Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

The Perils of an Undercover Lover

Tonight, I got hooked watching “Police Women of Broward County,” which is your typical COPS-type show, just with kick-ass peroxide blondes.

\"\"I was particularly interested in a storyline about an undercover prostitution sting, where they took one of the female cops and had her serve as “john bait” in a hotel room.  They used 48 year-old detective Julie Bower, who features an enormous mop of crimped blonde hair.

To start the sting, she had to put her own prostitution ad on Craigslist, complete with photo and everything.  Within ten minutes of placing the ad, she started to get calls.  Naturally, she was falsely modest, saying she didn’t expect to get calls so soon.

But that got me thinking – what if you’re involved in one of these sting operations, put one of your ads up, and don’t get any calls at all?  Like, everyone in the police force is sitting around the phone, and it never rings?  I’d imagine that would be fairly embarrassing.  I would actually feel bad that none of these creepy guys thought I was hot enough.  I mean, these lonely dudes will stoop to anything – but not you.  You’d start blaming the picture, saying it made your butt look too big, or it was out of focus or something.  (It would be even more embarrassing if you used a picture that you already had posted on Facebook.)

What’s funny is that once it came time for her to actually go undercover, the cameras went to her house to show her picking just the right slutty clothes to wear.  And as it turns out, she had a whole closet of them.  Like, it took her an hour to pick just the right whorish pants.

At one point, she actually said she had the option of picking out clothes from the police station, but decided to go with her own.  Can you imagine this discussion?

Captain: “Now in order to be believable, we want you to look super slutty.  Like, a real, genuine whore.  And not a high-end one – one that will do pretty much anything for twenty bucks.  Like a really, really dirty one.  So head on down to wardrobe.”

Julie: “No thanks, Cap.  I got this one.”

In any event, they managed to nab a couple guys.  It always surprises me how stupid and desperate these guys can be.  It seemed fairly obvious that she was trying to get them to express verbally what would be going on, in order to get it on video – to the point where it was awkward.  In the rare instance I ever fooled a woman into such activities, I can assure you we didn’t sit down and map out how it was all going to go down.  (Primarily because it might creep them out I set aside a couple minutes for crying.)

It does go to show what a thin line prostitution is, though.  I\’m pretty sure that if any of these guys had met Detective Julie Bower in a bar and bought her $20 worth of drinks, they\’d probably have gotten the same thing they sought in that hotel room.

1 Comment

  1. Tremendous post!

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