It appears I have kept my decades-long streak of displeasing the ladies alive.

Today, the League of Women Voters issued a release critical of my column of last week, where I argue that trying to make legislative districts “electorally competitive” actually gives Assembly Democrats an eight-seat head start come election time. Otherwise, African-American votes are diluted and civil rights litigation hilarity ensues. In effect, this gives Democrats an eight seat “handicap,” a golf metaphor that appears to be lost on Andrea Kaminski, the author of the LWV release.

In their release, the LWV argues… well… actually, I’m not exactly sure what they’re arguing. Their main talking point seems to be that I don’t have anything to write about. They’re probably right in that respect. Maybe we can set up a public debate where we argue the merits of my workload. Other than that, they don’t seem to make any point that refutes anything I said in the column. For the sake of clarity, let me boil it down:

• When you make electoral competitiveness a standard for legislative redistricting, it is impossible to make inner-city districts competitive. Doing so would require diluting the African-American vote, a strategy of segregationists.

• As a result, there are at least eight Assembly districts (and at least two Senate districts) that will be exempt from the competitiveness standard. This gives Democrats an eight-seat head start in legislative elections.

Ms. Kaminski reiterates her support for having an “independent” board drawing district lines, since the Legislature can’t be trusted to do so. In fact, the courts actually set the boundaries every decade. The Legislature generally writes their plan, then it goes to court, where judges eventually draw the lines. It has been this way in every redistricting since at least 1974.

In any event, I am honored to now be Public Enemy #1 over at the League of Women Voters. They are welcome to get in line – it forms on the left.

See which part you think I improvised:

Pulitzer Prize winning author David Maraniss was also on the show. As I’ve mentioned before, he’s one of my favorite authors – and I got a chance to shake hands with him on his way out of the studio.

In June of 2005, with the impending selection of Andrew Bogut with the #1 pick by the Bucks, I put together the team’s “All White Stiff” team. It looked like this:

Paul Mokeski
Randy Breuer
Jack Sikma
Larry Krystkowiak
Fred Roberts
Brad Lohaus
Frank Brickowski
Danny Schayes
Mark Pope
Joel Pryzbilla

I left off Toni Kukoc, as he was European and didn’t count. And I’m happy to announce the addition of Jake Voskuhl to the list. My fingers were crossed that they’d snag Brian Butch with their second round pick.

In any event, the Bucks returned to their roots tonight with the selection of Joe Alexander. I actually think it’s a really good pick. We keep hearing about what a great athlete Alexander is – I watched plenty of his games this year, and I think he has a lot more vertical athleticism than lateral. But near the end of the year, he was one of the best players in the country. He carried West Virginia through the Big East tournament and through a couple NCAA tourney games in impressive fashion. It also appears that he plays with a bit of a mean streak, which I’m always a fan of. I specifically remember him making a block during the NCAA tournament and glaring at the guy whose shot he threw.

Of course, I think the Bucks’ best work was done earlier in the day, when they traded Yi Jianlian and the corpse of Bobby Simmons to the New Jersey Nets for Richard Jefferson. RJ will give them some athleticism and defense at the small forward position, as well as some decent scoring punch. I had thought getting rid of Simmons’ horrible contract would be near impossible, but John Hammond managed not only to pull it off, but get an all-star in return. Those of you who read my draft night meltdown last year may remember that I’m not a fan of Chairman Yi, so I’m not shedding any tears that he’s gone.

And there’s no chance the Bucks are done dealing. Defensive dead weight like Charlie Villanueva is as good as gone. With the Bucks in desperate need of a pass-first point guard and a guy like Kirk Hinrich out there to be had, it only makes sense that Hammond would make a play there. Sure, they could have drafted a point guard, but guys like Bayless and Gordon are in the Mo Williams mold – and DJ Augustin is a midget.

Other draft night observations:

It was a bad night for Travis Diener. Not only did the Indiana Pacers trade for T.J. Ford to run the point, they traded for Jerryd Bayless to back him up. Diener actually played quite a bit for the Pacers last year, and did a serviceable job when Jamaal Tinsley got hurt. Now it’s pretty clear he’ll be looking for a new team.

ESPN went on and on and on about how they were setting draft “records” for all the freshmen being taken in the first round. First of all, draft “records” are completely meaningless, so it boggles the mind that they would spend so much time talking about them. Secondly, it’s the second year of the requirement that players play in college for a year, so all the players that would have skipped college before are now freshmen. So of course there are going to be more freshmen drafted. ESPN owes me a half hour of my life back.

Can Jay Bilas discuss a draft pick without discussing someone’s wingspan? What on God’s earth does that have to do with anything? At one point, he tried to talk up Virginia guard Sean Singleton by saying he had a longer wingspan than Allen Iverson. Really? Then he must be a Hall of Famer, too.

The extra attention the Knicks get simply because the draft takes place in New York has got to stop. Yes, we know their fans always boo their pick. Yes, we know the team stinks. But this attitude that somehow New York fans “deserve” a winning team simply because they’re in New York is complete nonsense.

How easy is “foreign correspondent” Fran Fraschilla’s job? Just plug a player’s name into these sentences: “[NAME] is really young, but he’s got a lot of raw ability and the [TEAM WHO DRAFTED HIM] are going to be able to stash him away in Europe for a couple years while he gets better.” That’s pretty much it. For EVERY foreign player. Pretty soon, Europe is going to be the favorite place to hide for seven footers and serial killers.

The person I feel most sorry for tonight? Dominic James. Just think – at about midnight tonight, he could have been celebrating being the first pick in the Developmental League draft.

Here’s the audio of me on Wisconsin Public Radio discussing 3rd party candidates. I was at the Memorial Union Terrace last night, so you can tell I start off a little groggy.

Okay, a quick admission – occasionally, I google my name to see what people are saying about me on blogs. Don’t judge me – you know you’ve done it too.

In any event, this morning I found out this wonderful tidbit about some German dude named Christian Schneider:

From Wikipedia:

“I Am Your Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song)” is a novelty dance song by German composer Christian Schneider and released by Gummibear International that received international and internet meme success, in part, due to its corresponding 30-second video clip.[4][5] The song has since been released in at least seven languages and has virally spread worldwide with more than 30 million plays of the corresponding videos on YouTube and MySpace.[4] With the song ready-made for ringtone use one critic commented “he’s the ultimate cross-platform, cross-cultural phenomenon YouTube was designed to unleash.”

Naturally, I had to see this “Gummy Bear Song” that bizarro Schneider had composed. Here it is:

“Hey Jude” it ain’t.

I’ve always thought one of the keys to racial reconciliation in our country would be for people of all races to figure out what they have in common. In this case, I think we can all agree that no matter what color or creed you are, we can all get together to loathe Europeans. Unity!

About a week ago, the Today Show was on in the background as the Shuff-haus was getting ready for the day when one of my favorite things occurred. Today aired a segment it’s producers likely would have been deemed completely non-newsworthy if not for the sensational video they had.

The seven minute story was about jerky teen boys playing Fire in the Hole. Apparently FITH is the act of ordering a soda at the drive thru, yelling “fire in the hole” and then pretending your soda is a grenade and the server is Charlie peeking out of a tunnel in ‘Nam. Now teenage boys being destructive and mean may happen all the time, but it becomes national news when they have videotaped their A-holishness and posted it on YouTube.

Now some TV programs, like Maximum Exposure and World’s Wildest Police Videos, are up front about their products. They show shocking and titillating videos because they know viewers can’t turn away. There is no moralizing or any attempt to find some deeper truth. It’s, “check out these awesome explosions and skateboard accidents.” I enjoy these shows and so do you, whether you admit it or not.

But the Today Show fancies itself as being a little more high-brow than that. We’re news, dammit! So what we got instead was a very serious Matt Lauer interviewing a FITH victim and condemning these mean teen boys. Taking a cue from a Bart’s People segment, Lauer runs up the score by lamenting, “here’s a hardworking single mom just trying to earn a living” who doesn’t deserve this kind of abuse. Well no kidding she doesn’t deserve it, Matt! But she’s not on your show so you can make your bold defense of hardworking single moms. She’s on your show so you can play over two dozen clips of drive thru workers getting humiliated with Mountain Dew facials! (I counted.)

“Oh gosh, that’s just terrible the way you got drenched with pop. Let’s see that again. OK, now once more in slo-mo. Oh, that’s just awful, this video we’re showing over and over again that will get people buzzing and boost our ratings. Oh that’s just awful. You didn’t deserve that. Don’t run that clip again. OK, maybe just once more.”

National TV news does this kind of thing all the time. Just once I’d like some honesty like, “OK, here’s what we have for you tonight. First, we have some gently-edited Obama campaign talking points. Next we have some alarmist stuff about a disease you’ll never catch. Then we’re going to do a story about porn later. C’mon, you know you’re intrigued. Stick around to see provocative clips where we’ve fuzzed out just enough nudity so we won’t lose our FCC license.”

And speaking of honesty, here’s something else I’d like to see. I’d like every national news broadcast to start out with the reporters and anchors announcing who they voted for in the last elections. Government officials have to release information about their business and investment dealings so the public can be assured they aren’t doing things to line their pockets. Similar disclosure from the mainstream media would be nice so the public would be constantly reminded that decisions about what is presented as news and how that news is reported is coming from liberals.

OK, I got a little sidetracked there. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, someone needs to throw a soda at Matt Lauer.

Tomorrow morning (Wednesday, June 25th,) I’ll be on the Joy Cardin show from 7 to 8 AM to discuss third party candidates in Wisconsin. It’s a follow up to this piece I wrote for the Wisconsin Interest magazine. Be sure to tune in, and call if you want to chat.

Last week, George Lightbourn and I released a report that demonstrated that the proposed “Healthy Wisconsin” government health plan would run a large deficit. As expected, proponents of the plan pushed back – yet without addressing any of the concerns raised in the report.

I chuckled when I saw the following quote from State Senator Jon Erpenbach in Friday’s Wispolitics REPORT, referencing the study:

I don’t know where they’re getting their numbers, and second of all I’d like to know who backs them financially on this stuff. - Healthy Wisconsin sponsor Sen. Jon Erpenbach, D-Middleton, on the WPRI report.

First of all, it’s pretty easy to figure out where we got our numbers, since we lay that all out in the report, which Erpenbach clearly didn’t read. In fact, most of our data comes from the Lewin Reports on both the Wisconsin Health Plan and Healthy Wisconsin – reports which Erpenbach himself commissioned and uses to bolster his plan. Maybe he should get around to reading those, too, since he paid for them.

In fact, the math is pretty easy – the state Department of Revenue expects incomes to rise at 4.6% per year over the next 10 years. The Lewin Group expects health care costs to rise 6.5% per year over that same time. That creates a gap that has to be funded – and the Lewin Group itself says the plan will have to raise taxes in the future to make up the deficit. If Erpenbach disagrees with that premise, perhaps he should get his money back from the Lewin folks.

The second irrelevant criticism leveled at our report is to question our funding. This is even more entertaining, since people who spend all day polluting comment threads on blogs somehow aren’t able to perform a Google search to research WPRI’s funding. But, of course, this is all just a sideshow to distract people from the actual criticisms of the plan that we level – since proponents of the plan don’t really have an answer. Regardless of our funding (and honestly, I don’t even really know much about it), the facts are the facts – just ask the group commissioned by Jon Erpenbach to research the issue.

And as long as we’re on the funding issue, it might be instructive to look at who’s funding Jon Erpenbach’s effort to get Healthy Wisconsin passed. You may remember last year, when Erpenbach may have violated state law by co-mingling lobbyist money with his campaign funds to produce a poll showing support for Healthy Wisconsin.

From the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel:

Lawmakers who joined with interest groups to conduct a poll on a proposed universal health care plan might have violated campaign finance laws by taking money from groups not authorized to make political contributions.

State Elections Board Executive Director Kevin Kennedy hadn’t seen all the details of the arrangement Tuesday but said Senate Majority Leader Judy Robson (D-Beloit) and Sen. Jon Erpenbach (D-Middleton) might have benefited from special-interest funds that aren’t allowed into the electoral process.

The two senators contributed campaign funds toward a poll also bankrolled by groups that cannot give to candidates.

If the interest groups had paid for the poll themselves and simply given it to the senators, there would be no trouble, Kennedy said. Potential problems have arisen because the poll combined political and non-political money.

“Our concern would be to make sure non-political money wasn’t providing a political benefit” to the senators, Kennedy said.

Oops. Maybe Erpenbach, who thinks we should use taxpayer money to run political campaigns in order to lessen the influence of lobbyists, should start the effort by actually adhering to the law himself.

It’s panic time, folks.  The Green Bay Packers apparently turned a 10.5% profit last year.  Not because the team was any good or provided the fans with a product that they were willing to pay for,  but because the franchise is simply greedy.  We’re being gouged by Big Packalope.

Perhaps if we levy an excessive profits tax on the team, they’ll get better.  We need to make sure they don’t have any money to improve the team – that way, I might end up as third string quarterback.

Shame on both you and me. Here we’ve been going on, living our daily lives, without recognizing that the single greatest television show in our lifetimes is currently airing deep down on the cable channel dial.

I am talking, of course, about “My Big Redneck Wedding,” which currently airs on CMT (formerly known as Country Music Television, I think.) Each episode features a set of two self-described “rednecks” planning their wedding – generally on a budget akin to what you spend on pizza every month.

I can’t do the whole series justice in just one post, but let me describe just one episode, in which Gail and John from Maryland get married:

• John proposes to Gail by writing “Marry Me” in urine on the street.

• John constructs a wedding arch out of beer cans, which is used in the ceremony.

• As his wedding gift to his wife, John gets a stuffed animal out of an arcade claw machine.

• John and Gail get married upstairs in a flea market.

• Centerpieces are made by stuffing flowers into Budweiser tall boy cans.

• Before the ceremony, Gail can’t find her dentures, and John’s mother offers to lend Gail hers.

Yet the high point of the episode occurs when John sits down with his grandmother to write out his wedding vows. They read as follows:

I wish I could put your love in a locket;
Because you’re hotter than a hot pocket;
We did it in the back seat, we did it in the zoo;
I don’t care where we do it, as long as it’s with you.

Like manna from heaven, YouTube has provided me with a clip of this inspired poet at work. And be sure to catch the last line of the clip, in which I’m pretty sure John means to say “Thesaurus.”

I have about four more episodes waiting for me on TiVo, so I better get to them ASAP. And when you’re watching with tears streaming down your face, as I was, feel free to cut me a check to thank me for the tip.

A friend alerted me to the fact that there appears to be a music festival coming to Madison this September. It has been dubbed the Forward Music Fest, and features a couple of my faves, Neko Case and Bob Mould.

What I found funny is the quote the festival organizers used to promote Neko:

“I’m a die-hard Neko Case loyalist, so it should surprise nobody that I went to see her at the Barrymore last night. The show was sensational – and I can’t really describe what it was like for fear of sounding too much like a lovestruck teenager. Let’s just say I was catatonic – other people in my area were dancing and clapping, and I stood frozen with my hands jammed into my pockets. She’s just impossibly good.”

What music expert wrote that? Well, it was this genius.

So I’m thinking that at the very least, the use of this quote to promote the show has earned me a backstage pass. I’m fairly certain that when people see this show gets my seal of approval, it will bring hundreds of new bodies in the door. Let the letter writing campaign begin.

For those of you who haven’t seen me recently (that means most people, I think), I am sporting a lush, flowing urban beard. My original thinking was that a beard was a good way to go incognito, but I have recently begun to think that it actually makes more people look at you, which wasn’t the intent.

What I figured out tonight, however, is that a beard is completely incompatible with eating corn on the cob. The family grilled out tonight, complete with steak and corn. And by the end of the meal, I believe half my food had nestled comfortably in my facial hair. I wiped my face with a napkin, thinking that would do the trick. But an hour later, I actually had to go into the bathroom and shampoo my beard in the sink to get the smell to go away. (At the time, my two year old son was doing his Beavis and Butthead impression while trying to go potty, and he stopped to look at me, as if I was the weirdo.)

Incidentally, the beard will be making its world debut on the “Here and Now” show this week, but it has yet to decide what it wants to talk about. What I do know is that the beard is already being difficult, demanding the TV set be catered with corn on the cob.

UPDATE: Savvy commenter reminds me of this video. And it all comes full circle.

“You see, there’s a point in the song where we mention the devil, and we think the viewers may not get the reference, so put this devil costume on and walk around.”

Today, WPRI released a report which discusses the Healthy Wisconsin health plan proposed by Senate Democrats.  The report, written by George Lightbourn and yours truly, makes two main points:

• Healthy Wisconsin is government-run health care; and

• Healthy Wisconsin will run large deficits, since personal income won’t keep up with health care costs.

Most informed observers would have the following reaction to the report:

“Well, DUH!”

This is actually a fairly reasonable response.  But I should mention a couple things that justify the need for this report.  First of all, the authors of the Healthy Wisconsin plan maintain that it isn’t government health care.  Take the following quote from Senator Jon Erpenbach:”We didn’t want it where it was a government-run type of system.  We wanted to keep it in the private sector.”

With statements like that framing the debate, we thought it necessary to show that the plan is, indeed, government-run health care, and that it would have a massive effect on other government-run programs.

Furthermore, the fact that it is government health care is relevant beyond just making the plan’s authors look wrong.  The fact that the program will likely run large deficits will have a largely negative effect on other public sector health programs, and would likely force higher taxes to plug the deficit.  The Lewin Group actuarial report,  which Senate Democrats use to support their plan, actually concedes that taxes will have to be raised in the future beyond the levels authorized in the plan.

Yet perhaps the most interesting part of the report is the reaction it has received since its release this morning.  Plan proponents, such as the group One Wisconsin Now, have proven themselves completely incapable of discussing the merits of the plan.  They laughably fall back on the old tried and true talking points, such as how “Big Oil” is responsible for all this.  Like 3rd graders, they go after co-author George Lightbourn, calling him “bankrupt.”  I’m surprised they somehow couldn’t work Alberto Gonzalez into their talking points.

My only reaction to this is to express a little disappointment they didn’t go after me, too.  I feel a little left out, seeing as I am clearly morally bankrupt.  Maybe I should e-mail them some examples so I can work my way into their next release.

Plan author Jon Erpenbach also issued a press release denouncing the report.  In their defense, you have to give both Erpenbach and One Wisconsin Now credit for their consistency – neither of them actually read a word of our report.  Both issue sweeping bromides about health care for all and such, yet never approach the actual subject matter of the report.

So for those of you brave enough to actually read the report, criticisms are certainly welcome.  But the main theses of the study are fairly solid, and even backed by data that supporters of Healthy Wisconsin are themselves circulating as support for their program.

In an effort to pretend like they’re doing something to alleviate the city’s homeless problem, the Madison City Council last night voted to ban the sale of certain quantities of liquor in some downtown stores.  Basically, they won’t be able to sell less than a six pack of beer or malt liquor (except imports or microbrews), fortified wine and less than a pint of liquor.  This is an attempt to make it more difficult for the transients downtown to get cheap liquor.

In effect, all it will do is make sure that when the bums get enough money, they’ll just have to buy more liquor at one time.  It will do nothing to stop the harassing behavior they inflict on the residents downtown.  It will also make it more of a hassle for non-alcoholics to purchase liquor, as downtown residents will have to buy in larger quantities.  They will also have to pay more to procure their fine fortified wines, such as Wild Irish Rose and Thunderbird.  (For a full listing of the finest fortified wines, visit Bumwine.com.)

Of course, the council doesn’t have the guts to do anything serious about the homeless in Madison, even after high profile murders have been linked to the transient population.  The State Journal article about last night’s ban spells it out:

On Tuesday, Scott Thornton appealed to the council to extend the ban into his 6th District, where he said intoxicated people disturb and scare residents, leave cans strewn on the sidewalks, urinate in public and even threw up on his Christmas wreath last winter.

Hey, here’s an idea – how about you start arresting people? Does anyone actually believe making bums buy extra liquor at one time is going to solve any of these problems?

So thank you, government, for making my life better by increasing the cost of things I buy.  You’ve done such a good job with gas prices, it only makes sense to keep going from there.