My good friend Brad Boycks made his radio debut on the Vicki McKenna show on last Friday\’s \”week in review\” program. He was on with guest host Brian Schimming, mostly discussing the 6th anniversary of 9/11 and the War in Iraq. He\’s clearly a bastard, since he sounds relaxed and does a great job – whereas I have yet to find a way not to embarrass myself on-air.
Christian Schneider
Author, Columnist
Month: September 2007 (page 2 of 2)
There’s an old workplace maxim that I have always found useful: Don’t do anything well, as you’ll get stuck doing it forever. If you’re the one guy enthusiastic about stuffing envelopes, then congratulations – you’ll have paper cuts until you quit. If you brag about your sweeping skills, there’s a 100% chance you’ll get to show them off. Forever.
Businesses in Wisconsin are faced with a similar dilemma, but for slightly different reasons. Businesses often become victims of their own successes. If you produce a popular product that becomes necessary to the everyday lives of Wisconsin citizens, suddenly you become the enemy for attempting to profit. Never mind that the motive for profit is probably the reason you started the business in the first place – once people want your product bad enough, you become the bad guy. After all, how dare you charge customers a price they are perfectly willing to pay for something they value? Expect to be taxed to the point where customers stop buying your product, or expect the government to come in and take over your operations.
Certain business sectors have come under fire for being too successful in providing services. You all know what they are. But what is the alternative? Don’t like $3 a gallon gas? Here’s a shovel, start diggin.’ There’s oil down there somewhere. Don’t like pharmaceutical companies? Here’s a lab coat and a Bunsen burner – you should have a cure for grandma’s Alzheimer’s figured out in no time – right after you learn how to hook up your DVD Player.
Surely, not all business owners are wonderful people with hearts of gold. Yet they deserve more credit than blame for the services they provide the public. Wisconsin politicians are constantly attacking businesses for profiting on practices the elected officials deem so necessary – without realizing what would happen without the business there to provide it. Does anyone actually believe health care will improve if we tax hospitals more?
These politicians often confuse “self interest” with “selfishness.” Of course, we all act in self-interest. It’s why we wake up in the morning, brush our teeth, and go to work. We want to make money and better our positions in life. Businesses also act in their own self-interest. They want to make money and be successful – but in the process, there’s also a side benefit in the employment they offer their workers. (Although, admittedly, your job is hard to view as a “benefit” if you have a cranky boss.) In this respect, the business’ self-interest helps the individual workers pursue their own interests.
On top of their battles with government, businesses also must compete with each other. Company profits are dictated in large part by the profits of their competitors. Recently, Netflix announced plans to drop their monthly rates by $2, in response to Blockbuster’s nascent DVD-by-mail operation. A liberal would be angry at Netflix for “gouging” consumers all these months – while a conservative would recognize that the market is working and keeping prices down. In this case, competition has become a check on Netflix’ “excess profits.” And in the end, anything that can get Borat into your hands for two bucks cheaper is a big winner for everyone.
Often times, business innovation betters the lives of everyone in Wisconsin. They convince us that something new is something we can’t live without – and sometimes, they are proven right. By attacking their successes, we dissuade such innovation in the future – which is in no one’s self-interest.
If you think things like \”reading\” and \”writing\” are a little too stressful for your young kids, then Madison may have the answer for you. Apparently a new method called the \”security, survival and self-esteem\” system of child meditation has taken hold in Madison-area schools.
Channel 15 reports (video included):
Jinendra Kothari has been teaching meditation for the past 35 years. During his classes he would overhear teachers talking about the problems they faced in the classroom.
He set out to design a new type of meditation specifically for kids. After years of research he developed a system that addresses the issues that all children face: security, survival and self-esteem.
\”A lot of these exercises are designed to bring symmetry to their body,\” said Jinendra. \”Most people see 3S as a simple exercise, but it is not, it is much more beyond it. That\’s why I call it beyond Yoga.\”
The 3S-Smart Learning System was created to help kids control their emotions, while increasing their overall physical and mental fitness.
After all, it is all about your child and how they feel about themselves. So when they finally move on to middle school, they will feel good about their inability to read, write, or deal with criticism.
Actually, studies show that there are benefits to physical activity and motion programs in classrooms, as described in this paper by WPRI\’s Sammis White. However, those activities deal more with movement and activity, and less with how to channel the spirit of the Dalai Lama.
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My buddy Gooch (you may remember him from the Packer game last year) came up with a couple tickets for the Wisconsin/Citadel football game at Camp Randall this Saturday. Since he lives in South Carolina and has relatives that went to The Citadel, the tickets were in their section. In fact, they were front row – almost field level.
Sitting with the Citadel fans was actually fairly interesting. Seeing as how their school is a tiny, state-sponsored military school of 2,000 students, they were in awe of the spectacle of Camp Randall (and of the existence of cheese curds).
The most interesting aspect of the game, however, was the Citadel cheerleaders, who were about 15 feet in front of us.
You may recall the fact that The Citadel used to be for male cadets only, until that policy was challenged in 1994 by Shannon Faulkner. The federal government threatened to withhold funds from the school unless it complied with the order to go co-ed. In 1996, four more female cadets enrolled, with two eventually dropping out. The numbers have climbed slowly since then.
At the game, I asked some of The Citadel\’s fans when they went co-ed. \”1996. Because of the f***ing federal government,\” one guy sneered. It became clear at that point that the new policy remains wildly unpopular, especially among alumni.
Before they went co-ed, I was told, The Citadel used to hire out cheerleaders from other local small colleges for their games. It was clear that now, their cheerleaders came from within the ranks of their cadets. These women were… and there\’s really no way to massage this… awfully plain-looking. Their cheerleading couldn\’t compel a dog to sniff itself.
Naturally, they were heckled by the crowd – only more so by the Citadel fans themselves, who resent their very presence at the college. After halftime, they took their sweat pants off – which compelled one fan behind me to start a \”put them back on!\” chant.
Things got even worse by comparison after the Badger cheerleaders put on a little show for our section. The Citadel fans were delighted with seeing \”real\” cheerleaders. But at that point, I put my foot down. I pointed out that the Wisconsin cheerleaders are bred genetically to be cheerleaders, while the Citadel cheerleaders are cadets – who at some point, will be fighting for our country. In a few years, the Badger cheerleaders will be pouring shots on the rocks in a bar, while the Citadel cheerleaders will be shooting at Iraquis in Anbar.
So sure, they may not be that great – but they\’re not supposed to be. They\’re supposed to be learning how to defend our country, not their football team\’s goal line. Asking those women to be cheerleaders would be like asking them to play offensive line – it just doesn\’t fit.
So here you have these poor young women who aren\’t welcome by their own fans, in a 90,000 seat stadium, where their team was undoubtedly a sacrificial lamb (they actually kept it uncomfortably close for most of the game). They deserve more praise than anyone out there on that field.
[…]
And on a related note, it really is hard to root against a military team. They obviously have no chance against teams like the Badgers, as they have strict height and weight requirements for service (somehow, The Air Force has been the exception). Those are the types of games you\’d like to win by a point – running it up against a military academy seems to be a little unsettling. Even more so, you don\’t want to see a cadet get hurt badly, as it could affect his service.
At one point, a Badger landed a late hit on a Citadel Bulldog. I figured it was bad form to cheap shot the military – best to leave that up to Moveon.org.
After being on my deathbed for two days (I completely slept through Friday), I needed a good sports weekend. Fortunately, Wisconsin fans got wins from the Badgers, Packers, and a couple from the Brewers (but special thanks to the pathetic St. Louis Cardinals, who have now become the Larry Craig of the National League).
There was, however, one sporting event that eclipsed all others in terms of human drama: it was my daughter\’s first-ever soccer game in her 3-and 4-year old league. In fact, it was better attended than any of the WNBA championship series games to date.
I was prepared for this, as I had been videotaping the opposing team for weeks, Belichick-style. My daughter had never played in any kind of organized sporting event, so I had no idea how she would react. She didn\’t start, and didn\’t really seem all that interested in watching the game before going in. Naturally, this being a West Madison kid soccer league, you have a lot of kids named things like \”Jericho\” and \”Sapphire.\” Most of the kids in the game were unaware that the game was actually going on. Or who their birth parents are.
When finally called upon, my daughter was too shy to go in the game. The ref said I could run next to her if I wanted, so I did – although I know I ran the risk of looking like one of these total a-hole parents that directs their children from within a foot at all times. But finally, she forgot about me, and just ran around kicking the ball. She even scored a goal that was waved off because of some technicality about being too close to the goal or something. Since it\’s a city league, I think it is only fair that the Mayor\’s office hear about this injustice.
Sometime in the middle of the game, her two-year old brother practiced his own brand of hooliganism by running out on the field. He was standing still, which usually means one thing – he was filling his diapers. But when I thought about it, that\’s the same thing Derrick Turnbow does every time he runs out on the field, and he gets paid a lot of money. Maybe there\’s a future for my boy, after all.
Near the end of the game, one kid just wandered off the field, leaving my daughter\’s team a player short. She pulled a Scottie Pippen and refused to go back in the game, citing the deliciousness of her watermelon as the prime reason.
All in all, I couldn\’t be more proud of her. I showed her a YouTube video of Mia Hamm, and she said she wants to be as good as she is. I figure a few more weeks of intense training should do the trick – as long as she gives up the watermelon.
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There\’s an old Simpsons episode where Homer meets controversial director John Waters. Around the dinner table, Marge gently tries to tell Homer that Waters is gay. She says \”um, Homey, I think he enjoys the company of men.\” Homer then enthusiastically whoops out \”WHO DOESN\’T?\”
Men getting married worry about what it\’s going to be like to not be able to date different women for the rest of their lives. But honestly, the thing I\’ve missed most is the time I got to spend with my guy friends. All the gross jokes and insults you throw around casually – trust me, those don\’t really work on your wife. Then again, if you never really dated multiple women before you got married, you don\’t really have anything to miss. For you, long gone are days like the one in college where you begged one of your ugly platonic girl friends to make out with you, just so you could see what it was like – and got turned down. (Don\’t worry, there\’s at least a three percent chance that never happened to me.)
Anyway, I was in the car for a long ride with some guy friends last week, and it all came back to me. Long car rides are the birthplace of some of the best guy conversations. Naturally, the silence was eventually broken by some giggling and the rolling down of the window. You can figure out what the need for fresh air means. This act led to the following exchange:
\”Damn man, are we in Kaukauna?\”
(Editor\’s note – Kaukauna, Wisconsin has a number of paper mills, which makes it smell like the inside of Gilbert Brown\’s colon after a hard boiled egg eating competition.)
Laughing: \”Hey man, are you making paper in your ass?\”
More laughing: \”I hope they\’re making toilet paper in your colon, because you\’re going to need to wipe after that one.\”
And on and on it went. Pure comedy gold. That\’s what I miss.
And on a somewhat-related note:
Is there a more thankless job than working for the Kaukauna Chamber of Commerce? Exactly what is their motto to attract people to live there?
\”Kaukauna: After a Year, You Don\’t Even Notice!\”
\”Kaukauna: You Smell Good By Comparison!\”
\”Kaukauna: You\’ll Be Drunk on the Way Back From the Packer Game, So Then Might Be a Good Time to Visit!\”
Just got back into town, checked my e-mail, and found that the Journal Sentinel had denied my application to be a community columnist. Oh well, it was a long shot anyway. Good luck to whoever did get the gig (I think there are like 30 of them).
Caution: Only read this post if you like money. And lots of it.
I think we can all agree that the best part of a root beer float occurs when the ice cream melts and mixes with the root beer. When they\’re separate, they are just ice cream and root beer. But when they mix, you get a magical tasting concoction that doesn\’t occur elsewhere in nature.
I\’m telling you – if someone were able to figure out a way to bottle the ice cream/root beer mix and sell it, I\’d buy it by the case. It would be a lot easier than having to find an ice cream stand on the run, then waiting for the chemical transformation to take place. It would be a license to print money.
I know this blog has degenerated into me bitching about the Brewers, but it has been for good reason. This quote in today\’s paper from recently-acquired reliever Scott Linebrink set me off:
As so often happens for the Brewers, no matter what the score is in the early going, the final innings were adventuresome. Houston scored two unearned runs in the seventh off reliever Scott Linebrink, who heard his share of boos when Yost opted not to pull him with the bases and one down.
\”There\’s not a lot of teams I\’ve been on in a division race, where you\’re in control of the game and don\’t give up the lead and you still get booed,\” Linebrink said.
So for Linebrink (who my friend Jay has dubbed \”LineDrive\”), loading the bases with one out and giving up two runs is known as \”being in control.\” Hey – he didn\’t give up the three-run lead, right?
Here\’s a memo to this jackass: fully one-quarter of the Brewers\’ losses this year have been because of the bullpen – which his acquisition was supposed to help. Instead, he\’s exacerbated their bullpen problems. In fact, I think there\’s some question as to whether Linebrink knows if he\’s playing for the right team – I heard he was found in the Astros\’ locker room tapping his foot. After blowing 15 games where they were ahead by more than three runs, you\’d think he\’d understand fan frustration.
Linebrink\’s 2006 salary is listed as $1,365,000. So I\’ll strike a deal with Mr. Sensitive: He can pay $100 so he and his kids can come to my work to boo me, and I\’ll take the $1.3 million. In fact, I\’d be willing to go in to a game and walk the bases full for only $500,000. Think of the savings to the Brewers.
The fact that the Padres were so willing to part with this moron in the midst of their own playoff run says a lot. When teams in first place are unloading middle relief (which other teams are always trying to acquire around the trade deadline), an alarm should go off.
And if he\’s sensitive to booing, he should try being Derrick Turnbow for a day. I would boo Turnbow before he comes in the game, while he\’s in the game, when he leaves the game, when he leaves the stadium to walk out to his car, and while he\’s mowing his lawn at home. If I saw him ordering dinner on a date at a restaurant, I\’d walk up and boo him. \”You ordered the salmon? Boo! Boooooooo!\”
This is historically bad news for my household:
First, it hit the workers. From Milwaukee to Missouri and California, the fake butter flavor they mixed for use in microwave popcorn poisoned their lungs. Now, in the first case of its kind, a doctor has found a possible link between serious lung disease and consumers of microwave popcorn.
\”I was as surprised as I could be,\” said Cecile Rose, the chief occupational and environmental medicine physician at National Jewish Medical and Research Center, one of the nation\’s most prestigious lung disease hospitals. Rose has seen many cases of factory workers\’ lungs destroyed by a chemical called diacetyl, responsible for giving microwave popcorn its buttery flavor, but never in a consumer of the popcorn. Until she started seeing a 53-year-old Colorado man whose favorite snack was microwave popcorn.
I probably down two or three bags of this stuff per week while watching sports. All this time I thought it was going to be the Brewers that finally killed me – instead, it\’s going to be what I\’ve been eating while watching them. Now I\’m going to have to eat more of my wife\’s all-natural hippie popcorn.
Concerned that their doctors-in-training were working too many marathon shifts, many states have limited the number of hours their residents can work. The thinking was that long shifts often affected patient care, leading residents to make mistakes in their treatments.
A new study in the Journal of the American Medical Association actually shows no correlation between hours worked and the quality of care given to Medicaid patients. They conclude that \”implementation of duty hours limitations was not associated with any significant change in risk-adjusted mortality among Medicare patients.\”
The State Policy Network Blog points out the unintended effect of New Jersey\’s newly increased cigarette tax – it actually reduces revenue to the state. SPN points to an Asbury Park Press column by Gregg Edwards, which says:
To support the Fiscal Year 2007 state budget, Gov. Corzine successfully proposed increasing the cigarette tax by 17.5 cents, from $2.40 to 2.575 per pack. It was the fourth tax increase in a six-year period and it made New Jersey\’s tax the highest state tax in the nation.
Here was the result: In FY 2006, the cigarette tax raised more than $787 million. In FY 2007 – after it was hiked by almost 7 percent – the tax raised only $764 million, or $23 million less than the previous year.
[…]
Some of the sales decline was due to smokers giving up an expensive habit, but that can\’t explain its magnitude. Many smokers don\’t buy cigarettes from New Jersey retailers. Instead, some purchase cigarettes in the states that border New Jersey, all of which have lower cigarette prices. While New Jersey\’s sales are plummeting, Delaware\’s are increasing. And it\’s certainly not the case that more Delaware residents are becoming smokers. Also, some smokers make purchases via the Internet. Others even buy in the black market, which owes its very existence to New Jersey\’s steep tax.
So higher taxes means less revenue to the state – and while some of the reduction can be attributed to people quitting smoking, much of it likely means people are getting their cigarettes from other sources. In fact, recent research suggests that higher cigarette taxes don\’t, in fact, dissuade low-income smokers from quitting.
Of course, Governor Doyle\’s proposed per-pack cigarette tax increase of $1.25 far exceeds the new 17.5 cent tax in New Jersey. So it will take a lot more people quitting or purchasing their cigarettes from out of state or online to offset the tax increase. However, this effect supports Deb Jordahl\’s WPRI Commentary from last week, which demonstrates the paradox of state government relying on a new tax that is intended to keep people from a behavior that is needed to keep collecting the tax.
Tonight\’s \”Here and Now\” commentary goes out to all the U.S. Americans:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj3nyJ-MOh8]
There\’s even a little acting. I smell Emmy….
I also need to clarify a point made on the original broadcast. The introduction to my commentary mentioned that I wanted to see the program \”cut.\” That\’s not really the case – I\’m merely lobbying for more parental involvement in the program. Either way, I can imagine the Wisconsin Public Television e-mail server is kindly accepting hate mail as we speak.
As Flannery O\’Connor said, \”you have to push as hard as the age that pushes against you.\”