Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Only in Dreams

Just for the record: I am 100% against people telling me about their dreams. If someone in your office begins a sentence with \”Last night I had this dream…\” it is your duty to throw on the headphones and pretend to be working on an Excel spreadsheet or something. Otherwise, you\’re going to be treated to some rambling, incoherent recitation of a meaningless dream about a purple crocodile eating a donut or something.

That being said, last night I had a dream about a celebrity that caused me to think. It was a female celebrity (I won\’t say who – you haven\’t heard of her), that I never would have considered to be a candidate for one of my dreams (it\’s a pretty high standard). In fact, until that dream, nothing really stood out about her – she was fairly unremarkable, or so I thought.

But the dream now has caused me to rethink things – is the little man in my subconscious mind telling me something about this person that I need to be more consciously cognizant of? Does this person possess some trait that I find attractive that I was just never aware of? Of all the potential dream subjects, why did my brain pick this person?

I had this discussion with myself my freshman year of college, when I had a dream about a girl I knew in high school. She was an acquantaince, someone I kind of knew in passing. And I never really considered that she might be attractive. But then I had this dream, and wondered if my brain was trying to tell me something. Was my subconscious telling me that I should be paying more attention to her? Was my inner Chuck Woolery trying to make a love connection?

I immediately pulled out a pen and paper and wrote her a letter – she had gone to Boston University. Of course, I didn\’t mention the dream – I just tried to be friendly. Kind of a \”hey, how ya doin\” type of thing. Naturally, I never heard back. In fact, she probably never even got it (not like e-mail today, where you can instantly make an ass out of yourself).

\"\"Of course, this all would have been easier had my brain told me this when I still saw her every day in high school. That goes to show you how lazy I am – even my own subconscious can\’t get around to making recommendations about potential girlfriends until it\’s a year too late. Of course, late is better than never, as Dream Chris was the only one getting any action at the time. Maybe a year from now my subconscious will show up to make me feel guilty about secretly being hot for Lois Griffin.

The worst is when you have a dream about a co-worker, and things get really weird when you show up at work the next day – for no reason at all. They\’ll be going about their day, while you\’ll be looking at them in an entirely new way. Of course, telling them about the dream virtually guarantees that they will never speak to you again. But it\’s not your fault – you didn\’t pick them. You can\’t control what you dream about – otherwise, I\’d dream of nothing but being stranded on an island with a machine that makes double whoppers. With cheese.

1 Comment

  1. Cool it Christian… or your wife will have to put a leash on you… not that there is anything wrong with that.

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