I\’ve had several hours to settle down since Eric GaHGHne* blew his FIFTH save this season, but I\’m still steamin\’. School isn\’t even out yet and the guy we\’re paying $10 MILLION A YEAR to throw one inning of shut-out ball once every three days is a disaster. Our man Derrick Turnbow is probably sitting at home right now organizing his sock drawer mumbling to himself, \”I could be losing all those games for you guys at a third the price.\”
Anyway, Eric Gagne must pay for for his crime of attempted homicide of the Brewers\’ playoff hopes. In the spirit of the punishment fitting the crime, I submit that Eric Gagne:
a.) be mauled by a bear, but not fatally mauled.
b.) be trapped in an elevator for 41 hours.
c.) be forced to compose a handwritten letter of apology to one random Brewer fan for each save he blows. Enclosed in each letter will be a check for $1 million dollars. (At this rate, he\’s broke before the All-Star break.)
d.) give his healthy ACL to Yovani Gallardo. Gagne\’s removed ACL will be replaced with a discarded noodle found outside an Olive Garden.
Please vote or add your own idea. It\’ll make you feel better.
*(\”GaHGHne\”: copyrighted May 2008, Shuffhausen Industries)