\"\" I have a friend who has an unnatural infatuation with Mariah Carey. Trust me, I can\’t explain it.

A few years ago, he started to get excited about her career bottoming out. Her records weren\’t selling, her movie was a bomb, her marriage was breaking up, and she was taking crazy pills. She was heading in a direction that many washed up famous women opt to take… an appearance in Playboy. In fact, in 2002, Vegas had 2 to 1 odds of it happening. Stock prices for airbrush companies surged. The nation waited, patiently.

Then, unexpectedly, Carey\’s career began to pick up again, culminating in today\’s announcement that she leads the field in Grammy nominations for 2005. This is terrible news for my buddy, as a Grammy nomination sets any Playboy appearance back at least three years. In fact, he has a better chance of seeing Drew Carey naked in that time.

So enjoy being clothed, Mariah. It\’s just a matter of time. As for me, I\’m hoping this whole Christina Applegate resurgence is just a brief anomaly.

And yes, I am 12 years old.