In a press release today, State Senate candidate John Lehman vows to go after “corporate tax dodgers.”

Seriously, is the word “dodger” really a phrase Lehman thinks he should be using?

Both Charlie Sykes and Patrick McIlheran have commented on WPR talk show host Ben Merens’ column this weekend in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, but I thought I’d add an observation. In the piece, Merens argues that somehow debate doesn’t actually take place during election seasons, and his show is the only one that talks about the issues, blah, blah, blah.

I suspect Merens’ frustration stems, in part, from this interview he conducted with gubernatorial candidate Mark Green. Listen to Merens as he plays the role of Doyle campaign spokesman, peppering Green with follow-up questions that are either not relevant, or show a misunderstanding of the issue they are discussing. Observe as he can’t totally grasp the idea of spending more money in schoolrooms rather than on school administration – you could pull a guy off a barstool at three in the afternoon, and he’d get how it works.

Of course, all the callers are likely university professors sitting at home with the munchies, so Green wasn’t getting a fair shake to begin with. But you can hear Merens’ voice drip with exasperation when Green gives answers that actually don’t make him sound like he wants to burn down hospitals for dyslexic puppies. Merens badgers Green to come up with programs he would cut to balance the budget. If I were Green, I would have simply said “I’d start with this radio show.”

There is a larger point here, too, that Patrick touches on. Public radio exists solely because nobody listens to it. If people did listen to it, it wouldn’t need tax money to survive. Imagine the conceit inherent in the decision to provide public broadcasting: you have a product that can’t sustain itself on its own, but you think it is so important, you feel you have to use public money to keep it on life support. The ideas are just so good, that people have to be able to listen to them – even though nobody really wants to.

I am certainly opinionated, but I don’t for a second think any of my ideas are so profound that they deserve public funding. I, of course, think conservative ideas are mostly pretty good. But it wouldn’t in my wildest dreams occur to me that somehow public tax dollars should support a conservative radio station, in the event stations like WTMJ and WISN weren’t available.

(Dork Alert) And if we are willing to throw around public money for things only a few people listen to, then I may be one step closer to my dream of a radio show featuring Jennifer Connelly reading passages from H.L. Mencken. That might be my giant bag of popcorn equivalent.

In the event that I ever do drop the whole lame anonymity schtick, I’ve been trying to keep tabs on people that are likely to burn my house down when they find out who I am. And most of them probably have a point.

Anyway, looking back through some old posts, these are people who may justifiably hate my guts:

1. Mike McCabe*
2. Neil Heinen*
3. Dave Magnum*
4. Paul Barrows*
5. John Nichols*
6. Ahmad Carroll*
7. Reverend Sue Moline Larson*
8. Vanilla Ice*

(* denotes that I don’t care)

I may be leaving people out, but there are a lot of people that I joke about toward which I don’t really harbor any ill will. If anyone else wants to be added to this list, feel free to nominate yourself in the comments section.

Oh, and my wife Weezie wants to do a “Counterpoint” column arguing that I’m too hard on Neil Heinen. I figure it’s probably enough that I just mention it here.

You know you’re officially a parent when you look at the Wiggles website and swear out loud when you find out they’re not bringing their live show anywhere near your hometown.

I am now going to put my head in the oven.

I was going to comment on the ubiquitous John Mellencamp Chevy commercials that feature Rosa Parks, Hurrican Katrina, and 9/11 images to sell trucks, but Bill Simmons at ESPN.com summed it up nicely:

That reminds me, we didn’t get a breakout promo for a new Fox show this month (although “Justice” feels like it’s about to break into an SNL sketch at any time), but after everything’s said and done, we’ll remember these playoffs for four haunting words: “This is our … country.” We couldn’t get away from the song all month in the Chevy ads, and about 109 days after it had become completely intolerable — seriously, what does Katrina footage have to do with me wanting to buy a Chevy? — they made us wait over a minute before Game 2′s pregame performance, which would have been the most horrifying moment of the playoffs if not for Bob Seger’s teeth on HDTV. I made a joke in a previous column about how John Mellencamp was gunning to replace Seger as the sellout rock artist of his generation, but this has taken on a life of its own.

In fact, I even spent a few minutes on his Web site recently hoping to find SOME explanation, even if it was something like, “Guys, I’m sorry, I’m going through a bad divorce, my wife took everything, it was either do these Chevy ads or declare for bankruptcy.” But here was his actual take on the song, courtesy this weekend of the Detroit Free-Press, which reported that a message on his Web site said: “I wrote this song to tell a story about some of the challenges our country faces and how our beliefs and ideals can help us meet them, a message of hope and tolerance. It’s a song that is all about standing up for the working people who are the backbone of our nation.”

Here’s how that same message reads on his Web site right now:

“About a year ago, I wrote this song to tell a story about some of the challenges our country faces and how our beliefs and ideals can help us meet them. This partnership with Chevy — an American company that is creating jobs and supporting our communities — makes perfect sense for a song that is all about standing up for the working people who are the backbone of our nation.”

Hmmmm … Quote No. 1 sure reads differently than Quote No. 2! But let’s assume that he meant everything he said in Quote No. 2, and that he’s not just shilling this song to make money and promote his new album that comes out in four months. And let’s factor in his outspoken views against the war in Iraq and our own government over the past few years (explained in this open letter). What does any of this have to do with a Chevy Silverado?

He can’t possibly expect us to believe the “partnership with an American company” angle, right? So was he thinking, “I’m not getting my political message across, maybe I’ll do it secretly through a Chevy ad?” Does he have a master plan to use these never-ending ads to increase his visibility, then use that visibility to take more shots at the government? Or am I putting way too much thought into this subject because they won’t stop showing the ads and they’re beginning to drive me crazy?

And in his most recent column:

On an unrelated note, I thoroughly enjoyed this e-mail from George in Chicago: “What is your problem with the ‘This is Our Country’ Chevy truck ads? Whoever thought that Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, the Vietnam War, Watergate, western wildfires, Hurricane Katrina, and 9/11 should be bunched together to sell a truck is a genius! When Chevy opens a new ad campaign for the Malibu, they should use the same song with a montage of the AIDS crisis, the Rodney King beating, Kurt Cobain’s suicide, the O.J. trial, the Oklahoma City bombing, the Columbine massacre, and the Abu Ghraib prison photos. You’re telling me you wouldn’t want to buy a Malibu after seeing that?”

UNRELATED SIDE NOTE: Courtney Love sold her share of the Nirvana music rights for $50 million. If you happen to take part in a Death Pool, Courtney Love with $50 million in her pocket is about as solid of a lock as there is. Add her to your list before it’s too late.

The national Republican Party is sending out an e-mail to bloggers that rips Tennessee U.S. Senate candidate Harold Ford. Only problem is, it shows that he’s awesome.

From the e-mail:

After denying he attended a playboy party numerous times, Harold Ford has finally decided to come clean, explaining “I like football and I like girls.”

You can see video here.

Now wait a minute – this is supposed to make him look bad? Of course, the charge is that he previously lied about attending the party, which I guess isn’t great. I’m confused about why he would feel the need to deny it in the first place. What I can guarantee is that Ford is about to receive a large special interest donation from the Tennessee Association of Blind Guys with Hairy Palms.

When they introduce another campaign finance reform bill at the federal level, I propose it contain a provision allowing candidates to lie at least once about whether they like naked women. And someone might want to check into Mark Foley’s claims that he never attended a boy scout jamboree.

The RNC is running a TV ad against Ford accusing him of cavorting with playmates and accepting money from porn producers. As I’ve argued before, there’s nothing wrong with accepting money from purveyors of porn – they have First Amendment rights, too. The only problem would occur when Ford introduces the “Give It To Me Harder Act of 2007″ as a reward.

I might have to run down to Tennessee and cast my vote for Ford. Do you need a photo ID down there?

I hadn’t planned on posting anything tonight, but I was compelled to based on a ridiculous documentary I just viewed from my treadmill. The PBS show “NOW” aired an appalling hour-long love letter to the campaign finance reform movement, which they refer to throughout the show as the “clean elections movement.” And of course, they claim it’s bipartisan, since they find some Republican named Woodcock that’s funding his gubernatorial campaign with taxpayer money.

I’d be surprised if 90% of the show isn’t spent cheerleading for full public financing of campaigns. And the other 10% features some barely functional egghead trying to explain the basic concept of why not allowing voters to speak is an infringement on free speech. Rarely has a documentary been so clueless about how actual campaigns are run.

If you can stomach it, you can follow the link to watch the full hour long video here. I think my wife thought I fell off the treadmill, I was yelling at the TV so much.

It seems fitting that a public television system that wastes taxpayer money on slanted garbage like NOW finds no problem in wasting taxpayer money to run political campaigns.

P.S. – On the main page, there’s a poll question that asks, “Are campaign contributions a form of free speech?” The results – “Yes,” 8%, “No” 86%. Any question about who watches PBS again?

I don’t really have much to say about the now infamous gubernatorial commercial featuring impartial observer Michael J. Fox that other blogs won’t cover in detail. With all the chatter it has produced, Doyle probably doesn’t need to run it a single time. I certainly think the ad says a lot more about Jim Doyle than it does about Michael J. Fox. One is a poor guy pleading for his life, while the other is willing to cash in on that desperation.

I was going to crack a joke about Doyle’s next ad being Tina Yothers pleading for stem cells to cure her fatness – she’s on Celebrity Fit Club 4 – which led to this instant messenger discussion with my pal Evil Grossmouth. We sound like we’re out getting our nails done at the salon.

York: Will stem cells cure Tina Yothers’ obesity?

York: She’s on “Celebrity Fit Club 4″

York: HUGE

Grossmouth: She was kind of huge right around Family Ties time, wasn’t she? or is that a recent thing?

York: I think that’s pretty recent.

Grossmouth: Interesting.

Grossmouth: By what definition is Tina Yothers a celebrity? (looks up VH1 Website)

Grossmouth: OK, so the Snapple Lady is a “celebrity” according to VH1

York: As is Ted Lange

Grossmouth: Who I have never heard of

York: Isaac the bartender on Love Boat!

Grossmouth: Good God.

Grossmouth: Who is Angie Stone?

York: Singer, I think

Grossmouth: Who is Bone Crusher?

York: I know the answer, but I am ashamed to admit it

York: He was in Bone Thugs n’ Harmony

Grossmouth: Is that chick from Wilson Phillips? I thought she just had stomach stapling
recently?

York: EXACTLY. Carnie Wilson – formerly known as Carne Asada.

York: How fair is it that she gets to be on this show?

Grossmouth: Who are Erika and Nick? I’ve never heard of any of these people.

Grossmouth: Tina Yothers looks like she’s auditioning for the role of Monica Lewinsky in a Bill Clinton biopic.

Grossmouth: And what would a fat show be without a guy from the Sopranos?

York: Carnie Wilson is officially the Barry Bonds of Celebrity Fit Club

Grossmouth: Everyone hates her?

York: She’s a damn cheater!

York: That would be like having a spelling bee where only one contestant gets to use all the letters

York: You can’t let someone who has had their stomach stapled on the show!

York: I’m outraged

Grossmouth: How must the doctor who did her surgery feel? Her presence on that show is a walking advertisement that he sucks as a doctor.

Grossmouth: By the way, you should just cut and paste this exchange and post it.

York: I may

Grossmouth: The public deserves to know this stuff

Washington (AP) – Surrounded by family and friends, first-term toddler Congressman Benjamin Forville (R-VA) today tearfully announced that he has, on more than one occasion, pooped his pants. For days, Forville had denied accusations from his mother that he had dropped a load in his big boy drawers, and he confessed to doing so emotionally on Thursday. “This is a painful day for me and my family,” said Forville, adding, “I would just hope now we can talk about the issues.”

The revelations of this impropriety sent shock waves through Washington, as it is believed that House leadership sat on this stool for some time. Rumors of a renegade lincoln log surfaced early last week on the floor of Congress, when the House was debating a defense appropriation. When members became aware of the breach, Congressman Chris Cannon of Utah demanded that everyone be inspected, which led to him sniffing the butts of both Speaker Dennis Hastert and Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi at close range.

This news comes at a particularly bad time for Congressional Republicans, who are fighting to retain control of the House and Senate. “Everyone knows that the Speaker of the U.S. House’s number one priority should be overseeing the personal lives of each of his members, not running the legislative business of the country,” said Pelosi. In fact, Congress recessed last week as Hastert ran to his office to call Forville to warn him not to rent “The Family Stone” if he intended on going to Blockbuster that night. “Unfortunately, he didn’t catch me in time, and I watched the whole disastrous thing,” said Forville. “That’s kind of on him,” he added.

Forville had been groomed from birth (three years ago) to represent Virginia’s 4th Congressional District. When he was two, his parents began showing him “Baby Feingold” DVDs, which teach infants the value of self-love and unwavering belief in their own moral and intellectual superiority (told with giraffe puppets). Potty training is mandatory for members of Congress, with the exception of 124 year-old Robert Byrd of West Virginia.

Forville blamed his vigilante stool on his love of double malt scotch, and immediately checked into the Super Grover Treatment Center for Preschool Alcoholism. He is currently being allowed to stay in the suite that is being reserved for Britney Spears’ children when they turn three.

I’m midway through Peter Baker and Susan Glasser’s excellent book Kremlin Rising: Vladimir Putin’s Russia and the End of Revolution, and I just had to pass on a couple of entertaining tidbits.

The overarching theme of the book is that Putin is no joke. From his KGB background to his imprisonment of independent publishers critical of the Kremlin, to his campaigns of misinformation, to his insistence on escalating the brutal war with Chechnya, it is clear that Putin does not F around. A couple stories, however, stand out as particularly interesting.

Many of you remember August 12th of 2000, when the Russian submarine Kursk sank. The sub, which was designed to destroy U.S. aircraft carriers, sunk to the bottom of the ocean when one of its own torpedoes exploded, instantly killing 118 of the crewmen.

The immediate reaction of Putin’s government was to deny anything bad had happened. As the facts became known in the days and weeks following the accident, the Kremlin continued its campaigns of misinformation, saying the sub may have been struck by an enemy naval fleet.

A meeting was held between relatives of the crew and military officers six days after the Kursk sank. At the meeting, Nadezhya Tylik, one of the mothers of the crew members killed in the accident, stood up and began justifiably ripping the military rescue efforts. While she was delivering her tirade, a female military medic snuck up behind Tylik and injected her through her heavy coat with a tranquilizer that caused her knees to buckle. As she fell to the floor, the medic and others ushered the incapacitated mother back to her seat, as if she had a heart attack.

This unbelievable event was captured on film, and pictures are available here.

Some other interesting tidbits:

Page 39: “It did not take much for Putin to genuinely impress a country fed up with Yeltsin. Sobriety alone became a major element of Putin’s appeal, in contrast to his frequently drunken predecessor; one poll found that 40 percent of Russians said the quality they admired most in the new president was that he was sober.”

If I ever run for office, I am most certainly making this part of my platform:

“Vote Dennis York: Only Occasionally Drunk!”

—————————————————————-

Here’s a little something for Kevin Barrett and his gang of lunatics – evidence exists that Russia actually planned apartment bombings against itself in an attempt to blame them on the Chechnens and drum up support for the war. On September 22, 1999, two witnesses saw two men and a woman walk into an apartment building basement with a number of bags. When the cops got there, they found bags of hexogen, a crystalline explosive, and a timer set for 5:30 AM. While the local authorities believed they thwarted a bombing attempt, the FSB (successor to the KGB) took control of the powder and announced that it was actually just sugar, and that nobody was ever in danger. Of course, they destroyed all the “sugar,” preventing further tests.

—————————————————————–

When Putin worked in the Kremlin for Yeltsin, he went to great lengths to crush anyone that challenged the authority of his boss. In 1999, Russia’s prosecutor general, Yuri Skutarov, began nosing around some of the business dealings of the Yeltsin family. In March of 1999, state television aired a grainy video in which a naked man that looks like Skutarov has sex with two women identified as prostitutes. The prosecutor said it wasn’t him, but Putin publicly declared the video “authentic,” which forced Skutarov’s resignation.

Now that’s corruption done the right way. What part of this has the Doyle administration not picked up on? If you’re going to take part in some sketchy stuff, make sure it’s more entertaining than boring old travel contracts.

Today a friend of mine was trying to mail a fat envelope, hoping that they could get by with just a regular stamp. I can imagine the snide comments big letters get when they get to the post office:

Letter 1: “Can you believe that letter thinking she can squeeze into a 39 cent stamp?”

Letter 2: “I noticed she had been putting on a little weight, but I was afraid to tell her.”

Envelopes can be so unforgiving.

So John Spencer, who’s playing the role of Republican fodder for Hillary Clinton this election cycle, announces that she’s had “millions of dollars” worth of plastic surgery.

Honestly, if you’ve had millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery, you better look a lot more like this.

In related news, it was discovered that potential presidential challenger Barack Obama also has had millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery. Here’s a picture from his youth.

I’m feeling kind of sick tonight, so no heavy duty blogging.

Instead, I thought I’d shine a little light on what a dork I was in my teenage years. When I was in high school, I got my hands on one of my Dad’s Woody Allen paperback books, Side Effects. In reading it, I immediately decided I wanted to write stories just like that – this is before I even really knew him as a filmmaker (I was probably 14). His short story writing style is completely different from his work writing screenplays, and to be honest, I much prefer it.

From “My Speech to the Graduates,” in Side Effects:

“More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”

Anyway, here’s a link to one of Woody Allen’s short stories, “The Whore of Mensa,” from his book Without Feathers. Good way to knock off about 10 minutes.

A few years ago, some friends of mine got together and shot this video. Hope you like it, and good luck getting the song out of your head. Who said the day of the great music video is over?

(The chances of you adopting a fake Swedish accent and mock dancing for your co-workers just rose to 100%)

H/T, Dave Barry