It\’s not often I get to toot my own horn (at least not with anyone else in the house), so I\’ll do so now. Before all the post-Katrina indignation about gas prices and how all the evil oil companies were gouging consumers, I wrote this post, which exposed the hypocrisy of Democrats on the issue.

Yesterday, Governor Doyle issued a statement that he would be calling oil executives from around the country to answer questions about rising gas prices. One question – since gas prices have actually fallen up to 80 cents per gallon over the last month without government intervention, why isn\’t he asking them to answer questions about why they are forfeiting enormous potential profits to keep prices down? What a cheap and tawdry tactic – pretend you are having some bogus investigation into gas prices, when in fact there is absolutely nothing Jim Doyle can do about the prices set by the market across the U.S. Even if there were a justification for government interference in the market, it would be a federal problem, not a state one. For Doyle to imply that he\’s doing something about gas prices is just a sham.

In the process of this obnoxious grandstanding, Doyle released this release on October 27th, in response to Exxon\’s third quarter earnings reports. In it, Doyle says:

“Following one of the biggest natural disasters to hit America, the world’s largest oil companies are reaping record profits. To price-gouge consumers under normal circumstances is dishonest enough, but to make money off of the misery of others is downright immoral.”

“This week’s reports make it crystal clear that these oil companies have reaped more than enough profits to give a refund to U.S. consumers,” Governor Doyle said. “There are proposals currently in Congress that would require a refund, but we have yet to see action on them. This issue is not going to go away on its own, or with action only on the state level. I again urge Congress to act immediately on behalf of millions of Americans by investigating the excessive profits being made by oil companies, and demanding a refund.”

Not to be outdone, Senator Russ Decker, who won\’t even let a high blood alcohol content keep him from filling his tank up with expensive gas, issued this release demanding oil companies give their profits back. He says:

“It turns my stomach to see these greedy oil companies who are already making enormous profits getting billions of dollars in tax breaks while the hard working folks in Wisconsin struggle to squeeze every nickel out of every dollar just to be able to fill up with gas so they can drive to work,” said Decker.

“If Congress does not act then we will demand that the Republican leadership in the Legislature convene a special session to review local windfall profits tax alternatives. I shudder at the thought that the children of Wisconsin will shiver in cold homes and schools this winter because of the unconscionable actions of the oil companies,” concluded Decker.

…Just make sure those poor children aren\’t out riding their bikes on a night Decker is plowing through your neighborhood, Lautenschlager-style. Note to Decker: Maybe that stomach-turning sensation is the fifth of Wild Turkey you forgot you drank last night.

Well, fortunately, I can save the U.S. taxpayers the time and money on an investigation into who is profiting off of these \”immoral\” profits. I reviewed the stock holdings of Russ Decker, and found that he might want to look himself in the mirror if he wants to find out who is profiting from high gas prices.

According to legislator ethics statements, Decker holds between $5,000 and $50,000 in the Vanguard Institutional Index Plus Fund. According to the Vanguard website, the #1 stock holding of this fund is Exxon-Mobil. In fact, the fund also holds shares of Chevron and Conoco-Phillips.

With this information in mind, I now challenge you to go back and re-read Decker\’s quote and challenge yourself to keep your Whopper with Cheese down. Who is \”greedy?\” Who is profiting on the backs of Wisconsin children who will be shivering in the cold come winter time? Is Russ Decker going to be returning all of the windfall profits he received from the oil companies?

If you clicked on my previous post above, you have seen that there are other hypocritical Democratic legislators that continue to make money as stockholders in oil companies, while decrying the \”greed\” of \”big oil.\” (By the way, is there any other kind of oil company? Are there any \”small oil\” companies setting up in strip malls?)

For the most egregious example, see Fred Risser\’s holdings in Exxon in excess of $50,000. On September 16th of this year, Risser was quoted in Wispolitics:

The price of gasoline isn\’t due to the mark-up law. It\’s due to the oil cartels.–Democratic Sen. Fred Risser before a Senate committee 3-2 rejected Zien\’s bill to repeal the state\’s so-called minimum mark-up law.

The most disappointing thing about the whole gas price issue is the willingness by which press outlets are willing to swallow statements whole, without challenging them. The information I provided above is public information, available to anyone with an internet connection. This isn\’t exactly cloak and dagger stuff. Yet each time Doyle opens his mouth on gas prices, the media is there to dutifully reprint it, without ever asking questions about whether such an investigation might be an immense waste of time and taxpayer money for a cheap press hit.

As for Decker and Risser, I hope they take their windfall profits and buy blankets for all those poor children that are going to freeze to death because of their \”greed.\”

My uncle Eddie loves his job. A few times a week, he hops on a bus and rides halfway across Milwaukee to get to Pizza Hut, where he’s worked for seven years. He jams his hat down over his eyebrows, throws on his headphones, and listens to the Brewers while washing pizza pans, prepping vegetables and doing other chores.

You see, Eddie has Down syndrome. To him, his job is more than a chance to take home a check. While many new workers may see scrubbing greasy pans and doing dishes as beneath them, Eddie relishes the chance to be responsible, to make money (to support his insatiable appetite for 70’s classic rock CDs), and to enjoy the camaraderie with other co-workers. His job is his worth, and he lives for the daily accomplishment of a job well done.

The irreplaceable self worth that Eddie feels isn’t due to any government program. In fact, the opposite is true – the more he works, the more it jeopardizes his Social Security checks, which means the government is providing a disincentive for him to work more hours (which he is more than willing to do).

Many people with good intentions would find value in government programs that work to get people like Eddie into the workforce. In fact, the state Department of Workforce Development houses the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation, which helps individuals with disabilities find janitorial, food service, and other types of jobs. But as is the case with many government programs, DVR has been criticized in the past for poor bookkeeping, wasting money, and doing a substandard job of finding work for those it served.

What state lawmakers often don\’t realize is that there are private sector answers for many of the problems our society faces. There are actually companies who specialize in finding work for the disabled, and our lawmakers can help the process not by imposing more regulations, but by providing incentives for businesses to utilize their services. Private companies can do good work more efficiently, as the incentive is there for them to be streamlined, effective, and to provide good service.

A bill currently pending before the Wisconsin Legislature would provide an excellent opportunity to apply conservative, free market principles in getting more disabled citizens to work. The bill, AB 622, would provide tax incentives to businesses that employ disabled citizens through a registered community rehabilitation program, which is an organization that specializes in finding jobs for the disabled. While it would result in less revenue brought in to the state\’s treasury, there is a big difference between a new program \”costing\” the state more money and a tax break depriving the treasury of taxpayer money it should have never had to begin with.

At 45 years old, Eddie is living on borrowed time. Over 50% of individuals with Down syndrome suffer from congenital heart disease, which often cuts their lives short before their 40th birthday. If it is his heart that ends his life it will be a cruel irony, as it is the depth of his heart that keeps him getting on that bus and showing up for work. There are no doubt thousands of individuals just like him willing to do small tasks with the expertise of a neurosurgeon.

You’ll never see Eddie when you go to Pizza Hut, but you’ll know when he’s gone. Let’s just hope there’s another disabled citizen there to make it their life’s work to provide you with a clean plate.

For the story, go here.

In more important news…

In 1993, I dated a girl named Laura briefly. We probably went out three or four times. After each date, we would go back to her parents\’ house and talk to her family, including her sister Maureen, who is a year older. After three dates, it dawned on me: I am dating the wrong sister!

I stopped calling Laura, and obviously, it would have been awkward to immediately ask her older sister out, so I let it drop. We lost touch, and I hadn\’t seen either of them since then…

…Until Saturday night. I was at a wedding where the whole family was congregated. After dinner, Laura started walking over to my table. I straightened up, thinking she was coming to say \”hi.\” Instead, she walked to the guy sitting next to me, and started chatting about the one time they had met a few years ago at a tailgate party. She then left, completely snubbing me. So she remembers a guy she met once, but not a guy she played tonsil hockey with?

I immediately braced for a confrontation. There was no way she was getting away with that. (Needless to say, my wife was less than sympathetic, although she admired my ability to hold grudges). Unfortunately, she and her new husband of less than a month slipped out of the wedding early, foiling my plot to engage her.

After about six 7 and 7\’s, I unveiled my new plot. I had to go talk to Maureen. So I went and told her all about how I wish I had actually dated her 12 years ago and that she was way better than Laura. She seemed flattered, but her husband was less enthusiastic about this display of liquid honesty. Fortunately, I emerged from the wedding reception unscathed, and I didn\’t really look like that much of a jackass compared to the guy going table to table complaining about how bad the halibut was (it was actually Chilean sea bass).

Needless to say, the headache that accompanied me yesterday was not conducive to blogging about the Packers. In fact, some events are just self-explanatory, so I\’ll leave it at that.

I know, I know. This one will take a little while to explain. Maybe it’s just the contrarian in me. Then again, it is more likely the magic markers I have been sniffing.

For years, WEAC, the state teachers’ union, has tried to convince the public that the quality of their kids’ education is directly tied to the amount of money paid to their teachers. By their reasoning, if you pay the same teacher $46,000, rather than $42,000, your child will get a better education. Imagine if we paid every teacher $200,000 – Harvard would have to double in size to keep up with all the cheesehead kids!

Let’s take a step back and look at that. You go in to talk to your boss, looking for a raise. You’ve been working at the shower cap factory for four years now, and think it is time to make more than seven bucks an hour. You say the following to your boss:

“Mr. Wormser, I really haven’t been giving it my all the last couple of years. In fact, I’ve really been mailing it in, giving it a less than average effort. Given that fact, I believe that I will be a much more productive worker if you pay me nine dollars an hour. For that, I’ll crank out more shower caps – until next year, when I come in and tell you I can do even better for more money.”

Mr. Wormser would then nearly break his arm with the speed that he fills out your pink slip. (After he shows you a security video of you stuffing your pants full of shower caps and taking them home. I mean, really – are shower caps that important? Shame on you.)

As absurd as that scenario is, that is essentially what the teachers would have you believe. Rather than tell you that they are working hard and giving your kids the best education half the state budget and property taxes levied in the state can buy, they tell you that you’re not getting the whole deal, and your kids will continue to pay until you fork over the cash. At the same time, they brag about the great education Wisconsin kids are getting – just not your kid.

So what does this have to do with legislators? I certainly don\’t think our current elected officials will suddenly have a joint epiphany with a bigger paycheck. It’s all about deepening the pool of job applicants. (Come to think of it, there are probably plenty of college students that have \”joint epiphanies.\”)

There are plenty of people qualified and willing to be teachers. Teaching jobs in good school districts are difficult to find, no matter what tale of woe the teachers are weaving. Now look at the potential pool of state legislators – it can barely be considered a puddle.

Before each election cycle, legislative leaders have to tour the state and beg people to run for office. Many of the people that run are hand picked and recruited by sitting legislators to come “join the team.” Often times, it takes a significant amount of coercion. The days of citizens running for office on their own accord are almost gone. Right now state senators and representatives make about $45,000 a year. Certainly not bad money, by any stretch of the imagination. But think about this – is $45,000 a year enough to entice someone who has been successful in life away from the job that they have?

Most legislators fall into a number of categories. They are either young ex-staffers, bored retirees, farmers looking out for their interests, or lawyers looking to pad their resumes. The hours are long, the travel is frequent, and the criticism can be stinging. Running for state office is a grueling process that takes the candidate away from their job and family for months at a time. Once you gain office, you can look forward to teacher e-mails directly referencing your family, lifelong friends turning their back on you for not supporting their cause, and lonely nights traveling the district looking for backwoods school district meetings to attend.

Increasing legislator pay would provide an incentive for people in the real world to drop everything and become public servants. It would entice individuals to the Capitol who have actually made a living dealing with big budgets, customer service, and making meaningful deadlines. Similarly, there would be higher turnover, as many of these new legislators would return to the private sector more quickly, rather than making a career out of legislative service. There is nothing better than a legislator who doesn’t need the job and can vote his or her conscience.

On the flip side, I still subscribe to the idea that the state legislature shouldn’t be a “millionaires club” where nobody of modest means ever gains election. But I see elections essentially as a job interview. When I interview a candidate for a job as important as handling my tax money, I would like to see something a little more substantive than “Wendy’s salad bar security guard” on their resume. When choosing a candidate, voters should take very seriously the success that person has had in life. Unfortunately, the list of people willing to make the sacrifice to run for office is few and far between these days.

Additionally, providing more of a financial incentive for individuals to run would lead to more lively and competitive campaigns statewide. By deepening the pool of applicants, many lifelong incumbents who have become career politicians would occasionally have to beat back a primary challenger who may represent the changing demographics of a district. A stalwart Democrat who hasn’t faced a serious challenger in decades might actually get a serious and successful Republican challenger (and vice versa). Gone would be the days where 80% of Assembly seats go unchallenged, because the incentive to gain office would be substantial.

Now granted, I am not saying being a legislator is an entirely terrible job. There aren\’t any Mexican migrant workers saying \”thank God I\’m not a Wisconsin legislator.\” And a lot depends on the quality of the legislator – there are plenty of bad ones in safe districts that don\’t really do the difficult chores, but are re-elected regularly based on party affiliation. But as stated above, these lazy legislators may become targets with the right incentive.

This idea, of course would not be popular. Legislative approval is at an all time low. In fact, if it were passed into law, the Assembly speaker might have to hire Paul Barrows as a spokesman to improve the press his office was getting. But you’d get over it. After all, you steal shower caps, so who are you to judge?

Of course, there would be a cost to my proposal. If you doubled the pay of every legislator, it would cost about $5.9 million a year (I am not a legislator, nor do I ever aspire to be). That sounds like a lot, until you consider the total legislative budget is $130 million per biennium. Where would the money come from? Ask the new smart legislators – they can actually add and subtract.

As I stated in an earlier post, I bleed green and gold, like the rest of Wisconsin. Seeing as how the season has gone to this point, I thought it would be somewhat therapeutic for me to jot down some of my thoughts during today’s game versus the Vikings. Consider this a semi-return to the blogging world.

A little background on the game today – the Vikings come in at 1-4 after what could generously be considered a couple of disastrous weeks. Every joke that can be made about boat-gate has been made, but let’s just say that the only bigger public relations disaster for the Vikings would have been if Harriet Miers was on board one of the boats. In fact, that might be the only job she is overqualified for.

Despite Mike Sherman’s determination to run the Packers completely into the ground, they have managed to show a little life lately. However, the Packers usually see the same hospitality on their trips to the Metrodome that Jeffrey Dahmer received on his trip to prison.

Before the game starts, there are a couple things I need to get out of the way. First, I am in two fantasy football leagues, and in one I am playing against the team that has Brett Favre and in the other I am playing against the team that has Daunte Culpepper. So an ideal game for me would be a 2-0 Packer win where nobody enters the other team’s side of the field. Happens all the time.

About a half hour before the game, I did something unprecedented – I saw a Taco Bell commercial that made me immediately run out to get Taco Bell. This has never happened to me before. I purchased a Grilled Stuf’d Steak Burrito, a Steak Nachos Bellgrande, a soda, and three beef soft tacos. Total bill: 48 cents. I mean seriously, you could feed all of Botswana at Taco Bell and still have change left over for some cheesy potatoes.

A note on some of the pregame shows – what is with all of these grown men laughing and touching each other? I mean, seriously – if I were Howie Long and Terry Bradshaw touched me on the arm, I’d cold cock him in his grill. These pregame shows are like slumber parties for grown men with jock itch. ESPN’s pregame show actually billed an interview with Michael Irvin and Keyshawn Johnson “The Great Debate.” As we speak, the Lincoln Library is building a shrine to Keyshawn , relegating Stephen A. Douglas to the basement.

As the game gets started, the home crowd – the home crowd – boos the Vikings like they were Elton John at Harley Fest.

And the kickoff…

12:09 – The Packers’ first drive stalls with two penalties. Good thing we got all those kinks worked out in the bye week, huh fellas?

12:11 – FOX shows their first shot of cheeseheads in the crowd. This is now as obligatory, and leads to a debate I often have with myself – are the Packers a net positive or negative for Wisconsin? Obviously, the nationwide attention we get due to the Packers is great, mostly due to the presence of #4 for a decade and a half. But – and I hate to be so blunt – a lot of the coverage goes further than just portraying Packer fans as a working class crowd. In fact, I would say the nationwide perception of a Packer fan is of someone who wears their cheesehead to work, drinks beer for breakfast, and weighs about 3 Franklins. And as one who reflects all of the above, I take offense.

12:20 – Packers get the ball back. With third and about a Whizzinator to go, Ahman Green is stopped up but bailed out by an offsides call. Even before his recent injury, Ahman was having a terrible year. If he would only show the same aggression towards the Vikings that he does towards his own wife, he might actually have a decent game. (A joke every Packer fan has said to themselves but are afraid to say out loud)

12:37 – Robert Ferguson catches a long pass, but injures his knee in the process. Mike Sherman immediately subs in The Burger King to take Ferguson’s place.

12:41 – Donald Driver catches a miracle one handed touchdown. 7-0, Pack.

12:43 – Two traditions are distinctly Wisconsin: Eating raw meat and listening to the Packers on the radio while watching the game on TV. I don’t do this, but have a number of friends that do. I personally think Wayne Larivee walks on water, but there always seems to be a gap between the broadcasts, which allows you to actually see how bad the Vikings suck before you hear it.

12:52 – In an attempt to eliminate any shred of dignity they still have as a team, the Vikes fumble the ball through Culpepper’s legs on a fourth down play. Mike Tice stares blankly into space, contemplating a rumor he heard about being able to create fire by rubbing two sticks together.

12:58 – Driver makes another unbelievable catch that gets the Packers deep into Viking territory. Following the play, Driver turns the ball into fish and wine for the crowd. He’s having that good of a day.

1:02 – Antonio Chatman makes a diving catch at the back end of the end zone for a touchdown. Vikings contest the play via instant replay, which shows he actually got three feet down, it was that indisputable.

1:23 – Vikings end the half with a long incomplete pass that announcer Bill Maas calls a microcosm of their season. Um… yeah, Bill. That pass was just like their season, except for it didn’t involve drugs, a fake rubber male organ, and an orgy on a boat. Other than that, it was just like it. 17-0, Packers. It’s been a while since the Vikings scored on dry land.

1:25 – The Vikings are so bad, entire sections of fans are demanding their money back for tickets they bought from Tice.

1:34 – More tomfoolery on the FOX halftime show. I haven’t seen this many men touching each other since the last Morrissey show I attended.

1:37 – FOX shows a graphic that the Vikings have 31 passing yards in the first half. How far is that in knots?

1:43 – The Vikings are immediately on the move. Koren Robinson, three weeks out of alcohol rehab, catches a pass after receiving a lap dance from Ahmad Carroll, and tips Carroll 5 bucks. After the catch, play is halted, and Carroll is awarded a trophy for being “Worst Player on an NFL Roster.” Carroll accepts the award, and play resumes.

2:00 – Troy Williamson catches a pass for a first down on third and ten, after being “covered” by guess who? Ahmad Carroll.

2:01 – Vikings throw the ball into the end zone, the wide receiver and the defensive back collide, and a flag is thrown. I immediately begin to string together a grab bag of obscenities in a barely comprehensible rant, thinking the flag is on the Packers. Fortunately, it was on the Vikings and my blood pressure lowers from “lethal” to “deadly.”

2:02 – On the next play, Culpepper throws a touchdown to Marcus Robinson in the same spot of the end zone. I’ll give you one guess as to who was covering (or not covering, in this case) Robinson. That’s right. #1 draft pick Ahmad Carroll.

Remember the part of “The Muppets Take Manhattan” when Kermit gets run over by a car, gets amnesia, and thinks he’s a soap salesman? He shows up at work (named Phillip Phil) and comes up with terrible new slogans like “Ocean Breeze Soap – for people who don’t want to stink,” and “Ocean Breeze Soap – it’s like an ocean cruise, except there’s no boat, and you don’t actually go anywhere.”

It’s like Ahmad Carroll was hit in the head at some point, got amnesia, and now believes he is an NFL player. He just keeps showing up for work, and nobody wants to say anything in case it hurts his feelings. One of these days he’s going to get hit in the head again, regain consciousness, and return to filling the ketchup di
spensers at Culver’s. 17-7 Packers.

2:05 – If I was commissioner for a day, the first thing I would do away with is the practice of going to a commercial after a kickoff. If the league needs extra advertising revenue, let Mike Sherman wear a “Tampax” hat.

2:09 – “Cap’n Fred” Smoot holds Driver on a pass attempt. It’s the first time Smoot touched someone since he flew “Bubbles” in from Atlanta.

2:13 – Favre completes a pass to Bubba Franks. Fantasy football be damned – Packers need a touchdown.

2:19 – Ryan Longwell misses a 42 yard field goal. On turf. Indoors.

2:28 – After a long Viking drive, Nick Barnett breaks up a pass in the end zone intended for Mewelde Moore. Vikings settle for a field goal. After the ensuing kickoff, Viking kicker Paul Edinger, clearly a member of genus rodentia, is laughing about getting steamrolled on the play. Losing is funny, Paul.

2:34 – Ahman Green drops to the turf and grabs his knee after a short gain.

2:38 – Down 17-13, the Vikings get the ball back, and the Packers decide they have had enough of playing that pesky “defense” that their coaches are always harping about. Things from here on get a little hazy for me. Each pass Culpepper completes feels like a midget punching you in the groin (trust me, I know what that is like). Culpepper runs for 20 yards on a quarterback draw, the 34th time they have run that play this game. About this time, I start thinking about places in the house where I might be able to hang a noose. The only place I can really think of is the garage, as the beams are exposed out there. But then I remember that it is freezing out there and I might catch cold.

2:40 – Maas says Ahman Green’s injury “is not good news.” Really, jerkoff? I thought the Franklin Mint might be commemorating the moment with a nice collectible coin.

2:44 – Ahmad Carroll beat again for a first down, and the announcers note that he “has had trouble staying on his feet.” Guess he skipped the “ability to stay upright” drill at the NFL draft combine. Mewelde Moore catches his first career touchdown. Vikings go ahead, 20-17. I look down to my notepad where I scrawled the words “Hopeless – Dying.”

Boy, it’s a good thing Aaron Rodgers is standing over on the sideline with a clipboard. The Packers certainly couldn’t have used a first round pick to shore up the 30th rated defense in the NFL at a time like this. Rodgers is like the Harriet Miers of the NFL – he may end up being a good NFL quarterback, but picking him essentially euthanized what could be Brett Favre’s last season. I mean, all Favre is doing is leading the NFL in touchdown passes, and they are almost begging him to retire.

2:51 – Catches by Martin and Chatman have the Packers on the move, in position for at least a game tying field goal. Two minute warning.

2:56 – On a third and two, Mike Sherman calls an unconscionably bad running play. Favre had been marching the team down passing the ball, and Sherman thinks it would be a good idea to hand it off to the third string RB, who gets stuffed. In calling that play, Sherman is outcoached by a coach whose team is falling apart and who will likely be fired in a week. You think you might want to score a touchdown there, genius? You had a timeout, and you’re in the Metrodome! Longwell field goal, score tied 20-20.

3:00 – Everyone in the free world knows what is coming now. Sherman’s bad play call will result in the Vikings winning the game on a field goal. Of course, with 8 seconds left in the game and no times out, there’s only one play the Vikings can call to get the yardage they need – a 10 to 15 yard out to the sideline. This apparently befuddles the Packers defense, which allows them to get exactly that.

3:02 – Packers use their time out, Edinger kicks a 56 yard field goal to win the game for the Vikings.

3:04 – Mike Sherman calls the league office to see if they can forgo the formality of the Packers having the first pick in the 2006 Draft, and asks if he can just start Reggie Bush next week. Sherman is told that FEMA is being sent in to commandeer the franchise and Ray Nagin is being made head coach.

After an hour or so of despondency, my daughter climbed up on my lap, wrapped her arms around me, kissed me on the cheek, and said \”I love you Daddy.\” I told her not to get too emotional – she has to suit up at running back for the Packers next week.

On to week 8, where the Pack will be clubbed like a baby seal by an angry Bengal team that lost at home today.

Here in Wisconsin, our thoughts and prayers are with you. It is clear that the damage and destruction your region has suffered from Hurricane Katrina will be severe and lasting. The hurricane didn’t just hit the Gulf Coast, it hit America – and we will stand with you in your recovery.

Unfortunately, some Wisconsin State Legislators have looked at your situation and seen naked political opportunity. One of my state senators has sent a letter to President Bush asking him to release oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to make sure gas prices here don’t spike due to your devastating loss.

In a time of crisis, it is unconscionable to me that politicians can be callous enough to use this tragic event as merely a platform for political opportunity. Before a single rescue crew had been through what is left of the streets of New Orleans, Biloxi, or Mobile, legislators were pandering to the press to get a cheap story. Before a single drowned body has been pulled from a flooded home, some of my legislators were more worried about whether we here in the Midwest may pay a few extra cents at the pump.

Releasing oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserves is an extremely complicated proposition with international ramifications. If the fuel is released, one of the problems we may face is a lack of refineries, not a shortage of crude oil. Having all the oil in the world won’t help us if the refineries cannot process it. The infrastructure in the Gulf Coast Region may be severely damaged, which would make transporting this oil costly. Releasing oil from the strategic reserves could signal a shortage crisis to the futures markets, which would actually drive the price upwards. Thus, releasing the oil in reserve may serve little purpose other than to spawn more press releases for political opportunists. While it may still be a good idea, the timing of this request is disturbing.

The only role Wisconsin State Legislators should be playing in this tragedy is to urge their constituents to donate food, clothing, and money to the relief effort. Nobody likes high gas prices, but it is a global problem. Unless a Wisconsin State Senator can convince India and China to reduce their demand for oil, altering the state’s gas tax is the most significant act we as a state can take, and we have not been willing to do so.

In the last day, we have seen video of streets and buildings underwater, power lines down, and substantial wind damage to structures. We have seen video of heroic rescues of people trapped on their roofs, and those are the lucky ones who managed to make it out of their homes. No doubt rescue crews will find attics with fingernail scratches in the ceilings where people were sentenced to death.

I truly cannot believe one could look at that scene and immediately worry about gas prices in Wisconsin, rather than the well being of families who have suffered casualties or total property loss. Apparently our legislators are willing to step over a few hundred caskets in search of an easy press hit.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, and I urge all the residents of Wisconsin to help the relief effort to their full capabilities. Please make a contribution to the relief effort at the American Red Cross website or choose a worthwhile charity that is helping residents of the area. While kind Wisconsinites are helping you get back on your feet, Judy Robson and John Gard will be sending you a bill for the extra buck per tank they have to pay when they fill up at the pump.

Sincerely,

Dennis York

Note: This post does not constitute a return to blogging.

In one of her recent posts, Jessica McBride asks the question: \”Who is Dennis York?\” A more topical question might be: \”Who was Dennis York?\”

After a few months of working on this blog, I have finally decided to pull the plug on this little project. Seeing as how discussion of my identity has really taken over any discussion of what I actually write, I think it\’s probably time. Some other reasons:

1. I have heard from numerous people who are accused of being me on a daily basis. In her article, Jessica actually posits a few possibilities (I am none of those people, FYI). It really isn\’t fair to those people to have to answer questions about whether they are me, and it\’s not fair for people to suspect them of holding some of the opinions I have expressed.

2. I do actually feel guilty for using a pseudonym, and I apologize to those who didn\’t know. If I didn\’t absolutely have to, I wouldn\’t. When I started the blog, I never expected anyone except my audience of about four buddies to actually read it, so I didn\’t think the pen name thing was a big deal. I support other people who want to blog anonymously, because I think it can be a good thing if done right.

3. I\’m just a regular working stiff, and I need to consider the job that actually pays my bills. Continuing this blog would make things difficult in that regard, so I have to prioritize the thing that keeps a roof over my head. I would hope everyone else would make that choice, too.

I want to thank all the people who have read this over the past few months, and the people who encouraged me to get it going in the first place. (I thanked some of them here.) I\’ll continue to read you all in the future, but unfortunately, I will have to vent quietly behind my desk. I\’ll keep all the articles I have written up on the blog, as my little contribution to the blog knowledge base.

Maybe someday I\’ll re-appear as \”Phineas Ironsides\” or \”Grover Manlove\” or something like that in the future. Keep a look out.

There\’s a good speech in the movie \”Hustle and Flow\” about those who talk the talk and those who walk the walk. I had been talking for a while about writing and doing columns. I want to thank you all for letting me walk for a little while.

-\”Dennis York\”

As is the case with most Wisconsin residents, I bleed green and gold. And since I now have a forum to vent my gripes about the Pack, I will do so occasionally. Often times, it will be after a tough loss, I will be drunk and despondent, and they will be only semi-lucid. Here are some thoughts from last night’s scrimmage:

I am as big a Brett Favre fan as anyone, but apparently he has super powers that turn announcers into oatmeal. The three hour lap dance he usually gets from the likes of Madden and Theismann is really getting to be embarrassing. I mean, in his last two playoff games, the guy has walked out and dropped a Cleveland steamer on the middle of the field. Does that count for nothing? (Painful stat update: In his last 5 playoffs games, Favre has thrown 7 touchdowns and 13 interceptions, while the Packers have gone 1-4. Their only win came in overtime against Seattle, on Al Harris\’ interception for a touchdown.)

Jim Bates may be a great defensive coordinator, but any time a running back in pre-season that wears the number “8” is running wild on your defense, it may be time to re-think some things.

Joe Theismann and Paul Maguire shouldn’t even be allowed to buy tickets to the same game that Mike Patrick is working.

J.T. O’Sullivan will make a great life insurance salesman. Or realtor. In fact, I’m setting the over/under at two years before we see an ad that says, “Nobody knows the Monona – Cottage Grove area better than the O’Sullivan Team!”

Listening to Suzy Kolber really makes me want to end it all. With the praise she heaped on Favre for his pre-season workout regimen, you would think he saved an Indonesian city from the tsunami. I didn’t hear many of her other interviews because I was sitting in my closed garage with the car running.

Near the end of the game, I did a double-take when I actually thought I saw a white cornerback on the Packers. I would be less surprised if a saw a stegosaurus playing left tackle.

Instant update: The player I saw was some guy wearing #29, Todd Franz. This is on his official bio, and I am not kidding: \”After football, wants to help wife start a business producing designer purses and baby bags, called \’Fränz Handbags.\’\” The jokes just write themselves.

What could Darrell Bevell possible have to say to Brett Favre as his “coach?”

Bevell: “Brett, you missed the read there – you should have thrown to the post pattern.”

Favre: “Darrell, can you go get me a soda? I think it’s somewhere in the back of my locker – behind my three MVP rings.”

The Najeh Davenport situation is a perfect example of the double-standard we have for athletes. Would he be re-elected if Fred Risser snuck into some UW Madison student’s dorm room and dropped a deuce in her laundry basket in the middle of the night? Come to think of it, that might be the only way he earns my vote.

Aaron Rodgers is still a long way away. In fact, Wisconsin residents better pray for good health for Brett Favre and Jim Doyle, because their backups are horrific.

How cool was it to hear LaDanian Tomlinson talk about touring the Packer Hall of Fame? A class act – someone on another team that is easy to root for.

You\’ve exhausted all the possible gifts for the left-winger in your life. Mondale cufflinks? Check. Lock of Al Gore\’s chest hair? $4.66 on EBay. Dukakis oven mitts? Done.

After perusing the web, I found a perfect gift that I GUARANTEE nobody owns. I give you the State Senate Democratic Committee merchandise page, where you can pick up a memento from a caucus that has lost three seats in two years – with a bullet. If you need to make a strong statement of support for a rudderless group comprised of individuals that nobody in the state can name, this is the spot for you.

For those that don\’t know, a campaign committee only exists to raise money – so by buying this merchandise, you are merely showing your support for the bland fundraising mechanism that many point to as being the big problem in politics.

For my grandmother\’s 75th birthday, we had T-Shirts printed up for the accompanying party. I would bet a hundred bucks there are more of those in circulation than SDCC t-shirts.

If buying merchandise from a nondescript campaign committee isn\’t your cup of coffee, then maybe a Dave Hansen for Senate coffee mug is. Going out for a picnic? Don\’t forget your Bob Wirch Tote Bag, in honor of the electrifying State Senator from Kenosha.

Since I\’m sure these items are flying off the shelves, I thought I\’d make some other product suggestions to fatten the wallets of Democrats in Wisconsin. When these become a reality, I expect a cut of the profits.

Items:

The Russ Feingold Mirror – When you\’re looking out for #1. That\’s right – you da Senator, beautiful. (Side note: Whoever owns \”Just for Men\” hair coloring sent his kids to college based solely on the business he gets from U.S. Congress.)

Frank Boyle Adult Diapers – Comes in \”Absorbent,\” \”Super Absorbent,\” and \”Oh, Sh** I just plowed into a concrete barrier while a cop car was following me.\”

Russ Decker Chewing Gum – For when smokey is on your tail, and your breath is premium octane.

Peg Lautenschlager Resume Paper – When you absolutely have to get a ton of resumes out in a hurry.

Chuck Chvala Soap-on-a-Ro… I\’m sorry, it\’s just too easy. Moving on…

Jim Doyle White-Out – Perfect for those loved ones who need to erase comments they made while they were Attorney General, such as \”The Legislature should have a say in Indian gaming compacts,\” and \”The governor should not be allowed to use his veto to create new sentences.\”

Gwen Moore Tire Repair Kit – Comes free at Taco Bell with purchase of a three pack of Soft Taco Supreme Solar Allahs.

The Gary George Board Game – Learn to move money seamlessly between the Police Athletic League, offshore television stations, your check cashing business, and the women who have filed suit against you for sexual harrassment. But look out – if you get caught by the FBI\’s black helicopter, you have to go to prison in Minnesota, without collecting a cent.

Mike Ellis Kiddie Backpack – For carrying your dependents around. Fits Rob Cowles and Mike McCabe comfortably.

In researching this post, I came across the Robert Fyrst for State Treasurer website, unfortunately titled \”Adding Up For Wisconsin.\” In other words, Robert Fyrst\’s only actual qualification for the office is that he owns a calculator. Go get \’em, Rob.

In college, I worked at a fancy brew pub as a waiter. As is the case in most upscale restaurants, all the twentysomethings with too much cash on hand leads to a lot of drug use. I was talking to one of the guys there about a big party he and his buddies had the night before – it went something like this:

“So my hombres and I decided it would be fun to see if we could get our iguana stoned. I would take a hit, then blow out into his cage. Then the next guy would, and he would exhale in the cage, too. Then it would get back to me, then around and around. Absolutely no response from the iguana – he just sat still.

Then, after an hour or so, the iguana just plops over on his side, like he’s dead. After an hour of inhaling smoke, he finally gives in. It’s at this moment that I realize – THE IGUANA WAS TRYING TO GET ME STONED! He was purposely holding out until the last minute to make me and my friends smoke as much as possible! What an awesome iguana!”

Today, the iguana has his own show on “Air America” Radio.

This weekend, I committed myself to a horizontal position on the couch. If felt adventuresome, I would get up and move to the bedroom. I had morning and mid afternoon naps that were interrupted by other naps. My wife referred to me as an \”apiring invalid.\”

Despite my comatose state, I was able to take in some television viewing. Some thoughts:

I know infomercials are low hanging fruit, but there are certain individuals that clearly should be in prison for the content of their ads.

Most notably this guy, who claims to be a former homeless person who has the stock market completely figured out. His scam is \”trend trading,\” which is a formula he has devised to tell investors when to get in and out of the market. He acts as if \”short selling\” was his idea alone. This trading practice is extremely risky, and involves actually making money on stocks when their value goes down. But in the case of normal stocks, all you can lose is the money you have invested. With short selling, you can lose an infinite amount of cash if the stock rises and rises.

So you\’re telling me thousands of high priced Wall Street advisors haven\’t figured out this scam but this New York dirtball has? Wouldn\’t your Schwab advisor just order his system and pass it on to you if it actually worked?

This is something I have thought about with Matthew Lesko (another member of the \”should be in prison\” infomercial crowd.) You\’ve seen him – he runs around Washington D.C. in a green suit with imprinted question marks like a crackhead on meth and promises to find government programs to just give money away to everyone. My first action as a Congressman would be to order this idiot\’s book and eliminate every program he promotes ($350 billion by his count).

Anyway, back to Michael J. Parness, the dirtbag behind \”Trend Trading.\” His infomercial features Lisa Guerrero – it\’s a long way down from \”Monday Night Football,\” isn\’t it, honey? His website features this classic line:

Michael, 40, after returning to school, finally graduated Summa Cum Laude from Hunter College in New York City, and holds a Bachelor of Science degree in English. He lives on Manhattan\’s Upper West Side where he continues to rule the freakin\’ markets every day!

Please, give this man your money.

Informercial #2 pushed the incredible \”Velform Sauna Belt.\” For those of you who haven\’t seen this, it is a belt that you put on, plug in, and sit on your ass for an hour. It gets really hot, and makes you sweat. They promise that you will lose an inch or two in an hour. I thought it was suspect that the only website I found for it is based in the U.K.

Of course, the models they have demostrating the Sauna Belt need to lose weight as much as I need a third nostril. They show a computer graphic of a 300 pound woman watching the pounds melt off after she straps on the belt – within an hour, she\’s a supermodel! Of course, it displays all the hallmarks of a terrible infomercial – the unsettlingly happy hosts, the promise that it is \”portable,\” the people doing sit-ups that look like they are receiving a simultaneous colonoscopy, etc.

Before I get off this topic, I have to mention my all-time favorite, the \”Body Blade.\” The body blade is essentially a stick that you wave back and forth to get fit (see website for a demonstration). It is positively the biggest scam ever to grace a TV screen.

I then flipped over to the Women\’s British Open golf tournament. It\’s funny that for the men\’s tournament, it\’s wall to wall coverage the whole weekend. For the women\’s, they televise about an hour of it on tape-delay. The announcers are the fourth string team over there at ABC – apparently Cookie Monster and Captain Crunch were unavailable to provide commentary.

For those people who have caught Michelle Wie Fever (accompanied by a rash), they are looking in the wrong place. Paula Creamer, only 18, has already won on tour twice this year, while Wie hasn\’t won anything except a praying mantis look-alike contest. I also have to admit that Creamer wouldn\’t have caught my attention if she wasn\’t a little cutie, which almost makes womens\’ golf watchable. Get an eyeful now before she gets that trademark LPGA leathery sheen and mustache look (guaranteed to look like M.T. Promises from \”The Great Space Coaster\”by age 23).

Women\’s golf has a special challenge to gain American viewers, due in large part to the influx of Asian talent to the game. You can\’t deny their talent and skill, but you wonder if American audiences are going to embrace a Top 10 leaderboard full of South Koreans every week (\”Birdie\” Kim had to change her name because she was one of SIX \”Kims\” on the LPGA Tour). This, however, is a gold mine for my buddy who used to get \”Orientails\” magazine discreetly shipped to his apartment in a brown paper bag. He ended up marrying a woman that looked more like Secretariat than Lucy Liu.

I also had the misfortune of catching the movie \”Mr. 3000\” last night. The movie, as you may remember, features Bernie Mac as a former Milwaukee Brewer who, nine years after he retires, has to come back to get three more hits to reach 3000 for his career.

Aside from the ridiculous premise of the Brewers being competitive as recently as 1995, Bernie Mac has one of the most preposterously horrible swings in the history of movies. Only John Goodman\’s swing while playing Babe Ruth could have been worse, and he has an excuse because he\’s not left-handed (Ruth obviously was). Of course, watching Tom Cruise play catch with his son in \”War of the Worlds\” almost made my eyes bleed it was so awkward.

Mac\’s character, Stan Ross, is a despicable, self-absorbed character from beginning to end, despite us being forced to believe he learned some sort of lesson after the climactic final scene. I\’m no Mensa candidate, but let\’s just say\”Titanic\” was less predictable than this movie (spoiler alert: the ship sinks).

I know through the plot line, we\’re supposed to see what a nice guy Ross is on the inside, blah blah blah. But think about this if you were a Milwaukee sports fan observing this from the outside: A 47 year old player comes back to play for the Brewers after retiring in the middle of a pennant race nine years earlier after he thought he got his 3,000th hit. He then goes 2 for 70 (or whatever it ends up being, including 0-for-32 to start) in his selfish push to get his personal milestone. The entire time, he behaves like a petulant, self-absorbed jackass, flying all over the country (?) during the season to promote himself. I, as any fan, would be killing this guy on talk radio the whole season.
But for some reason, the fans in the movie are 100% behind the move. Just ridiculous.

As you can already predict, the movie comes down to the final at-bat (spoiler ahead). Of course, there\’s a man on 2nd base in the final at bat of the final game for Ross, and he chooses to put the team before himself and bunts the guy home for the win, sacrificing his chance at his 3,000th hit.

Let\’s think about this – you have the count 3-0 with a man on second, and you\’re batting .032, or whatever it was. There is absolutlely no chance you\’re swinging (or bunting) on the fourth pitch. The truly unselfish thing would have been to take the walk. But instead, he does the thing that gets himself the most attention and accolades. And how often do you see a runner score from second base on a bunt, anyway, especially with the game on the line?

I know, details, details. It was nice to see Milwaukee get some decent publicity.

A final note: If someone just gave Phil Hellmuth his own TV station, I would watch it more than any other channel. I mean, seriously – we can\’t cancel Oxygen or WE or any of that other garbage to just watch Phil walk around and go nuclear on people? This would be top-notch entertainment, and when it happens, I expect royalties.

“Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” is one of the best movies of the 1980s, and not only because it featured Ruprecht the Monkey Boy. As you may recall, it involves two hucksters who prey on rich, single, and gullible women to swindle them out of their cash. Michael Caine is brilliant as Dr. Emil Shüffhausen (from the Shüffhausen Clinic in Lichtenstein), who attempts to pry fifty thousand dollars away from a supposedly naïve heiress.

Dr. Emil Shüffhausen, meet Dave Magnum.

Magnum, a wealthy Republican from Portage, was recruited in 2004 by the Republican Party to run against uber-liberal but popular Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin in the Dane County area. Unfortunately for Magnum, his race highlights the dark side of politics. When political operatives saw Magnum, they began licking their chops, much like my dog does when I eat popcorn.

There are many races around the state that simply aren’t winnable. Just because a race can’t be won, however, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a tidy profit to be made by running one of those races. Political consultants often descend on naïve wealthy people, pitch their candidacy, and rake in the consulting fees as the campaign goes up in flames. Generally, the only people telling these people that they can win are the ones that directly profit from the campaign.

In 2000, John Sharpless came close to beating Baldwin, but the district borders changed by the time 2002 rolled around. In the 2002 election, Baldwin disemboweled firefighter Ron Greer, beating him 66% to 34%. Greer, the sworn arch-enemy of the left wing who may be just to the right of Rasputin, didn’t spend much money and never really had a chance. Make no mistake – Greer\’s 34% is the base Republican vote in the district. Courtney Love could run on the GOP ticket and get 34% (and she killed Kurt).

Enter Dave Magnum, a radio station owner with a lot of money, no political experience, and no name identification. Knowing what a challenge it is to raise money in the 2nd Congressional District, Magnum was a perfect target for the Republican Party – he was more moderate than Greer, had boatloads of cash, and was willing to spend it as a candidate.

Magnum’s federal campaign finance reports show a badly mismanaged, top-heavy campaign that shelled out nearly $117,000 in consulting fees and staff salaries – almost as much as Ron Greer spent in his entire 2002 campaign. Magnum used four different consulting firms. His reports show that he either contributed personally or lent his campaign $349,000 of his own money, which comprised 52% of all the funds raised by his campaign (his FEC filings are sloppy and incomplete, for which he has been warned seven times by the feds).

The most valuable expenditure a campaign can make is one that directly contacts a voter – whether it’s via TV ad, radio ad, literature mailing, yard sign, or phone call. To his credit, Magnum did spend plenty in these categories – including a $268,000 television ad buy (some of his TV ads featured him longingly staring at a picture of his deceased wife, which shows you the quality of consulting he was getting).

When you go item by item through the campaigns’ expenditures, however, it reveals a campaign that either didn’t know what it was doing or a campaign that never really expected to win.

For instance, Magnum paid $1700 a month to rent a campaign headquarters ($6800 total), and nearly $12,800 to furnish it, including furniture, computers, supplies, internet access, campaign software, and cable TV (cable TV!) Anyone that has run a campaign will tell you that there are always friendly business owners that will give you a great deal on a headquarters, usually in a public right of way. You just have to do a little digging.

The Magnum campaign also clearly liked to eat. His campaign spent $2,500 on food for staff over a 4 month period. Magnum’s campaign also spent over $3,500 on cell phones for his staff. Details on how either of those expenditures convinces voters to vote for Dave Magnum are unavailable.

Magnum\’s campaign also suffered from Magnum himself. His calm, cool demeanor and slow, deliberate radio voice euthanized exciting political events. His rehearsed radio voice is enough to make NPR seem like Def Comedy Jam. Local pickpockets figured out they could walk out of a 15 minute Magnum speech on Social Security with 100 wallets. Bland and uninspiring, he never provided a single reason to elect him. He never laid out a consistent message, which is suprising given how much advice he was paying for.

You probably already know what happened in November. Magnum was trounced by Baldwin, losing 63% to 37%. On election night, he said \”I\’m an optimist. I was going to feel like I won either way tonight.\” Ummm…. yeah. I think Enron might be looking for a new auditor with just that type of can-do rosy outlook.

I opened the Wisconsin State Journal editorial section the other day to a column written by Dave Magnum, where he took the highly controversial position of being tough on sex offenders. To me, this was about as welcome as a recurring rash after a spring break trip to Tijuana. Wispolitics.com followed up several days later with a report than Magnum was considering another run for Congress, and was being courted by – you guessed it – a consulting firm.

Magnum might be a great guy, and this column contains quite a bit of tough love. I’d like to see a Republican win this seat as much as anyone, but it will take the right candidate receiving the right advice. Spending almost $700,000 to get 2% more of the vote than the clearly unelectable Ron Greer is simply not acceptable.

I saw a depressing sign at a Brewer game the other night that said \”Brewers! – Let\’s get to .500!\” It\’s a sign of low expectations when the most you can hope for is to win 50% of your games. My suggestion for the next Magnum campaign slogan – \”Dave Magnum – 36% with a bullet!\”

In 2006, the consultants will be lining up to take a whack at the Magnum Money Pinata, hoping his personal wealth falls to them. My only advice – don’t answer a call from Dr. Emil Shüffhausen.

Rejected possible title for this post: Magnum Pee-Yoo!

I don\’t have anything particulary good to share with anyone today (as if any of it is), so I thought I\’d take time out to thank some people who have helped this blog get off the ground. Apparently, Charlie Sykes has acquired a computer virus that keeps linking to my articles. Bill Christofferson, Charlie\’s arch-nemesis in the Wisconsin Blog World, has been very encouraging from the start. Others who are frequent readers and occasionally link to my posts are Jessica McBride, Dean at the Thoughtful Conservative, Jib, John McAdams, Random10, Real Debate Wisconsin, and Dad29 (that guy is everywhere!)

What I\’ve realized is that the blog world is very much like the rap world – one person gains fame an notoriety, then begins linking to others who then start to pick up readers. As I\’m sure you remember, N.W.A. begat Doctor Dre, who begat Snoop Dogg, who begat Eminem, who begat 50 Cent, and on and on. In this spirit, figure my next move is to host a \”Girls Gone Wild\” video.

So, anyway, thanks to everyone who helps keep good news alive. I don\’t do a lot of linking to other blogs, so I wanted all of you to know that I read you constantly, and you all do great work.

With President Bush’s selection of John Roberts as Sandra Day O’Connor’s successor on the U.S. Supreme Court, the hysteria regarding Roberts’ views will now commence. Roberts became a federal judge in 2003, and little is known about how he might decide pivotal cases on the Court, but that will not keep interest groups from speculating.

In the upcoming days, you will see a substantial amount of speculation about Roberts’ temperament as a jurist. Much of it may turn out to be wrong. As a guide to what might be before us, I decided to look at the rhetoric surrounding another Republican-appointed Supreme Court nominee with a paucity of written opinions, David Souter. Some of the rhetoric may sound awfully familiar as Judge Roberts’ nomination moves through the U.S. Senate.

In 1990, President George Bush appointed David Souter, at the time a little known New Hampshire State Supreme Court judge and former State Attorney General, to the Supreme Court just three days after Justice William Brennan retired. Widely considered a conservative at the time of his nomination, Souter has morphed into a reliable vote for the left during his tenure. Did we know what was coming?

At the press conference held to announce Souter’s appointment, Bush said:

“His opinions reflect a keen intellect as well as wide balance between the theoretical and practical aspects of the law. Judge Souter is committed to interpreting, not making the law. He recognizes the proper role of judges in upholding the democratic choices of the people through their elected representatives, with constitutional constraints.”

Q: Did you ask Judge Souter his views on abortion? Do you know what his views are, and affirmative action, and all these things that have become so controversial – the major issues of the day?

A. No, and I had one meeting with Judge Souter. I was very impressed, but in my view it would have been inappropriate to ask him his views on specific issues… I did not, and would not, as I think I\’ve said before, when I talked about – not just here but at other times – the litmus test approach. I wouldn’t go into that with him.

Q. Does that mean you do not care what he thinks?

A. It means I have selected a person who will interpret the Constitution, and in my view not legislate from the Federal bench.

Q. You’re not certain in your own mind how Justice Souter will vote if Roe v. Wade comes before the Court next term?

A. What I’m certain of is that he will interpret the Constitution, not legislate from the Federal bench…

…And when you see the background of this man, I’m confident the Senate will share my views. You’re looking for fairness, you’re looking for equity. I wrote down a bunch of words to help me make the determination, and I wish I had them, because they’re all along those lines – experience. And I did say that I’d like somebody that will interpret the Constitution, not legislate.

Following the nomination, interest groups began to immediately formulate their opinions of Souter. Liberal groups decried the selection, pointing to cases Souter prosecuted as Attorney General of New Hampshire in which he urged that demonstrators arrested at the Seabrook nuclear power plant be given more than suspended sentences. He also argued, unsuccessfully, that it was constitutionally permissible to fly the American flag at half staff on Good Friday and that New Hampshire could force residents to carry the state slogan, ”Live Free or Die,” on their license plates.

The liberal People for the American Way unearthed a document written by Souter in which he referred to abortion as “the killing of unborn children,” which prompted Kate Michelman of the National Abortion Rights Action League to say, “ the use of rhetoric commonly used by anti-choice extremists is profoundly alarming.”

Some choice quotes from pro-abortion groups in 1990:

Abortion rights advocates Tuesday escalated pressure on the Senate to reject Supreme Court nominee David Souter, warning of political reprisals against those who vote for him. We urge you to keep the faith of the American people and American women, women who will not forget who nominated the next justice and who confirmed him, said Faye Wattleton, president of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America.
USA Today, September 19, 1990

”To George Bush and others who would like us to think David Souter is a blank slate, NOW asks, ‘Who are you kidding?’ ” said Molly Yard, president of the National Organization for Women. She described Souter as ”almost neanderthal.” NOW plans a ”Stop Souter” rally Friday on Capitol Hill. National Abortion Rights Action League’s Kate Michelman said Souter has to be rejected because he would not fully endorse a constitutional right to privacy – including the right to reproductive choice.
USA Today, September 19, 1990

“For the first time in history, the Supreme Court is on the brink of taking away a fundamental right: the right to choose,” said Kate Michelman, executive director of the National Abortion Rights Action League. Her group urged the committee to “safeguard the health and lives of millions of American women by withholding their consent.”
The Toronto Star, September 18, 1990

“He hasn’t said what he thinks about the most important issue facing women today,” said Donna Lenhoff, legal director for the pro-choice Women’s Legal Defense Fund, as the hearing wrapped up yesterday. “We are very, very concerned.”
The Toronto Star, September 18, 1990

In August of 1990, former Reagan nominee Robert Bork wrote an editorial in the New York Times that displayed optimism about Souter’s conservative temperament. He wrote:

The early signs about Judge David Souter are encouraging. He seems not to confuse judging with his own moral and political sympathies. If that proves to be so, he most certainly should be confirmed. If he is, the third branch of our Government will be well on its way to the function prescribed for it by the Constitution. Both our right to self-government and our liberties that the Constitution removes from majority rule will be fully protected.

Conservative groups also had their reservations about Souter, which ultimately turned out to be correct. Howard Phillips, chairman of The Conservative Caucus, said he was opposing Souter because of his service as a director of two New Hampshire hospitals that allow abortions. He also alarmed conservative senators. Senator Charles Grassley, an Iowa Republican, declared in disgust that his responses were those of a ”judicial activist” (a judge who tries to legislate from the Bench).

Souter’s Senate confirmation hearings went through without the future justice answering a single question about how he might decide an abortion case. It took him actually sitting on the Supreme Court to find out where he really stood.

As we now know, Souter ended up being an ardent friend of pro-abortion forces. Souter was a joint author of the most prominent abortion decision since Roe v. Wade, 1992’s Planned Parenthood vs. Casey. In that case, the majority opinion found that regulations on abortion would be unconstitutional if they imposed an“undue burden” on a woman’s right to an abortion. In that opinion, Souter wrote, “Our adoption of the undue burden analysis does not disturb the central holding of Roe v. Wade, and we reaffirm that holding.”

Souter has also been on the majority side of cases that upheld racial quotas in university admissions, banned the Ten Commandments on public property, struck down state sodomy laws, and a recent controversial case that reaffirmed the use of eminent domain by local governments to seize private property.

In the coming weeks, you will hear fiery rhetoric about how Judge Roberts is going to dismantle a woman’s right to an abortion. You will hear how he has a poor record with regard to civil rights. In the end, only one person knows how John Roberts will cast his vote as a Supreme Court Justice, and that is Judge John Roberts. For conservatives’ sake, let’s hope he holds his apparent conservative credentials dear.

U research raises hope of reversing Alzheimer\’s (Minneapolis Star Tribune, July 14)

University of Minnesota researchers have reversed memory loss in mice with Alzheimer\’s disease, raising the tantalizing possibility that the same thing can be done in humans.
Their findings may also challenge long-held assumptions about how the debilitating disease destroys memory and intellect, resulting in dementia for millions of people.

What exactly were these mice forgetting? Where they put their car keys? Where they last saw the remote control? How to play Rachmaninoff\’s \”Etude-tableau In D Major\” on the oboe?