If you were worried about Al-Qaeda operatives secretly infiltrating your Wednesday night bowling league, have no fear. State Representative Dean Kaufert has declared Wisconsin off limits to terrorists, drafting a bill banning the placement of Guantanamo Bay prisoners in the Dairy State.
Guantanamo Warden: “Pack your bags, boys – you’re going to Wisconsin.”
Al-Qaeda Terrorist Bomber: “Please – anywhere else – the taxes are too high there!”
What Kaufert doesn’t realize is that our way of life in Wisconsin is already being threatened by a terrorist on the loose – one that never even served in Guantanamo. His actions will likely bring down the state’s financial infrastructure, rock our shared ethos to the core, and have Wisconsin families cowering in their basements until the nightmare is over. So if anyone sees this man, please alert the Department of Homeland Security.
Actually, this bill should get a lot of support, assuming it can be amended to also include Cubs fans.