Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Wisconsin Needs a Bit of Brit

So by now, you’ve most likely seen the video of European Parliament member Daniel Hannan excoriating British Prime Minister Gordon Brown on the issue of deficit spending.  It hit the internet a week ago, but in today’s news cycle, it seems like it’s a year old already.

It appears that Hannan has become a favorite of conservative TV talk shows – showing up on Hannity, Glenn Beck, Neil Cavuto and others.  Here’s a clip of him on “Morning Joe:”

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Clearly, the appeal of Hannan’s speech was that he consisely articulated what many people have been saying about the economy all along.  But why do we all of a sudden revere a guy who really didn’t say anything that hasn’t already been said?

BECAUSE HE HAS AN ENGLISH ACCENT.

It’s true.  We here in America take anything British people much more seriously.  And there’s nothing we like more than to have the English deliver us bad news.

Think about it – on a show called AMERICAN Idol, Simon Cowell, a Brit, dishes out brutal, demeaning reviews to contestants.  And we eat it up.  He’s by far the most popular judge.  Remember that “Weakest Link” show, with the mean old British lady that yelled at people?  And doesn’t “Dancing With the Stars” have a British judge?  And “America’s Got Talent?”  (Perhaps the most ironically titled show on TV, as it is hosted by David Hasselhoff.)

This hits a sore spot for me, as I have spent months of my life killing brain cells, sitting at my laptop, wailing about the sorry state of Wisconsin state government.  Instead of cranking out report after report after report, I should have just done the easier thing – just start faking a British accent.  (This entire paragraph has been typed with an English accent – but you could probably already tell that.)  Suddenly, I could do a fraction of the work and be taken ten times as seriously.

Or, I could just import someone – this might be a good time to get my girlfriend Keira Knightley to come to Wisconsin to warn of the dangers of socialized medicine.  Better yet – since Johnny Depp spent like $30 million of our tax money on haircuts while he was here filming “Public Enemies” last year, we could have him pay us back by dressing up like Cap’n Jack Sparrow, adopting the accent, and lecturing our State Legislature on the dangers of utilizing debt for ongoing appropriations.  It’s FOOLPROOF.

2 Comments

  1. Daniel Hannan may very well be the most articulate politician I have ever heard. All Americans should be thanking him for warning the citizens of both the UK and the US of the disasterous course on which we are both headed. It’s obvious both countries are bleeding their private sectors dry to finance a massive expansion of government. Common sense tells us that generating private sector wealth is the only way an economy can sustain itself and grow. Furthermore common sense also tells us that government consumes wealth. So the question is how long can the consummers of wealth, government, continue when the provider of that wealth is starving. The answer: not long. Next question: when will the American and British voters wake up. When will they elect politicians that support the wealth generators and force the wealth consummers to shrink??

  2. Mike Schneider

    April 8, 2009 at 9:54 am

    The hardest part of your British accent proposal will be convincing your mother and father that they are from England. Other than that, I like the idea.

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