New evidence has come to light that really condemns Rod Blagojevich.

\”Police reports did not what type of sandwich was used in either attack.\”

Alright, I\’ll stop shampooing and get right to it.  My dad sent me my Christmas gift already – some gift cards to Best Buy.  A few weeks ago, I lost my iPod, and I\’ve been lost ever since.  My life is devoid of meaning.  I even accidentally ate a salad.  So clearly, I need another iPod Nano.  (Set aside, for a moment, the question of whether spending your Christmas gift cards before Christmas is actually appropriate.  I believe the Bible is silent on the issue.)

The 16 GB Nanos at Best Buy are $199.99.  (Thank God they\’re not $200 – I might not be able to swing that.)  And these gift cards will cover a big chunk of it.  Sounds like a match made in heaven, right?

Only there\’s one thing that sticks in my craw.  If you go online shopping, like at B&H, the same iPod is $174.95.  Twenty five bucks cheaper, for those of you educated in MPS.  So while I can buy from Best Buy at a cost of nearly zero to me, I know I\’ll be paying too much.  I\’d almost rather pay the full price myself, and be satisfied that I got a deal, rather than pay nothing, but at an inflated price.  It\’s crazy, I know.

Also, on a related note, I have a proposal that will kick-start the nation\’s economy.  It\’s pretty clear that putting the letters \”e\” or \”i\” in front of anything makes people 50% more likely to buy it.  Those two letters confer status on products – as if they\’re from the future.  When the iPhone came out, people stormed stores to pay whatever they had in their bank accounts for these phones, because of one letter.

So I propose putting the letters \”e\” and \”i\” in front of everything.  Housing market down?  Someone buy my \”iThreeBedroomTwo iBath.\”  Looking to sell your crappy car?  Advertise for an \”eLemon.\”  Who doesn\’t get a little more excited about paying their taxes when they know they can e-file?

This could actually apply across the board.  Just think – if your doctor sent you an e-mail telling you you had \”iCancer,\” you\’d be like \”oh, that\’s not too bad.\”  If you find out your husband is having an \”e-affair,\” you\’d say \”oooh – sounds cutting edge.\”

Patent pending.

(I\’ll get right to it after I open \”Simply Arms.\”)

At least Wood was “blunt” when he decided to take the “high” road in his official statement regarding his arrest:

“I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible behavior. I apologize to my family, friends and my constituents who expect more from me. On Thursday evening I was arrested in Columbia County by the Wisconsin State Patrol for drunk driving and possession of marijuana. I cooperated fully with law enforcement and will continue to do so throughout the entire process. There is no excuse for my actions and I accept full responsibility. This is not typical behavior for me, but unfortunately I drank too much and exercised very poor judgment. I want to let my family and friends know that I regret what I did and am very sorry for the embarrassment and pain I have caused.”

Right… the first time he ever had weed in his car, and he got busted.  Amazing how that happens.

Capitol watchers remember earlier this year, when Wood quit the Republican Party, holding himself up as the paragon of virtue.  He was welcomed with open arms by the Democrats, who thought enough of him to give him a committee chairmanship when they took control of the Assembly.  Oops.

Of course, had the Assembly ended up in a 49-49 tie, Wood would essentially have been the de facto Assembly Speaker, as he would have been able to decide committee assignment, what bills get to the floor, etc.  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your Wisconsin State Government.

In the end, Wood’s attempt to blackmail the Republican Party now look about as convincing as some other pot-induced capers we’ve seen:

The Dude: “I dropped off the money exactly as per… look, man, I’ve got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new s—, you know, I-I-I-I… this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it’s not just, it might not be just such a simple… uh, you know?”

UPDATE:  I actually managed to get through this post without making a joke about Wood desperately wanting to chair a joint commitee.  Shame on me – I should be suspended for a week by the National Blogging Association for this grievous oversight.