Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Wisconsin’s Health Care Crisis Solved

Sick of expensive medications and visits to the doctor?  Upset that the state hasn’t done enough to provide you with the health care you so richly deserve? The New England Journal of Medicine may have found the answer:

 They discovered Oscar the Cat, who apparently has the power to tell when people are going to die.  From a news account:

According to the author of a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, the two-year-old cat has been observed to be correct in 25 cases so far.

Staff now alert the families of residents when he sits down next to their ailing loved one.

“He doesn’t make many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die,” David Dosa, a professor at Brown University who carried out the research, told the Associated Press news agency.

So instead of going to the doctor, we can just have Oscar pay you a visit.  If he’s willing to go into your house, it’s time to start finalizing funeral arrangements.

Seriously, though – has anyone considered that Oscar might actually be killing these people?  It seems pretty coincidental that people he cuddles up to end up dying.  Someone needs to look into possible organized crime involvement here.

This isn’t unprecedented – it follows some research that suggested some dogs may be able to smell cancer, among other things.  I’m skeptical, however, because my dog seemed to find cancer in the rear ends of every other dog he ever encountered.

I imagine we’d have to put together a pretty lucrative package to lure Oscar to Wisconsin.  No word on whether any local hospitals offer domestic cat benefits.

1 Comment

  1. my choice is my voice…my choice is that people and die and their families never know why becauwse the health care auspices are running our state- WISCONSIN.

    A Free WI would not cow-tow to an agency that has grown to demonic proprtion…free would be to stand up for the choice of the Republic which is Free Religion and Free economic flow…stability, win, lose draw at the cost of what the market will bare….no t what the medical mafia demands. not what , by banding together and fixing prices they can assure themselves.

    a FREE WISCONSIN would never let St. Lukes earn 170 million dollars in profit under the auspices of TAX EXEMPT, while my business paid taxes in the black and the RED!


    a free wisconsin would say, ya know what they’re doing with all that extra money?????? PAYING THE POLITICIANS TO


    paid for by me, pissed of and honest

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