Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Top This, Kiddies

It was \”pick a song from the year you were born\” last night on American Idol.  My TiVo cut off, so I didn\’t see the last performance – but it seemed to be a pretty uninspired night.

Generally, I spend a good 40% of my day just sitting around and complaining about what an old man I am.  But when looking up songs from the year of my birth yesterday, I suddenly felt proud to have been born in 1973.  For the #11 song of that year was the classic linked to below.  Any one of you young whipper snappers that thinks they can top a 6 foot 7 long haired albino that alternates between the key-tar, the saxophone, the drums, and space sound effects – go ahead and try.  Pure mustache-fueled joy.

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Sadly, I missed this song by two years – but the upside is, if I was born in 1971, I wouldn\’t be able to go to the bathroom by myself.

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UPDATE:  I neglected to mention that the #4 song in the year of my birth was \”Let\’s Get it On,\” by Marvin Gaye.  At first, I thought that this song may have been responsible for my mom becoming pregnant with me – but clearly, it had to happen in late 1972, as I was born in April of \’73.  (I actually once asked my dad where the insemination took place, and he said he didn\’t know.  I asked, \”are you sure you were there?\”)

Sadly, the list of 1972 songs is underwhelming.  In scanning the list, a song called \”Popcorn\” by Hot Butter (#28) caught my eye, so I looked it up on YouTube.  If this honestly was one of the top songs in 1972, then it\’s proof that the entire world was on the drugs.  It\’s proof positive that we need to double down on the war on drugs – to save our children from songs like this:

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If my parents created me to this song, then I disown them forever.


  1. Insemination? What makes you think it wasn’t a virgin birth?

  2. Have you ever seen Edgar Winter and Glenn Grothman in the same room? I am not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

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