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Yesterday, I got to play the role of “the Grinch that Stole Earth Day” in my column in the Wisconsin State Journal.  In it, I discuss the Stewardship program and how effective conservation programs that recognize the value in private land ownership can be.  (For some reason the web site formatting is off, and some parts are repeated.)

My pro-stewardship counterpart was Scott Hassett, secretary of the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources. His column can be found here.

Sadly, I count this as one of my son’s greatest accomplishments:

That’s right, honkies – he keeps it real!

For the white people in my readership who don’t get the reference, here it is.

And searching for that last file, I came upon the epic “Black Bush” skit from Chappelle’s show:

The Wisconsin chapter of the Virginia Tech Alumni Association has set up a website to contribute to the families and students at Virginia Tech. Please go to:

And show the people at Virginia Tech that Wisconsin is behind them. Donate, even if it’s just a little bit.

For those of you wondering why the Bucks tanked the last 20 games of the season, here’s why:

And with the third pick in the 2007 NBA Draft, the Milwaukee Bucks select…

Schneider’s kid!

I have to admit, I was a little surprised during American Idol last night when Chris Richardson offered his condolences to the students at Virginia Tech and Simon Cowell rolled his eyes. Clearly, Simon thought Richardson was trying to deflect his criticism and I’m certain Cowell wasn’t making light of the whole situation.

However, Richardson is from Virginia, and I’m certain he has plenty of friends at Tech. It is a big state school. Plus, the whole discussion regarding his nasally singing had concluded and they were about to move on. The fact that Simon would be flippant about a contestant offering condolences to his friends after a tragedy is a little disappointing. It wasn’t nearly as bad as Phil Stacey (A.K.A. “Nosferatu”) saying his three month old kid named a toy cow “Simon Cow.”

In the end, of course, it doesn’t mean a damn thing. And I think Cowell realized his mistake by offering his own condolences later in the show.

Winner: Richardson

This morning, 15 Virginia Tech students walked into a German class in Norris Hall, not realizing that for some of them, they would never walk out. They didn’t know at the time that they would soon become subjects of the most deadly shooting spree in American history – an event so horrific, that the nation would have to stop and catch its breath to understand what happened.

Undeterred by the gravity of the event, liberal columnist John Nichols of The Nation had it all figured out within hours. At 5:35, he had already written a blog post pre-emptively criticizing the National Rifle Association for their “rapid response,” which has yet to materialize. In his post, replete with misspellings and grammatical errors, Nichols decries “one dimensional explanations” of the violence today, then immediately offers… an explanation that can barely be ascribed one dimension.

Nichols goes on to blame corporate gun companies, the NRA, and anyone that supports owning “deadly weapons” for our “culture of violence.” (Incidentally, if you purchase a gun, and it’s not “deadly,” then you got ripped off.) He says:

Do not doubt that the National Rifle Association is preparing its “this-had-nothing-to-do-with-guns” press release. The group has no compunctions about living up to its reputation for being beyond shame — or education — when it comes to peddling its spin on days when it would be better to simply remain silent.

Of course, criticizing imaginary press releases from the NRA certainly doesn’t smack of “peddling spin.” John Nichols is clearly above offering his boiler-plate opinions on days “when it would be better to simply remain silent.” Perhaps Nichols should move to downtown Detroit, where nobody is an NRA member, and therefore completely free from the threat of gun violence.

Yet lo, before the blood had even dried on the Norris Hall floor, Nichols had the answer to reverse this trend of violence: Everyone should be forced to watch Bowling For Columbine, Michael Moore’s anti-gun screed where he ridicules people with Alzheimer’s. If only the young man who shot 32 others on the Virginia Tech campus today had seen that movie, they’d all be alive today. Michael Moore has the cure for all jilted lovers who feel like they have no more reason to live. Even better, maybe we should make everyone watch “March of the Penguins,” to teach people about the value of life. Seems about as plausible.

Even more incredibly, Nichols writes:

Moore certainly does not let apologists for the gun industry off the hook. But he does not stop there. “Bowling for Columbine” explores the role that America’s mad foreign policies and obscene expenditures on weapons of mass destruction might play in fostering a culture of violence.

There you have it – it’s American foreign policy that caused the massacre today. Silly of you to think George W. Bush didn’t play a role in this. Clearly this young man was a student of foreign relations and had tired of the United States exerting its will on the rest of the world, which is why he decided to start shooting up a university campus. Things like this never happened when America was respected in the world under the Clinton administration. Oh, except for Columbine.

Nichols and his ilk will likely ignore an inconvenient fact: Virginia actually has a “concealed carry” law. Yet there was no gun anywhere on campus to stop this shooter. Does anyone honestly believe that an event like today’s is any less likely to happen at the University of Wisconsin because we ban concealed weapons? I thought that if we allowed people to carry firearms, everyone would be packing heat and our campuses would be the Wild West revisited? In fact, only one person on the Virginia Tech campus was aware of our “culture of violence,” and he was the one pulling the trigger.

It’s good to know liberals have lunatics like Nichols on-call to destroy good taste within hours, if necessary. Somebody get his beeper number so we can call him to blame Bush for the next time a baby falls down a well. One thing is clear – Nichols had this blog post written long ago, whether he actually had typed it out or not. I’m just happy the 33 corpses that turned up today gave him an excuse to write it.

UPDATE: The NRA did put out a written statement. It simply says: “Our thoughts and prayers are with the families. We will not have further comment until all the facts are known.”

As some of you may remember, I actually went to Virginia Tech – so today’s shootings still have me shaken up a little bit. I lived in Pritchard Hall, which is the all-male dorm right next to Ambler-Johnston, where the early morning shootings took place. I only remember being in that dorm once, to pick up notes from this girl for biology class.

Obviously, I haven’t been on campus there for 14 years, so I don’t really have any personal connection to what happened today. I don’t think I know anyone still there, but my heart goes out to the students and faculty. Otherwise, I’m just like everyone else, trying to figure out how a shooting takes place in a dorm early in the morning, then the same shooter opens fire in a different building two and a half hours later. Details are still trickling in, but that’s the thing that’s going to have to be explained to me.

I tried watching a little of CNN’s coverage this afternoon, but I couldn’t take it anymore. They essentially were just letting random Tech students call in and talk about how they felt, while replaying the cell phone captured-video of the shootings. It was all just time filler.

I’m sure there will be plenty of debate in the next few days about gun control and all the societal issues that this event presents. But for now, I’m just going to sit here and be numb for a little while.

UPDATE: Here’s a map of the Tech campus – you can see Pritchard Hall (where I lived) in relation to Ambler-Johnston (where the first shootings occurred). On the other side is Cochrane Hall, which was the dorm where all the athletes lived (I think I remember them doing away with the whole idea of a “jock dorm,” but I’m not sure.) That’s likely where Antonio Freeman lived while we were both there.

Deaths up to 32 now, according to reports.

UPDATE: Just talked to my former roommate, and he said he had talked to a friend whose dad is a Dean at Tech. The theory going around down there is that the kid shot his girlfriend and the RA in Ambler-Johnston and then went over and hid in Norris until classes started and then unloaded on all of them. That makes sense, given the press accounts to this point.

Still curious why classes were held and the buildings kept open with the knowledge that there was a shooter running free on campus.

While state legislators push for Wisconsin to become a nationwide leader in stem cell research, they are completely ignoring another area where the badger state continues to push the boundaries.

I’m talking, of course, about the practice of playing air guitar – where State Representative Gordon Hintz finished second in a 2003 nationwide competition of faux-guitarists, performing under the pseudonym “Krye Tuff.” Hintz is featured in “Air Guitar Nation,” a film that played recently at the Wisconsin Film Festival in Madison. His heroics have landed him in the Air Guitar Hall of Fame. Hintz’ epic rendition of David Lee Roth’s “Yankee Rose” can be viewed here. (Trailer for the movie can be viewed here)

I, for one, think this is fantastic. It’s nice to see our elected representatives show a little sense of humor every now and then. And it’s good to occasionally see that legislators aren’t robotic. Now if we can only get him to drop his support for publicly financing campaigns in Wisconsin.

When Paul Ryan first ran for Congress, I believe he was around 27 years old – and from what I understand, he has a really good sense of humor. But being so young, he went out of his way to be stoic, wanting people to take him seriously. I think we should give people credit for showing a little personality, just to remind us that they’re real people and not the sum of talking points.

I was at Home Depot a couple days ago, and I have to admit I chuckled when I saw the name of this product. Did I mention I’m in my mid-30′s?

We don’t have any cable movie channels, so my wife and I spend a lot of time going back and watching HBO shows on DVD. I still haven’t ever seen a single episode of the Sopranos, and I don’t really feel like I’m missing a whole lot.

My wife and I had heard good things about Six Feet Under, so we started watching the first season this week. And I have to say – I’m pretty close to giving up after the first three episodes. Who wants to watch a bunch of unlikeable whiners yell at each other hour after hour? The whole juxtaposition of those peoples’ lives against a new dead person every week is just too easy of a plot device. And any show that relies heavily on people having childhood flashbacks and talking to dead people is just being lazy. I feel strongly about this.

That being said, if anyone who watches the show can talk me into sticking with it, I’m all ears.

I hadn’t planned on going to see Yo La Tengo at the Barrymore on Saturday night, but my buddy Barrett came up with some tickets at the last minute. A few thoughts:

When the show started, the Barrymore was about 2/3rds full. This seemed a little strange, given that it was a Saturday night, and Neko Case had sold the place out on a Monday night just five days earlier. Perhaps that’s just a testament to the Power of Neko.

I have to remember not to wear button fly jeans to concerts. It really makes repeat trips to the bathroom a hassle. It’s your job to remind me next time.

The Barrymore is selling New Glarus Coffee Stout, which is phenomenal, especially in large amounts.

Yo La Tengo has been around for 23 years, and sounded every bit of it – in a good way. They drifted seamlessly between soft, layered songs and some hard rockers. Seeing a band live really gives you a new appreciation for how hard it is to actually put some of these songs together. For instance, a song like “The Room Got Heavy” never really stood out for me on their CD, but the fuzzy, repetitive bass line coupled with two of the band members playing drums was a revelation. The timing was impeccable.

Somewhere around the third song, the girl directly in front of me fired up her pipe. As my friend Gooch says, that takes stones the size of Jupiter – to openly smoke weed at an indoor concert in a venue where all smoking is banned. Of course nobody cared, so I guess it worked out for her.

The best part of the show for me was the last 30 minutes or so of the first set. They played a loud, aggressive version of the Beach Boys’ “Little Honda,” interspersed with about 10 minutes of thunderous feedback. Had I walked out of the concert after that finale, I would have been amazed at what I just saw. But then they came back for two mediocre encores that kind were a little disappointing, including a collaboration with their less than stellar opening band.

I tend to be more of a fan of songs that Georgia Hubley sings, and I have to admit that for their live songs, her drumming affected her singing somewhat. But I can’t even imagine how hard it is to drum and sing at the same time, Phil Collins-style.

Generally, our strategy at the Barrymore is to sneak down to the right side of the stage and stand there – there’s usually plenty of room, and you get really close to the stage. The downside is that you’re standing right next to the speaker on the side of the stage. I certainly don’t mind loud music, but I still can’t hear out of my right ear this morning.

After the show, we were hit up for change by a homeless guy on a bike, which led to a discussion about why anyone would want to be homeless in Wisconsin. I mean, seriously – if you’re going to be homeless, isn’t it just as easy to do it in a place like San Diego, where the weather’s nice all the time? We also discussed what he would likely be purchasing with our contribution, and Barrett told me about bumwine.com, a fantastic website that rates the various “fortified wines” (AKA, bumwines).

From their review of Wild Irish Rose:

Another web page claims that this foul beverage is a conspiracy by the republicans to kill the homeless. Bums ask a liquor store clerk for Wild Irish rose by saying, “gimme a pint of rosie with a skirt,” a skirt being a paper bag. Some don’t want it cold either. It’s called “wild” for a good reason, and bystanders should beware. Wild Irish Rose is sure to light a fire of drunken rage in your soul. A guy named “Richards” is mentioned on the label.

After stops at the Come Back Inn and Essen Haus, we capped the night off with La Bamba steak burritos. It’s amazing to me that La Bamba couldn’t stay open on State Street, but it somehow does fine in suburban western Madison. This trip will virtually guarantee my place in the bathroom for most of Sunday.

A new study released today demonstrates that the $176 million annually the government spends on teen abstinence programs is completely ineffective. The study, however, suggested that the best way to remain abstinent as a teen is to look like this:

SIDE NOTE: In describing how the programs were evaluated, the report on page 14 talks about the “Abstinence Program Duration and Intensity.” It’s no wonder nobody can stay abstinent when even the report describing the programs is filthy.

As long as we’re still talking about the Neko Case concert the other night, a friend of mine found this on her website. That’s right – you can buy some Neko Case underwear for your loved one:

Popular Madison East Side gay bar Ray’s is closing its doors, prompting this story from the Capital Times. This section caught my eye:

Ray’s Bar patrons remember the tavern fondly as a local gathering place “for all different kinds of people, straight and gay,” Jeremy O’Sullivan, 31, said recently in a phone interview. “It was like a public sitting room and it’s definitely going to be missed.”

O’Sullivan, a native of Cork, Ireland, has lived in Madison the past seven years and jokes that he frequented Ray’s despite its lack of Guinness on tap. He said he loved to put the Dixie Chicks’ “Cowboy Take Me Away” on the jukebox and sing along with friends.

That sound you heard is thousands of gay Madisonians cringing. Come on, Jeremy. Seriously. It couldn’t have been like, “Jeremy is a computer technician who works with disadvantaged children in his spare time.” It had to be the most stereotypical quote of all time.

And exactly what do you have to do to be labeled “the guy to talk to” about Ray’s? Like, the bartender was “oh, man – you totally have to talk to Jeremy.” If you are “the gay guy” at Ray’s, there is likely a sitcom in development for you. So it will be a soft landing for Jeremy.