Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Georgia Thompson Apprehended at Mexican Border

El Paso, TX (AP) – With the second day of her federal trial for bid-rigging about to begin, former Wisconsin Department of Administration official Georgia Thompson was apprehended at the U.S/Mexico border. According to sources on the scene, Thompson recently read about how easy it was to escape U.S. law enforcement officials by fleeing across the southern border to Mexico.

Thompson\’s plan was to fully immerse herself in the ways of Mexico, beginning by stealing the job of a well-paid American worker. Thompson believed assimilating her way into Latino culture wouldn\’t be difficult, as she already had her last name in large letters on her car\’s back windshield, and in 1983, she scored a #4 hit in Mexico as a member of Menudo.

Governor Jim Doyle, when reached for comment, said that Thompson was originally hired by the McCallum administration and didn\’t have a political bone in her body. When it was pointed out that if she truly wasn\’t political it means that she was told to rig the contract from someone higher up in the administration, Doyle mesmerized reporters by doing the detached thumb trick, then ran out of the room while the press tried to figure out how the hell he did it.

Earlier, Doyle dodged questions about whether he had hired an attorney to represent him in the proceedings. Doyle said that not only had he not hired an attorney, he didn\’t know what an attorney was and even if he did, nobody had contributed enough to his campaign to earn the right to represent him.

\"\"Investigators first became suspicious when Adelman Travel was awarded the state travel contract, despite only providing travel via Golden Retriever. Thompson\’s co-workers said she would always speak in code, saying things like “the buzzard flies without cigarettes,” “the walrus is eating the deodorant,” and “I don’t care how crappy Adelman is, they gave Doyle a lot of money, and he told me he\’d kick my ass if they didn\’t get the damn contract.”

Thompson was able to make the trip by receiving a \”frequent liar\” discount from Adelman Travel. It was believed that she was going to go by the name \”Bernardo Neumann-Ortiz.\” In her pocket was found a phone number for a \”Gary Jorge,\” believed to be living in a grass hut in Mazatlan.


  1. This is pretty funny. But who’s Georgia Thompson?

    I was on a burro about the size of those two mounts a few years ago in Mexico.

  2. Great piece.

    Excellent page template, but the way. 🙂

  3. This is impossible to read easily with that red background

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