Here’s tonight’s appearance on “Here and Now.”

Basically, it’s just “blah blah blah, look at my brown sweater, blah blah blah.” And I’m actually wearing makeup for the first time. So hopefully I don’t look like Liza Minelli after a Vicodin bender.

I’m on “Here and Now” again this week. I’ll be talking about dirty money in politics. So watch.

By now, you’ve probably heard about the ad for San Francisco’s Folsom Street Fair, which mocks the Last Supper by substituting sex toys in the place of bread and wine. Needless to say, Catholic groups are outraged, especially at Miller Brewing for sponsoring the event.

It’s no secret that the extreme end of the political left wing doesn’t particularly have a soft spot for Catholicism. But a friend of mine pointed out something almost as bizarre from the extreme right.

Some of the extreme evangelical Christian groups passionately dislike Catholics. They refer to the Pope as the “Minister of Satan.” Often times, they create publications to hand out to make this point. In fact, one website urges parents… and I am not kidding… to drop some of the little cartoon books (called “tracts”) into trick or treaters’ bags on Halloween.
Here’s an example of a “tract” called “Man in Black.” It depicts a Catholic priest who is talked out of his religion by some shady, mustachioed bald guy. These selected cartoons refer to the Catholic religion as “the Great Whore,” claim that “Vatican City controls the wealth of the world,” and say that “Mary was Satan’s masterpiece to control his religious slaves.”

So have a peek at what could be ending up in your kids’ candy bags this Halloween:

Man, and I thought getting Almond Joys in my bag was a bummer.

So, joined by their mutual dislike for Catholics, maybe the militant gay groups and these nutty Evangelicals can get together and join forces. But I would recommend they don’t do it at the International Conference on Homo-Fascism.

So, you remember a couple of months ago, when I wrote a post about my night going to see Guns n’ Roses tribute band Paradise City? Of course you do.

Anyway, just today, the following epic comment showed up on that post. Here it is, in its glorious entirety:

Of ocurse you need to get oyur facts straight before you speak dipshit. Firsto fall Paradise City is the best GNR tribute in the country,,period 200 plus shows a year internationally and they all sell out. Mr. brownstoneisnt good enough to even tunes PCs guitars. Secondly, GNR would ALWAYS open for Bon Jovi on nay planet any venue any place. GNR had ONE decent album tha was a complete rip off of Get your wings by Aerosmith. they have sold 15 million copies of their entire catalog. Bon jovis record sales are well over 100 MILLION. pc/DOA WAS BY FAR THE BEST BAND EVER TO GRACE THE STAGE IN MIDDLETON WISCONSIN. OF OCURSE THE CLUB WAS AT CAPACITY AND THEY DID A 45 MINUTE ENCORE. OF COURSE THE SINGER BLEW YOU OFF, YOUR A DIPSHIT AND THE GUYS AN ACTUAL ROCKSTAR. DO YOUR RESEARCH IDIOT!!!! WHY BE PISSED OFF AND WIRTE A BUNCH OF GARBAGE AND MAKE FUN ABOUT GUYS THAT MAKE WAY MORE MONEY THAN YOU. ARE U MAD BECAUSE YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS BLOWING THE DRUMMER IN THE PARKING LOT

Dale Houston 09.27.07 – 11:34 am

Such passion! So, apparently I have now started a gang war between supporters of Paradise City and Mr. Brownstone. Also, this young man made it clear that PC is the best band ever to play in Middleton, Wisconsin, and if I only did my research, I would know that. Where exactly do I look that up? The Library of Congress?

Also, I am a little upset to find out what my girlfriend was doing in the parking lot. I imagine my wife will probably be a little more upset, though.

Oh, and remember – Mr. Brownstone at High Noon Saloon on the 27th. My costume is already in the works. Be there, sucka!

The research arm of the UW-Madison finally answers the age-old question: Is there actually a “five second rule” when you drop food on the floor?

If a piece of toast fell on the floor, would you pick it up and eat it? You probably would if you believe in the 5-second rule, which suggests that your spilled breakfast stays germ-free as long as you snatch it up in five seconds.

But while the 5-second rule remains a popular rule of thumb, there is no hard science to support it, says Glenn Chambliss, a bacteriologist at UW-Madison. In fact, if you dropped food in places harboring nasties like E. Coli bacteria, any contamination would happen instantaneously, the scientist says.

Next up for the UW: Debunking the myth of “he who smelt it dealt it.”

Contrary to the spirit of my last Brewer-related post, I’ve never been a “Fire Ned Yost” kind of guy. Recently, he’s made some terrible decisions that defy reason. But it’s not his fault his bullpen is so atrocious – although continuing to use Derrick Turnbow is his fault.

That being said, Yost’s decision to intentionally hit Albert Pujols with one out in the 8th inning of a game where you’re losing 3-2 might be the dumbest thing I have ever seen a manager do. After the Cubs had lost, you know your team can pull to within one game with a win. But you intentionally put a runner on and bring in Turnbow, who isn’t exactly known for getting through innings without allowing baserunners. All so you can get back at Tony La Russa, who is obviously (Barry Bonds excepted) the biggest a-hole in baseball. So congratulations – you got back at the Cardinals, and you can bask in the glory while sitting at home during the playoffs.

Naturally, as I typed this paragraph, Turnbow went hit-walk-walk to give up a run. Then Shouse gave up three more. Boy, I must be a genius. Nobody could have guessed that it might be a bad idea to give up free outs in a crucial game just to prove your manhood.

So congratulations to Ned Yost on losing this crucial game, getting thrown out, and embarrassing himself in the process. I guess you can do that when you get a vote of confidence from your owner. If only someone could have predicted Yost would do something royally stupid to cost themselves a chance at the playoffs.

Oh wait… I did.

And as long as I’m still venting…

Tony La Russa now officially owns Ned Yost. He got in his head by creating an imaginary beanball war, knowing Yost would lose his cool at some point. If this were prison, Yost would be applying La Russa with daily sponge baths. Yost should just give La Russa his wife and the keys to his car while he’s at it.

I picked up my computer and started typing this post the second they hit Pujols, knowing full well what was about to happen. I can’t even explain how painful it is to me that I was absolutely right. Hey, it’s only been 25 years since the last playoff appearance – what’s one more, right? It was more important that we get even with the Cardinals.

I was going to complain about the stupidity in the way the Brewers gave up Cardinal runs 2 and 3 (serving up a 3-1 fastball to a power hitter with a light-hitter behind him and 2 outs), but Yost actually managed to eclipse that stupidity with the granddaddy of all managerial abominations. So it’s not even worth mentioning.

I apologize for the semi-lucidity of this post, but it was written in a blind rage between periods of heavy swearing and almost blacking out.

UPDATE: Thanks to Wrigleyville23 for the link. Feel free to have a good laugh at our expense.

Here’s the “Healthy Wisconsin” Letter to the Editor of the Year, from a self-described Atheist who decides to lecture Christians on why God supports Senate Democrats:

If I were to label myself religiously, I’d have to say I’m an atheist. However, I think that the myths surrounding Jesus’ life offer good lessons in how we should treat people, especially the ones about how he healed others even if they couldn’t afford a copayment or weren’t covered by his HMO.

Because of this, I am befuddled about why church-going Republican senators are opposed to universal health care in the form of the Healthy Wisconsin plan. I think it’s just good old moral values to want every pregnant woman, regardless of income or residency, to have the best care possible for herself and her baby. Or for every person who needs a life-saving medical procedure to have access to it. Thank God it’s not me!

Now before you fall victim to the venomous propaganda they are putting out against this plan, make sure you do your own research. And search your heart as well as your head. Why shouldn’t we all have equal access to health care? It sounds like the Christian thing to do.

TERRY MEINEN

Altoona

Of course, supporters of Healthy Wisconsin have announced they are willing to drop the program in exchange for $1 billion in new taxes in spending.  Somewhere, Baby Jesus is crying.

Actually, given the Senate Democrats’ insistence that they are going to continue to push the abominable Healthy Wisconsin plan later in this legislative session, I thought of a relevant Biblical passage.  From 2 Peter 2:22:

“But that word of the true proverb has happened to them: The dog has turned back to his own vomit; and, The washed sow to her rolling in mud.”

Every night, my kids get to watch a TV show before they go to bed. Recently, my son has been saying “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” every night when the show gets started. I thought “hey, maybe the kid is getting an early start in religion.”

What I realized later is that he was actually responding to an advertisement that runs before every episode of the show. That would be an ad for Chuck E. Cheese’s. He’s saying “cheese’s” over and over and over.

So it looks like it’s going to take thousands of dollars’ worth of a Catholic education for me to teach him the difference between this guy:

And this guy:

You may read the “newspaper” articles written by “reporters” to get your Packers news, but I choose to read the “Meat Packers Union” blog by F.Gordon Union. It is the funniest Packer blog I’ve seen – written by the Packers’ oldest and least culturally literate fan. Enjoy.

From Pennsylvania, a great new law enforcement strategy - in the interest of justice (and strengthening the penal system):

Offended by a masseuse’s offer to go beyond routine rubbing into something downright unprintable, the spa customer went to the state police and offered his services: He would take on the role of confidential informant and gather evidence of prostitution at North Whitehall’s Shiatsu Spa.He ended up having sex four times in the name of justice.When that fact emerged this week during a Lehigh County Court hearing for one of two spa employees charged with prostitution in the 2006 case, it cast light on a surprisingly common and irony-rich investigative procedure: having civilians pay for sex during crackdowns on sex-for-pay.

Someone call J.B. Van Hollen – I’ll take one for the team and head up this important investigation, one arrest at a time. Knowing me, it won’t take long.

Wait… what?

Excellent article in today’s National Review Online by Mark Stein about Hillary Clinton’s proposed health plan:

This week freedom took another hit. Hillary Rodham Clinton unveiled her new health-care plan. Unlike her old health-care plan, which took longer to read than most cancers do to kill you, this one’s instant and painless – just a spoonful of government sugar to help the medicine go down. From now on, everyone in America will have to have health insurance.

Hooray!

And, if you don’t, it will be illegal for you to hold a job.

Er, hang on, where’s that in the constitution? It’s perfectly fine to employ legions of the undocumented from Mexico, but if you employ a fit 26-year-old American with no health insurance either you or he or both of you will be breaking the law?

That’s a major surrender of freedom from the citizen to the state. So what, say the caring crowd. We’ve got to do something about those 40 million uninsured! Whoops, I mean 45 million uninsured. Maybe 50 by now. This figure is always spoken of as if it’s a club you can join but never leave: The very first Uninsured-American was ol’ Bud who came back from the Spanish-American War and found he was uninsured and so was first on the list, and then Mabel put her back out doing the Black Bottom at a tea dance in 1926 and she became the second, and so on and so forth, until things really began to snowball under the Bush junta. And, by the time you read this, the number of uninsured may be up to 75 million.

Steyn goes on to deconstruct the often-cited number of uninsured individuals in the U.S., and explains who those people are.  A good read from beginning to end.

It was my son’s second birthday today. Not too hard to tell which of his gifts were bought for him by his dad. (And if I ever figure out who it is, I’ll be sure to thank him.)

Don’t ask where he learned the cool “point at the camera” trick.

Des Moines police investigate attack by onion

oaI headed over to my local auto parts store yesterday to pick up a tire gauge. I figured I might want to inflate my tires at least once a year, and it might be helpful to know how much air I was putting in them.

As I got out of my car, there was a store employee standing by a customer’s car, looking at the engine. The customer happened to be a gorgeus girl wearing a tube top shirt. The male employee was pointing at something in her engine, and said “yeah, I can replace that for about eight bucks.”

Now you know damn well auto stores don’t even think about fixing anything for under a hundred bucks. Is there any question that if it was me standing there (tube top or not), I would be looking at a $250 repair? In fact, that might be a good part time job for hot girls – drive ugly man cars to the shop to get a better deal on repairs, then take a cut of the savings. (Actually, I’ve seen studies that show women get worse deals on auto repairs, since mechanics assume they know less about engines. Break out the charm, girls.)

But this also got me to thinking about girls and cars in general. Haven’t you noticed that girls never drive really crappy cars? I’m not talking about cars that might not be the latest model. I’m talking about reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaallllllly crappy cars. The ones with three wheels and more rust than paint.

My first car was a 1981 Chevette that my dad bought from the neighbors for $200. It had a bumper sticker that said “I Brake For Unicorns” and sheep fur seat covers. I then upgraded and bought a rusty $700 1983 Datsun from some guy in downtown Milwaukee. It had a muffler that used to drag and spark all over the highway – so I had to keep wire coat hangers in my trunk to wire it up when it broke loose. I used to drive it across country, and it had no interior dashboard lights – so I had to use a lighter to see how fast I was going at night. (Bumper sticker: “A Grouchy German is a Sour Kraut.”)

And you never see girls with cars like these. Why is that? Is it because dads and husbands are more concerned about the safety of their girls? Are women just more willing to spend money on a more secure car? Do women demand a better ride because they’re more likely to be hauling the kids around?

Regardless of the reason, it is clear that men are willing to put up with a lot more crappiness out of their car. Unless they’re bald, of course.

Tonight Andrew Bird plays the UW Memorial Union, and I, for one, am fired up. His “Armchair Apocrypha” CD is a lock for my Top 10 this year.

Parents may know him from his appearance as “Dr. Stringz” on “Jack’s Big Music Show:”

And here’s a performance of “Plasticities” from Letterman.