Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

A Truncated Clip Job

As I settled in to my office this morning and started looking at my keyboard, I noticed something troubling.  It appears at some point this morning, I had started clipping my fingernails, and I missed two fingers.  I just stopped cold, midway through my right hand.  (See attached photo, which will be entered into evidence as exhibit B-4:)


This is most troubling.  What the  hell happened that caused me to just forget those last two fingers?  If I blacked out, anything could have happened during that time.  I could have lost consciousness and become the ruthless overlord of a developing nation, committing genocide and refusing to recycle.  I may have spent months trying to quell an insurrection of freedom fighters who were rebelling against my regime\’s official stated position that Chef Boyardee products all taste identical.  Then I could have been transported back to my bathroom, where I regained consciousness.  The chances of this happening currently stand at around 8%.

Or I may have had to pee.

1 Comment

  1. Why does your pinkie finger look deformed?

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