Did you know that every time AARON RODGERS plays a professional football game, he’s actually playing against BRETT FAVRE? It’s true – because TONY KORNHEISER told me so, and he is on television, so he has to be right.
Since you’re clearly not as smart as TONY KORNHEISER, you might ask yourself stupid questions, such as: How often does BRETT FAVRE’S team give up 51 points? Does BRETT FAVRE now play defensive back? Doesn’t BRETT FAVRE have completely different players on his team, and hasn’t BRETT FAVRE played different teams throughout the year? You may have uttered to yourself: Don’t BRETT FAVRE and AARON RODGERS have very similar statistics this year? Didn’t AARON RODGERS play a couple games with his arm hanging off his body?
Fear not – all these answers have been answered by the Oracle, MR. TONY KORNHEISER. He knows better than to muddy the water with FACTS. And he is allowed to make the same inane points OVER and OVER by pretending there are SOME PEOPLE who sit at home and pretend AARON RODGERS is actually playing against BRETT FAVRE every week. In fact, there ARE NONE.
Actually, there are likely people watching Monday Night Football that have NO LIPS. In order to accomodate these people, RON JAWORSKI should have to announce how each play would have been different had it been made by a LIPLESS PERSON. Since, after all, there are SOME PEOPLE wondering it, they should have to say it OVER and OVER, right? Since STUPID people are sitting at home comparing AARON RODGERS to BRETT FAVRE on every play, it is necessary to accomodate those people by making the broadcast UNLISTENABLE for everyone else.
This message has been brought to you by Mayor Salty’s Beard Softening Cream.