Last month, I posted a few crackpot letters received by Wisconsin state legislative offices. People seemed to enjoy seeing the type of thing their legislators are asked to respond to, so I thought I\’d kick off this year with a classic e-mail from November 14th of 2005:
I am a deaf person who was ferociously molested on the job and off by a network controlled by Oliver Stone who printed my name in Cineaste Film Quarterly. They tortured me and they brutally raped my retarded deaf girlfriend after letters in evidence of John Lennon\’s murder were found to have been planted on my house by a 12 year old Jewish girl who wrote to me when I was tortured as a child. Stone and his network have made me into a human sacrifice and treated me for years with the utmost hatred and with acts of beastiality, morally depradating and criminally disturbed in nature.
In 1982, I wrote a letter to Leslie Katz which was used to justify torturing me and to rape my deaf girlfriend. The persons responsible are Reagan, Clinton and Peter Gabriel. They were practicing sorcery of a sort to mollify Yoko Ono who maliciously blames me for the death of John Lennon.
They had an agent placed named Evangelia Karmas, from Hidden Pun Studios which gives you a clear indication of how their minds operate. Neither me, nor deaf Jeannie, had any role at all in Lennon\’s murder. They are just molesting me to cover their own atrocity after working with Lennon\’s killers in framing me as an offender to make a grab on the storyline. I was a part time, deaf library clerk who they attacked on the job, after I reported being tortured as a child.
Please help us. Jeannie was raped and I have been tortured by these murderers. They clearly believe that their celebrity is made for impunity and override of fair play.
Come to think of it, that actually makes perfect sense when compared to some of the posts on the Democratic Underground. In fact, I think this letter is the inspiration for about 67% of Dennis Kucinich\’s presidential platform.
I love the members of the triumvirate – Reagan, Clinton (Chelsea?) and Peter Gabriel. Like Reagan and Clinton are sitting around thinking of who could be the third person to fill out the Axis of Evil, and Reagan turns to Clinton and says \”Hey, Peter Gabriel\’s not in Genesis anymore, right? He probably has some free time.\” Those must have been the days that Reagan and Clinton smoked a lot of pot together.
In fact, I\’m pretty sure this was one of Clinton\’s first executive initiatives. After his election, he probably gathered his cabinet together and said \”Okay, we\’re going to get to universal health care and welfare reform and all that stuff – but first, find this guy and frame him for the death of John Lennon that happened 12 years ago. Then molest him.\”
I would bet Hillary\’s not getting this dude\’s vote.
Finally, I love the fact that he blames the planting of evidence on a 12 year-old Jewish girl. He had to work that in. This illustrates one of my theories: That while not all people that hate Jews are necessarily \”crazy\” (just bigoted), all people who are crazy hate Jews. You never hear a legitimate crazy person sing the praises of Judaism – they\’re all invested in some crazy Zionist plot against them. (See: Barrett, Kevin.)