Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Month: December 2008 (page 1 of 2)

Transcending Time and Space

I mentioned a few posts ago that I recently spent some time at the State Historical Society combing through old microfilm for some work research.  There really can be no more entertaining endeavor than sitting for hours soaking in the zeitgeist of some past era as told by the newspapers of that time.

In my hours there, I noticed an interesting phenomenon – there appeared to be a pack of elderly gentlemen spending a great deal of time reading old newspapers, but not for any real reason.  They just sat there, hour after hour, quietly reading newspapers from a half a decade ago.  They didn\’t take any notes, and only stood up to pull another reel out of the endless rows of microfilm files on the walls.

It was only after I left that I realized what might be going on here.  These might be old men who are wholly disillusioned with current popular culture, spending time reconnecting with the events of a happier era.  Essentially, if you don\’t like today\’s culture, the miles of microfilm housed at the Historical Society just allows you to pick a new era and live there for a little while.  Little, insignificant stories from your younger days might trip something in your brain that takes you back to a time when things were simpler.  You can just check out of America 2008 and be magically transformed back to the Eisenhower days, before crudity became the cultural standard and kids could actually run a lemonade stand without a permit from the city.

Imagine your life if you\’re a 75 year-old recent widower.  You can hop into the way-back machine for a few hours and comb through the world when you and your future wife had just met.  You can soak your senses in the JC Penney ads that were running when you got up the nerve to ask her out on your first date.  It\’s as close as you can get to the sensation you felt at the time, when the world was your oyster – and you didn\’t realize one day you\’d be spending your days trying to reclaim them by steadily scrolling through faded microfilm.

Of course, this is all speculative on my part.  Maybe they\’re just old men killing time, bored to tears by their retirement years.  But I almost feel like I need to go back and talk to some of these guys, to see if I\’m right.

Going back to the beginning of this post, here\’s an example of what I was talking about when I mentioned the entertainment value of combing through old newspapers.  Here\’s a news analysis that ran in the Wisconsin State Journal in January of 1984.  God bless their hearts.

\"mondale-winner\"

Bank It: I Am an Idiot

This afternoon, I had to run to the bank to deposit one of my meager paychecks.  When I got out on the road, I grew very worried.  Every road in Madison was jam-packed with cars.  I wanted to know what I was missing – it looked exactly like it would look if there were an impending nuclear attack on Central Wisconsin and everyone was trying to get out of town at once.  Remember – I was a little kid when the movie \”The Day After\” showed on TV, so I have lived my life in constant fear of a nuclear attack.  If you\’re my age, you\’re generally afraid of three things: the Soviet Union launching a nuclear missle at us, the Japanese taking over the entire auto industry, and having to take Long Duk Dong to your school dance.

Apparently, the only impending threat citizens were under was the threat of not getting an extra dollar off of wool socks.  It appears that all of society just shuts down the entire week of Christmas.

So naturally, as I got to the bank, there was a line about 12 people deep.  The bank had three tellers working – an old lady, a dude, and… well, there\’s no way to beat around the bush on this… a hottie.  She had long brown hair and was wearing a fire red sweater that she likely picked out just for me.

I was aware that I had some time to kill, so I looked at the people ahead of me and ran the odds of me ending up at her window.  It was a complicated formula – I figured the guy with the club foot would take a little extra time, the lady tapping her foot seemed like she was in a hurry.  I suddenly had a plan in place that was only slightly less complicated than the invasion of Normandy.  I was going to get to that window.  (I had about 20 minutes to think about this, as half the people in line seemed to be taking out home mortgages right there at the teller window.)

As I got to the front of the line, the skies opened, the sun shone, and she called me over.  I sauntered toward her window, adopting my best devil-may-care attitude.  I tried to adopt a Don Draper-like persona: calm, cool, and mysterious. (I tried to hide the true intent of my visit to the bank – to put money in my checking account – until the very last minute, just to keep up the aura of mystery.)  I flipped my check and deposit slip onto the desk, cocked my head to the side, paused, and said \”deposit, please,\” as if James Dean himself were there standing in front of her bank terminal.

She smiled, looked at her computer and began typing.  Then she looked at me and leaned forward.  I braced for the seductive verbal bouquet that was about to trickle off her lips.  She began speaking in a hushed tone, and said:

\”Your credit card is delinquent.\”

I grabbed my receipt and shuffled out.  I think I\’ll go through the drive-thru next time.

Who Am I?

TAKE A GUESS:

My team has lost three of its last four games, dropping out of the playoffs – during which time I have thrown exactly one touchdown and six interceptions.  The one game we did win was on a fluke miracle defensive touchdown against the Bills when they inexplicably tried to throw the ball while running out the clock.

In my past three games, I have thrown for 137, 207, and 187 yards.  I have not thrown for 300 yards once this year.

Despite leading the NFL in interceptions, I made the pro bowl on my name alone.  My 21 touchdowns are middle of the pack in the AFC, and padded by one 6-touchdown game against the Cardinals where Arizona turned the ball over a ridiculous seven times.

The guy I replaced has now led a team that went 1-15 last year to a spot ahead of us in the playoff chase.

Four of my team\’s losses have come against powerhouses like Oakland (4-11), San Diego (7-8), San Francisco (6-9) and Seattle (4-11).

While taking time off from leading the AFC in interceptions, I found time to call a team and offer them tips on how to beat my old team, thereby exposing myself as a petulant, vindictive jerk.

WHO AM I?

(Answer after the jump:)

Continue reading

I Rule the Road

I\’m not usually one to blow my own horn (which I don\’t think is legal in Wisconsin anymore), but I do have to admit – I am the greatest snow driver of all time.  I consider those of you who stay home because a little snow falls to be weak of spirit and onion-deficient.  My 4-wheel drive and I are like Batman and Robin.  Peanut Butter and Jelly.  Gin and Tonic.  Hall and Oates.  You get the picture.

In fact, my drive to work today was reminiscent of the opening scene of \”Undercover Brother,\” in which he spins out for 30 seconds while failing to spill a drip of his Big Gulp:

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Enjoy your hot cocoa at home – I\’ll be here at work defending freedom.  And shopping on eBay.

Crying Out for an Answer

I was reading  some old newspaper microfilm in the State Historical Society the other day, doing some research for work.  As long as I was there, I thought I\’d look up the press account from a family tragedy that befell us in 1977.  And I have to admit it – going back and thinking about it made me a little misty.  (Although not as much as a typical episode of \”Friday Night Lights,\” which gets the water works going every episode.

This got me thinking about a question I hadn\’t really given much thought to in the past.  Why do we cry?

When you think about it, the human body is an amazingly efficient machine – virtually every human physiological process has an explanation.  When we get hot, we sweat to cool ourselves off.  When we get cold, we shiver to stay warm.  When we exercise, we breathe more deeply to get more oxygen to our blood cells.  When we exercise our muscles, they get stronger to adapt.  When our bodies think it\’s time to have sex (for me, any time I turn the DVD player on), it…ummm… reacts accordingly.  The future of humanity depends on it.

But what purpose does crying serve?  Seemingly, there is no physical challenge overcome by tears streaming from your eyes.  There\’s no cause that produces the effect.  While other animals have tear ducts (like monkeys and Michael Moore), humans are the only ones that cry.  Biologists have pretty much nailed down the physiological process – the nervous system stimulates the cranial nerve, in the brain and this sends signals to the neurotransmitters to the tear glands. The largest tear gland, the lacrimal gland produces the tears of emotion and reflex.  But that doesn\’t explain what triggers the response, or what purpose it is supposed to serve.

I suppose one could argue that tears are the body\’s way of releasing pent-up feelings.  But why would these feelings come of of the eyes?  It seems the body already has several mechanisms for expelling things – imagine if, instead of crying, we just soiled ourselves.    When Red says \”maybe I just miss my friend\” at the end of Shawshank Redemption, I\’d have to make a beeline for the can every time.

As I mentioned, animals feel pain and sadness, but they just howl.  Why are humans different?  Maybe Baby Jesus makes us cry.  St. Francis of Assisi supposedly cried until he was blind.  So when I lose my sight, that\’s what I\’ll blame it on.

So, anyway.

A Corrupt Analysis

With the drama regarding Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich still unfolding, corruption is now back in style with the news media.  The Blago scandal allows the usual cast of characters to run out and claim that because Blagojevich tried to auction off Barack Obama’s senate seat,  we need to enact whatever campaign finance reforms they prefer – regardless of whether they would actually be relevant to the current debacle in Illinois.

Take the recent ranting from Mike McCabe of the Wisconsin Democracy Campaign, called “The Real Scandal.”  He believes the fact that some people do business in Illinois and Wisconsin vindicates his view that government should be able to micromanage political speech.  Or something.  Basically, his little story has the word “Blagojevich” in it, and that’s all it really needed for McCabe to pretend it was relevant:

Besides, the political crime ring that brought federal prosecutors to Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich’s doorstep has tentacles that reach into Wisconsin. Nick Hurtgen, a former top aide to Tommy Thompson, is a central figure in the Illinois drama. He was indicted for his alleged role in a kickback scheme, then a judge dropped him from the case before he was reindicted late last year. Hurtgen has remained active in Wisconsin, making sizable donations to Mark Green’s failed bid to become governor and maintaining close ties to another Republican known to covet the governor’s office, Milwaukee County Executive Scott Walker. But Hurtgen played both sides in Wisconsin, having helped organize a 2002 fundraiser in Chicago for Jim Doyle.

Wonderful.  But, of course, that story has nothing to do with what’s happening in Illinois right now.  In fact, I was actually spotted paying a highway toll in Illinois last week – perhaps I am also partly to blame for the Blagojevich scandal.  Jim McMahon played for both the Bears and the Packers – seems a little fishy, huh?

Then McCabe gives up on trying to pretend there’s any link between Blagojevich and Wisconsin and pivots to “The Real Scandal:”

It was perfectly legal for the investment bankers and insurance execs and real estate tycoons to spend over $430 million buying federal office holders in the 2008 election cycle alone. These interests have spent well over $2 billion to sew up Washington since 1990. What they bought was lax oversight and the freedom to roll the dice with other people’s life savings. And a bailout when it all went sour. Even as tanking companies like AIG and Freddie Mac and Ford Motor Company were fixing to ask the feds to rescue them from themselves, they were showering money on both major parties to pick up the tab for the national conventions.

Yeah, all those campaign contributions by Ford Motor Company are doing them a lot of good right now.  That automaker bailout bill is just flying through Congress.  Or not.

Furthermore, any time the WDC throws out a number, it should immediately be discounted.  Take, for example, their “report” that says big business gives twelve times as much to candidates as organized labor – a number immediately contradicted by a search of federal campaign contributions by political groups.  Actually the top 2 donors were AFSCME and the NEA.

So basically, the Blagojevich story merely serves as the host for whatever snake oil these campaign finance parasites are selling.  I may need to check the statutes, but I believe what Rod Blagojevich is accused of doing is already illegal. And not just a little illegal.  Does anyone believe that Blagojevich would have magically decided not to auction off a U.S. senate seat if there were tighter limits on campaign contributions, or if there were increased regulation of election advertising?  Of course not.  It’s like saying too many people are driving drunk, so we need more laws to regulate car ads on television.  In fact, the exact opposite is true – the more laws we pass, the more opportunities for corruption there are, as government encroaches more and more into our lives.

As a side note, USA Today last week conducted an analysis of the most “corrupt” states in the U.S.  Their list was topped by the state we all consider to be a hotbed of government corruption – North Dakota.

Basically, the newspaper just took a total number of elected officials who have been convicted of misdeeds in each state, added them up, and handed out a “corruption ranking.”  Wisconsin ranks in the middle somewhere, with 2.1 convictions per 100,000 residents.

But is this really an accurate measure of corruption?  It would seem that a state that arrests and convicts its elected officials that break the law is actually fighting corruption.  States that tolerate corruption don’t send their legislators to jail – and therefore would rank pretty low on the list (Illinois ranks 18th, for instance.)

So to the states high on this list, congratulations – you’re doing a good job of weeding out your bad eggs.  Not merely tolerating them.

Felons for Thee, Not for Me

Poor Rod Blagojevich. First, he gets pinched by the feds, and now – after he politely declined an offer to resign his governorship – Illinois legislators are beginning their own investigation into whether he should be impeached. Apparently, the legislature is trying to shake the impression that Illinois is to political corruption what Florida is to flamingoes.

Of course, defending Blagojevich is like defending rabies. However, while we all have a pretty good idea that he was trying to auction off Barack Obama’s U.S. Senate seat, he hasn’t yet been convicted of anything. But that hasn’t slowed the calls for his ouster from legislators looking for political cover. It’s gotten so bad, some Illinois legislators could improve their image by getting their picture taken with George Bush.

In fact, herein lies one of the true ironies of the whole Blagojevich scandal. It appears elected officials of all parties are falling over themselves demanding the Illinois governor be thrown out of his job before he’s convicted of anything, in order to disassociate themselves from him. It makes sense, given what the evidence shows to this point. (One wonders whether Democrats are going to demand that Blagojevich be spared prison time, as he is one of the “nonviolent” offenders of which they believe the prison system is overflowing.)

But while politicians are more than willing to fire colleagues that reflect poorly on them, they never extend that courtesy to private businesses. In Wisconsin, an employee cannot be fired, prevented from being hired, or otherwise have any action taken against them because of arrest or conviction record. So if Rod Blagojevich was working the drive-thru at Popeye’s Fried Chicken and charged with a felony, his coworkers would be stuck listening to his foul-mouthed tirades about f’ing biscuits and gravy in perpetuity.

In 2005, the University of Wisconsin System came under fire from legislators when it was discovered that the system employed 40 convicted felons. Most were unclassified positions, like janitors. Actually, this number seems fairly low for any organization that employs 32,000 people. Look in the cubicle next to you – chances are that little old lady next to you is either a felon or would beat you in the head with a rake if given the chance.

So what did the UW Board of Regents do as a response to this revelation? They passed a new rule saying that action could be taken against any employee that is merely charged with a felony. Forget due process – they’re a government entity and they have some face to save. Once passed, this rule completely disappeared into the ether, never to be discussed again – although it almost certainly contradicts Wisconsin’s fair employment law. But it’s state government – so they have special rights that those silly private businesses shouldn’t.

According to Wisconsin state law – passed by the Legislature, of course – felons are prohibited from serving in the state Senate or Assembly. Clearly, it is the one job that requires so much integrity that it shan’t even be held by someone convicted of a felony 20 year ago. Apparently, the Legislature was concerned that it would make them look worse if there were a felon in their midst. Yet while they forbid any of those dirty criminals from working in their place of business, they mandate that they have to work with you. Clearly, the integrity of your workplace isn’t as important as that of our elected officials. THEY HAVE A VERY HIGH PUBLIC IMAGE TO UPHOLD, YOU KNOW.

Just ask this guy.

-December 16, 2008

A Little Obvious, Don’t You Think?

New evidence has come to light that really condemns Rod Blagojevich.

***BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS***

\”Police reports did not what type of sandwich was used in either attack.\”

Solving the iConundrum

Alright, I\’ll stop shampooing and get right to it.  My dad sent me my Christmas gift already – some gift cards to Best Buy.  A few weeks ago, I lost my iPod, and I\’ve been lost ever since.  My life is devoid of meaning.  I even accidentally ate a salad.  So clearly, I need another iPod Nano.  (Set aside, for a moment, the question of whether spending your Christmas gift cards before Christmas is actually appropriate.  I believe the Bible is silent on the issue.)

The 16 GB Nanos at Best Buy are $199.99.  (Thank God they\’re not $200 – I might not be able to swing that.)  And these gift cards will cover a big chunk of it.  Sounds like a match made in heaven, right?

Only there\’s one thing that sticks in my craw.  If you go online shopping, like at B&H, the same iPod is $174.95.  Twenty five bucks cheaper, for those of you educated in MPS.  So while I can buy from Best Buy at a cost of nearly zero to me, I know I\’ll be paying too much.  I\’d almost rather pay the full price myself, and be satisfied that I got a deal, rather than pay nothing, but at an inflated price.  It\’s crazy, I know.

Also, on a related note, I have a proposal that will kick-start the nation\’s economy.  It\’s pretty clear that putting the letters \”e\” or \”i\” in front of anything makes people 50% more likely to buy it.  Those two letters confer status on products – as if they\’re from the future.  When the iPhone came out, people stormed stores to pay whatever they had in their bank accounts for these phones, because of one letter.

So I propose putting the letters \”e\” and \”i\” in front of everything.  Housing market down?  Someone buy my \”iThreeBedroomTwo iBath.\”  Looking to sell your crappy car?  Advertise for an \”eLemon.\”  Who doesn\’t get a little more excited about paying their taxes when they know they can e-file?

This could actually apply across the board.  Just think – if your doctor sent you an e-mail telling you you had \”iCancer,\” you\’d be like \”oh, that\’s not too bad.\”  If you find out your husband is having an \”e-affair,\” you\’d say \”oooh – sounds cutting edge.\”

Patent pending.

(I\’ll get right to it after I open \”Simply Arms.\”)

A Night in the Life of Jeff Wood

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At least Wood was “blunt” when he decided to take the “high” road in his official statement regarding his arrest:

“I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible behavior. I apologize to my family, friends and my constituents who expect more from me. On Thursday evening I was arrested in Columbia County by the Wisconsin State Patrol for drunk driving and possession of marijuana. I cooperated fully with law enforcement and will continue to do so throughout the entire process. There is no excuse for my actions and I accept full responsibility. This is not typical behavior for me, but unfortunately I drank too much and exercised very poor judgment. I want to let my family and friends know that I regret what I did and am very sorry for the embarrassment and pain I have caused.”

Right… the first time he ever had weed in his car, and he got busted.  Amazing how that happens.

Capitol watchers remember earlier this year, when Wood quit the Republican Party, holding himself up as the paragon of virtue.  He was welcomed with open arms by the Democrats, who thought enough of him to give him a committee chairmanship when they took control of the Assembly.  Oops.

Of course, had the Assembly ended up in a 49-49 tie, Wood would essentially have been the de facto Assembly Speaker, as he would have been able to decide committee assignment, what bills get to the floor, etc.  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your Wisconsin State Government.

In the end, Wood’s attempt to blackmail the Republican Party now look about as convincing as some other pot-induced capers we’ve seen:

The Dude: “I dropped off the money exactly as per… look, man, I’ve got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new s—, you know, I-I-I-I… this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it’s not just, it might not be just such a simple… uh, you know?”

UPDATE:  I actually managed to get through this post without making a joke about Wood desperately wanting to chair a joint commitee.  Shame on me – I should be suspended for a week by the National Blogging Association for this grievous oversight.

A Load of Bull

Everyone now knows the state is facing a large budget deficit heading into the next budget cycle.  The Legislature will, without question, pass some “revenue enhancers” (otherwise known as “tax increases”) to fill in some of the hole.

In making their case for higher taxes, Democrats in the majority will reach for the easiest tax increases they can find.  They’ll pick the low-hanging fruit, usually in the form of sales tax exemptions.  (A full list of exemptions can be found in chapter 77.54 of the state statutes.)  For instance, clay pigeons are exempt from sales taxes, as are dog haircuts.  So Democrats will give the public the impression that all we have to do is extend the sales tax to your puppy’s hairstylist, and presto! – budget problem solved.

Perhaps the most entertaining of these exemptions is the tax break for the purchase of bull semen.  That’s right – semen purchased for inseminating livestock is tax-free.  So it appears I’m going to stock up on bull semen before the Legislature starts taxing it and it gets too expensive.  This actually sounds like a pretty good deal for bulls around the state – with their seed in such high demand, they’ll start getting crateloads of adult bull materials delivered to their pens.  (Insert your own “beef stroganoff” joke here.)

Unfortunately, as one of my colleagues quipped, “this budget will not be solved on clay pigeons and bull semen alone.”  Each budget, the Wisconsin Department of Revenue issues its Summary of Tax Exemption Devices, which details how much each exemption saves consumers.  According to the DOR, the semen exemption shorted the state by $2.7 million in FY 06.  The clay pigeons exemption “cost” the state $200,000.  If legislators are looking to plug a chunk of the $5.4 billion budget hole by eliminating sales tax exemptions, they’re going to have to go after the big boys.

And what are the big ticket items?  Well, physicians and dental services are currently exempt, which saved consumers $495 million in 2006.  Eliminating this exemption makes health care more expensive for everyone in the state.  Food sales tax exemptions saved consumers $550 million.  The prescription drug plan cost the state $116 million.  Eliminate this exemption, and the senior groups might burn the capitol to the ground.  Sales of items to local school districts exempted $295 million – undo this exemption, and property taxpayers will have to pick up the tab for their school districts’ higher costs.

So while we can have fun nitpicking all the goofy tax exemptions within the code, the only substantive progress can be made by eliminating the really large exemptions.  And these exemptions are large for a reason – millions of people of modest means take advantage of them.  And that’s no bull.

The Podcast Returns: My Favorite CDs of 2008

Readers of my blog know that my favorite post every year is when I comb back through all my music for the past year and list my favorite CDs.  As always, I don\’t claim to be an expert, so I wouldn\’t presume to name the \”best\” CDs – because there is no such objective thing.

I\’m excited this year to do it in podcast form, since I\’m generally terrible at describing music.  So you can listen for yourself to see if you like any of it – and I think I picked some pretty good stuff.

Joining me on the podcast is my friend Barrett Kilmer, owner (along with his lovely wife J.J.) of Indie Coffee on Regent Street in Madison.  Clearly, the best place in Madison to get an independent cup of coffee, or a sandwich.  (He bought me pizza tonight, so there\’s his plug.)

In any event, have a listen.  (I apologize for the echo – lesson learned not to sit in the same room.)

[audio:/podcasts/Top-Ten-List-Final.mp3]

(Or you can download the file by right clicking here and choosing \”Save As.\”)

Chris\’ Top 10:

10:  Gentleman Jesse / Introducing Gentleman Jesse

9.  Flight of the Conchords / Flight of the Conchords

8.  Horse Feathers / House With No Name

7.  Fleet Foxes / Fleet Foxes

6.  Dead Confederate / Wrecking Ball

5.  Army Navy / Army Navy

4.  Blind Pilot / 3 Rounds and a Sound

3.  Vampire Weekend / Vampire Weekend

2.  British Sea Power / Do You Like Rock Music?

1.  Bon Iver / For Emma, Forever Ago

Barrett\’s Top 10:

10.  Department of Eagles / In Ear Park

9.  Spiritualized / Songs in A & E

8.  Girl Talk / Feed the Animals

7.  My Morning Jacket / Evil Urges

6.  Explorers Club / Freedom Wind

5.  Okkervil River / The Stand Ins

4.  Blitzen Trapper / Furr

3.  Bon Iver / For Emma, Forever Ago

2.  MGMT / Oracular Spectacular

1.  The Hold Steady / Stay Positive

A Truncated Clip Job

As I settled in to my office this morning and started looking at my keyboard, I noticed something troubling.  It appears at some point this morning, I had started clipping my fingernails, and I missed two fingers.  I just stopped cold, midway through my right hand.  (See attached photo, which will be entered into evidence as exhibit B-4:)

\"\"

This is most troubling.  What the  hell happened that caused me to just forget those last two fingers?  If I blacked out, anything could have happened during that time.  I could have lost consciousness and become the ruthless overlord of a developing nation, committing genocide and refusing to recycle.  I may have spent months trying to quell an insurrection of freedom fighters who were rebelling against my regime\’s official stated position that Chef Boyardee products all taste identical.  Then I could have been transported back to my bathroom, where I regained consciousness.  The chances of this happening currently stand at around 8%.

Or I may have had to pee.

Outsourcing State Government

In the 2008 presidential election, the economy featured prominently among the issues debated by the two candidates. The collapse of the housing sector interjected itself into the campaign, and swung the electorate solidly in favor of eventual winner Barack Obama. Obama was able to sell his message on the economy more ably than John McCain, capably reassuring American workers that their jobs were safe.

One of Obama’s primary economic talking points dealt with the outsourcing of American jobs, and what could be done to prevent it. One of the cornerstones of his economic plan was repealing “tax breaks” to “companies that shipped our jobs overseas.” Naturally, workers who already fear for their jobs want to do everything to make sure that job stays on American soil – and in an economy in collapse, that message resonates even more strongly.

Yet, as is the case in most campaigns, the truth became a casualty amid lofty rhetoric, shifting plans, and political charges. In reality, this campaign rhetoric is already light years behind the times – in an age of digital information and instantaneous delivery of data worldwide, jobs can be created in places like India and China at a fraction of the cost. Armies of Indian college students graduate every year, anxious to shed their native accents and join the global economy. They staff call centers helping Americans fix their computers, get credit cards, and order pay per view movies. They read ultrasounds sent to them digitally by American doctors and do legal research for American attorneys.

And, in many cases, they make American business more viable by holding down costs. Outsourcing allows many American companies to stay in business here in the U.S. by making profit possible. So while their customer service call center may be in Bangalore, their headquarters may employ hundreds of Americans here at home. And the cheaper they can run one arm of the company, the more they can offer the domestic employees. Furthermore, outsourcing allows companies to sell their goods cheaper, which benefits American consumers. Without it, we would pay more for virtually every good and service – as a result, American companies would sell fewer products and be able to hire fewer workers. This is why, even as jobs have been fleeing to other countries en masse, the unemployment rate in America has remained low.

While outsourcing is a worldwide issue, it has deep roots right here in Wisconsin. With an economy heavily dependent on manufacturing, Wisconsin workers are especially sensitive to the threat of their jobs being outsourced to a foreign country. As such, it has become a viable talking point for state politicians.

For the past two legislative sessions, Wisconsin State Representative Mark Pocan and State Senator Judy Robson have introduced what they have named the “American Jobs Act.” This proposed legislation would prevent state government from contracting for services performed outside the United States. For example, the State of Wisconsin contracts with JP Morgan Chase to provide food stamp recipients with electronic bank transfer cards (the Wisconsin QUEST card). When a recipient has a problem with their QUEST Card and they need to call a service center, they are not speaking to somebody in Wisconsin or the United States, but rather somebody from India or Mexico, whose wages are paid by Wisconsin taxpayers.

According to the bill’s authors, when state government outsources work, “we lose the income from those jobs, which support families and communities, pay for government services through taxes, and fuel the American economy. It is especially egregious when taxpayer dollars pay for those jobs in other countries.”

The Pocan/Robson jobs bill is illustrative, but perhaps not in the way the authors intended. It is clear state government contracts with businesses that outsource jobs, in order to keep costs down. If Wisconsin were to limit contracts to businesses that operate wholly in the U.S., it would likely substantially increase the cost of running the state programs those contracts support.

As has been shown in previous WPRI reports, Wisconsin currently has an imbalance between the taxes it collects and spending it conducts. For years, the state has had to use damaging budget gimmicks and schemes to keep state government afloat, as elected officials haven’t had the fortitude to scale back programs – in fact, at times when Wisconsin carried large deficits, the Governor and Legislature actually created expensive new state programs.

This brings up a provocative, and somewhat uncomfortable question. Would it be in Wisconsin’s best interest to outsource more of its services? If the Legislature isn’t willing to control costs by reining in spending, can the state follow the example of the private sector and utilize cheap labor to control costs?

The following points come to mind:

  • Outsourcing more state government work wouldn’t necessarily affect Wisconsin jobs – much of the work is likely done in other states, anyway.
  • Holding costs down in some areas through more extensive use of outsourcing allows the state to reallocate funds to programs with a higher priority. For example, money saved by shifting a call center overseas may allow the state to fund Medicaid or public schools without having to raise taxes on citizens.
  • When developing countries get American jobs, it creates new markets for American products. As India and China expand, so do the potential consumers of Miller Beer, Harley-Davidson, and Fox Valley paper companies – which helps retain Wisconsin jobs.
  • Wisconsin currently participates in the World Trade Organization Government Procurement Agreement. Under the agreement, preferences in favor of the United States over a certain dollar amount are forbidden. Limiting outsourcing would actually put the state in violation of this trade agreement.

When the Legislature convenes to begin addressing the current $5.4 billion budget shortfall faced by the state, it will debate whether to cut spending or, more likely, which taxes to raise. One thing that likely won’t be discussed at length is how to stretch our tax dollars further to avoid tax increases or service cuts – which could be accomplished by finding cheaper ways to pay for routine state operations. If we can stop pretending there are such things as “American jobs” anymore, we can help keep money in the pockets of Wisconsin workers and help the state’s economy get moving again.

-December 3, 2008

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