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Christian Schneider

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The UK Blueprint

August 14, 2007 / / 2 Comments

In the United Kingdom, the National Health Service has dropped Alzheimer\’s medication from the list of drugs covered by their universal health care system, citing the high cost of providing the drugs.  In a recent court ruling, the High Court found the move to be legal, citing the diminished benefits of Alzheimer\’s drugs in later stages of the disease.

In essence, it was up to the courts to make a determination of how effective the drugs were – and not health professionals.  Some very interesting points are made in the comments section of this Scottish news account of the court ruling.  Among them:

My wife\’s mother here in Madrid has been using Aricept for about 3 years now to treat Alzheimer\’s, and we have certainly seen a massive improvement since she started using it. It is free for all pensioners over 65 in Spain, although those under 65 have to pay 40% of the cost.

I find it perplexing that the UK constantly appears to lag behind countries such as Spain in so many health related issues like this.

This may sound familiar:

This is the same NHS that wastes huge amount of money to offer free treatment to immigrant and asylum seekers as well as paying for translation costs and bankrolling a lot of useless manager.

While supporters of Wisconsin\’s proposed government-run health care system continue to speculate as to how the program will work, they forget that similar programs already exist.  And they have the same problems we will inevitably see in Wisconsin. \”Healthy Wisconsin\” is a mystery to which we already know the answer – it\’s just a matter of who is willing to listen.

Next Up: Blog of Love

August 9, 2007 / / 0 Comments

It actually just struck me the other day that I may be able to consider myself a “writer.” I mean, I do get paid to write stuff. I think that’s probably a major consideration when determining whether you’re a writer or not. I had always just kind of considered myself a guy who thought of stuff and typed some of it out.

As such, I try to stay as in touch with popular culture as I can. While that means viewing some of the most horrid, contemptible trash humanity can endure, it helps me keep tabs on exactly how low we can go as a society (that’s my excuse). And lest you think I’m being snooty to lower myself to the level of the common people, I have to admit some of it is pretty funny, too.

This brings me to my discussion of the epic “Bret Michaels: Rock of Love” currently showing on Vh1. The premise is flawless – get 25 strippers together in one house to fight (both literally and figuratively) for the affections of a balding, washed up ’80s rock star. Add in healthy doses of alcohol, hairspray, penicillin, and tattoos, and you get explosively bad television. After each viewing, I feel like I need to wipe off the film these filthy women leave on my television. Honestly – if you bombed this house, you’d be eradicating herpes.

In a sense, it’s not any different that most of the other dating competitions on TV – mostly because the premise is a complete fraud. Women don’t compete for men. It’s just the way the world works. Generally, women tolerate men as much as they have to, until they realize that they have found one they can tolerate more than the others.

Secondly, none of these women are legitimately looking for love. They are competing for something even more important in today’s culture – screen time. When Bret cuts these women loose at the end of every episode, they’re not upset that they’re losing the chance to sleep with a bald has-been. They’re crying because their reign of eternal skankdom has been cut short.

Plus, it’s not like Bret Michaels couldn’t call any of these petri dishes after the show wraps up and have them any way he wanted. It’s all just such a crock. (This week Bret clearly accepted a “favor” from a ditzy blonde, then dumped her at the end of the show saying he wasn’t looking for “a party girl.”)

Third, these shows are so well established now, each woman knows exactly what she needs to do to get as much camera attention as possible. Each stripper knows her role – there’s always “ditzy stripper,” “conniving stripper,” “drunk stripper,” and so on. They characters couldn’t be scripted any more tightly. And the producers clearly keep the craziest and filthiest ones on the show as long as possible just to create more Springer-esque catfights. Honestly, we don’t need universal health care – 90% of the world’s diseases can probably found and quarantined in that house’s hot tub.

So when the show started, I had a choice. I could watch and probably enjoy the abject horror of it all, or I could boycott based on how heinous it was likely to be. It’s exactly like fast food – you know it’s unhealthy before you start consuming it, and you hate yourself when you’re done. But taking it all in is magnificent at the time.

I am going to continue to watch, and continue to be ashamed I am doing so. There is a legitimate shot that my IQ will have dropped 50 points by the series finale. But I will forge on, as any serious popular culture observer would be expected to do. Just don’t tell anybody.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

August 9, 2007 / / 0 Comments

Since he was born, I have been singing \”Take Me Out to the Ballgame\” to my son. Now, he\’s finally able to chime in with the occasional word. Here\’s our duet:

Praise for Chris Wolfe

August 8, 2007 / / 0 Comments

Today\’s Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel contains an article about Dr. Christopher Wolfe, a Marquette University political science professor who intends to set out and begin his own university.

From the article:

The university Wolfe envisions would stand in contrast to what he views as a \”flabby relativism\” in modern education, a belief that all ideas must be recognized and given similar weight. \”There is a truth,\” he says. \”It\’s sometimes hard to see what that truth is, but we need to pursue it, and we can discover it to a great extent.\”

As a graduate student in 1998, I took a constitutional law class from Dr. Wolfe, and it was one of the most illuminating academic experiences I\’ve had. In fact, his class inspired me to write my Master\’s thesis on judicial activism – probably a bad choice, given the fact that the topic is Wolfe\’s specialty, and he could easily spot flaws in many of my arguments. But that\’s the type of tough academic instruction that academia needs – and which he\’ll no doubt provide at his new university.

Marquette will miss him, as he represented the best the university had to offer. Best of luck to him, and here\’s hoping his new school\’s basketball team makes the Sweet Sixteen.

The New You

August 7, 2007 / / 0 Comments

I was doing some reading and happened to stumble across some of the writings of Chilean biologist and philosopher Francisco Varela which I thought were interesting. Varela, a Buddhist, coined the term \”autopoiesis\” to describe the regenerative process of human cells and that relation to the body itself.

Put more simply, Varela pointed out that the human body is constantly remaking itself. This is known in some circles as \”structural shift.\” Skin and tissue cells die and are replaced by new ones. Bones completely regenerate themselves after ten years. So you literally are a completely different person every decade.

The interesting part to me is how the person I am today relates to the old me of a decade ago. How is it that I have the same traits, same knowledge, and same characteristics of that guy people knew as me 10, 20, and 30 years ago? At some point, my brain cells die off and new ones are created. How do the old brain cells pass on information to the new ones? Do they \”teach\” the new cells what I have learned in the past? When I grow new taste buds, how is it they have the same tastes as the old ones?

It also made me think about what role an environment might play in one\’s development. While the body continues to regenerate, the objects within someone\’s environment may not. Someone\’s surroundings could play a large part in molding the new person into the same person they were before.

Regardless of which \”me\” happens to be around at any given time, my couch is extremely comfortable. It would be comfortable to Chris at age 10, Chris at age 20, and Chris at age 30. I think all three of them would very much enjoy laying on it – so I do, and quite a lot. I still enjoy much of my favorite music from my teens – is that because there\’s some objective standard of good music, or because my teenage brain has taught my adult brain to like specific albums? And is music and movies the only way I can go back and communicate with the now-extinct me of the past?

In the end, this all may just have the effect of making me feel older than I really should. It\’s a little spooky and a little depressing to know that I fell in love with Mary Beth Hammond in fourth grade a full two sets of eyes ago. When I call my insurance company to tell them the speeding ticket I got in 1998 wasn\’t me, I\’ll really be telling the truth.

On the other hand, this may all just be a lesson that I should stop eating the mushrooms out of the bag that guy on State Street handed me.

The Borrowed Book Conundrum

August 7, 2007 / / 0 Comments

Quick question: when you borrow a book that you don\’t intend on reading, for how long should you keep it? A neighbor of mine suggested I borrow this book of his that I have no intention of reading. If I give it right back to him, he\’s going to know I didn\’t read it and probably be offended (it\’s like 600 pages). If I keep it too long, he\’s going to think I\’m either not going to give it back or he\’s going to assume I read the whole thing and start asking questions about it. So I need to give the impression that I read it, but didn\’t enjoy it enough to talk about it. I may just ring his doorbell, drop the book, and run for it.

The Government Crackdown on “Big Babysitting”

August 6, 2007 / / 0 Comments

There are any number of ways individuals can come in contact with government, and very few of them are pleasant. Generally, when you have to deal with the government, it means something has gone terribly wrong. Either something in your life has gone off the rails and you seek out government help, or you’re accidentally wearing your friend’s pants with cocaine in the pockets, in which case the government seeks you out.

Despite my theory that the success of your life can be measured by the extent to which you can avoid dealing with the government, I recently had to venture into the world of government-regulated babysitting. And it wasn’t pretty.

After the birth of our children, my wife was itching to get back to work. In order to accommodate our new schedules, we decided to hire a UW-Madison student to babysit our kids for 10 hours a week. We paid well, although our costs escalated quickly when we had to buy her the riot gear necessary to deal with my children.

In high school, I babysat quite a bit – mainly to pay for my love of Air Jordan shoes. It was always strictly on a cash basis – I managed not to kill their kids, they handed me cash at the end of the night. As a kicker, they always had cinnamon pop tarts in the house for me to eat. Pretty straightforward.

Yet when it came time to hire our own babysitter, it quickly became evident there was more to it than just paying out of pocket. For tax purposes, my wife and I had to register and get both state and federal business identification numbers. Despite just being a married couple with someone watching their kids for 10 hours a week, we essentially had to become a corporation. But I was determined to do this legally (not Bernard Kerik-style), and paid dearly for it.

From there, we had to pay income taxes, social security taxes, and unemployment taxes on our babysitter (as well as some back taxes, as it took a few months to figure this all out). We had to register with the Department of Workforce development to set up quarterly unemployment insurance payments – despite the fact that if our babysitter were to quit working, she wouldn’t be collecting unemployment. We had to file all the W-2 and W-3 forms with federal and state government to report her income. If you decide to pay the babysitter’s portion of the income tax, naturally that gets taxed too, since it is considered income to the sitter. Despite my wife and I both having master’s degrees (although, admittedly, mine came with the purchase of my 20th case of Miller Lite), we had to hire a professional tax preparer to sort the whole mess out. And this was for someone watching our kids for 10 hours a week.

There have to be thousands of families that hire a babysitter so a spouse can go back to work. I would estimate that the number of parents that follow the law in Wisconsin is probably five percent. There’s just no way to figure out the morass of paperwork and red tape without professional help – and many families of modest means just don’t have the resources to do so.

Supporters of government programs often praise the ability of bureaucracies to get people back on their feet and into the workforce. Yet this is a situation where heavy-handed government regulation, if followed lawfully, actually inhibits the ability of women to return to their jobs following the birth of their children. Rather than enacting more government programs to get people into jobs, it may make more sense for government to get out of the way to allow families to hire child care without a mountain of red tape.

Our babysitter is gone now, graduating from college and receiving a purple heart for her bravery in being able to deal with my children. So any law change streamlining the in-home child care process won’t benefit me. It will, however, benefit those families looking for a second income that don’t want to be treated like they’re selling cuts of meat out the back of a truck.

-August 6, 2007

For Those About to Pretend to Rock

July 27, 2007 / / 0 Comments

When news became available that Guns n’ Roses tribute band Paradise City was playing the Club Tavern on Thursday night, word spread between my friends like wildfire. On Halloween of 2003, another tribute band named Mr. Brownstone played Luther’s Blues in Madison, and it went down as one of the more epic nights in Madison music history (meaning my friends all got really drunk and craziness ensued). They actually went on to see Mr. Brownstone two more times before, sadly, the band broke up. (I blame Yoko.)

So it was exciting news that Paradise City was coming to town – and with a Bon Jovi tribute band as the opener, to boot. My friend Jay, an off the charts GnR fan, dusted off his sleeveless “Appetite for Destruction” shirt and rallied everyone in the Capitol to attend. After all, the Paradise City website proclaims they’re the “nation’s #1 Guns n’ Roses tribute.” As if there were some objective standard by which tribute bands are measured – like somehow, if your fake Slash’s top hat isn’t big enough, you get bumped to #3.

A while ago, I had read Chuck Klosterman’s “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs,” which contains an amusing chapter documenting life on the road with a Guns n’ Roses tribute band. It talks about how shallow of a life these bands lead by driving around the country in a van pretending to be someone else. But tribute bands quickly learned that people are more willing to pay $10 to go see songs they already know by fake celebrities than $5 to see original songs by real beginning bands. Before the show, I went back and looked that chapter up, and lo and behold, the band in the book was called Paradise City. So that added even more excitement for me, given that I thought I knew a little bit about these guys.

I got to the bar at about seven o’clock, as the band was warming up. And they were taking themselves deadly seriously – no note or verse went unchecked. It was like they were warming up to play the Grammys or something. But then I realized an important fact for the night – while we were led to believe that there would be an opening band, it appeared that the Bon Jovi and GnR tribute bands were the same band! That’s right, they would come out dressed as one band, then go back to the dressing room, change, and come out as the other. It’s brilliant – you get paid for two shows.

As show time neared, it became evident that the crowd consisted entirely of people who hang out at the Club Tavern anyway. Everyone knew each other, and we were clearly interlopers. It didn’t seem like the explosive entertainment potential of Paradise City had really brought anyone out other than me and my friends. The women there made sure every tattoo they invested their hard earned infant formula money in was visible. Clearly, shoulder tattoos outnumbered college degrees by at least three to one. There was a fast-spreading rumor that a boob may have escaped the shirt of one scantily clad woman while she was dancing, but upon further investigation, the rumor was never substantiated.

The band eventually came out, and to everyone’s surprise, they started as Guns n’ Roses. This chapped my friend Jay’s ass. He pointed out that on no planet in the universe would Guns n’ Roses be opening for Bon Jovi. So there was one strike against Paradise City right there. I also noticed that there’s no way these guys were the same guys in Klosterman’s book. In the book, the band took pride in not wearing wigs and living the whole GnR lifestyle (except on about $10 a day). These guys were wearing wigs and playing Bon Jovi songs. I’m guessing there’s probably a dozen bands out there called “Paradise City” that move around under the radar playing shows, rocking dentally-challenged bars from coast to coast.

About 20 minutes in to the show, someone noticed that “Slash” was holding a cigarette in the same hand he was picking his guitar with. Jay leaned over to me and said, “see, that’s how you get to be America’s number one GnR tribute band.” Point well taken. In the interest of accuracy, he wondered if a Def Leppard tribute band could ever make it to number one without a drummer with one arm.

Later on, it was observed that the fake “Izzy” kept his cigarette in the fret board of his guitar when not smoking it. My friend Dave pointed out that that right there is an argument against smoking bans – just so guitarists can do cool stuff while smoking in bars.

After finishing up with their rendition of “Paradise City,” the band took a break to go become Bon Jovi. When they came out and started playing, it was determined that the lead singer was a much better Jon Bon Jovi than he was an Axl Rose. At one point, fully in character, “Jon Bon Jovi” told everyone to clap for the opening band. Who, of course, was them. Dead serious.

In the middle of the set, the singer yelled out “HOW YOU DOIN’ MADISON!!!” At that point, a reserved young man walked over to the stage and told “Jon” that we were actually in Middleton. There was an extended awkward pause, then “Jon” picked up the microphone and screeched “MIDDLETON!!!!!!”

I am not a Bon Jovi fan, and the only songs I know of theirs are from “Slippery When Wet.” So I kind of mingled and observed the crowd. There was one woman who we pegged at 99% as a former stripper, as her dancing alone probably gave everyone in the bar an STD. You just know this woman has served as a human trampoline for the men of Middleton, where everyone gets a turn. Kind of sad, really.

Earlier in the night, I had told Jay that I was going to be on “Here and Now” today talking about universal health care. When “Bad Medicine” came on, he told me I should just go on TV and do an a capella rendition of that song, and that all the viewers would understand the point. And I think he’s right.

“Bon Jovi” finished of the set with “Livin’ on a Prayer,” then left the stage to chants of “one more song!” Ignoring the convincing argument put forward by the two chanters, they ducked back into their dressing room. Many bar patrons left. But then, about five minutes later, they emerged and headed to the bar. Jay went over to “Jon/Axl” to plead for another song. When he began talking to the singer, the guy just turned his back on Jay and walked away. I mean, how awesome is it to get completely blown off by some crappy celebrity impersonator? I almost burst my spleen laughing so hard.

But then, the band took the stage again. It appeared that he may have just ignored Jay because he didn’t want to spoil the “surprise.” But when they got back up there, they weren’t in their costumes – nobody really knew what to make of them. They just became some kind of amalgam of ‘80s bands, playing songs ranging from Skynrd to Ratt. They finished off their 6 song encore by once again playing “Welcome to the Jungle,” to the delight of everyone.

The lesson here is, that one person can do anything if they put their mind to it. Under adverse conditions, Jay put his mind to having that band play an encore, and I’ll be damned if he didn’t make it happen. Goes to show that the strength and determination do pay off. Imagine what would happen if he set out to end world hunger.

Our night having climaxed, we all headed home at 1:00 AM, our hunger for faux-rock satisfied. The real world intruded in my life at 6 AM, when my daughter woke me up by poking me in the face with a stuffed frog. Somehow, rock just isn’t what it used to be.

————————————————————————

Here\’s a video-phone clip of \”Sweet Child O\’ Mine,\” released 20 years ago this year. The sound is terrible (you can barely hear the music), but it gives you a glimpse at the genius of Paradise City.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

Discovered at the High Noon Saloon website:

Sat. October 27, The High Noon Saloon presents:
High Noon Halloween Party
Mr. Brownstone
10:00 PM / $tba cover 21 AND UP

That\’s Me, Dude

July 26, 2007 / / 0 Comments

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The Wisconsin State Journal asked some prominent Madisonians (and me) which Simpsons character they thought they most resembled. I picked Otto Mann, the incompetent yet content metalhead busdriver. When trying to make my pick, I was sold on these stories about Otto from his Wikipedia page:

Otto\’s ability and competence to drive any kind of vehicle, let alone a school bus, is highly questionable. On \”The Otto Show,\” he tells Principal Skinner that he has a record of crashing his school bus 15 times without a single fatality. On the same episode, he was dismissed from his job when the authorities discovered that he did not hold any kind of license, or any kind of identification at all. (He stated that his identification was the fact that he wrote his name on his underwear; only to discover that he was wearing someone else\’s).

And:

He once met Metallica in the episode \”The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer\” and exclaims, \”It\’s Metallica! Am I on drugs?\” A lizard in a stoner vision says \”Yes you are, but that really is Metallica.\”

Wisconsin’s Health Care Crisis Solved

July 26, 2007 / / 3 Comments

Sick of expensive medications and visits to the doctor?  Upset that the state hasn’t done enough to provide you with the health care you so richly deserve? The New England Journal of Medicine may have found the answer:

 They discovered Oscar the Cat, who apparently has the power to tell when people are going to die.  From a news account:

According to the author of a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, the two-year-old cat has been observed to be correct in 25 cases so far.

Staff now alert the families of residents when he sits down next to their ailing loved one.

“He doesn’t make many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die,” David Dosa, a professor at Brown University who carried out the research, told the Associated Press news agency.

So instead of going to the doctor, we can just have Oscar pay you a visit.  If he’s willing to go into your house, it’s time to start finalizing funeral arrangements.

Seriously, though – has anyone considered that Oscar might actually be killing these people?  It seems pretty coincidental that people he cuddles up to end up dying.  Someone needs to look into possible organized crime involvement here.

This isn’t unprecedented – it follows some research that suggested some dogs may be able to smell cancer, among other things.  I’m skeptical, however, because my dog seemed to find cancer in the rear ends of every other dog he ever encountered.

I imagine we’d have to put together a pretty lucrative package to lure Oscar to Wisconsin.  No word on whether any local hospitals offer domestic cat benefits.

Wisconsin\’s Health Care Crisis Solved

July 26, 2007 / / 3 Comments

Sick of expensive medications and visits to the doctor?  Upset that the state hasn\’t done enough to provide you with the health care you so richly deserve? The New England Journal of Medicine may have found the answer:

 They discovered Oscar the Cat, who apparently has the power to tell when people are going to die.  From a news account:

According to the author of a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, the two-year-old cat has been observed to be correct in 25 cases so far.

Staff now alert the families of residents when he sits down next to their ailing loved one.

\”He doesn\’t make many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die,\” David Dosa, a professor at Brown University who carried out the research, told the Associated Press news agency.

So instead of going to the doctor, we can just have Oscar pay you a visit.  If he\’s willing to go into your house, it\’s time to start finalizing funeral arrangements.

Seriously, though – has anyone considered that Oscar might actually be killing these people?  It seems pretty coincidental that people he cuddles up to end up dying.  Someone needs to look into possible organized crime involvement here.

This isn\’t unprecedented – it follows some research that suggested some dogs may be able to smell cancer, among other things.  I\’m skeptical, however, because my dog seemed to find cancer in the rear ends of every other dog he ever encountered.

I imagine we\’d have to put together a pretty lucrative package to lure Oscar to Wisconsin.  No word on whether any local hospitals offer domestic cat benefits.

Dorms are Holding Your Kids Back

July 24, 2007 / / 7 Comments

You may have thought it was the drinking, oversleeping, or laziness that\’s keeping your kid from getting good grades at the University of Wisconsin.  But, as the Wisconsin State Journal reports today, it\’s something much more insidious – it\’s the lack of walk-in closets in the dorms.

From today\’s article:

The newest multimillion-dollar residence halls on Madison campuses feature semi-private bathrooms, walk-in closets, wireless Internet connections and even spots for professors to hold office hours.

Such perks aren \’t luxuries these days, university officials say. They \’re essential for recruiting the best students and helping students to succeed.

Right.  Without these new Taj Mahal dorms, good students would just stop coming to the UW.  It continues:

Universities say they \’re putting up these multimillion-dollar buildings in part because they help students perform better.

No wonder my grades were so average in college – I had to share a bathroom with 20 other guys for a whole year!  Obviously, a more private and serene bathroom experience leads to more relaxed students, who can then retain information more effectively.

In fact, it is well known that Einstein was merely a so-so student.  What is less well known is that he was a lousy student because he had to share a bathroom.  Once he moved and first sat down on his own semi-private toilet, the theory of relativity just popped into his mind.

\”Students have expectations now about where they \’re going to live, and they \’re a lot higher expectations than they were 20 years ago, \” said Paul Evans, UW-Madison \’s director of housing. \”Many of these students have private bedrooms at home, maybe even their own bathroom, so they \’re making those kinds of comparisons.\”

Ooooh – many of these kids have PRIVATE BEDROOMS at home!  They can\’t possibly be expected to live with another smelly person in the room!  That might actually add to the college experience, where they learn to get along with people and actually leave their room every now and then.  Someone should call all the Chinese college students packed 10 to a room and tell them how they\’re underachieving as a result.  But do it before China actually owns the United States.

Finally, what does building all these fancy new dorms do to the UW\’s line that the state is pricing kids out of a college education?  With the differential housing costs for these posh new places, the system is only going to fuel income based segregation issues.  As John Edwards (not the psychic) likes to say, we\’ll have \”Two UWs.\”  And, knowing a little about how college students actually live, there\’s a good chance these fancy new places will be in bad shape in a few years.

Of course, the UW probably has a good case to renovate many of these dorms, or build new ones altogether.  Some of them are falling apart, and most of them are still coated with bong residue from the Vietnam Era.  But spare us the rhetoric about how it makes any actual difference in how students learn.  We\’re actually smart people – despite not having walk-in closets in our dorms.

Public Access Abuse

July 24, 2007 / / 0 Comments

In an age where more and more government proceedings are being aired live, episodes like this are almost inevitable:

This man is offering his support for a San Francisco city supervisor with an impromptu a cappella rendition of Madonna\’s \”Borderline.\” You just know his stoned buddies are sitting at home, pointing at the TV, and laughing their asses off.

I\’ve always wondered why more fraternities don\’t require their pledges to show up at state legislative hearings to testify on some random bill while wearing giant Borat-style mustaches. Now with WisconsinEye, there will be a record of it for their kids to enjoy someday. (I am not suggesting this, just wondering aloud why it doesn\’t happen. And I would absolutely find it funny every time.) You\’d be amazed at how many serious people waste the Legislature\’s time at hearings – they might enjoy a little comedy from time to time.

Cracked.com also has a list of the \”Most Insane Public Access Moments\” in TV history. Or at least that have been caught on YouTube. Some of them are classics – but help yourself to clips such as \”Goth Public Access\” and \”Speak Out With Ken Sander\” (strong language warning).

Irregular Lovin\’

July 24, 2007 / / 0 Comments

My Here and Now bit on college hijinks brought up some pretty funny memories of the old days. Specifically, there was a time when I got a great deal on a new girlfriend:

At the house where I lived, there were these two giant columns in front. From my bedroom, you could climb out the window and actually slide down one of the columns for fun. In fact, this took place fairly often after we had a few drinks.

One time, when I was out of town, this cute girl climbed out my window, started to slide down the column, and let go. She fell about 15 feet and smacked the side of her head on the concrete. They rushed her to the hospital, and thankfully she lived, although she lost all hearing in her left ear.

For me, this was fantastic news – the chance to land a cute girl at a discount. This was finally the break I was looking for. It would be like finding a great pair of jeans marked \”irregular\” at the outlet mall – or being able to buy a Lexus with three wheels at 80% off. She had everything, except of course the ability to hear out of one ear.

So we went out a few times, but our boyfriend/girlfriend negotiations stalled. Soon, she left for school out of town, and it was over. I tried to convince her to stay, but she wouldn\’t listen.

I don\’t know if there\’s really a life lesson or anything here, except maybe this – maybe it\’s time we break the taboo of picking girls up in the emergency room.

I Heart C and M

July 24, 2007 / / 0 Comments

If you have some extra time, I would highly recommend watching the series at clarkandmichael.com. I was never an Arrested Development watcher, but Michael Cera is hilarious. Very much within The Office-style of squirmy comedy – complete with awkward pauses. The episodes are only 10 minutes apiece, so you can burn through them pretty quickly.

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