This year seems to be the year where underrepresented groups break through in politics. We could have the first woman or African-American as president, which would represent a huge leap for gender or race status in government. Yet there\’s one group that is still woefully underrepresented in electoral politics – hot people.

As the old saying goes, \”politics is Hollywood for ugly people.\” People who may not necessarily deserve recognition for their looks can force their own celebrity by running for office. This theory shakes out nicely when one looks at the Wisconsin Legislature, which often looks like the Creature Cantina from Star Wars. (\”Senator Greedo, you have the floor.\”)

This weekend at the Defending the Dream Summit, I happened to meet Jill Didier, who is running for Mayor of Wauwatosa. Incumbent Mayor Theresa Estness has decided not to run again – presumably to spend more time hugging Michael McGee. I think it is fair to say, without reservation, that Didier would be an anomaly in the world of political looks. (Like how I said that diplomatically?)

I have no idea what a single one of her positions on the issues is, but she\’d have my vote if I lived in Tosa. She could be for mandating lawn elves in every Wauwatosa yard, and I\’d still vote for her, in the interest of having a smoking hot mayor. She\’d be like the exact opposite of Adrien Brody (an ugly actor breaking into the world of beautiful people).

So, people of Wauwatosa, this is your chance to help out a much-neglected political minority. Once this domino drops, it might provoke more hot people to come out of the closet and run for office – suddenly, the local news will become watchable.

Until then, though, Wisconsin is stuck with dreamboat beefcake State Senator Ted Kanavas as its sole political eye candy:

(Photo taken in 1983)

(Footnote: This post may make things uncomfortable if I ever run into Didier again, but it\’s not likely, so I\’m not worried. I\’m merely reporting the facts. Plus, she should be so thankful, she should make me the Tosa Secretary of Lawn Elf Administration.)

My post rounding up my experience at the Defending the Dream conference this weekend is up at the WPRI blog.

It was snowing in Milwaukee after the conference, so I stayed with my friend Johnny Roast Beef, rather than driving back to Madison. The night ended up at Jo-Cat\’s bar on Brady Street, which made for a long Sunday. And I am willing to declare that the Apollo Cafe on Brady Street has the best gyros in Milwaukee. Hands down.

My four-year old daughter has officially changed her endorsement from Barack Obama to Hillary Clinton, she announced yesterday. This is sending shock waves through the Wisconsin political landscape. Hillary should quickly declare my daughter a super-delegate.

On the other hand, I\’m close to getting my two-year old son to switch over to the John McCain side – although he dislikes the McCain-Feingold law as much as his dad. However, he\’s impressed by the fact that they both wear diapers.

I pulled out the old Mr. Show DVDs last night, and was reminded of this outstanding running sketch. I actually had to wait about a half hour to go to bed last night, since I couldn\’t stop laughing, and I didn\’t want to wake my wife up.

There are three minute-long videos that you have to watch in succession, as they build on each other. The last one nearly killed me.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zkMFFm4tdQ&rel=1]

I got a new pair of tires today, so I had the chance to wander around the mall as they were being mounted. I figured the fact that they went flat once a week might be a hint something was wrong.

A took a stroll through the Gap, and found one of the more welcome sights I\’ve seen in a long time – they were selling flannel shirts. Apparently, flannel is creeping back into style, which means I will be able to pull out my college wardrobe and be cool once again.

Back in 1997, I started grad school at Marquette. On my first day of classes, I thought I\’d try to immerse myself into college life once again. So I showed up on campus wearing what I thought the kids were wearing those days – big flannel shirts, Doc Martens, the whole deal. I quickly realized that I was the only one on campus that wore that stuff anymore. The early \’90s had come and gone, and I looked like a fool. Instead of a student, I looked like a historical artifact from the grunge era. You could go to a museum and see me on display – right between the statues of the American Indians making corn maize and the skeleton of a pterodactyl.

\”Come see the homo grungus in his natural habitat – see his perpetual look of indifference, coupled with his ironic facial hair and untucked shirts. Watch him as he condemns any music you listen to as too \”corporate,\” and complains incessantly of his middle-class upbringing. Sadly, the homo grungus was extinct by 1994, although one was spotted on the Marquette University campus as late as 1997.\”

So world, here I come – just give me an excuse.

Has anyone else noticed that former Badger Joe Thomas made the Pro Bowl? As a rookie? I always theorized that the Cleveland Browns\’ surprising season was due in large part to Thomas\’ blocking, and it turns out other people may have noticed that, too. Then again, I\’m a homer, so it\’s hard to tell.

Last spring, after he was drafted, my friends and I went to a bar here in Madison. Late that night, I actually ended up sitting on bench right next to Thomas. As it turns out, he went to the same high school as my wife. During his career here, I always figured that if I ever met him, that would be my opening line. But sitting a foot away from his 6 foot 8 frame, that conversation starter seemed like pretty weak sauce. So I just kept quiet. (Incidentally, he seemed like a great guy.)

You see, I have this thing about meeting famous people. I generally try to think of what my opening line will be well in advance of actually meeting them, even if no such meeting is planned. So I have something in my back pocket just in case I run into, say, Barry Alvarez at the grocery store. (I realize how irrational this is, given the fact that most famous people don\’t hang out near my couch, where I spend most of my time.)

Not adhering to this practice almost got me in trouble a few months ago. I was heading down to the Wisconsin Public TV studios to tape my little commentary, when I got news that Tammy Baldwin was on the show. So I thought there was a chance she\’d be there at the studio. Then I realized that I have no line for Tammy Baldwin. The \”Baldwin File\” in my brain was empty. So I panicked, thinking we\’d meet, and I\’d just stand there like a dope. (Fortunately, she did her interview via feed from DC, so embarrassment saved. Although I still need a good one – suggestions are welcome.)

This got me to thinking about which people would be immune to opening lines. The people who you\’d be so nervous meeting, you couldn\’t spit out a word. Then you\’d feel stupid, and it would wreck your life for all eternity. Here\’s my (admittedly, eclectic) list:

1. George Will

2. Michael Jordan

3. Michael Stipe

4. Tom Wolfe

5. Brett Favre

I asked some friends for their lists of people they\’d be nervous meeting. I got answers like Paul McCartney, Charles Manson, Jessica Alba, George Bush, Pope Benedict, and James Hetfield of Metallica. (Five bucks for anyone who can get all those people together in a hot tub.) Two of my friends separately said they\’d be nervous meeting Bill Parcells, since they thought he\’d yell at them. A female friend said her list was Osama bin Laden, Brad Pitt, and George Clooney – which means if bin Laden shows up in \”Ocean\’s Fourteen,\” she might have a stroke.

Having seen pretty much all the decent movies out right now, the Mrs. and I decided to go see \”Atonement\” on Friday night. This is a weird year, as I have now seen four of the five Best Picture Oscar nominees (Michael Clayton being the only one I haven\’t seen.)

So here\’s the official review: It was looooooooong. I fully expected my first Medicare check to be in the mail when I got home. The ending was decent, but it took forever to get there. Two hours of British costume drama is too much for me, although you can do a lot worse than Keira Knightley (pretty much the whole reason I agreed to go in the first place.)

Saturday night, I watched a movie called \”Rocket Science,\” and thought it was outstanding. There was an element of \”Rushmore\” (which happens to be my favorite movie) and other high school flicks, but it quickly came into its own. (It also steals Alec Baldwin as the narrator, which is stolen directly from Wes Anderson\’s \”The Royal Tenenbaums.\”) I thought it perfectly captured the feeling of changing who you are to attract a girlfriend in high school.

Here\’s the trailer:

I checked the reviews of \”Rocket Science\” at RottenTomatoes.com, and it gets an 85% favorability rating. But then I noticed how much money it had made – a pitiful $601,000 since it was released in August.

That is part of my frustration with movies like \”Meet the Spartans,\” which has now made $28 million in two weekends. A smart, well executed movie like \”Rocket Science\” can\’t draw any viewers, but bottom feeding dreck rolls in the cash. As the saying goes, no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

Some of you may remember when I \”came out\” of my anonymous persona last February. I chose to do it in a Melanie Conklin interview in the Wisconsin State Journal. She seemed to be under the impression that I was somehow worth interviewing, so I happily agreed.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I got a flurry of e-mails from people pointing out that Melanie\’s latest \”Drinks With….\” column features another blogger (Ryan Zeinert) here in Madison. They gleefully highlighted the fact that Melanie has found a \”new flavor of the week,\” and that I am now \”old news.\”

So it is true, my carcass had now been cast aside. The empty shell of a once-interesting blogger, replaced by a newer model. I always knew Melanie would leave me for a younger man, but it doesn\’t blunt the sting much. I feel like an aging stripper, clinging to the pole for one last teary rendition of \”Kickstart my Heart,\” while men turn away in horror. Or something like that.

Anyway, I wish Ryan Zeinert the best of luck on his newfound fame and the untold riches that are likely to follow. I just hope he thinks about us trailblazers when I\’m begging him for loose change down on State Street.

I often see ads for movies that there\’s no chance I\’d go see, but rarely have I had as visceral reaction as I did when I saw the commercial for \”Meet the Spartans.\” It looked like the most offensive, bottom-feeding dreck I\’d ever seen. Making fun of gay spartans? Genius. Throwing a Britney Spears look-alike down a hole? Comedy gold!

Here\’s a commercial. Prepare yourself to be the opposite of entertained:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7kHtkxTcuQ&rel=1]

As it turns out, the movie is the epic piece of trash it appears.

But lo and behold, guess what the #1 movie of the weekend was? That\’s right – \”Meet the Spartans\” checked in at $18 million, slightly ahead of the similarly cerebral \”Rambo.\” I think it\’s safe to say that if you had $8.00 and chose to spend it on \”Meet the Spartans\” over \”Juno,\” \”There Will Be Blood,\” or \”No Country for Old Men,\” you should be eligible for a government-subsidized lobotomy.

So obviously, stupid people are drawn to this movie like moths to a flame. And the studio is more than willing to take their money. So my question is this: Who is looking out for the morons?

The nation\’s economy is about to go in the tank because of the housing crisis – mostly caused by people who were unaware of the terms of their mortgages. Apparently they were absent in math class the day math was taught. In any event, banks are being vilified for \”preying\” on these simpletons – for offering them the chance to own a home, which they couldn\’t do under the terms of a standard mortgage.

I see no difference between that situation and \”Meet the Spartans.\” Hollywood throws out nauseating garbage like meat to the wolves and rips stupid people off. Americans (mostly young, I would hope) spent $18 million to see this trash, when they could have been saving up for college. Actually, scratch that – I can\’t say that with a straight face. The kids seeing this movie aren\’t setting foot near a college campus.

I just hope everyone has the same animus toward movie studios as they do mortgage bankers, for stealing money from these people. There are no good guys in this story.

This post also gives me the chance to display this, which is kind of funny:

It appears the Catholic Archdiocese of Milwaukee is a little strapped for cash these days, so they have to cut $3 million from their budget.

I have to say, this is a little spiritually unsettling. You don’t normally think of religions as having to deal with the normal constraints of modern day life – after all, God created the world – you’d think the bank might cut him a little slack. (Or God could try the old \”mail the phone bill to the gas company and vice versa\” trick that worked so well in college.) So it\’s hard to think of something so sacred and powerful having to deal with real people problems. It\’s like recognizing that Natalie Portman occasionally has to poop. Anyway.

Seeing as how the Church is in charge of my post-life accommodations, I thought I\’d pitch in and offer a few cost-saving techniques to help them out:

1. Eternal salvation now accompanied by $20 processing fee;

2. Number of times you’re allowed to take the Lord’s name in vain capped to rate of inflation;

3. Partial insertion no longer a mortal sin;

4. Confession now accompanied by two-drink minimum requirement;

5. Smaller rosaries, quicker penance;

6. Archbishop hat size reduced by 30%;

7. Fire in; brimstone out;

8. Guilt-free Thursdays;

9. Members of the same sex can marry, as long as they’re not gay;

10. Communion now features Thunderbird fortified wine;

11. Baptize three kids at once, get the fourth free;

12. God orders sub-prime mortgage loan on the Vatican forgiven;

13. 15% tax on bad comedian jokes about growing up in Catholic household;

14. Catholic schoolgirl uniform must be returned by strippers after third use;

15. Basilica renamed the \”Hooters\’ Christ Hut;\”

16. Details of Vatican scheme to control the world\’s money supply sold to the Weekly World News for $100;

17. Coveting neighbor\’s wife legal with the purchase of any two Pope Benedict pilates videos.

That\’s it. That\’s the list.

As a \”thank you,\” the Church may now begin paying me my long-overdue Altar Boy pension. I spent years ringing those damn bells, it\’s payback time.

UPDATE: As it turns out, this post belongs in the \”Bad Timing Hall of Fame,\” given today\’s revelations about past priest behavior in Milwaukee. Nothing funny about any of the documents released.