For the past couple weeks, when you clicked on the link to listen to the Charlie Sykes radio show online, you have been randomly greeted with a video ad for some hippie pet store in Milwaukee. In the ad, this store pitches organic and natural dog food, what they claim leads to \”less stool.\”
This completely confuses me. If the dog is eating just as much, where does the stool go? After a week, is your dog going to weigh like 900 pounds when it retains all this magic food? Should I be willing to pay extra for a constipated pooch?
I also thought it would be funny if this were a big selling point for how humans pick their food. You\’d walk into a Mexican restaurant and when the waiter came over, you\’d be like, \”boy these enchiladas on the menu look good… how much stool am I looking at with those?\”
As it turns out, there are dog food brands nationwide that promise low stool counts for your dog. There\’s a 98% chance this is a total scam, similar to the movie \”Envy\” when Jack Black\’s character makes millions of dollars selling \”Va-Poo-Rize,\” an aerosol that makes dog poop disappear when you spray it.
The aforementioned Milwaukee store cautions strongly against buying dog food from companies that actually advertise:
Don\’t let Cable Stars that have no idea that some ingredients in \”their pet food\” create life barriers, convince you \”their pet food\” is healthy.
I\’m not exactly what constitutes a \”life barrier\” for a dog, since it\’s not like your dog is sitting at home on the computer all day watching his 401(k) go up in flames. I think any animal that has the ability to lick itself pretty much loses the right to complain about any obstacles it may be facing in life.