Christian Schneider

Author, Columnist

Page 41 of 82

A Healthy Dose of Spite

It appears that the decision of Christopher Hitchens (my favorite contrarian) to quit smoking originated here in Madison, Wisconsin:

In an interview with the Financial Times published last week, Hitchens casually announced he\’d quit smoking: \”I got up yesterday morning in Madison, Wisconsin, and I just threw my pack away,\” he said. New leaf for the new year? Turns out the interview took place last fall; he actually kicked the habit in October and has been smoke-free for three months.

How? \”Fear,\” he told us. \”I had smoked enough in my life.\”

Actually, we find out from his wife what his real reason was:

Why? \”He wants to live,\” said his wife, Carol Blue. \”Live to see his political enemies defeated.\”

THAT I can appreciate.

Dead Book Walking

I\’m just about finished with Jeffrey Toobin\’s \”The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court,\” which purports (as the title suggests) to be an inside look at what makes the U.S. Supreme Court tick.  It\’s an entertaining read, but can hardly be considered a serious examination of the Court, given the baseless opinions Toobin offers, and the factual errors even I was able to pick out.

For instance, on page 234, Toobin criticizes Justice John Paul Stevens thusly:

\”His intense patriotism prompted the most out-of-character vote of his judicial career, when he sided with the conservatives in the famous flag-burning case of 1989.  In his dissent in that case, Stevens said burning the flag was not protected by the First Amendment, because \’it is more than a proud symbol of the courage, the determination, and the gifts of nature that transformed 13 fledgeling Colonies into a world power.  It is a symbol of freedom, of equal opportunity, of religious tolerance, and of goodwill for other peoples who share our aspirations.\’\”

Naturally, Toobin thinks that \”out-of-character\” for the reliably liberal Stevens means \”wrong.\”  Fair enough.  But he is actually incorrect in saying that Stevens \”sided with the conservatives\” in the case.  (In fact, since he acknowledges that the Texas v. Johnson case is a \”famous\” case, he should have figured people could easily look it up.)

In Texas v. Johnson, the majority opinion was written by the liberal Justice Brennan, who was joined by justices Marshall, Blackmun, Scalia, and Kennedy.  Dissenting were Chief Justice Rehnquist and justices O\’Connor (the hero of Toobin\’s book), White, and Stevens.  Of the \”conservatives\” on the Court, Scalia and Rehnquist split (I, personally, happen to agree with Scalia).  Even the moderate Republican appointees, O\’Connor and Kennedy, split.  So in his rush to paint conservatives as willing to suppress free speech rights, Toobin gets his votes exactly wrong.

There are a number of these errors in the book that intend to make the Court\’s conservatives look like intellectual lightweights, guided solely by partisanship.  Toobin\’s treatment of the 2000 Bush v. Gore case is particularly troublesome, as he repeatedly asserts that the Court badly mismanaged the case – without even paying lip service to the arguments for the Court agreeing to take it up.  It\’s almost as if he forgot the national circus that the repeated vote counting in Florida caused, and he can\’t conceive of the Supreme Court\’s role in wanting to rectify the situation.  And he broadly asserts that the reason the Court took it up was purely partisan – without offering even a shred of evidence.  Justices Scalia and Thomas are particularly portrayed as buffoonish, while much more ink is given to the \”deep thinking\” and \”thoughfulness\” of Breyer, O\’Connor and Souter.

A number of Toobin\’s errors have been chronicled in depth on other blogs. 

That all being said, it is a good read, especially if you want a perspective on the big cases of the past 15 years.  But I hate being stuck in a situation where I have about 100 pages of a book left to read, and I\’m not exactly sure whether I\’m going to be getting factual information the rest of the way home.  I feel obligated to finish, since I\’ve invested the time to get this far, but I\’m skeptical of what I\’m being told (from what I understand, I\’m about to learn how Samuel Alito is the root of all evil in the U.S. judicial system, so I\’m bracing myself.)

SIDE NOTE:  Toobin advances the tired and commonly-used idea that conservatives on the court are exercising their own brand of \”conservative judicial activism.\”  I would suggest reading Rick Esenberg\’s Wisconsin Interest piece on \”activism\” versus \”restraint\” if you inexplicably have found yourself making this argument.

Remembering 1/20/08

Boy, that one hurt – and not a little bit.

After the Packers lost to the Giants last night, I jumped in the car and just drove around the beltline here in Madison, with no particular destination. I just couldn\’t stay in the same place where I had witnessed the Packers disembowel themselves. I dropped my friend Brad\’s house unannounced (much to the horror of his wife), just because I needed someone to talk to – almost as if I had lost a family member. (Come to think of it, there may be a few extended family members I would gladly trade for a Packer Super Bowl appearance.)

It\’s gotten to the point where I can\’t even enjoy Packer games anymore. There wasn\’t a second of the game last night that my guts weren\’t twisted into a knot. When there\’s a bad call (Nick Collins\’ roughing the passer) or bad play (take your pick), it feels like being punched in the stomach. And when there\’s a good play, such as Donald Lee\’s touchdown catch, I don\’t get excited at all. Because that\’s what he\’s supposed to do. Basically, the bad plays are ten times as painful as the good plays are satisfying. So I end up yelling at the TV pretty much the whole game (by the time the Giants won, I had thoroughly described every aspect of the procreative process.)

Special recognition goes to Al Harris, whose clownish goading of Plaxico Burress provoked Burress to have a career game. Well done, Al. You are now a worldwide embarrassment.

When I returned home from my drive (I had considered hitting a bar, but \”Le Tigre\” was closed), I settled in and turned on the TV, determined not to watch any sports. Fortunately for me, \”Bret Michaels\’ Rock of Love 2\” was waiting for me on the TiVo. May God bless Bret and his band of horse-faced strippers for providing me with a much-needed respite from reality for an hour. It served as a reminder that no matter how bad things get, there are always herpes infested skanks willing to cheer me up. Thanks, whores!

I Would Think This Is Obvious To Anyone, Even Head Coaches [Updated]

When one receiver on the opposing team has 83.5% of that team\’s receiving yards through two and a half quarters, while at the same time being covered that entire time by the same member of the Packers secondary, maybe it\’s time to change the way you\’re covering that player.

For crying out loud, coach, either give Charles Woodson a chance to cover Burress or slide a safety over to give Al Harris some help, because he\’s clearly not up to doing the job solo today.

Let\’s just say that my level of optimism for a positive result (6:32 left in the 3rd quarter, Giants leading 13-10) is not high at this moment.

I hope to heck I\’m wrong.

[UPDATE: The power of negative thinking cannot be denied. TD Donald Lee, 17-13 Green Bay!]

\”Here and Now;\” – the Turtleneck Edition

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

Don\’t Call it a Comeback

This week, I\’m taking a break from my regular appearances on \”The Biggest Loser\” to resume my commentaries on \”Here and Now.\” I\’ll be mumbling something about the Milwaukee Parental Choice Program.

Also, my \”Here and Now\” producer, Andy Moore, has started a new show called the \”30 Minute Music Hour,\” which will air on Saturday nights as the lead-in to Austin City Limits. One of the first episodes features a live studio performance by one of my favorites, Robbie Fulks. You can watch it here – and be sure to catch his ode to Libertarianism, called \”I Like Being Left Alone\” (about 8:30 in.)

Wisconsin Public Television – \”You\’re Already Paying For It, You Might As Well Enjoy It!\”

All the Disease, None of the Fun

Worst selling booster club t-shirt:

Madison Memorial Wrestling

Upgrades in Process

As many of you may have noticed, last week\’s post on Jeri Ryan brought our servers crashing down.  Links from some popular national blogs sent an avalanche of readers here and melted down our server.

In response, we have now upgraded our server.  The site should run a little more quickly and more reliably.  Also, we are planning some new features both here and at wpri.org – so keep an eye out for those.

And, as always, thanks for reading.

The Problem Here is… What?

Here\’s the story that has all my friends abuzz today:

Pardeeville man cited for forcing son to wear Packers jersey

Portage – A 36-year-old man tied up his young son with tape for an hour after the boy refused to wear a Green Bay Packers jersey during the team\’s game on Saturday, local authorities said.Mathew Kowald, 36, was cited for disorderly conduct in connection with the incident with his 7-year-old son at their home in Pardeeville, Lt. Wayne Smith of the Columbia County Sheriff\’s Department said. Pardeeville is about 30 miles north of Madison.

Kowald was arrested on Monday after the boy\’s mother, Kowald\’s wife, told authorities about the incident. Kowald was taken to the county jail and held until Wednesday, when he pleaded no contest, paid a fine of $186 and was released. Kowald\’s wife filed a restraining order on Wednesday, so Kowald will not be able to have contact with his family, Smith said. Smith said other domestic issues have surfaced, though he wouldn\’t elaborate.

The boy refused to wear the jersey on Saturday, when the Packers beat the Seattle Seahawks in a playoff game, Smith said. The father was accused of restraining the boy for an hour with tape and also taped a jersey onto him during that time.

As one of my Viking fans friends put it, \”the difference between \’Packer Nation\’ and \’al-Qaeda\’ appears minimal.\”

Does the blame lie with the father? Of course it does – if he had raised this child correctly, there wouldn\’t have been any need to force the kid to wear the jersey. He would have worn it willingly. But bad parenting probably led this kid to be a Viking fan, as is usually the case.

But now he\’s doing the kid a favor – the dad is offering up a little abuse now, to spare the kid from the lifetime of disappointment and depression he will likely suffer as a Viking fan. That\’s just good parenting.

Kidding aside, you know it\’s Wisconsin when the Sheriff\’s spokesman goes out of his way to point out that there\’s still a chance the kid may have been a Packer fan:

The boy\’s refusal to wear the jersey may have just been rebellion, he said. \”We\’ve been unable to uncover any evidence to suggest that this boy was not a Packers fan,\” Smith said.

Because you KNOW that 95% of Packer fans\’ first reaction to reading the story was to shrug and say \”well, I\’m not condoning taping him up, but… he really should be rooting for the Pack.\”

The Life and Times of Rick Majerus

This week\’s Sports Illustrated features a lengthy article about my former boss, Rick Majerus. An interesting read from beginning to end. I also think it gives an accurate picture of what working for him is like – it can be brutal when you\’re actually there, but he breaks his back to help you when you\’re gone.

And the \”six inch\” story is absolutely true.

New Adventures in Republicanism?

The list of liberal popular entertainers is never-ending. However, music lovers will recognize that R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe deserves a place near the top of the staunchest liberal activists. (Who can forget his \”White House Stop AIDS\” t-shirt at the 1991 MTV video awards? Okay, just me? Am I dating myself?)

Anyway, it appears Stipe inexplicably has a thing for Mike Huckabee. According to Politico.com\’s \”Shenanigans\” blog from last week:

REM frontman and rabid liberal Michael Stipe likes Mike Huckabee? Kinda. While speaking on Sirius radio over the weekend, Stipe told host Jane Pratt: “I’ve never seen the guy [Mike Huckabee] talk, not even online. I have never seen him talk for 30 seconds, … [and] he’s really charming. I instantly wanted to call [Generation X author] Doug Coupland and say, ‘OK, project one year into the future for me: What the hell does this mean?’ Because he’s a creationist; he’s a Baptist minister. I can’t think of probably a single issue in which I am even remotely in the same universe as that guy … and yet, he was kind of charming and … self-deprecating. He was actually kind of a good sport, and funny, and I don’t know what that means. Maybe it’s a good thing that’s he’s being lauded right now by the right. He’s an evangelical. May God bless all living creatures, but my god … how weird.\”

Granted, Huckabee isn\’t a \”conservative\” in the strict sense (and that\’s being kind.) But this has me completely confused. I guess, in one sense, it\’s kind of cool that Stipe has opened his mind to the possibility that an evangelical minister might not be that bad of a guy. But on the other hand, it kind of throws my universe out of whack. I\’ve been a Stipe devotee for two decades, and have come to expect a certain brand of liberalism from him. Now, I think it\’s entirely possible that on my way home from work, dogs will start talking to me. Nothing makes any sense anymore.

Passing Observation

The National Indian Gaming Association really, really needs a better acronym.

I Needed Chelsea

Big news from the Clinton campaign:

Chelsea campaigns at Farm
Q&A targets college female demographic

The former first daughter’s address followed a smaller round table discussion at Old Union. Campaign organizers reached out to sororities in an effort to target women, one of Hillary Clinton’s “core demographics,” according to Carolyn Forstein ‘10, an associate with the Clinton campaign in San Francisco and a member of Stanford Students for Hillary.

In my college days, I was woefully unsuccessful at targeting the college female demographic. And my efforts in reaching out to sororities was even worse. I should have had Chelsea with me to figure it all out.

Fortunately, I get four or five e-mails a day offering me a chance to speak with live college girls. Maybe that\’s my path to the Presidency.

An Unfortunate Choice of Words

In an effort to not be so fat, I have been using a one week free pass to the Princeton health club here in Madison. I showed up today at lunch to work out, but realized I had lost my pass.

I told the girl behind the counter that she could probably look me up in the computer. She searched for me, but couldn\’t find my name. At that point, I saw the employee that I met with to get the pass, and blurted out this unfortunate phrase:

\”There he is – that\’s the guy that entered me!\”

At which point his eyes got big and he scowled at me. I then realized what I had said. I think it\’s possible that the dozens of health club patrons milling about didn\’t hear it, but not likely.

In other news, the Princeton Club has failed miserably in its attempt to make me skinnier after three visits. I also determined running on a treadmill is a lot harder when people are watching you. Especially since you can\’t eat a ham sandwich on their treadmills.

More Packer Odds n\’ Ends

My quest to find tickets to the game Sunday led me to this Craigslist entry:

Mallards tickets for Packer Tickets – $1

Reply to: sale-538606796@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-14, 9:10AM CST

I will trade two Mallards tickets for Pack/Giants tickets this Sunday. I am a huge packer fan so please make me happy.

He then finished the ad off with this touch of irony:

\”Only serious inquiries please.\”

And they say there\’s no drug problem in Madison.

I\’m not sure how I missed this story about Greg Jennings\’ relationship with Brett Favre, but it\’s an outstanding read.

If you\’re looking for a read that is somewhat less outstanding, feel free to peruse Peter King\’s appalling, bloated \”Monday Morning Quarterback\” feature at Sports Illustrated. If you enjoy hearing this \”insider\” make the most obvious statements imaginable, feel free to peruse insight like this:

\”Atari Bigby. Great name. Played a great game for the Packers.\”

\”The Patriots\’ Josh McDaniels calls a good game.\” (Really? Was it the 17-0 record that led you to go out on a limb like that?)

\”I don\’t know how many more injuries the Giants secondary can take, but that is a physical and confident unit, whoever plays.\”

\”Eli Manning has played three straight games without making a game-killing mistake.\” (Is that why they\’re in the NFC Championship?)

\”Bob Sanders is a great player, and my choice for defensive player of the year, but that was a bush league thing he did after Nate Kaeding missed a second-quarter field goal try, putting his arm around Kaeding and tapping him on the helmet.\” (Incidentally, Sanders and Kaeding both went to Iowa at the same time, so they could be friends. It is entirely possible Sanders was encouraging him. Somehow I know this, but not the \”insider.\”)

\”Patrick Crayton, you\’ve got to be kidding me. That third-quarter drop just might have been the biggest play of the game.\”

Okay, that\’s enough. I can\’t take any more.

I have to admit that I think this week is the Packers\’ Super Bowl. The Patriots are unbeatable. They\’re just an absolute machine. So fans should live in the moment, enjoy winning the NFC, and bask in the Favre mediagasm the two subsequent weeks. Because the Super Bowl isn\’t going to be pretty.

« Older posts Newer posts »