With the state GOP convention in a little more than a week, people are figuring out who’s going to run against Russ Feingold for U.S. Senate in 2010. At each convention, Wispolitics.com puts together a straw poll for the party loyalists to vote for who they think should run – and I honestly can’t think of a single name that comes to mind that would actually be interested in running. (Although I heard some businessman is thinking about running, so good for him.)
I actually had a couple friends (jokingly, I think) tell me I should get my name on the list. I laughed at their suggestion, but then I thought – there may be some upside to this. After all, I have already aired all my dirty laundry in advance for the Feingold people to use against me. I’ve exposed Feingold’s excessive flatulence. I’ve even come up with a slogan – “VOTE SCHNEIDER: FOR A STRONGER STATUS QUO!”
Most importantly, I’d want to be on the straw poll just to see if I could beat a couple of the names that I suspect are going to be on there. Just so I could hang that over their heads for eternity. Now, for clarification – I couldn’t actually beat anyone in a real election, but for the straw poll, all bets are off.
That is why, despite being illegal during actual elections, I would be more than happy to engage in rampant and overt vote fraud during the convention. I’d hire ACORN to descend on LaCrosse, pulling people out of their homes and making up phony names for voters to vote for me. I’d be buying beers by the truckload for the conventioneers. I’d head down to Kinkos and crank out hundreds of phony ballots for people to cast, with my name pre-marked.
So if you’re going to be in LaCrosse next weekend, vote early, and vote often. Remember these inspiring words, spoken by me, this morning:
“If a douchebag like Al Franken can get elected to the U.S. Senate, why not me?”