Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist


I don\’t even know if there\’s really a joke here, but this video is instructive…


This kid seems to be the most depressed masturbator ever. It looks like he\’s thinking about 9-11 while he\’s strangling the ostrich. And couldn\’t the mom spring for a magazine, as long as she\’s that open minded about the whole deal?


  1. Bruce Dierbeck

    June 8, 2007 at 1:39 am

    I was not ready for just how hilarious that clip was going to be.

    That extreme close-up of the boy 8 seconds into it is the most disturbing part! Could he be any more depressed looking?! He has a look on his face, as though his mom told him that for every stroke, a unicorn would get de-horned and a butterfly’s wings torn off.

    And the music … for a second, I was waiting for the lyrics, “Hello darkness, my old friend …”

  2. Mr. Pelican Pants

    June 8, 2007 at 1:47 pm

    Gee…that kids’ room sure could use a woman’s touch. But I will say she’s very polite as he’s punching the clown.

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