Kennedy, got us into Vietnam – and it was LBJ in 1965 who escalated our presence there. Clearly, misguided wars are a bipartisan problem.

What’s most interesting, however, is that when Bush has blundered badly with regard to domestic policy, it’s because he’s moved over to the liberal side. Dabbling in big-government solutions has delivered Bush some puzzling embarrassments, especially since much of the criticism he gets comes from the left wing. In effect, Bush has shown how ineffective, wasteful, and sometimes scary, big government can be – a lesson Bush haters should take to heart.

Take, for example, Bush’s most public embarrassment – the Hurricane Katrina rescue effort. We all remember the mass of humanity outside the Superdome without food or water, and people trapped on top of their homes waiting to be rescued. While Bush made some symbolic tactical mistakes, such as not visiting the disaster site in time, it was actually FEMA that proved to be disorganized and ineffective. Layer after layer of bureaucracy crippled the department, with few people in charge knowing what was going on. As a result, Democrats hammered away at Bush for the confusion, scoring political points along the way.

In the meantime, conservatives weren’t surprised at all at the atrocious response to the hurricane. This is the federal government, they pointed out. This is what happens when we pump money into a disorganized bureaucracy with no real accountability. The only difference between FEMA and other federal programs is that Medicaid hasn’t been underwater yet. Of course, the hush money taxpayers have shelled out to displaced victims of the hurricane has been exposed as a fraud time and time again. Who could have seen that coming?

Bush was also heavily criticized by the Left for another foray into big government: his Medicare Part D prescription drug program. While the President thought pumping hundreds of billions of dollars into helping senior citizens pay for prescription drugs would keep them off his back during the 2004 election, they hung it around his neck like a cold fish. The program actually ended up being a political liability, as Democrats successfully portrayed it as a “giveaway to big drug companies.”

Apparently, Democrats were surprised to find out that when you buy prescription drugs, it actually involves purchasing them from pharmaceutical companies. Liberals were likely confused when they found out you can’t buy bulk prescription drugs from Ben and Jerry’s. Yet if it were Barack Obama that proposed the program, Democrats would be building monuments to him in every city in America.

Bush repeatedly failed conservatives during his tenure. His plan to grant expedited citizenship to illegal immigrants flopped badly. He never pushed for his plan for personal retirement accounts, instead allowing Democrats to scare and confuse seniors by labeling it “privatization” of Social Security. (Democrats’ Plan B to confuse seniors was to explain to them what a “stop sign” is.) Ironically, liberals savage Bush’s attempts to expand wiretapping of terrorists. Of course, wiretapping isn’t necessarily a “liberal” ideal, but let’s be honest – electronic surveillance of citizens is much more often associated with oppressive socialist regimes, not capitalist, free market societies.

So I’d like to welcome our liberal friends over to our side. Their repudiation of George W. Bush is proof that they, in their hearts, know that big government doesn’t work. In many ways, to reject Bush is to reject the notion that government can solve our problems for us. Until, of course, President Obama magically transforms the federal government into a finely-tuned bureaucratic machine.

-March 13, 2008

49 Other States Support Healthy Wisconsin

In my previous post dealing with how universal health care will make Wisconsin a magnet for the nation\’s sick, I made a quick point that actually deserves more attention. As it turns out, people may not even need to move here to have Wisconsin taxpayers foot the bill for their health problems.

Under the \”Healthy Wisconsin\” bill, an individual is eligible for full benefits immediately if they are \”gainfully employed\” in the state. Once one person is \”gainfully employed\” (as defined by the Healthy Wisconsin plan\’s board), \”the person and the members of the person’s immediate family are eligible to participate in the plan.\”

But wait – while there\’s a catch. The bill requires an individual to live in the state for 12 months and have a \”substantial presence\” in Wisconsin (the time limit requirement would be legally questionable in court). However, once they\’re \”gainfully employed in this state,\” those requirements disappear. So what is \”gainfully employed\” in Wisconsin? If someone lives in Arkansas but owns businesses in Wisconsin, are they gainfully employed in this state? Is an independent contractor who lives in Colorado but contracts with Wisconsin business gainfully employed in Wisconsin? Apparently, the board would have to decide.

What is clear, however, is that once a single individual in a family is eligible, everyone in that person\’s immediate family is immediately eligible. And there are no residency requirements for family members. (I have verified this with legislative attorneys.)

As a result, a father of eight in Georgia could move to Wisconsin, get a job at a hot dog stand, and his wife and all of his children would immediately be eligible for taxpayer funded health care, paid for by Wisconsin residents. And the family wouldn\’t have to move an inch. For any family in America facing expensive care for a child afflicted with autism or multiple sclerosis, their prayers would be answered just by having one immediate family member qualify in Wisconsin.

Anyone who thinks this isn\’t incentive enough for people in South Carolina or Indiana to take advantage of this program are willfully deceiving themselves. As I previously mentioned, the health care crisis for people not already on Medicaid-based programs isn\’t a Wisconsin problem – it\’s a national problem. In fact, Wisconsin\’s MA program, Badgercare, even has a residency requirement tougher than Healthy Wisconsin.

As a result, it makes sense that the other 49 states would beg Wisconsin to enact the program – it would alleviate them of all the health care costs they\’re currently paying for their sickest individuals. Suddenly, Mississippi\’s budget would look a lot better when we\’re paying for their citizens\’ health care.

The Chief Executive of Booty Enthusiasts

Outstanding article in the Washington Post today about the Eliot Spitzer revelations yesterday. Specifically, it describes the whole routine of having your wife stand next to you while you announce to the world that you pretty much hate your wife. As author Dana Milbank puts it, \”Silda Wall Spitzer looked like a victim of food poisoning as she stood by her man\’s side.\”

\"\"As a pre-emptive strike, I told my wife that at some point in my life, I\’d probably do something monumentally stupid. So she better get her glazed over \”standing by my idiot husband at a press conference\” look ready. She replied that I should probably get my \”being chased around the house with a meat cleaver\” look ready.

The article points out that on the night before Valentine\’s Day, Client 9 spent $4,300 and only used up two of his four allotted hours. All I know is, if I spend $4,300 on a prostitute and I get four hours, that hoochie better stick around and play Battleship with me for the remaining 3 hours and 58 minutes.

The article also mentions that Spitzer liked to do things that were considered \”dangerous.\” Like what? Like sitting too close to the TV? Trying to figure out the recipe for McDonald\’s secret sauce?

All told, Spitzer is alleged to have spent up to $80,000 on prostitutes – an appalling sum. (Any prostitute service that costs that much better also provide sandwiches.) Appalling mostly because he\’s the Governor of New York for Christ\’s sake – he couldn\’t get any free booty on the side? What is the point of being famous if not for the hot side action? He missed out on all the fun of going around and offering hot chicks \”a position on his staff.\” When you think about it, that whole \”governing the state\” thing really should have been a secondary goal in Spitzer\’s life.

More lurid details are coming to light which probably aren\’t worth mentioning. But if there\’s a lesson in all of this, it\’s this:

Spitzer spent his entire professional career trying to show everyone how much smarter he was than they were. And as a result, they\’re all going to come down on him like a house of bricks. It is ALWAYS in your best interest to have people think you\’re a lot dumber than you are, rather than vice versa. Nobody likes a know-it-all.

How Did I Miss This?

I was waiting to get my hair cut and reading an old Newsweek article about John McCain, when I came across this tidbit:

McCain does have a refreshing knack for reaching across the aisle. In 2004, he had a vodka drinking contest with Hillary Clinton on a Senate junket to Estonia.

WHAT?

Let\’s back up here. Hillary Clinton and John McCain sat down and went shot for shot? And this was documented somehow? How is this not major news? Who sponsored this junket? Smirnoff?

And how did this drinking contest not lead to Hillary cuddling in McCain\’s loving arms? (To the extent that McCain can actually bend his arms, anyway.) I\’m literally speechless. Are they running for President of the U.S. or rush chair for the interfraternity council?

Incidentally, I am 100% for getting chicks drunk now being called \”reaching across the aisle.\” In that case, I\’d be the most bipartisan individual on the planet. I\’d be the Joe Lieberman of horny college dudes. I was certainly not afraid of trying different parties – especially if the keg was empty at one of them.

The Cheese Express

My car was in the shop today, so I had to ride the cheese downtown to pick it up. In my high school\’s parlance, the bus was affectionately known as \”the cheese,\” due to its aesthetically pleasing color palette. Anyone past 10th grade seen riding the bus was immediately labeled a \”cheese jockey,\” which was akin to having an arm growing out of your nose.

\"\"Anyway, I found the ride to be reasonably enjoyable, although a little depressing. For some reason, nobody ever smiles on a bus. It\’s like everyone is waiting to hear the news from the doctor after their sister was just in a car accident. It seems whatever positive events that are going on in someone\’s life are immediately offset by the realization that they\’re riding the f\’ing bus.

There was one fat, mustachioed guy talking on his bluetooth earpiece at an ear-splitting level. I honestly don\’t have whatever gene people possess that allows them to share their conversations with the rest of the public. If I get a cell phone call when a bunch of people are nearby, I fumble around and hang up quickly. I suppose if I got out of the house more, I\’d \”evolve\” to the point that this didn\’t bother me.

I noticed a sign that said in order to get the discounted senior citizen rate, you had to show a photo ID. Somewhere, there\’s a crafty 78 year old guy running a black market fake ID ring out of his basement so 63 year olds can get the discounted rate. He likely accepts payment in cash or in primo bags of weed.

I spent most of the time trying to calculate how much money I would actually save by taking the bus downtown more often. Assuming a three hour trip down to, say, the UW campus, it would cost me three bucks to get there and back. If I drove there, I assumed it would take 2/3rds of a gallon of gas, so about 2 bucks worth. Plus, parking would be about 2 bucks. So I can save a dollar by taking the bus. Basically, I\’m paying an extra dollar to avoid meeting someone on the cheese who\’s in a particularly \”stabby\” mood that day.

(I realize that taking the bus is more eco-friendly, but I have virtually eliminated my carbon footprint by wearing the same underwear all the time. The way I see it, Mother Nature owes me eight bucks.)

Incidentally, I am fully aware that this post sounds exceedingly condescending – like I\’m Jane Goodall descending on bus riders to study them in their natural habitat. It\’s almost how the media report on Republicans – try to blend in, but don\’t get too close to one, because you never know what they might do. But it seems like the bus is a really good deal, especially for students, the elderly, and environmentalists who aren\’t bothered by the hundreds of empty buses running during the day.

Now, I just need someone to hook me up with the dude making IDs.

UPDATE: A friend reminds me of his favorite bus-related Craigslist listing ever…

Goin\’ Green

Sunday night, I happened just by chance to catch the preview of the show \”Dumped\” on BBC America. The premise of the show is thus: They take 11 people, tell them they\’re going to be on a reality show, then drop them off at a local landfill – where they have to live on the stuff in the dump for three weeks. They pitch it as an environmental show, meant to show how much stuff people throw away, and how it can be re-used. But, of course, everyone knows it\’s just a chance to see people digging around in the rancid chicken bones you threw away.

I have decided that this is a fantastic show, for the following reason:

The opening episode features a guy covered in tattoos who likes the feel of fresh underwear and socks. As a result, he buys new underwear and socks every day, then throws them away at the end of the day. That\’s right – he\’s throwing away 365 pair of underwear a year, which makes him, by the standards of this eco-friendly show, the most evil person alive.

I represent the opposite end of the spectrum. As my wife often points out, I hang on to underwear long past its prime. My boxers can only be pried out of my hands once there is nothing but an elastic waistband remaining – and retrieval usually has to be done by a Haz Mat team. So by this standard, I have now become a friend of the environment. My threadbare drawers are going to single-handedly eradicate global warming. (My wife would argue that most of my underwear \”turned green\” long ago. Heh.)

Anyway, it is interesting to see a reminder of how much trash we throw out in a day. One of these days, I\’m going to set aside a weekend to figure out how to shoot all that crap into space in a cost-effective manner.

Support Appreciated

My son is going in for surgery on Tuesday morning to get those little tubes in his ears that supposedly prevent ear infections. I know it\’s a routine procedure, but find me a parent in America that\’s comfortable with their kid going under the knife for any reason. I mean, it is surgery, so I am mildly freaked.

Anyway, while you\’re praying for the collective souls of humankind, feel free to slip one in for my little guy.

UPDATE: Things went well, although he was pretty cranky afterwards. Nothing a little ice cream and Sesame Street couldn\’t fix. But thanks to everyone for your well wishes.

Fueling the Spending Addiction

Comedian Richard Pryor once famously observed that \”cocaine is God\’s way of telling you you\’re making to much money.\” Similarly, large deficits are government\’s way of telling that they have too much money. Yet Wisconsin, despite running deficit after deficit during economic downturns, refuses to recognize it has a tax problem.

Even the simplest budget observer can understand why Wisconsin is always caught with its pants down when the economy goes bad. Most importantly, it doesn\’t put away any money in reserve to help mediate budget downturns. Secondly, it fixes these budget downturns with budget tricks – money transfers, one-time funding, delayed payments, and the accumulation of more public debt.

Perhaps most confusingly, Wisconsin government has a history of trying to ameliorate downturns by raising taxes. Let\’s think about why a deficit occurs – tax revenue to the state slows down because individuals are making less money. As a result, they pay less in income taxes, and buy fewer goods, which shrinks sales tax revenue. It would seem clear that raising taxes on these people would do nothing to correct their lowly situations – it only serves to maintain the bloated spending that the deficit is practically begging lawmakers to correct.

Predictably, Governor Jim Doyle\’s budget deficit \”fix\” proposal introduced Monday combines all the worst of the above budget strategies. The centerpiece of the plan is Doyle\’s proposal to implement a .7 percent taxes on hospitals, which would then presumably be matched with federal dollars. Doyle is so married to this proposal, he actually said \”There is no good argument against taking this step.\”

Well.

Naturally, this new tax would be passed on to health care consumers (sometimes known as \”sick people.\”) Ironically, Doyle recognized this phenomenon when he proposed his tax on oil company profits and included a \”no-pass through\” provision which prevented companies from passing the tax on to drivers. If Doyle didn\’t think the tax would be passed on to consumers, there wouldn\’t have been any need for the provision. The hospital tax is no different, and will serve to make health care more expensive – at a time when citizens list health care costs as their #1 concern.

Another problem with the hospital tax is its reliance on federal matching funds to plug the budget hole. The feds are often fickle when approving more federal funding to bail states out. This was in evidence in the 2003-05 budget, when Doyle wrote in hundreds of millions of dollars in Intragovernmental Transfer Program (IGT) funds to plug a Medicaid hole. As it turns out, Doyle\’s number was pure fiction, as the money never materialized. Naturally, the state refinanced some debt (opting to pay more long-term in exchange for a few immediate bucks) rather than making any substantive budget changes.

Doyle\’s plan also transfers $243 million out of the transportation fund and backfills that hole with – no surprise here – more debt. This is the same go-to maneuver Doyle and the Legislature utilized between 2003 and 2007, where they borrowed nearly $900 million to backfill the $1.1 billion transferred out of the transportation fund. When all the debt service on those bonds are paid off, taxpayers will have paid over $1 billion in interest – money they wouldn\’t have had to pay had the deficits been dealt with in a more fiscally prudent manner.

Doyle hysterically claims that his budget \”repair\” bill doesn\’t raise taxes. Yet consumers will be paying more for medical care, and drivers will be paying more in the future to pay off new debt incurred in the transportation fund. And government will continue to call plays from the same playbook that got us into this mess in the first place. The state\’s unwillingness to deal with its overspending problem in the past is a primary reason it is looking at a deficit now. And Governor Doyle\’s new budget \”fix\” bill will guarantee that the state will be staring at an even more severe problem the next time the economy dips.

Favre Retirement Secret Uncovered

Well, we finally figured out why Brett Favre was crying so much at his retirement press conference: because he had heard I was going on TV to murder his legacy.

Here \’tis:

Some of this rhetoric may be familiar to this blog\’s readers, as I shamelessly ripped off a couple lines from a previous post. But this was really short notice, and I thought they were decent points, and… I\’m not a machine. Wait – who am I arguing with here?

The late notice of me going on is actually demonstrated with the length of my hair, which appears to make my head lopsided. I look like I\’m hosting a telethon for people who desperately need a haircut.

Electing Judges: Save us from the Horrors of Democracy

The candid citizen must confess that if the policy of the government, upon vital questions affecting the whole people, is to be irrevocably fixed by decisions of the Supreme Court.., the people will have ceased to be their own rulers, having to that extent practically resigned their government into the hands of that eminent tribunal.

– Abraham Lincoln, First Inaugural Address

 

Wisconsin government has been infected by a poisonous presence. Apparently, this corrosive phenomenon is so dangerous, it has prompted one of the largest newspapers in the state to call for a constitutional amendment to eradicate it. And what exactly is so damaging to our democracy?

Well…democracy, actually.

Disillusioned by the spending in and tone of the state’s recent Supreme Court elections, the Wisconsin State Journal has repeatedly called for justices to be picked by an “impartial” committee, rather than by popular vote.[i] They argue that the concepts and rulings handled by the Court are far too complex for your average voter, and submitting judges to common elections is a vulgar way of picking such sacred positions. According to supporters of “merit” selection, picking judges via election is like painting a Matisse with crayons.

In their four (to date) editorials pushing such a “merit” system of picking judges, the State Journal repeatedly cites the need for “qualified” judges who don’t “appear” corrupt. Yet they cite no judge currently on the bench who they consider unqualified as a result of being picked by popular election, and they can’t name a single court action or decision handed down that is the result of this supposed “corruption” that would lead them to disenfranchise every voter in Wisconsin. Apparently they believe that one of these days, the produce manager at your local grocery store is going to slip by a confused electorate and end up on the high court.

The conceit inherent in their position lies with their elevated view of the Supreme Court. Supporters of appointed judges apparently believe in the concept of “judicial supremacy,” which gives the Court heightened importance over the other two branches of state government. Yet one must ask the obvious question: Why is democracy acceptable when picking legislators, who write hundreds of new laws each year, but not judges, who will rule on a fraction of a percent of those laws? It would seem that the 132 legislators who write all of our laws and formulate budgets would be much more susceptible to corruption. Why bother electing them?

A system of picking judges via backroom dealing runs counter to the very principles on which our government is founded. One doesn’t have to read too far into the Declaration of Independence to find that our government derives all of its powers from the “consent of the governed,” not from “people who the State Journal thinks are swell.”

In fact, one of the harshest criticisms of the court system as it currently exists is the extent to which it is insulated from public opinion. Interest groups can often convince sympathetic judges to enact new laws that would never make it through the legislative process. For instance, Wisconsin voters in 1993 approved a constitutional amendment to ban casino-type Indian gaming in the state. In the 2004-05 term, the Wisconsin Supreme Court interpreted the strict ban on gaming expansion to mean tribes could offer any types of gambling they wanted – the exact opposite of what voters had approved. This year, voters will be able to offer their opinion about whether that case was decided correctly. Yet proponents of the “merit” system would deny the public that opportunity, thinking that somehow silencing citizens makes for a fairer Court.

The true irony in the State Journal’s argument is that any change to the way judges are picked would have to be made via constitutional amendment – which, of course, must go before the full public for a vote. So the voters would have to go to the polls and affirmatively vote away their right to determine how their laws are interpreted. Then again, the paper thinks you as a voter are easily confused, so maybe they think we’d pass such an amendment. In fact, given the importance of constitutional amendments, maybe we shouldn’t leave those up to voters, either. Perhaps we should just appoint a “nonpartisan” board to determine what our Constitution says, instead of suffering through those messy elections.

Perhaps the most interesting part of the State Journal’s crusade is the role that the paper itself plays in setting the tone of judicial elections. Recent paper articles pertaining to the ongoing judicial election have dealt solely with each campaign’s charges and counter charges. So while the newspaper decries the “mudslinging” in judicial races, they gobble up the candidates’ press releases like fried cheese curds. Perhaps the Wisconsin State Journal could begin to remedy the poorly informed electorate by actually reporting on something other than what the candidates and third party spenders tell them to.

Instead, their solution is to shield our virgin eyes from the horrors of democracy, as if we are all incapable of judging candidates rationally. Clearly, we are all simple-minded rubes who sit in front of our glowing televisions and take the advertisements we see literally. Discussion of a candidate’s judicial philosophy or past rulings is off-limits, labeled as “sordid” campaigning. It seems to be a risky proposition for a newspaper to repeatedly accuse its own readers of being incapable of having an opinion about how the laws under which they choose to live are interpreted.

In 1903, voters approved expansion of the Wisconsin Supreme Court to seven elected judges, via constitutional amendment. That year, the Dane County Bar held a meeting to pick the judicial candidates it thought were most “qualified” to serve, in an attempt to bully voters unto supporting their preferred picks.

At the time, one strong voice ripped the Dane County Bar’s maneuver, pointing out that their supposed “nonpartisan” recommendations were all loyal soldiers in the LaFollette administration. To wit:

“The Madison Democrat diverts itself from day to day in forecasting judges. It gives names by the dozen, all ardent workers in the LaFollette vineyard for years. They have earned their reward, intimated the Democrat. It indicates that unconsciously the public is losing the solemn sense that long attended the investiture of the ermine. Meanwhile, the work of projecting the “organization” into every nook and cranny of the state goes forward.”

If only the Wisconsin State Journal still stood up for the rights of the voter like it did on March 25th, 1903.

-March 6, 2008
[i] Puzzlingly, one of these editorials attempted to make the case that democracy isn’t really all that important, since most judges begin their tenure as appointees, anyway. Apparently, appointing judges will help fix a broken system where most judges are already appointed. How does it benefit the system to do more of what the paper thinks is a bad thing?

Wisconsin Unemployment Rises by One Quarterback

Well, the press conference is over, and it honestly bored me to tears. It\’s always been true that the press has been more in the tank for Brett Favre than even Barack Obama, but the questions they asked were appallingly lukewarm. They all went something like this:

\”So, Brett – we heard you\’re retiring. What\’s up with that?\”

Where were the questions about Big Irv? About what his feelings were about Packer management?

Then again, if I had a press pass, the questions would be along this line:

\”Brett, it\’s Dennis York from the internet. What is it like being all-powerful and all-knowing? Can I give you a hug?\”

I\’m actually going to be doing my little Brett Favre song and dance on \”Here and Now\” Friday night. I\’ll post it here after it airs.

I went back and checked my blog\’s hit counter, and noticed that I actually got a few hits between 11:30 and 12:30 this afternoon. Every one of you that was reading my blog during Favre\’s press conference should be ashamed of yourselves.

Oh, and special thanks to the Sports Bubbler, which featured my post for two straight days. It is a fantastic site, and should be daily reading for Wisconsin sports fans.

Lastly, for an example of terrible writing, read \”Dr. Z\’s\” column at Sports Illustrated, where he argues \”true greatness\” eluded Favre. Perhaps holding every meaningful quarterbacking record in league history, being the only 3-time MVP, and going to two Super Bowls isn\’t enough for Dr. Z. Maybe he\’s thinking of all the other QBs who have done that.

"The Onion Movie" Trailer

Meh.

Your Elected Pitchmen

I was doing some research the other day, and ended up digging through a 1903 copy of the Wisconsin State Journal (don’t ask why). While somewhat tedious, it provides a fascinating look into life around the turn of the century, while Wisconsin was still feeling its way around as a state.

Of course, back then elected officials were as big as celebrities got. There weren’t any movie stars or nationwide sports stars that dominated the media like they do today. As a result, elected officials often served as pitchmen for certain products – a practice that seems inconceivable today.

Take, for example, the ad below for some bogus tonic called Pe-Ru-Na, which is supposed to cure all “Catarrhal Affections.” (A catarrhal affection is one that deals with “inflammation of a mucous membrane, especially of the respiratory tract, accompanied by excessive secretions.” In horses and sheep, it can cause “bluetongue.” Enjoy your lunch.) You can click on the image to see a bigger version:

As you can see, Congressman Zenor of Indiana isn’t alone in his enthusiasm for Pe-Ru-Na. Apparently, over 40 members of Congress also swore by this snake oil. The first paragraph reads:

“No other remedy invented by man has ever received so much praise from men of high station as Peruna. Over forty members of Congress have tried it and recommended it to suffering humanity. They use it themselves to guard against the effects of the intense strain of public life; to ward off the ill effects of the changeable climate of Washington. They keep it in their homes for family use. They recommend it to their neighbors, and they do not hesitate in public print to declare their appreciation and endorsement of this greatest of modern remedies.”

Well, I’m convinced.

In today’s world, when legislators’ financial interests are examined, observed, and taken apart, it seems inconceivable that any current elected official would appear in an ad for a common product. That’s what we have William Shatner for.

In order to show how jarring this practice would be today, imagine these:

Or this:

Of course, that’s not where the oddities in the 1903 end.

In the event that anyone thinks the current legislature lacks seriousness, take note that in March of 1903, an unnamed legislator introduced a bill that sought to “repeal the law of gravitation.” (In those days, bills could be introduced without an author’s name attached.) The text of the bill was as follows:

Section 1. The law of gravitation, as discovered by one Isaac Newton, is hereby repealed, and the rule of “Stop, look, and listen!” as announced by the Supreme Court of the State of Wisconsin, is substituted therefor.

Section 2. The Act shall be in force from, and after the passage and publication of the “Woman Suffrage Act.”

Of course, women couldn’t vote in 1903, which is what made that such a joke. Essentially, they were saying the anti-gravity bill would take effect when hell freezes over (i.e. when women could vote.) In fact, 1903 was the first year any legislator in Wisconsin actually introduced a bill to give women the right to vote. But without question, introduction of this bill caused much laughter, rejoicing, mustache stroking, and gunplay in the Assembly chambers.

Among other bills considered in the 1903 session:

1. A bill making three years of insanity a cause for divorce;

2. A bill prohibiting kissing in public;

3. A bill barring marriage between whites and “mulattoes;”

4. A bill requiring banks to close at noon on Saturdays; and

5. A bill requiring “hospitals for the insane” to have departments to deal with “dipsomaniacs, inebriates, and those addicted to the excessive use of narcotics.”

If I could wish for anything, it might be the time and patience to go back and sift through these old papers. This stuff is just fascinating.

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