El Paso, TX (AP) – With the second day of her federal trial for bid-rigging about to begin, former Wisconsin Department of Administration official Georgia Thompson was apprehended at the U.S/Mexico border. According to sources on the scene, Thompson recently read about how easy it was to escape U.S. law enforcement officials by fleeing across the southern border to Mexico.

Thompson\’s plan was to fully immerse herself in the ways of Mexico, beginning by stealing the job of a well-paid American worker. Thompson believed assimilating her way into Latino culture wouldn\’t be difficult, as she already had her last name in large letters on her car\’s back windshield, and in 1983, she scored a #4 hit in Mexico as a member of Menudo.

Governor Jim Doyle, when reached for comment, said that Thompson was originally hired by the McCallum administration and didn\’t have a political bone in her body. When it was pointed out that if she truly wasn\’t political it means that she was told to rig the contract from someone higher up in the administration, Doyle mesmerized reporters by doing the detached thumb trick, then ran out of the room while the press tried to figure out how the hell he did it.

Earlier, Doyle dodged questions about whether he had hired an attorney to represent him in the proceedings. Doyle said that not only had he not hired an attorney, he didn\’t know what an attorney was and even if he did, nobody had contributed enough to his campaign to earn the right to represent him.

Investigators first became suspicious when Adelman Travel was awarded the state travel contract, despite only providing travel via Golden Retriever. Thompson\’s co-workers said she would always speak in code, saying things like “the buzzard flies without cigarettes,” “the walrus is eating the deodorant,” and “I don’t care how crappy Adelman is, they gave Doyle a lot of money, and he told me he\’d kick my ass if they didn\’t get the damn contract.”

Thompson was able to make the trip by receiving a \”frequent liar\” discount from Adelman Travel. It was believed that she was going to go by the name \”Bernardo Neumann-Ortiz.\” In her pocket was found a phone number for a \”Gary Jorge,\” believed to be living in a grass hut in Mazatlan.

Both fans of this site probably know that I tend to pack it in on Fridays and not post until the next week. But when I saw a quote from Dane County District Attorney Brian Blanchard in Wispolitics.com, I was moved to immediate action. Read this as if I was yelling it, or at least typing really loud.

Blanchard has filed a brief with the Dane County Circuit Court to have convicted former Speaker of the Assembly Scott Jensen held in custody pending appeal of his conviction of campaigning with state resources. The Wispolitics account includes this passage:

Blanchard also attempts to shoot down the claim that Jensen is entitled to the release because he was not convicted of a violent crime. He admits while the multiple counts of misconduct in public office don\’t constitute personal violence, \”(Jensen) did do violence to the trust necessary to a democratic system of government.\” And Jensen\’s attitude toward his offense makes him likely to recommit, Blanchard argues.

Recommit? He’s not in the Legislature anymore – where exactly is he going to recommit? As speaker of his daughter’s playgroup?

The more interesting portion of the filing deals with the idea of “violence.” Blanchard apparently isn’t embarrassed to make the case that Jensen did “violence” to democracy, and therefore serves as a threat to society.

Liberals like Blanchard constantly make the case that we shouldn’t have nonviolent criminals in jail. Yet somehow, we have a nonviolent criminal who is the former Republican Speaker of the Assembly, and he deserves to be behind bars? And to reconcile this obvious inconsistency, Blanchard makes an absolutely absurd attempt to define Jensen as “violent.”

And if this is an attempt to “send a message” to other legislators about the gravity of the crime, isn’t Blanchard now making a conservative argument? Isn’t this the point that right wingers have been making – that despite some offenders being “nonviolent,” that jail time can serve as a deterrent? Don’t drug dealers and check forgers “do violence to the trust” of our society?

So Scott Jensen is more of a threat to our public safety than a drug dealer? Am I going to have to lock my doors tonight because Scott Jensen might be outside my house threatening to print some campaign literature with state money?

One of Blanchard\’s other arguments is that Jensen should be detained because it is unlikely he will win his appeal. Like Blanchard is going to go before the court and say \”Judge, I did a really crappy job of prosecuting this case, and the evidence I presented was full of holes.\” Of course he\’s going to say Jensen is unlikely to win his appeal, because to do otherwise would be to impugn the veracity of his own prosecution. Is this even really a valid argument?

The only more ridiculous statement I remember a public official making this year was the crazy Madison alderwoman that supports banning chewing tobacco because it might get on someone’s infected foot. Of course, nobody will even question Blanchard’s rock solid reasoning on this, and the local paper will continue to hail him as a hero.

(Madison) – Local WKOW anchor Christa Dubill today announced that she would be accepting applications for a crazy person to become her personal stalker. Dubill expressed her irritation that nobody had yet come forward to serve as her stalker, despite her tenure as the station’s premier female news anchor.

“All of the groundbreaking female anchors throughout history have had some delusional individual on their tail,” said Dubill. “What’s wrong with me? I check my e-mail every day, and nothing. It’s all women wanting to talk about their babies and crap like that.”

“I work my tail off on the newscasts, and that hussy Elizabeth Hopkins gets all the good stalker mail,” Dubill complained. “It’s all ‘I want to touch your booty’ this, and ‘I want to test your melons’ that. Why doesn’t anyone want to touch my booty?” asked Dubill.

Hopkins admitted she has gotten plenty of stalker e-mail, but clarified that 72% of it is comprised offers to “love you down” by a “P. Barrows” at the University of Wisconsin.

Dubill noted that Channel 27 weatherman and stone-cold lover Bob Lindmeier has a bus full of adoring female fans waiting for him at the end of every broadcast. Lindmeier has said that he provides each member of his female fan club with the “4 minute guarantee.” His popularity has grown in recent years, since the weather forecast now takes up 28 minutes of a 30 minute news broadcast.

\”What better story could there be than me hunting down my own stalker?\” said Dubill. \”I\’m tired of sitting behind this desk reading all the dopey news that other people write for me,\” she said. \”This could be my big break,\” she said.

A controversy arose recently when Channel 3 editoral director Neil Heinen was bragging about his stalker, and it was discovered that \”chubbyluvn3000@hotmail.com\” was actually Heinen sending e-mails to himself. The plot was uncovered when police failed to believe than anyone other than Heinen himself could understand his ridiculously disjointed, hot air editorials.

Potential stalker Oscar Kreutzer, 27, when reached in his parents\’ basement for comment, said he’s been too busy making paper mache dolls of Becky Hiller to be sidetracked.

Given Dwyane Wade\’s ascendance to the top of the basketball world, I thought I\’d look back at his beginnings as a Marquette Warrior, just to see how far he\’s come.

From the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, November 2, 1999 (his first mention):

It was really quite simple. Dwayne Wade telephoned his longtime Illinois Warriors teammate from Amateur Athletic Union basketball, Odartey Blankson, and together they reached the same conclusion. Marquette University was the school for both of them. So together, they made a three-way call to Tom Crean late Monday night to give him the news.

As a result, the Golden Eagles received their final two oral commitments from Wade, a 6-foot-4 guard from Oak Lawn Richards High School in suburban Chicago, and Blankson, a 6-6 guard from Hillcrest High, also in suburban Chicago. Wade and Blankson round out an MU recruiting class for next season that includes 6-9 center Scott Merritt of Wauwatosa East and 6-7 forward Terry Sanders, a former Milwaukee Vincent player now at Hargrave Military Prep School in Virginia.

Both Blankson and Wade, who have played with or against each other since the eighth grade, said they were being pursued by Marquette\’s Conference USA rival De Paul. But both opted for Marquette because they liked the persistence of first-year coach Crean, the chance to play at the Bradley Center and the opportunity to work out against the Milwaukee Bucks in the off-season during open gym. \”I like the situation at Marquette,\” Blankson said. \”Crean is really energetic. I know he is going to get it done.\”Blankson had been recruited by former MU coach Mike Deane and also by Notre Dame and Iowa State.

De Paul wanted Wade badly, and he liked the program and its players.\”But I felt I could fit in at Marquette better,\” Wade said. \”I\’ve been thinking about this for a while. Marquette is really trying to recruit good people.\”

Wade averaged 20 points at Richards, which made it to the Class AA sectional finals. He set a school record with 87 steals last season.

Illinois prep basketball star Dwyane Wade has made an oral commitment to play at Marquette University next year. His name was spelled incorrectly in a story in the Sports section Tuesday.

MARQUETTE\’S TROPHY CATCH; Golden Eagles lure Wade from De Paul\’s grip
LORI NICKEL of the Journal Sentinel staff

Oak Lawn, Ill.– It\’s good business to have Quentin Richardson serve as your leading scorer, rebounder and big buddy for recruits, especially when he\’s the hero for so many Chicago-area hopefuls who are suddenly turned on by De Paul.

But even Richardson\’s charm couldn\’t reel in Oak Lawn Richards star Dwyane Wade. Wade wasn\’t wooed by the promise of playing time by the Blue Demons. He wasn\’t persuaded by his coach at Richards, Jack Fitzgerald, who is good friends with De Paul women\’s coach Doug Bruno. He wasn\’t even convinced by Richards assistant coach Gary Adams, once Richardson\’s grammar school coach, to stay at home. \”I went somewhere I felt the coaches wanted me and the teammates wanted me,\” Wade
said.

So he signed the letter of intent to play at Marquette.\”De Paul really didn\’t jump on me as hard as Marquette did,\” Wade said. \”I talked to all the Marquette coaches almost every other day. De Paul kind of laid off me a little bit, then they came back. They were playing tag with me.\”Of Marquette\’s four-man recruiting class expected to arrive next fall, Wade was the sleeper given his advanced skills and impressive on-court attitude. He wasn\’t in any recruiting expert\’s top 100 class a year ago. But it\’s obvious now what a find he was for Marquette coach Tom Crean.

Wade averages 27 points, 11 rebounds, three assists and five steals per game, partly because he is the star for Richards (21-4, 10-0 in the SICA North Conference). But he also hustles whether the Bulldogs are up by one point or 20. The Marquette coaching staff will fall in love with his backboard radar. He is always going after the boards and he has huge hands for scooping up rebounds, especially offensive ones.\”I
know (those are) easy points. I watch Quentin Richardson do it all the time,\” Wade said.

At 6 feet 4 inches, he can jump, so he can play on the blocks. He\’s versatile enough to play the point when teams try to trap Richards\’ small point guard. Yet Wade might be only a partial qualifier next year. If he doesn\’t get the necessary standardized test scores, he will be limited to just practice next season.\”I understand what the colleges are doing with this ACT stuff,\” Fitzgerald said. \”But if there\’s any reason why standards should not be what they are, he\’s the reason. He came from a very, very poor grammar school elementary district (in Crestwood, Ill.).\”He\’s worked hard to improve himself in every area, and yet he\’s maybe not going to be able to play basketball next year. He could cut it in any curriculum, with the exception of maybe the Ivy League schools, you know what I am saying? You talk to any teacher on this staff and they love him. He comes to school every day, he\’s working hard.\”I feel bad
that he is in that situation. That he could possibly be labeled a Prop 48 every time he takes a free throw, I think it\’s sad and I think it\’s ridiculous, and I\’m resentful of it.\”

Wade took the ACT recently and will keep taking it. He is the only one in the Marquette recruiting class who presents a concern for qualifying. Scott Merritt of Wauwatosa East and Odartey Blankson of Hillcrest High in Country Club Hills, Ill., already have qualified, and Terry Sanders of Hargrave Military Academy in Chatham, Va., said he was very close.

Wade met future teammate Blankson at the Blue Island recreation center in Illinois, and they called Crean together back in the fall to tell him they were both signing on. Blankson\’s Hillcrest High was one of the few to defeat Richards this year. Wade\’s only limitation has been his knees, which have been painful because, he said, he is having growing pains. His jump shot needs work to become consistent, as well. Wade was 3 for 22 in one game this season, although he still came away with 15 points and 10 rebounds.\”He\’s kind of a streaky shooter,\” Fitzgerald said. \”He either hits it or he clangs it.\”Every day last summer, Adams, a retired public schools teacher, picked up Wade and brought him to the hot gym for 500 to 600 shots a day. Wade scored 48 points in a morning semifinal game of the St. Xavier Christmas tournament. Then in the evening finals that same day, he scored 41.\”I was hot,\” Wade said with a laugh. \”That was the day Marquette came to the game, too.\”

Wade was named the player of the month by the Chicago Tribune for January and has led the Bulldogs to a top-15 ranking in both the Chicago Tribune and the Sun-Times. He is also getting Chicago player of the year consideration.

Yesterday, the Wisconsin State Journal announced in a front page, above the fold headline that recently convicted legislators may be able to collect the pensions that they had accrued during years of service. Today, in the most predictable editorial ever, the State Journal makes the shocking claim that they oppose these legislators being able to collect their pensions, something that was inherently clear given the story the day before.

Set aside, for a moment, the likely unconstitutionality of yanking these pensions away from the elected officials, regardless of how little they actually deserve them. Does the State Journal really want to set the precedent of pulling away benefits from workers who they believe don\’t deserve them, but have rightfully earned them over years of service? If a State Journal editor signed up for a job with a retirement benefit agreement in place, then worked for 20 years before being caught soliciting minors on the internet, would they think it was fair to have to give back 20 years of benefits? I doubt it.

What is noticeable about this editorial, however, is how often a paper will do some \”investigative\” journalism that is supposed to get a reader to think a certain way about an issue, then immediately follow up that story with an editorial that perfectly echoes the sentiment of the preceding article. In fact, in some cases, you have to wonder whether the editorial was actually written first, and they needed the story to give their opinion some cover.

For example:

On March 21st of 2006, Steve Walters of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel wrote an article informing readers that the legal bills of the convicted legislators would be paid for with tax money (something that had been known for about four years.) On March 22nd, an editorial appeared in the Journal Sentinel denouncing the practice of paying legal bills with tax money.

On April 13th of 2006, Patrick Marley of the Journal Sentinel wrote an article critical of legislators for exploiting a 30 year old law that allows them to toss their records when they leave office. On April 17th, the editorial board printed an editorial supporting the view that you were supposed to get from Marley\’s article that something untoward was afoot. In fact, the Wisconsin State Journal even jumped in the fray, criticizing the law and the legislators. Perhaps their vitriol is merely embarrassment for being the official state newspaper and clearly not knowing this law existed for 30 years.

On December 26th of 2005, the Journal Sentinel printed a story about State Senators voting by what are known as \”paper ballots.\” Despite this being a virtually uncontested practice for 30 years, the article was clearly trying to get the reader to think this was some sinister plot to keep votes away from the public (despite the results of the voting being public record). Sure enough, on December 28th, the Journal Sentinel editorial board denounced this practice of \”secret\” voting.

Of course, editorial boards can feel free to editorialize about anything they want. But in these cases, and many, many, more, their editorials are clearly companion pieces to their supposedly neutral news articles. It lends the appearance that many times, they have made up their mind on certain practices or stories before the news is even written.

It\’s not even as if some of the things for which they advocate are even bad ideas. But it\’s pretty clear that they are advocating in their news articles, then using their editorials to drive their point home. Maybe their reporters appreciate getting backup from their editorial boards. Maybe they try to keep the story alive for a couple more days with an editorial. But this happens time after time after time, which leaves many readers wondering whether there truly is a bright line between the news and editorial departments. An editorial board shaping the content of the news department would certainly run counter to the mission of any legitimate newspaper.

Thank God we have public libraries to provide us with all of our educational needs. For an illuminating example of tax dollars at work, check out this investigative report from a Cleveland television station. It\’s about five minutes long, but well worth your time.

I actually heard some people feel sorry for this guy, the way the reporter ambushes him. But if you feel comfortable enough at the library to fire off some knuckle children while my kids are around, I feel comfortable holding you up for public shame.

And if you think this doesn\’t happen at public libraries all over Wisconsin, you are willfully deceiving yourself.

The Diamond Mine today gives me credit for… well, something. I would say it\’s a good blog, but he thinks I am respectable, which means he might be a little crazy. But seriously, go check it out. Apparently, I have shown him how exciting it can be to be an average smartass anonymous political blogger. In upcoming weeks, I will show him how to be fat, pasty, and have your wife hate you for blogging too much.

And as long as I\’m saying good things about lefty blogs, go check out In Effect. Well written, well thought out. A daily read of mine.

Last week, a woman was found dead of a heroin overdose here in Madison. It seems to be a pretty routine (albeit tragic) story, but I ran across this interesting passage from the State Journal story:

Assistant District Attorney Mike Verveer said in court Monday that Prager is not only a defendant in the case but could be a material witness in what might become a \”Len Bias\” homicide case against the person who supplied the heroin that killed Schnitzler. People who supply illegal drugs that cause the death of a user can be charged with first- degree reckless homicide under the state\’s Len Bias law. That charge carries a penalty of up to 25 years in prison.

Now let me state up front that I have no tolerance for drug dealers, but this does seem a little weird. I supply something (albeit something illegal) to someone, and it is a crime. If I\’m willing to take the risk of being a drug dealer, I should be able to look at the state law and figure out how much time I\’m going to get. However, with this law, if someone I sell it to goes overboard and kills themselves with it, I\’m then an accessory to murder? I had nothing to do with how the product was used – my criminal penalty at that point is completely out of my hands. How much jail time I get is incumbent on the actions of others whom I may never see again.

I don\’t believe we criminally penalize other products this way. In fact, the legislature is trying to make sure gun companies can\’t be sued for the actions of someone to whom they sell a gun, since what happens with the gun is completely up to the purchaser once they walk out of the store. If a friend gives me a baseball bat and I crack someone over the head with it, is he liable for what I did?

Obviously, an exception would occur if the drug dealer provided a drug laced with something that killed the person on the spot (and I\’m not implying that there is such a thing as \”responsible\” heroin use).

I don\’t feel strongly either way on this, and I\’m sure it was debated to death whenever the legislature enacted it. I have no problem with the law staying where it is, and I will likely be blown out of the water by a smart commenter and have to change my position (whatever it may be).

Just thought it was interesting.

The headline on the front page of the USA Today Life Section this morning breathlessly promised details of Madonna\’s \”shocking\” show last night in Los Angeles. The accompanying story lays out what was so \”shocking\”- a crucifix, some bad stuff about George W, and other run of the mill garbage that was lame in 1985 when she was doing it.

I was going to do a whole post about how lame and tired the whole Madonna act is, but I ran across this English concert review that says it a lot better than I can. It is just dripping with contempt for her ridiculous attempts to offend.

The world\’s most famous 47-year-old took to the stage, a mere 50 minutes late, determined to prove to all those willing to listen – and pay up to £200 a ticket – that she still had the ability to grab headlines.

She insulted George Bush, simulated sex and suspended herself from a giant mirrored crucifix, head adorned with a designer crown of thorns (provided by Cotter Church Supplies, LA) in an all-out attempt to get someone, anyone out there, riled…

And then it started to go a bit wonky. We know about the former Material Girl\’s newfound spirituality and devotion to Kabbalah, and Madonna seemed determined to Leave People With A Message.

Thus, words of cod wisdom such as: \”There\’s light even in the darkest places\” flashed up on screen – which was nice enough, even if it sat oddly with her previously stated message to \”turn the world into one big dance floor\”.

But Didactic Madonna wasn\’t finished-Up she went, suspended on a large crucifix, as images of child poverty flickered on the screens. The tour, incidentally, is estimated to gross $200 million. In the next segment she engaged in an energetic \”fight\” with a male dancer which involved a demonstration of her unnerving ability to bend her leg around the back of her head.

Next, a montage of world leaders was flashed up as Madge sang: \”I\’ve listened to your lies\”, images including Nixon, Pinochet, Hitler and Blair.

But Madonna had bigger fish to fry, in the shape of George Bush. She urged fans to perform a certain sexual act on the President…

The show ended – rather abruptly – with no encore and with the lights immediately going on, leaving us all looking at one another in a slightly embarrassed fashion, as though we\’d just been caught doing something we shouldn\’t have been.

At this point, the only way Madonna could be shocking would be if she displayed any talent.

Sorry for the lack of posting lately, but the mix of too much playoff basketball and a stack of books I\’m trying to read has hampered things somewhat.

One thing specifically dragged me back, confused and dismayed, to my keyboard.

I noticed the cover of TIME Magazine this week:

Now, I\’m well aware that one of the \”Chicks\” said something derogatory about George W. Bush a couple years ago, and had to fight off some bad publicity. But if I were putting together a list of 10 million Americans whose opinions I valued about the War in Iraq, the \”Dixie Chicks\” wouldn\’t make the list. How is this relevant to anything in any way? Was Nipsey Russell not accepting calls the day TIME wanted to talk about global warming? Was Tiffany Amber-Thiessen at the spa when they called to interview her about the relative value of the Euro?

I am racking my brain to figure out how news that belongs on page 24 of US Weekly somehow made it on to the cover of a magazine some believe to have some credibility (It was also in USA Today as well). Here\’s what I got:

1. The Dixie Chicks have a great publicist willing to gin up a phony controversy to sell their new CD.

2. TIME Magazine has a business relationship with their record label (Sony), and therefore has an interest in selling as many Dixie Chicks CDs as possible.

3. TIME Magazine actually believes this is a matter of national importance and deserves to be featured above all other news stories this week.

4. One of the editors got drunk and lost a bet, so he had to put the most ridiculous story he could think of on the cover.

5. This one is the most cynical, but I believe also the most plausible. TIME Magazine has a natural impression of country music fans that they are all backwards, intolerant religious conservatives who turn on their own when they step out of line, and that is why this is newsworthy.

I mean, think about it – musicians with actual artistic credibility rip on Bush all the time. In fact, I don\’t think I own a CD by a single artist I would be consider even to be a moderate. Yet somehow when Michael Stipe or someone pops off, it\’s never news, since their message is usually delivered to a willing audience. But suddenly when someone makes a political statement to those intolerant conservatives, it becomes a national scandal when those right wingers express their disagreement with the artist.

Plus, her \”insult\” to Bush was just lame. If you\’re going to take a shot at the President, do it with some panache. To wit:

LONDON – Morrissey, outspoken lead singer of \’80s rockers the Smiths, has sparked an Internet storm with reported comments about U.S. President George W. Bush.Manchester\’s Evening News said yesterday it had received a record number of
hits after reporting on its website that Morrissey, 45, had interrupted a Dublin
concert Saturday with news of former President Reagan\’s death, adding that he
wished Bush had died instead.

-Ottawa Citizen, June 11, 2004

Or:

Radiohead singer Thom Yorke has sent out a Christmas greeting that includes a swipe at U.S. President George W. Bush\’s \”new war.\”In a message sent out by the group\’s fan club W.A.S.T.E., Yorke wishes his fans a Christmas that is \”peaceful and loving and spiritual,\” and thanked his fans for \”still listening and sticking with us and understanding the records we make.\” But his greeting also carried a strongly worded condemnation of the war in Afghanistan.\”Violence breeds violence,\” Yorke said. \”We need a world court, not a Republican with his hands covered in oil and military hardware, lecturing us on world security,\” he wrote in the message.
-Toronto Sun, December 12, 2001

Now that\’s insulting the leader of the free world. Take that, Bush!

I spent another 45 minutes typing stuff about Barry Bonds, Barbaro, and the movie \”A History of Violence,\” but Explorer crashed on me, so it\’s all lost. This is all I have saved, as lame as it is. Don\’t worry, the other stuff wasn\’t any better.

By Phil Brinkman, Wisconsin State Journal Reporter

Madison police today released a sketch of the individual they believe to be responsible for over 14 muggings in the downtown area this year. \”The perpetrator is believed to be between zero and 400 years old, and stands between 6 inches and 12 feet tall,\” said Police Chief Noble Wray. Papa Smurf was immediately released from custody, as he is 542 years old and stands only three apples high.

It took weeks for Madison Police to release this vital demographic information about the perpetrator, as they reportedly were worried about the negative effects releasing a description might have on Stick Figure Americans. \”The race of the mugger really isn\’t relevant,\” said Wray. \”What\’s really important is that the victims are mostly white,\” said Wray, noting that nobody really cares if any crime happens on the poor Allied Drive, but it looks like the Hurricane Katrina relief effort when a crazy white girl gets lost in swamp.

\”It\’s really nobody\’s business who might attack you with a deadly weapon,\” said Wray, adding, \”we need at least 300 muggings to take place to really get an idea of who we\’re dealing with.\” Wray said there were no leads, but David Hasselhoff had been brought in for questioning – not because he\’s connected to the crime, just because he really wanted to meet David Hasselhoff.

The importance of Stick Figure Americans was illustrated last week during a rally known as \”A Day Without Stick Figures,\” when they were urged not to come to work. Mass confusion ensued, as traffic and bathroom signs were rendered incomprehensible. In one particularly ugly incident, a group of third grade boys wandered into an unmarked Capitol bathroom to find Attorney General Peg Lautenschlager on the throne \”issuing a subpoena.\”

Little else is known about the perpetrator, other than he strongly supports Kathleen Falk for Attorney General.

On this day in 2005, I set this crappy little blog up with the purpose of annoying everyone with semi-lucid, rambling and only occasionally coherent thoughts. It appears I have been successful (except for when I quit for a couple months). So here\’s a thanks to everyone who\’s stopped by and for those who helped me get this little idea off the ground. Of course, you people that helped me get started probably deserve more blame than credit.

To infinity and beyond.

Really good story by Jason Stein this weekend regarding all the gas price pandering at the state level (by both parties). Nice to have someone look skeptically at the information they\’re fed – I think he used to be a business reporter, so he probably gets how market forces work. From the article:

But economists are panning most of these short-term solutions, saying there\’s not much a state like Wisconsin can do about gas prices besides promote long-term solutions such as alternative fuels. What\’s more, they said, taking steps to artificially lower fuel prices may actually send consumers the wrong message – that they can keep blithely guzzling gasoline without cutting back.

Exactly. (Disclaimer: I am biased pro-Stein, as he spent an hour interviewing me for this story.)

And in that vein, I dug up this column from UW-Superior Professor of Environmental and Cultural History Nicolaas Mink, in which he illustrates the long term benefits of higher gas prices. He says:

I hope gas prices climb higher.

While the $3-per-gallon threshold certainly makes many rethink (and perhaps even question) their suburban automotive escapades, gasoline selling at $4, $5 or $6 a gallon, as it does in Europe, would radically alter American habits, culture and society for the better.

This line of thinking was what I was trying to illustrate with this post. The Democratic Party as a political operation may be trying to squeeze some good publicity out of the gas price issue, but I believe honest liberal thinkers would support anything that causes cutbacks in consumption and more conservation. Even a good conservative thinker like Charles Krauthammer advocated for increasing gas taxes to keep the price artifically high. On this issue, I think the Democratic party apparatus is out of step with its base.

I know I\’m waaaaaay late to the party on this, but I just watched March of the Penguins and I have now officially caught penguin fever (my man-crush on Morgan Freeman notwithstanding). If the purpose of the movie is to show much more evolved and mature penguins are than humans, it did its job for me.

The pro-life message of the movie, whether the filmmakers intended it or not, is unmistakable. In a society where female humans form entire associations to fight for their right terminate their unborn children, female penguins brave cold, starvation, and predators to make sure their eggs hatch. Some are so distraught about losing their unborn chicks, they try to steal them from other penguins (which has all the makings of a Lifetime movie starring Tracey Gold). Needless to say, there won\’t be a National Association of Women Penguins.

Additionally, the male penguins take an incredibly active role in protecting the eggs from the elements. Virtually as soon as the eggs are hatched, the males take over the role of squatting on the eggs to protect them from the brutal cold, and stay on them for months while the females return to the ocean to feed. Contrast this to humans, where many fathers are out the door as soon as they can break free, if they\’re ever tracked down at all. Needless to say, you will never see a penguin on the Maury Povich show getting a paternity test – they take care of their bidness.

I\’m obviously not the first person to point this out – the Catholic organizations were all over this from the get-go. And the New York Times thinks the film is a conservative conspiracy. Although I can honestly say I would now rather have an emperor penguin living in my house than any New York Times correspondent.

So when it comes time for President Bush or his successor to pick a new Supreme Court justice, I\’m hoping it is a penguin. Honestly, if the Republican presidential primary came down to John McCain versus an emperor penguin, I\’d have a hard time choosing.

I can see it now:

When I first read Susan Lampert Smith\’s column today, I rolled my eyes, as I do most of the time when I read \”The Queen of Sensitivity.\” In it, she advocates for a \”day without gays,\” in which gay people don\’t show up for work, to mimic the \”day without Latinos\” rallies of a couple weeks ago. This is supposed to show how valuable gay people are to our every day lives, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But it dawned on me that this could actually be a fantastic idea, if only for the comedy and excitement it would present. You\’d have legitimately sick guys from all over the state push, pull, and drag themselves into work to avoid being absent. There would be 100% attendance in offices statewide. You\’d have men that get into car accidents on the way to work that would crawl out of their flaming cars, and drag their bloody stump of a leg all the way into the office to avoid missing work that day.

I can see a guy calling his elderly mother\’s doctor:

\”Yeah, Doc – I know she\’s wheezing quite a bit, and she\’s already gotten her last rites. But I really need you to prop her up for an extra day. If she says she\’s heading towards the light, just feed her another Brandy Old Fashioned – she\’ll be fine. I cannot miss work today!\”

Some poor guy will take a little extra time getting into work to get his office donuts, and for a half hour his coworkers will be shaking their heads and saying things like \”I knew the wife and four kids was just a show.\”

Productivity would be off the charts. The economy would boom. The Dow would hit 20,000. The only business to really take a hit would be golf courses (they\’d be empty). Of course, all those sick guys at work would probably cause some kind of viral epidemic that could wipe out the planet, but at least everyone would know they\’re swingin\’ for the right team.

On a more serious note, I think this might actually cause some tension in the gay community. I\’m sure that there are some more strident gays and lesbians who resent other gays who choose to remain in the closet. You\’d have a ton of closeted gays who would refuse to take part, which could cause a rift between them and the openly gay community. Not to mention all the effeminate straight people who will have co-workers come up to them and say, \”Um…weren\’t you supposed to be off today?\” Awkward.

Finally, I was intrigued by the stereotypes Lampert-Smith uses in her column. Needless to say, if any right-wingers were to say gay people are hairdressers, wedding planners, caterers, and waiters, it would send the sensitivity police into a code red mobilization. But I guess as long as you advocate for their pet cause, stereotypes are acceptable. I just hope at some point she makes a list of aggrieved groups it is acceptable to paint with a broad brush and those that are not eligible.

My suggestion: \”A Day Without Jim Doyle.\” Suggested date: November 8th, 2006.