Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Day: February 9, 2010

Stumbling Upon Disaster

Some of you may remember a column I wrote for SportsBubbler back in December in which I urged Milwaukee Bucks rookie guard Brandon Jennings to stop tweeting. (After falling victim to a hoax, he has since done so – at least publicly.)  As a result of that article, I got the chance to speak with writer Davy Rothbart, who just happened to be writing a feature on Jennings for GQ Magazine.  (He mentioned that it will be in the April edition of GQ.  I have yet to ask him when my photo shoot will take place – I imagine it’s in the works.)

What I didn’t realize at the time is that Davy Rothbart is the editor of FOUND Magazine, a publication that collects various letters, postcards, pictures, shopping lists, and other items that people just randomly find on the street, then compiles them.  I admit I\’m really late to this party – by the time I had heard of FOUND, two “best of” books had been printed and become bestsellers, and other people I knew had all heard of the phenomenon that is the magazine.  (I even ended up talking with my local librarians about it, as I overheard them talking about all the crazy notes and things they find in books when people return them.)

I went out and bought both books, and I was stunned at some of the items people had found and turned in to the magazine.  Some of the most moving entries are heartfelt notes people had written to others – some are merely comical in that they completely lack context. (Such as the note left on someone’s car that urges someone to “Please Do Not Put Crab on my Car.  Just cut it out!”)

Aside from just the prurient thrill of being able to gaze into someone’s life for a brief moment, some of the entries really serve as a mental exercise in time and space.  When people think about the problems in their lives, usually they can analyze them in terms of: 1) how they got into the predicament, 2) what all the relevant information to the problem is, and 3) what they need to do to get out of it.

And yet reading these letters allows for none of these three analytic tools.  You’re dropped right into the middle of a problem in someone’s life – you don’t know how that person got into trouble, you only know the information they have scrawled (inevitably, misspelled) onto a piece of paper, and you will never know if they got out of it.  Whether it’s a love note or a plea for a loved one to send money, or a threat to beat someone’s ass, there’s always a beginning, middle and an end – and you’re only getting one person’s interpretation of the middle.

There’s one entry that\’s so perfect, though, I had to share it here.  It’s called “Dear Lyle,” and it’s clearly a letter written by a confused, pregnant young girl to her boyfriend. (It was found by Sam Costello, of Ithaca, New York.)  I’ll just wait here in my slippers and smoking jacket while you read it….

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OK, I just read it again, too.  And it’s almost too perfect – too heartbreaking – to be real.

First, the fact that it’s on half a ripped piece of paper is so representative of the content of the letter itself, it\’s almost eerie.  Reading only half of what this young woman is saying makes your brain jerk frantically around from topic to topic, much as hers probably was when she was writing it.  The fact that half her plea is missing almost makes you feel as hurried and confused as she was while she was making her decision to keep the child.  (For me, it recalls Tom Wolfe’s “Electric Kool Aid Acid Test,” in which Wolfe writes in such a way to make your mind careen around as if it were on LSD – which is what the book is all about.  It is also my favorite book.)

Furthermore, the ripped paper is also symbolic of this relationship as it moves forward.  It’s pretty clear the young mother is telling Lyle to stay away, so “we can go on with our lives.”  So, in effect, this child is going to have half a family – much as the note itself has been torn in half.  It’s almost too perfect.

And so here you are, immediately dropped into the life of a scared young girl trying to tell her child’s father that she’s going to go it alone.  And doing so with a disjointed, poorly spelled, crumpled up letter, that apparently Lyle didn’t think enough of to keep in one piece and/or keep in his possession.

Surely, one could sit for a while and think about possible scenarios that led up to this pregnancy, and what occurred afterward.  In fact, Rothbart published a book where people of note write about their favorite found items, and build stories around the details of what they imagine to be the genesis of such items. (It includes an essay by Chuck Klosterman, who I’m pretty sure would write something for Legless Nun Magazine at this point.  The guy is everywhere.)

In case I’m not doing justice to the whole FOUND phenomenon, here’s a video of one of Rothbart’s appearances on Letterman.  Good stuff.

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The WDC Circus Rolls Back Into Town

Today, Professor of Nothing Mike McCabe of the Wisconsin Democracy Campaign bemoans how the University of Wisconsin System is losing its “Progressive” tradition.  Having already demonstrated his lack of understanding of campaigns, law, and the U.S. Constitution, McCabe is now determined to embarrass himself in another venue – higher education.  One would think that McCabe would lay low after being completely obliterated in public by Wisconsin Supreme Court justice David Prosser, but he seems hell bent on further discrediting himself.

This is actually the first time we’ve heard from McCabe since he declared the U.S. Supreme Court’s campaign finance decision (in Citizens United vs. FEC) to be as bad as the famous Dred Scott decision, which codified segregation in the U.S. for the next 100 years.  Certainly, blacks who were attacked with fire hoses and police dogs during desegregation share a kinship with McCabe, since having to watch a few extra campaign commercials seems to be just as oppressive.  (It is likely that McCabe’s legal expertise led him to invoke Dred Scott merely because it was a case that he had heard of.)

But now, McCabe is chafing because a professor at the UW (Ken Goldstein) has dared to do the unthinkable – he actually has been conducting research that conflicts with the storyline the WDC has been trying to sell to its contributors.  Goldstein has demonstrated that in cases where negative advertising occurs, voters not only know more about the candidates, they actually show up at the polls in greater numbers.  Naturally, McCabe sees this as a threat, since it would mean he’s for less informed voters that vote more infrequently.  (Which, as it turns out, he is.)

Rather than defending his own indefensible positions, McCabe lashes out the only way he knows how – by saying the UW is “as owned as our politicians.”  He says:

But instead of challenging the status quo and engineering new reforms and working with public officials to make those reforms a reality, most of the political scientists on campus are missing in action. Some of the most prominent among them are apologists for the way things are and throw their weight around on behalf of the very forces that have corrupted our politics and sullied Wisconsin’s once-proud reputation.

The UW System has 6,032 professors.  ONE PROFESSOR conducts a study that conflicts with McCabe’s fairy tale, and suddenly the whole system is corrupt?  (Goldstein is likely thankful people think he single-handedly has enough influence to undo 150 years of Progressive tradition at the UW.) Perhaps all the other faculty members should run their rigorous scientific studies by scholar Mike McCabe to determine whether they’re corrupt or not.  (Of course, how “corrupt” you are is 100% proportional to how much you stray from the “Progressive” tradition of the UW – i.e., how conservative you are.  If the UW keeps cranking out liberal studies, then there’s nothing to see, keep moving.  That’s academic rigor for which the UW should strive.)

Of course, nobody knows research like McCabe, whose bogus “reports” would be laughed out of any community college in America.  Maybe next, McCabe can poke his nose into the UW Medical School to start telling them which of their medical research methods are acceptable in the “Progressive” tradition.

Since it’s always fun to take a trip down memory lane, let’s take a look at some of McCabe’s greatest hits:

  • He bemoans the influence of lobbyists, yet he himself is a registered lobbyist.
  • He complains about how organizations that don’t disclose their funding sources attempt to change state law, yet he doesn’t disclose his own donors, and travels around the state in favor of things like single payer health care.
  • He complains about the negativity in campaign advertising, yet openly dreams about poisoning Wisconsin Supreme Court justices.
  • He believes there’s too much money in campaigns, until there’s not enough money, since nobody will know who the candidates are.

This is just a small sampling of the WDC’s incomprehensible recent history.  I’m sure UW professors, who mostly have Ph.Ds, enjoy being lectured on research ethics by a failed former Assembly candidate who will take any position that fits his storyline at any given time.