My car was in the shop today, so I had to ride the cheese downtown to pick it up. In my high school\’s parlance, the bus was affectionately known as \”the cheese,\” due to its aesthetically pleasing color palette. Anyone past 10th grade seen riding the bus was immediately labeled a \”cheese jockey,\” which was akin to having an arm growing out of your nose.
Anyway, I found the ride to be reasonably enjoyable, although a little depressing. For some reason, nobody ever smiles on a bus. It\’s like everyone is waiting to hear the news from the doctor after their sister was just in a car accident. It seems whatever positive events that are going on in someone\’s life are immediately offset by the realization that they\’re riding the f\’ing bus.
There was one fat, mustachioed guy talking on his bluetooth earpiece at an ear-splitting level. I honestly don\’t have whatever gene people possess that allows them to share their conversations with the rest of the public. If I get a cell phone call when a bunch of people are nearby, I fumble around and hang up quickly. I suppose if I got out of the house more, I\’d \”evolve\” to the point that this didn\’t bother me.
I noticed a sign that said in order to get the discounted senior citizen rate, you had to show a photo ID. Somewhere, there\’s a crafty 78 year old guy running a black market fake ID ring out of his basement so 63 year olds can get the discounted rate. He likely accepts payment in cash or in primo bags of weed.
I spent most of the time trying to calculate how much money I would actually save by taking the bus downtown more often. Assuming a three hour trip down to, say, the UW campus, it would cost me three bucks to get there and back. If I drove there, I assumed it would take 2/3rds of a gallon of gas, so about 2 bucks worth. Plus, parking would be about 2 bucks. So I can save a dollar by taking the bus. Basically, I\’m paying an extra dollar to avoid meeting someone on the cheese who\’s in a particularly \”stabby\” mood that day.
(I realize that taking the bus is more eco-friendly, but I have virtually eliminated my carbon footprint by wearing the same underwear all the time. The way I see it, Mother Nature owes me eight bucks.)
Incidentally, I am fully aware that this post sounds exceedingly condescending – like I\’m Jane Goodall descending on bus riders to study them in their natural habitat. It\’s almost how the media report on Republicans – try to blend in, but don\’t get too close to one, because you never know what they might do. But it seems like the bus is a really good deal, especially for students, the elderly, and environmentalists who aren\’t bothered by the hundreds of empty buses running during the day.
Now, I just need someone to hook me up with the dude making IDs.
UPDATE: A friend reminds me of his favorite bus-related Craigslist listing ever…