I got a new pair of tires today, so I had the chance to wander around the mall as they were being mounted. I figured the fact that they went flat once a week might be a hint something was wrong.

A took a stroll through the Gap, and found one of the more welcome sights I\’ve seen in a long time – they were selling flannel shirts. Apparently, flannel is creeping back into style, which means I will be able to pull out my college wardrobe and be cool once again.

Back in 1997, I started grad school at Marquette. On my first day of classes, I thought I\’d try to immerse myself into college life once again. So I showed up on campus wearing what I thought the kids were wearing those days – big flannel shirts, Doc Martens, the whole deal. I quickly realized that I was the only one on campus that wore that stuff anymore. The early \’90s had come and gone, and I looked like a fool. Instead of a student, I looked like a historical artifact from the grunge era. You could go to a museum and see me on display – right between the statues of the American Indians making corn maize and the skeleton of a pterodactyl.

\”Come see the homo grungus in his natural habitat – see his perpetual look of indifference, coupled with his ironic facial hair and untucked shirts. Watch him as he condemns any music you listen to as too \”corporate,\” and complains incessantly of his middle-class upbringing. Sadly, the homo grungus was extinct by 1994, although one was spotted on the Marquette University campus as late as 1997.\”

So world, here I come – just give me an excuse.

Has anyone else noticed that former Badger Joe Thomas made the Pro Bowl? As a rookie? I always theorized that the Cleveland Browns\’ surprising season was due in large part to Thomas\’ blocking, and it turns out other people may have noticed that, too. Then again, I\’m a homer, so it\’s hard to tell.

Last spring, after he was drafted, my friends and I went to a bar here in Madison. Late that night, I actually ended up sitting on bench right next to Thomas. As it turns out, he went to the same high school as my wife. During his career here, I always figured that if I ever met him, that would be my opening line. But sitting a foot away from his 6 foot 8 frame, that conversation starter seemed like pretty weak sauce. So I just kept quiet. (Incidentally, he seemed like a great guy.)

You see, I have this thing about meeting famous people. I generally try to think of what my opening line will be well in advance of actually meeting them, even if no such meeting is planned. So I have something in my back pocket just in case I run into, say, Barry Alvarez at the grocery store. (I realize how irrational this is, given the fact that most famous people don\’t hang out near my couch, where I spend most of my time.)

Not adhering to this practice almost got me in trouble a few months ago. I was heading down to the Wisconsin Public TV studios to tape my little commentary, when I got news that Tammy Baldwin was on the show. So I thought there was a chance she\’d be there at the studio. Then I realized that I have no line for Tammy Baldwin. The \”Baldwin File\” in my brain was empty. So I panicked, thinking we\’d meet, and I\’d just stand there like a dope. (Fortunately, she did her interview via feed from DC, so embarrassment saved. Although I still need a good one – suggestions are welcome.)

This got me to thinking about which people would be immune to opening lines. The people who you\’d be so nervous meeting, you couldn\’t spit out a word. Then you\’d feel stupid, and it would wreck your life for all eternity. Here\’s my (admittedly, eclectic) list:

1. George Will

2. Michael Jordan

3. Michael Stipe

4. Tom Wolfe

5. Brett Favre

I asked some friends for their lists of people they\’d be nervous meeting. I got answers like Paul McCartney, Charles Manson, Jessica Alba, George Bush, Pope Benedict, and James Hetfield of Metallica. (Five bucks for anyone who can get all those people together in a hot tub.) Two of my friends separately said they\’d be nervous meeting Bill Parcells, since they thought he\’d yell at them. A female friend said her list was Osama bin Laden, Brad Pitt, and George Clooney – which means if bin Laden shows up in \”Ocean\’s Fourteen,\” she might have a stroke.

Having seen pretty much all the decent movies out right now, the Mrs. and I decided to go see \”Atonement\” on Friday night. This is a weird year, as I have now seen four of the five Best Picture Oscar nominees (Michael Clayton being the only one I haven\’t seen.)

So here\’s the official review: It was looooooooong. I fully expected my first Medicare check to be in the mail when I got home. The ending was decent, but it took forever to get there. Two hours of British costume drama is too much for me, although you can do a lot worse than Keira Knightley (pretty much the whole reason I agreed to go in the first place.)

Saturday night, I watched a movie called \”Rocket Science,\” and thought it was outstanding. There was an element of \”Rushmore\” (which happens to be my favorite movie) and other high school flicks, but it quickly came into its own. (It also steals Alec Baldwin as the narrator, which is stolen directly from Wes Anderson\’s \”The Royal Tenenbaums.\”) I thought it perfectly captured the feeling of changing who you are to attract a girlfriend in high school.

Here\’s the trailer:

I checked the reviews of \”Rocket Science\” at RottenTomatoes.com, and it gets an 85% favorability rating. But then I noticed how much money it had made – a pitiful $601,000 since it was released in August.

That is part of my frustration with movies like \”Meet the Spartans,\” which has now made $28 million in two weekends. A smart, well executed movie like \”Rocket Science\” can\’t draw any viewers, but bottom feeding dreck rolls in the cash. As the saying goes, no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

Some of you may remember when I \”came out\” of my anonymous persona last February. I chose to do it in a Melanie Conklin interview in the Wisconsin State Journal. She seemed to be under the impression that I was somehow worth interviewing, so I happily agreed.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I got a flurry of e-mails from people pointing out that Melanie\’s latest \”Drinks With….\” column features another blogger (Ryan Zeinert) here in Madison. They gleefully highlighted the fact that Melanie has found a \”new flavor of the week,\” and that I am now \”old news.\”

So it is true, my carcass had now been cast aside. The empty shell of a once-interesting blogger, replaced by a newer model. I always knew Melanie would leave me for a younger man, but it doesn\’t blunt the sting much. I feel like an aging stripper, clinging to the pole for one last teary rendition of \”Kickstart my Heart,\” while men turn away in horror. Or something like that.

Anyway, I wish Ryan Zeinert the best of luck on his newfound fame and the untold riches that are likely to follow. I just hope he thinks about us trailblazers when I\’m begging him for loose change down on State Street.

I often see ads for movies that there\’s no chance I\’d go see, but rarely have I had as visceral reaction as I did when I saw the commercial for \”Meet the Spartans.\” It looked like the most offensive, bottom-feeding dreck I\’d ever seen. Making fun of gay spartans? Genius. Throwing a Britney Spears look-alike down a hole? Comedy gold!

Here\’s a commercial. Prepare yourself to be the opposite of entertained:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7kHtkxTcuQ&rel=1]

As it turns out, the movie is the epic piece of trash it appears.

But lo and behold, guess what the #1 movie of the weekend was? That\’s right – \”Meet the Spartans\” checked in at $18 million, slightly ahead of the similarly cerebral \”Rambo.\” I think it\’s safe to say that if you had $8.00 and chose to spend it on \”Meet the Spartans\” over \”Juno,\” \”There Will Be Blood,\” or \”No Country for Old Men,\” you should be eligible for a government-subsidized lobotomy.

So obviously, stupid people are drawn to this movie like moths to a flame. And the studio is more than willing to take their money. So my question is this: Who is looking out for the morons?

The nation\’s economy is about to go in the tank because of the housing crisis – mostly caused by people who were unaware of the terms of their mortgages. Apparently they were absent in math class the day math was taught. In any event, banks are being vilified for \”preying\” on these simpletons – for offering them the chance to own a home, which they couldn\’t do under the terms of a standard mortgage.

I see no difference between that situation and \”Meet the Spartans.\” Hollywood throws out nauseating garbage like meat to the wolves and rips stupid people off. Americans (mostly young, I would hope) spent $18 million to see this trash, when they could have been saving up for college. Actually, scratch that – I can\’t say that with a straight face. The kids seeing this movie aren\’t setting foot near a college campus.

I just hope everyone has the same animus toward movie studios as they do mortgage bankers, for stealing money from these people. There are no good guys in this story.

This post also gives me the chance to display this, which is kind of funny: