Over the weekend, my lovely wife and I went to see \”The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.\” I thought it was actually pretty good, and I have to admit that I got a little misty at the end. As everyone knows by now, it stars Brad Pitt as a man who is born as an 80-year old and ages backwards – so when he\’s 5 years old, he has the body of a 75 year-old, and when he\’s 75, he has the body of a 5 year-old. You get the picture.
The movie only spends a brief time on Pitt\’s real age (65). And Cate Blanchett doesn\’t show a single wrinkle until she turns 50. But the technical accomplishments are amazing – it actually distracts from the movie quite a bit. When you should be making some emotional connection, you\’re instead wondering \”how the hell did they do that?\” My wife and I debated which was probably harder – making Brad Pitt look 75, or making him look 16. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves at home.
Of course, the whole storyline of a man aging backwards is implausible. But when we got home from the flick, I looked at my 3-year old son in a completely different way. I began to realize that it\’s entirely possible that he is actually 77 years old. In fact, it\’s likely, given the time-tested torture techniques he uses against me and my wife. I\’m guessing he was once a young officer in the KGB, learning all the painful ways to extract information from political prisoners.
For instance, he has gotten into a habit of running up to you, shaking his tail in your face, and yelling \”BOOTY BUTT!\” And he stays on that line for a good half hour.
Sure it may sound cute – but I\’m pretty sure that is the same method used by Mao Zedong to punish political dissidents. And how would my son know that?
Think about it. You should probably call in sick to work today to contemplate it, actually.
He has also taken to repeating the words of this song over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, AND OVER. As I wrote in my Christmas letter, cultural anthropologists will one day look at my son as the child who changed the saying from \”terrible twos\” to \”daddy needs a drink threes.\”
THAT\’S NOT MY NAME!
THAT\’S NOT MY NAME!