Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Running on Empty

Some of you may remember my sojourn to the doctor\’s office this summer, when the doc told me my blood pressure was creeping into the danger zone.  This little bit of news kind of freaked me out, so I have done my best to at least get outside for a run a couple times a week.  I\’ve lost a little weight, but not much – as I refuse to stop eating like a 10 year-old boy.

It was only this week, however, that I went and bought one of these little chips that you can put in your shoe that tells you how far and how fast you\’re running.  It really is an amazing piece of technology – and a little creepy.  Now, when I\’m running, it feels like someone is watching me.  I always resist the temptation to stop, since I know the watchful chip will tsk tsk me when I upload the data to my computer.

The chart below details the speed from my run yesterday.  As you can see, about the 2.5 mile mark I slowed down significantly – this was because it had snowed in the morning and Regent Street was still covered in ice.  Had I not slowed down, the line would have gone all the way to the bottom, as I would have cracked my head on the sidewalk and died.  Then someone would have stolen my chip, gone home, and claimed that 2.5 miles as their own.


Perhaps the most fun of this technological advance will be seeing the chart after I pass a hot girl on one of my runs.  You\’ll be able to tell when I speed up significantly, as the line will spike at the moment I suck in my gut and pretend I\’m Roger f\’ing Bannister.  Lord knows it won\’t be because I\’m actually excited about exercise.

The more I think about this radio chip in my shoe, the more disillusioned I become.  I mean, we now have shoes that watch you while you run, a black president, the Brewers in the playoffs, and Jean-Claude Van Damme has made a movie that is getting rave reviews.  This is not a world of which I am familiar.

I\’m just hoping they don\’t make a new kind of chip that tracks how fast you are at other things.  That could be disastrous.

1 Comment

  1. forgotmyscreenname

    November 22, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    Please tell me the name of the product you bought. Thanks!

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