Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Month: March 2008 (page 3 of 3)

Politics and Pigskin

March 5, 2008 / / 0 Comments

While many Wisconsin residents have taken the occasion of Brett Favre\’s retirement to mourn privately, several Wisconsin politicians have used the news as a reason to get a quick press hit. As is the case with politicians, their attempts to assuage the electorate after a traumatic incident are often awkward and histrionic.

For instance, Milwaukee County Board Chairman Lee Holloway inexplicably decided to chime in with this nugget:

“The retirement of Brett Favre signals the end of an era for sports fans in Milwaukee County and all across Wisconsin. I’m sure this was a difficult decision to make. As a football player at the University of Arkansas, I can somewhat relate to what Favre has gone through during more than a decade and a half with the Packers. While playing football can be very exciting and enriching, it is also challenging and exhausting, both physically and emotionally.”

Yes, Lee Holloway\’s college days at Arkansas have shown him exactly what it\’s like to be the most popular player in the most popular sport in America. In related news, my years of playing the role of Brett Favre in Madden video games has taught me what it\’s like to have the pressure of an entire state on your shoulders every minute of the day. And how to throw the deep corner route while eating an oatmeal cream pie.

U.S. Senator Russ Feingold\’s statement is pretty boiler plate, until he ends by dropping the hammer:

\”He is without a doubt the greatest quarterback ever to play the game.”

The debate is now over, so sayeth Russ Feingold. In other news, Feingold was immediately fined by the NFL for mentioning Favre\’s name in a press release within 30 days of his retirement. Clearly, a public endorsement of Favre by an independent interest like Russ Feingold is something we need to crack down on.

Milwaukee County Executive Scott Walker jumped into the fray with this odd quote:

“Brett, thanks for 160 wins, 253 consecutive starts, 442 touchdown passes, 61,655 passing yards and a million great memories. Thanks for making us proud to be Packer fans!”

Hey! Did you know Scott Walker\’s office has the internet! It\’s true! They can look up all kinds of football statistics with it!

And finally, the sad tale of State Senator Alberta Darling, who adjourned the legislative session yesterday in honor of the wrong Packer quarterback:

It was no surprise a state senator rose today to adjourn in honor of all the depressed Green Bay Packers fans and the quarterback who won\’t be returning next year.

What was a surprise was Sen. Alberta Darling (R-River Hills) referring to today\’s retirement of Bart Starr, not Brett Favre.

Perhaps it was Mike Ellis wearing the same suit he\’s been wearing in the Senate since 1972 that threw Darling off. In order to play it off, Darling immediately adjourned in honor of Don Majikowski, Lynn Dickey, Blair Kiel, Ty Detmer, and Mark Brunell.

Farewell, Cheddar Jesus

March 4, 2008 / / 0 Comments

And then he was gone.

As I was settling my two year-old son into his chair this morning, he looked up at me and asked, \”Daddy, why are you crying?\”

\"\"Sure, I wasn\’t exactly bawling, but I was surprised at how hard news of Brett Favre\’s retirement hit me – especially since we all knew this was coming soon. But at that point, looking at my son kind of got me choked up. In the broadest sense, we all want a better life for our children than we had. And I realized, all at once, that in terms of sports, he will never have it better that I did.

For 17 years, Green Bay has been the center of the NFL universe. Little Green Bay, whose total population couldn\’t fill up some college football stadiums, ruled the biggest sport in the greatest country on earth. And through it all, there has been only one constant, and it wore number four. He made us relevant and endeared us to the world. Not only does he hold every relevant quarterbacking record, he got there displaying an everydayman class that is shamefully missing in sports today. It is hard to conceive of a player that more thoroughly represents how the tough-living people of Wisconsin want to be portrayed to the rest of the country.

The last seventeen years has constituted my entire adult life. I\’ve barely known life outside my parents\’ house without the presence of Brett Favre. Girlfriends, jobs, colleges, favorite bands, hairstyles – they have all come and gone. I\’ve gotten married and had two kids – the me of 1992 wouldn\’t even recognize the me of today. Yet Favre has always been there. Brett Favre didn\’t care if I was a screw-up. He didn\’t judge me when I\’d wake up without pants, not knowing where I was. His love for me was unconditional. And he proved it by showing up every week, every year. All that he asked was I cheer. And I did.

Most Packer fans would probably agree that Favre is as much a part as them as an actual body part. Losing him is like losing a losing a leg (or at least a kneecap.) If given a choice, who wouldn\’t rather have Brett Favre for 17 years than a large intestine? (I actually see no need for a large intestine to begin with – I don\’t really like to show off. I think the small one will do just fine.)

Naturally, any discussion of the Favre years has to deal with the down times. And certainly, there were a few. It\’s a miracle I have any hair left on my head after some of his unconscionable interceptions. His prima donna act every offseason grew tiresome, even if it was clear he was using his playing status as leverage for the Packers to improve the team with better personnel. And the way it ended, with him looking like a cold, broken, old man in the Giants playoff game, certainly served as a disappointing finish.

In Wisconsin, Packer football is the language spoken between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, Democrats and Republicans. It is the one thing on which we can all agree, regardless of how fractured we may feel sometimes. It doesn\’t take a presidential candidate to bring us all together, it takes a quarterback. And Favre instigated more elated hugs between disparate groups than any program could ever seek to.

We all use windows to frame certain times of our lives, whether good or bad. There are your \”high school years,\” or your \”drinking years,\” or your \”married years.\” Fortunately, Packer fans now have the \”Favre Era\” window on which to gaze. And it can never be taken away from any of us.

But for now, as Wayne Larivee would say, Favre has delivered his final dagger. As for my son and daughter, who knows what being a Packer fan holds for them in the future (no other jersey will ever be worn in this home.) As my boy looks at me today, he doesn\’t realize that he may be relegated to the status of a Houston Texans or an Arizona Cardinals fan from here out. He\’ll never taste the magical run we\’ve all been a part of for nearly two decades.

Brett Favre isn\’t retiring, he\’s being amputated.

Breeding More Political Analysis

March 3, 2008 / / 0 Comments

My 4-year old daughter\’s take on James Carville while watching \”Meet the Press\” yesterday:

Her: \”He looks like he\’s the boss.\”

Me: \”Why do you say that?\”

Her: \”He keeps telling everyone else what to do.\”

There are 20 year veterans of print journalism that can\’t put things that succinctly.

Straight Talk on Suffrage

March 3, 2008 / / 0 Comments

It goes without saying that today\’s conversations are often constrained by the evolving feelings of the aggrieved. What someone could get away with saying in the 1950\’s often won\’t fly in 2008 – primarily, because people aren\’t used to being talked to bluntly and directly.

Given today\’s debate about the integrity of the voting process in Wisconsin, this article from the 1958 Wisconsin Blue Book seems shocking in its bluntness. The Blue Book, the state\’s almanac of government and politics, is known for its impartial description of legislative issues in the time it is released. Normally, the Blue Book is considered an effective cure for insomnia. Yet, clearly, an impartial article about voting in 1958 seems downright inflammatory in 2008. See the first page below:

\"\"

Basically, the nonpartisan Legislative Reference Bureau had no problem essentially calling people dopes if they either made an ill-informed vote, or threw their vote away as a \”protest.\”
Supporters of a law requiring photo ID at polling places often point out that one needs an ID to rent a movie, go to a bar, or cash a check. They argue that if people are expected to use identification for those relatively insignificant actions, they certainly should be asked to verify who they are before voting.

Those who are anti-photo ID (Governor Jim Doyle, for instance), counter that voting is a \”right,\” and therefore different than those other actions which require identification. Yet, clearly, the idea that voting is a \”right\” is a new concept. As stated clearly above, voting was traditionally considered a privilege, exercised by those who display a modicum of civic responsibility and knowledge.

Perhaps most amazingly, the Blue Book offers up this strong quote, which – despite its common sense meaning – would today seem to be partisan fighting words:

For many centuries, and even today, in parts of our world people have struggled and died for the privilege of voting, and it therefore behooves those of us to whom the privilege has come so easily by reason of birth in this state that we treat this privilege with the dignity to which it is entitled.

Clearly, what was once common sense has now been twisted to the advantage of certain people looking to influence elections. People in 1958 were proud of the integrity of their elections, and recognized the civic responsibility inherent in the privilege of voting. Today, voting is less an act of civic responsibility and more an act of gaming the system for partisan advantage.

Read the whole 1958 article here.

Don\’t Cry for Me, Cheddarsphere

March 2, 2008 / / 0 Comments

It appears that I\’m getting a lot of sympathy due to Jessica Alba\’s appearance in this orgasmic pro-Obama video. (See: Sykes and Shark and Shepherd)

While it\’s flattering to be recognized as the state\’s leading Albatist, (Albologist?) her support for Obama in no way changes things between us. In fact, had she shown up in a pro-McCain video, you may never have heard from me again, as I would have suffered a heart attack. After all, this is the woman who chose to star in \”Good Luck Chuck\” – is that supposed to be a sign of her judgment? As they always say, true love knows no ideology. Or stalking, for that matter.

Clearly, I think the thing with Jessica that gets overlooked the most is her impending virgin birth. I don\’t see any way she can be pregnant, since she has yet to respond to my hundreds of e-mails – many of which contain tastefully done photographs of me re-enacting scenes from \”Three\’s Company.\”

It appears that my Mr. Furley scarves may have gone to waste.

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