In some elections, it’s better to steer clear of some endorsements. If you’re running in a Republican primary, you might want to call WEAC and make sure they don’t endorse you, just as Dems might want to avoid having the pro-life groups rally to their defense.

In that spirit, I have found a group that I really, really hope endorses Jim Doyle for governor in the general election. So much so, that I have drafted a sample letter that someone may want to e-mail to the president of this group. For a little background on the Charity, Freedom, and Diversity party, click here, and cross your fingers waiting for that endorsement to come through.

An open letter:

Dear President Ad van den Berg:

I bring you great tidings from the United States of America. I hope this e-mail finds you in good spirits, hopefully after you just finished watching a “Home Alone” marathon.

I have found an American politician that I think your group can really get behind. His name is Jim Doyle, and he is the governor of a small little state called Wisconsin. You may know our state from the show “Happy Days.” I think the The Charity, Freedom and Diversity party really has a kindred spirit in this wonderful elected official, and I urge you IN THE STRONGEST TERMS to endorse his candidacy. By doing so and donating large amounts of money to his campaign, it is virtually guaranteed that he will allow you to set up your own children’s fun park, to the detriment of small businesses and Webelos in the state.

If your group is willing to reach out and touch something other than a seven year old boy, I encourage you to get involved in American elections. I see some real growth potential for your group here in Wisconsin. We encourage charity, we love our freedom, we are accepting of diversity, and we have a lot of swimming pools. I urge you to think beyond the extremely restrictive, draconian laws of Amsterdam, and think about Wisconsin as your next frontier.

I agree with you when you said that a ban on children having sex just makes them curious. I have noticed that our overbearing American laws that prevent citizens from sawing other people in half has made me more likely to do just that, just to see what it would be like. In fact, we in America had a specific law on the books barring anyone from having sexual contact with me until I was 30 years old. Apparently, every woman in the U.S. was aware of this little-known law, which contributed to my blindness for most of the 1990s.

I would also like you to know that I am the former U.S. Treasurer, and I wandered into $400 billion in unused American money that I need to transfer to the Netherlands. All I need is your bank account number and I will arrange for the funds to be sent to you.

Again, thank you for your vocal and unwavering support for Jim Doyle. You will be rewarded greatly for your endorsement, and I urge you to post the endorsement on your website as soon as possible so as many people as possible can see it. When you send money to the Doyle campaign, the checks must be a minimum of $100,000 per donor, and copies of the checks must be photocopied and sent to the Wisconsin State Journal, the sole arbiter in our state of what campaign activities are legal or not.

Stay Dutch,

Dennis York

Thank God we have public libraries to provide us with all of our educational needs. For an illuminating example of tax dollars at work, check out this investigative report from a Cleveland television station. It’s about five minutes long, but well worth your time.

I actually heard some people feel sorry for this guy, the way the reporter ambushes him. But if you feel comfortable enough at the library to fire off some knuckle children while my kids are around, I feel comfortable holding you up for public shame.

And if you think this doesn’t happen at public libraries all over Wisconsin, you are willfully deceiving yourself.

I realize I’m splitting hairs here, but I do have a small complaint with an otherwise fair article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel today. The article detailed the call from two Catholic bishops for Jim Doyle to rescind his support for embryonic stem cell research. Near the end of the article, it says:

The bishops wrote that embryonic stem cell research is immoral because it destroys what they consider to be life, but added that they were particularly troubled that Doyle has tied his support for the research to economic development.

“What they consider to be life?” Under any scientific standard, an embryo is a living being where none existed before. Now you can make your argument that an embryo can’t feel pain, can’t live on its own, can’t think or whatever, but there’s no possible standard by which you can claim that it’s not a life.

Based on that premise, proponents of embryonic stem cell research are welcome to make the argument that terminating these embryos serves a greater good. In fact, that’s essentially what Doyle is saying by urging research on discarded embryos. He’s saying that the potential benefits from the research outweigh the value of the embryos, which is a fair enough argument. But let’s not lose sight of the fact that that is the choice. We have to lose a life to potentially save many more.

I, for one, am happy that the bishops are speaking up on this issue. Generally, if you have even the smallest moral concern about where this research might be headed, research advocates will start accusing you of being in the pocket of the pro-life groups (as if it is impossible to just morally be pro-life on your own). And it really isn’t an economic development issue, as the Democrats have claimed. Prostitution would probably create a great deal of economic development, but we as a society have made a moral determination that it is impermissible. Now we have a fashionable science that might hire a few more researchers at the UW, and we’re willing to pretend there’s no moral component?

And to show the class the Democrats are willing to show on this serious moral issue, we have a straightforward statement from the Mark Green campaign, followed by a buffoonish quote from Democratic Chair Joe Wineke.

“Mark Green thinks that what the archbishop is saying to Governor Doyle is right on, and echoes what Mark has been saying all along,” Green campaign spokesman Rob Vernon wrote in an e-mail.

But Joe Wineke, chairman of the state Democratic Party, said in a statement that Green was trying to hide his opposition to embryonic stem cell research.

Well, if he’s trying to hide it, he’s doing a pretty poor job. Sounds like someone’s just trying to be argumentative just to be argumentative, doesn’t it?

I recently saw that one of my favorite political movies, All the King’s Men (1949), was being remade. Apparently it is one of the six movies yet to be remade, so Hollywood jumped in. Unfortunately, the lead role is being played by Sean Penn, who will likely exude none of the charm that Broderick Crawford did in the original version.

In any event, you can watch the trailer here.

(Madison)-The University of Wisconsin System today announced a new “diversity” plan that would allow admissions officers to take into account an applicant’s height when making an entrance determination.

“For too long, tall people have had access to higher education in this state,” said Larry Rubin, the system’s assistant vice president for completely ridiculous bullsh**. “We want a campus ethnically representative of America,” said Rubin, before noting that he would have to kick 3,000 Asians off campus to make that happen. “The best way to eradicate prejudice is to practice it, just against the right kind of people,” said Rubin.

One student that welcomes the change is Paddy O’Shaugnessy, a little person who believes his 1.7 high school GPA should be enough to get him into the UW-Platteville. “Regardless of intelligence, academic qualifications, or work ethic, what really matters is my height,” said O’Shaugnessy. “It is clear that I can’t be expected to actually study and learn, given the systematic discrimination against people under four feet tall throughout history,” he said.

The announcement was made during a nationwide push for more diversity in America’s workplaces. Last week, the National Football League instituted a rule that requires an Eskimo to coach at least one game per team next year. In a show of support, the NBA has given its MVP award to a little white guy that doesn’t play any defense each of the last two years.

The UW System has taken its hits for lack of diversity in the past. In 2000, the UW-Madison was criticized for discreetly photoshopping a picture of a dwarf onto the cover of its undergraduate catalog. The university later had to reprint over 100,000 copies of the magazine at a cost of $64,000, because of the decision made by Diversity Dean Paul Barrows. Barrows was an expert at photo altering software, as he spent most of the time in his office cropping Lindsay Lohan’s head onto pictures of naked women riding horses.

In 2002, the UW-Madison spent $6,000 on a program designed to attract gay and lesbian students to their campus, in the name of “diversity.” “Is there any campus in the United States that is more accommodating to LGBT students?” said a homophobic white guy. “Getting gay students to go to Madison is about as hard as getting Britney Spears pregnant,” said the insensitive honky.

Detractors of the new program, all of whom are bigots, point to the fact that the problem isn’t that dwarves can’t get into statewide campuses, there just aren’t enough applications. They point out that there are lower expectations of dwarves in grade school, and that few dwarves are willing to leave their home environments to attend campuses like UW-Whitewater or UW-Oshkosh. In fact, say the racists, the UW launched the “Diversity 2008” plan in 1998, with only negative results so far. The #1 goal of this program was to increase the number of dwarf applications to the UW System.

In fact, UW-Madison has 45 diversity programs available to current and prospective students, including some that are so valuable, they are led by administrators who don’t show up for work for seven months and nobody notices.

Rubin said the influx of little people would also be a cost saving measure, as midgets require about half as many professors, and they can pack six to a dorm room, if they lay end to end.

“This reverse racism is unbearable,” said white people, before they settled in on their comfy couches to watch the American Idol finale.

If you’re a fan of early ’80′s R.E.M. (who isn’t?), check out this downloadable live show from 1984, courtesy of rbally. Great quality, and gives you a look at why R.E.M. is credited with essentially inventing modern alternative music.

The Diamond Mine today gives me credit for… well, something. I would say it’s a good blog, but he thinks I am respectable, which means he might be a little crazy. But seriously, go check it out. Apparently, I have shown him how exciting it can be to be an average smartass anonymous political blogger. In upcoming weeks, I will show him how to be fat, pasty, and have your wife hate you for blogging too much.

And as long as I’m saying good things about lefty blogs, go check out In Effect. Well written, well thought out. A daily read of mine.

Last week, a woman was found dead of a heroin overdose here in Madison. It seems to be a pretty routine (albeit tragic) story, but I ran across this interesting passage from the State Journal story:

Assistant District Attorney Mike Verveer said in court Monday that Prager is not only a defendant in the case but could be a material witness in what might become a “Len Bias” homicide case against the person who supplied the heroin that killed Schnitzler. People who supply illegal drugs that cause the death of a user can be charged with first- degree reckless homicide under the state’s Len Bias law. That charge carries a penalty of up to 25 years in prison.

Now let me state up front that I have no tolerance for drug dealers, but this does seem a little weird. I supply something (albeit something illegal) to someone, and it is a crime. If I’m willing to take the risk of being a drug dealer, I should be able to look at the state law and figure out how much time I’m going to get. However, with this law, if someone I sell it to goes overboard and kills themselves with it, I’m then an accessory to murder? I had nothing to do with how the product was used – my criminal penalty at that point is completely out of my hands. How much jail time I get is incumbent on the actions of others whom I may never see again.

I don’t believe we criminally penalize other products this way. In fact, the legislature is trying to make sure gun companies can’t be sued for the actions of someone to whom they sell a gun, since what happens with the gun is completely up to the purchaser once they walk out of the store. If a friend gives me a baseball bat and I crack someone over the head with it, is he liable for what I did?

Obviously, an exception would occur if the drug dealer provided a drug laced with something that killed the person on the spot (and I’m not implying that there is such a thing as “responsible” heroin use).

I don’t feel strongly either way on this, and I’m sure it was debated to death whenever the legislature enacted it. I have no problem with the law staying where it is, and I will likely be blown out of the water by a smart commenter and have to change my position (whatever it may be).

Just thought it was interesting.

The headline on the front page of the USA Today Life Section this morning breathlessly promised details of Madonna’s “shocking” show last night in Los Angeles. The accompanying story lays out what was so “shocking”- a crucifix, some bad stuff about George W, and other run of the mill garbage that was lame in 1985 when she was doing it.

I was going to do a whole post about how lame and tired the whole Madonna act is, but I ran across this English concert review that says it a lot better than I can. It is just dripping with contempt for her ridiculous attempts to offend.

The world’s most famous 47-year-old took to the stage, a mere 50 minutes late, determined to prove to all those willing to listen – and pay up to £200 a ticket – that she still had the ability to grab headlines.

She insulted George Bush, simulated sex and suspended herself from a giant mirrored crucifix, head adorned with a designer crown of thorns (provided by Cotter Church Supplies, LA) in an all-out attempt to get someone, anyone out there, riled…

And then it started to go a bit wonky. We know about the former Material Girl’s newfound spirituality and devotion to Kabbalah, and Madonna seemed determined to Leave People With A Message.

Thus, words of cod wisdom such as: “There’s light even in the darkest places” flashed up on screen – which was nice enough, even if it sat oddly with her previously stated message to “turn the world into one big dance floor”.

But Didactic Madonna wasn’t finished-Up she went, suspended on a large crucifix, as images of child poverty flickered on the screens. The tour, incidentally, is estimated to gross $200 million. In the next segment she engaged in an energetic “fight” with a male dancer which involved a demonstration of her unnerving ability to bend her leg around the back of her head.

Next, a montage of world leaders was flashed up as Madge sang: “I’ve listened to your lies”, images including Nixon, Pinochet, Hitler and Blair.

But Madonna had bigger fish to fry, in the shape of George Bush. She urged fans to perform a certain sexual act on the President…

The show ended – rather abruptly – with no encore and with the lights immediately going on, leaving us all looking at one another in a slightly embarrassed fashion, as though we’d just been caught doing something we shouldn’t have been.

At this point, the only way Madonna could be shocking would be if she displayed any talent.

Sorry for the lack of posting lately, but the mix of too much playoff basketball and a stack of books I’m trying to read has hampered things somewhat.

One thing specifically dragged me back, confused and dismayed, to my keyboard.

I noticed the cover of TIME Magazine this week:

Now, I’m well aware that one of the “Chicks” said something derogatory about George W. Bush a couple years ago, and had to fight off some bad publicity. But if I were putting together a list of 10 million Americans whose opinions I valued about the War in Iraq, the “Dixie Chicks” wouldn’t make the list. How is this relevant to anything in any way? Was Nipsey Russell not accepting calls the day TIME wanted to talk about global warming? Was Tiffany Amber-Thiessen at the spa when they called to interview her about the relative value of the Euro?

I am racking my brain to figure out how news that belongs on page 24 of US Weekly somehow made it on to the cover of a magazine some believe to have some credibility (It was also in USA Today as well). Here’s what I got:

1. The Dixie Chicks have a great publicist willing to gin up a phony controversy to sell their new CD.

2. TIME Magazine has a business relationship with their record label (Sony), and therefore has an interest in selling as many Dixie Chicks CDs as possible.

3. TIME Magazine actually believes this is a matter of national importance and deserves to be featured above all other news stories this week.

4. One of the editors got drunk and lost a bet, so he had to put the most ridiculous story he could think of on the cover.

5. This one is the most cynical, but I believe also the most plausible. TIME Magazine has a natural impression of country music fans that they are all backwards, intolerant religious conservatives who turn on their own when they step out of line, and that is why this is newsworthy.

I mean, think about it – musicians with actual artistic credibility rip on Bush all the time. In fact, I don’t think I own a CD by a single artist I would be consider even to be a moderate. Yet somehow when Michael Stipe or someone pops off, it’s never news, since their message is usually delivered to a willing audience. But suddenly when someone makes a political statement to those intolerant conservatives, it becomes a national scandal when those right wingers express their disagreement with the artist.

Plus, her “insult” to Bush was just lame. If you’re going to take a shot at the President, do it with some panache. To wit:

LONDON – Morrissey, outspoken lead singer of ’80s rockers the Smiths, has sparked an Internet storm with reported comments about U.S. President George W. Bush.Manchester’s Evening News said yesterday it had received a record number of
hits after reporting on its website that Morrissey, 45, had interrupted a Dublin
concert Saturday with news of former President Reagan’s death, adding that he
wished Bush had died instead.

-Ottawa Citizen, June 11, 2004

Or:

Radiohead singer Thom Yorke has sent out a Christmas greeting that includes a swipe at U.S. President George W. Bush’s “new war.”In a message sent out by the group’s fan club W.A.S.T.E., Yorke wishes his fans a Christmas that is “peaceful and loving and spiritual,” and thanked his fans for “still listening and sticking with us and understanding the records we make.” But his greeting also carried a strongly worded condemnation of the war in Afghanistan.”Violence breeds violence,” Yorke said. “We need a world court, not a Republican with his hands covered in oil and military hardware, lecturing us on world security,” he wrote in the message.
-Toronto Sun, December 12, 2001

Now that’s insulting the leader of the free world. Take that, Bush!

I spent another 45 minutes typing stuff about Barry Bonds, Barbaro, and the movie “A History of Violence,” but Explorer crashed on me, so it’s all lost. This is all I have saved, as lame as it is. Don’t worry, the other stuff wasn’t any better.

You may recall my previous post about me trying to eat healthier.

Well, forget all that. I give you the “Hot Dog Rollup.”

Or as my wife called it, in the spirit of the Da Vinci Code, “The Last Supper.” I actually think I just put on four pounds looking at the pictures.

Dane County Circuit Judge Steven Ebert will decide Jensen’s fate today. Recent legislative inaction argues for a stiff sentence to inspire the Legislature to pass ethics reform. The light sentences handed out to date have apparently failed to put sufficient fear in lawmakers’ hearts. But it’s too late to make an example of Jensen.

-Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Editorial, May 15, 2006

I have a general philosophy that people that are outraged by everything generally aren’t truly outraged by anything. But when looking at the quote above, I couldn’t believe a paper with any integrity would offer such an opinion.

The Journal Sentinel editorial board is upset that the Wisconsin Assembly failed to pass Senate Bill 1, which they constantly refer to the “ethics bill.” They believe that the bill some how will keep special interests from influencing legislative action. However, they apparently have no problem with judges artificially inflating sentences to influence legislative action (known in some circles as blackmail), and in fact applaud the practice.

On Tuesday, Scott Jensen was sentenced to 15 months in prison and banned from the Capitol for five years, a sentence harsher than had been handed out to two Democratic legislators that accumulated a total of 38 felony counts, as opposed to Jensen’s three felony counts. I’m not going to argue that Jensen was treated unfairly – other good blogs have covered that well. In fact, Jensen made a terrible mistake by taking his case to trial – a Republican politician in a corruption case has about as much chance with a Dane County judge as a burrito has with Prince Fielder.

Needless to say, when Jensen’s tough sentence was announced, the Assembly didn’t scurry back to pass the Journal Sentinel’s pet bill.

Editorial boards and government “watchdogs” still somehow believe that the charges against legislators have some kind of connection with “ethics” bills that have been floating around the Capitol. Only an editorial board would look back at a six month period where three of the most powerful legislators in the state were sentenced to jail time and think that the system is somehow broken. In fact, the “system” worked exactly as it was supposed to. Complaints were filed, DAs investigated, and the cases were adjudicated. In fact, the one thing that may have sped the process up would have been the involvement of the Attorneys General during the process, Jim Doyle and Peg Lautenschlager. Instead, they both passed the hot potatoes to the locals to handle.

So what does this “magic bullet” bill (SB1) do? Well, not much. It eliminates the current ethics and elections board, and creates a Government Accountability Board, who then hires an independent investigator. This independent investigator isn’t elected and reports only to the Board. Before the investigator begins their work, however, he or she must relay their findings to the DA in the county in which the violation was to have occurred. If the DA takes a pass, it’s open season for the investigator, who can impose fines on private or public citizens, issue subpoenas, obtain search warrants, and prosecute offenses. God help us all if a rabid nutjob like Mike McCabe from Wisconsin Democracy Campaign gets that job.

What will most likely happen is that the DAs will take these cases and they will work their way through the courts. Which is exactly what happens now. But if the DAs believe there are cases that have no merit, this renegade independent prosecutor will be able to circumvent the entire court process and begin fining and prosecuting people, all because they choose to be involved in the political process. This may be the only area in state law where there will be a position completely unaccountable to voters that will enforce even the most minor of violations.

Can you imagine the Journal Sentinel editorials if the state set up an unelected, unaccountable investigator to go after, say, gang members? Or illegal immigrants? Or terrorists? It would make their outrage over wiretapping seem tame by comparison. Somehow, though, circumventing the legal process for elected officials, who by the way have to answer to the voters every couple of years, is just fine.

The bill, you will notice, actually changes no laws with regard to actual campaign violations. Everything that is illegal now will still be illegal, and vice versa. So it is unclear how the bill would have changed anything with regard to the criminal cases that just wrapped up. I’m fairly sure Chuck Chvala knew extortion and money laundering was illegal, and allegedly chose to take part in these practices anyway. Without question, Scott Jensen thought what he was doing was legal, even though a judge thought otherwise. All the cases involved legislators ignoring current laws for which they could be prosecuted. Which would be the case if SB1 were to become law. The bill really does nothing but say “things that are against the law are now illegal.”

Now I’m not a fool – obviously sentiment against politicians statewide is more negative than ever. Even Steven Avery is sitting in his cell saying “Thank God I’m not a state legislator.” Steps to beef up the ethics and elections boards would be welcome. It is a fraud on the people of Wisconsin that the same two individuals who headed up those agencies during the time these crimes were committed are still in their posts. But the fact that people are blindly advocating “reforms” without knowing what those reforms actually do is troubling. Hey if it’s reform, it must be good, right?

I am anxiously awaiting the Journal Sentinel editorial supporting an ethics bill that would lessen the influence of editorial boards. Or an editorial urging tough sentences on women who throw their newborns in trash cans, so maybe the legislature will finally get tough on infanticide. Until then, these “reform” efforts are nothing but posturing.

Amid all the consternation and political maneuvering about gas prices, we finally have someone that is willing to speak some common sense. Check out the Big Man’s gas price plan, but pay close attention, because it is a nuanced plan with a lot of high-minded concepts.

As always with The Kid From Brooklyn, the language is unsuitable for work, for kids, or for anyone that used to be a kid, for that matter.

I have absolutely no doubt that Mark Green will skate to election if he merely adopts the slogan “BRING BACK THAT FU**ING IRAQI OIL!” In fact, I can write their first press release:

“Doyle Fails to Sufficiently Stick it Up the Ass of the Fu**ing Oil Tycoons”

Oh, and by the way – 5 bucks to anyone that sends him a picture of Jenna.

By Phil Brinkman, Wisconsin State Journal Reporter

Madison police today released a sketch of the individual they believe to be responsible for over 14 muggings in the downtown area this year. “The perpetrator is believed to be between zero and 400 years old, and stands between 6 inches and 12 feet tall,” said Police Chief Noble Wray. Papa Smurf was immediately released from custody, as he is 542 years old and stands only three apples high.

It took weeks for Madison Police to release this vital demographic information about the perpetrator, as they reportedly were worried about the negative effects releasing a description might have on Stick Figure Americans. “The race of the mugger really isn’t relevant,” said Wray. “What’s really important is that the victims are mostly white,” said Wray, noting that nobody really cares if any crime happens on the poor Allied Drive, but it looks like the Hurricane Katrina relief effort when a crazy white girl gets lost in swamp.

“It’s really nobody’s business who might attack you with a deadly weapon,” said Wray, adding, “we need at least 300 muggings to take place to really get an idea of who we’re dealing with.” Wray said there were no leads, but David Hasselhoff had been brought in for questioning – not because he’s connected to the crime, just because he really wanted to meet David Hasselhoff.

The importance of Stick Figure Americans was illustrated last week during a rally known as “A Day Without Stick Figures,” when they were urged not to come to work. Mass confusion ensued, as traffic and bathroom signs were rendered incomprehensible. In one particularly ugly incident, a group of third grade boys wandered into an unmarked Capitol bathroom to find Attorney General Peg Lautenschlager on the throne “issuing a subpoena.”

Little else is known about the perpetrator, other than he strongly supports Kathleen Falk for Attorney General.

On this day in 2005, I set this crappy little blog up with the purpose of annoying everyone with semi-lucid, rambling and only occasionally coherent thoughts. It appears I have been successful (except for when I quit for a couple months). So here’s a thanks to everyone who’s stopped by and for those who helped me get this little idea off the ground. Of course, you people that helped me get started probably deserve more blame than credit.

To infinity and beyond.