For those of you who are childless, be warned that your \”movie nights\” come to a screeching halt upon the birth of your kid. So when there\’s a movie I really want to see, I generally have to go by myself. That\’s how pathetic my life is – I can\’t even get a date with my wife.
So I went alone and paid the eight bucks, and I treated myself to some soda and popcorn. I figured if I spent enough money, there\’d be chance I would be able to get some action with myself later that night. Then I realized that\’s what got Pee Wee Herman in trouble.
I love that they ask you whether you want butter flavoring on your popcorn. Well, duh. I usually challenge the manhood of the awkward teen behind the counter, saying something snide like \”If I walk out of that theater alive, there wasn\’t enough butter on the popcorn.\” They always appreciate that. One day, I actually bought a new shirt at Land\’s End, put it on, and went to a movie that night. When I got home, I realized the shirt had been soaked with butter from stray kernels, and was completely ruined. It remains unwearable to this day, although I\’m hanging on to it in case butter flavoring stains make a big comeback.
As for the movie? It was okay.
Next up: SNAKES ON A MOTHERF***\’IN PLANE!