I spent Saturday night at an engagement party thrown by my wife in Milwaukee, the later details of which are somewhat hazy. But I do recall talking to a gastroenterologist from the Duke medical center, who conceded that half of her job is fishing things out of people that they either swallow or.. ummmmm… find their way into their digestive tract by \”other means.\”

I was a little surprised at the objects she said were most often swallowed:

1. Crack pipes – as in, \”oh, sh** the cops are here – what do I do with this crack pipe?\” This makes it a little difficult to deny the pipe is yours – you can\’t really use the excuse that you grabbed someone else\’s esophagus on the way out the door that morning.

2. Toothbrushes – a favorite of bulemics, who use their toothbrushes to induce vomiting. Yet sometimes, they don\’t hold on tight enough, and down the hatch they go.

I\’m sure most people are aware of the \”other\” objects that make their way into human digestive systems. She mentioned that just last week, she had to retrieve a 12-inch rubber.. ummmm…. \”object\” from a young man\’s rectum. Apparently, when doctors fish those things out, it goes into some kind of evidence bag – which she then put in the doctor\’s lounge for all the other physicians to admire. Apparently this one broke a record (among other things).

Incidentally, these people apparently are the reason we need to pass universal health care – so taxpayers can foot the bill for some dude to get a rubber phallus pulled out of his colon. Admittedly, I have been tempted to check there sometimes when I can\’t find the remote control.

As for the rest of the engagement party, it was great – mostly due to my wife\’s organization. I\’m telling you – Eisenhower didn\’t put as much planning into invading Normandy. We got taco and enchilada fixin\’s from the El Rey market at 16th and National, and I can\’t recommend their food strongly enough. In fact, the quality of the food should be enough to exonerate the cops from raiding the place in 2002 – who wouldn\’t use force to get their hands on their chicken fajitas?

The general rule is this: if you purchase your food from a store where nobody speaks a word of English, there is a 100% chance it will be delicioso. Fortunately, there were plenty of leftovers, which means I will be hitting the scales at three Franklins by the end of the week.

Fortunately for me, eating El Rey steak tacos is marginally more pleasurable than putting large rubber objects in my rectum. Good news, although both can put you in an emergency room.