A new report out proving that the Packers are conspiring to kill me:

Televised sports could be killing its key male demo…literally.

That\’s according to a study being presented to the annual meeting of the American College of Emergency Physicians in New Orleans.

The three-year study, conducted by Dr. David Jerard, associate professor of emergency medicine at the University of Maryland Hospital in Baltimore, found that \”Male patient visits to the ED [Emergency Department] increase significantly in the hours immediately after the conclusion of sporting events broadcast on radio and TV.\”

How significantly? His emergency room saw 75% more male patients in the few hours following a Division I college football game broadcast on TV and radio than during a comparable nongame period, 50% more male patients immediately following a pro football game, and 30%-40% more following a baseball game.

Remind me to put 911 on my speed dial for the next game. Thankfully, the Pack has a bye week this week, so Commissioner Goodell has granted me an extra week to live.