My latest column is up over at the mothership; it discusses the main way the election of 2010 is different from the elections of 2006 and 2008. Mainly, in 2006 and 2008, voters rejected a person (George W. Bush) and in 2010, they are poised to reject an ideology. The War in Iraq and the collapse of the economy didn’t have anything to do with “conservatism” per se – ObamaCare and the stimulus have everything to do with “liberalism.”

From the column:

Voters are tired of paying higher taxes for lower quality government. They’re fed up with the underhanded way in which policy is made by buying votes with pork projects.

They strongly reject the notion that government has the wherewithal to manage their health care. (In a Rasmussen poll out this week, 61% of Americans believe ObamaCare should be repealed.) Voters recognize that putting government in charge of making something cheaper is a little like putting Roger Clemens in charge of baseball’s steroid policy.

The upcoming voter revolt isn’t going to happen because of superfluous issues. It’s not going to happen because people think Barack Obama was born in Stankonia. Or because Nancy Pelosi has had enough skin removed from her lips to create a spare Justin Bieber. It’s going to happen because liberals did exactly what they said they were going to do; and the results, as predicted by conservatives, have been disastrous.

Read it here.

It sounds awfully pretentious to call yourself a “writer.”  But I get paid to write stuff, so I guess it’s fair to say I am (even though I don’t own the requisite number of turtlenecks.)  And I’m not getting used to it.

This week, I have a column in the Isthmus newspaper, a local weekly here in Madison.  You can pick it up for free at select eateries and such.

The column is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek look at what the state Department of Transportation does and doesn’t allow on its license plates.  As you can see in the article, there’s some pretty inoffensive stuff that they ban – if people want to pay extra to put that stuff on their plates, why not let them?  Anyway, the piece is a (questionable) attempt at humor. (A sentiment lost on the column’s sole internet commenter, who rips me for the “uneducated” article.)

As I was sitting yesterday at Chin’s eating my Mongolian beef, I noticed an older gentleman pick up a copy of the newspaper, walk over, and sit down.  (Side note:  Why do we still eat Mongolian beef?  Like, Genghis Khan was known for murder, rape, looting, and… a delicious stir fry?  That’s like saying “Stalin was a murderous dictator… but have you tried his chicken salad recipe?)

As the guy started flipping through the Isthmus, I have to admit – I couldn’t stop watching him.  I peeked over every few seconds to see if he had gotten to my page yet.  He read pretty slowly as he shoveled sweet and sour chicken under his giant mustache.

Then, he finally got to the page with my column.  I started sweating.  All I wanted was a chuckle.  Maybe just a sweet and sour hesitation while he read a line he liked.

Nothing.  He flipped the page and moved on.  I slumped.  My attempt to expand my audience to chicken-loving mustachioed-Americans failed.

As I finished my beef, I got up to leave.  Just then, I saw another guy walk over with a copy of the paper in his hand.  I actually considered staying to watch him read.  One for two would be pretty good, right?

But then I saw a danger sign:  HE WAS WEARING A FANNY PACK.  Definitely not my crowd.  As we know, fanny pack wearers are devoid of humor – otherwise they’d always be laughing at how ridiculous they look.

I slunk out.  Damn you, Chin’s.  Damn you, newspaper reading public.  I AM A WRITER!

On a positive note, the old guy with the mustache and I are now dating.

My new column is up at the Isthmus – it discusses why the state bans benign vanity license plate messages, and suggests ways the state can profit from mulleted-Americans:

As P.J. O’Rourke once said, for some people, free speech is a curse. So if people want to put “GEEK” or “NOSEX” on their plates, why not let them? In fact, “NOSEX” is simply a synonym for “MARRIED,” so why not ban that, too?

It just seems incongruous that Wisconsin state government would want such a tight grip on its citizens’ right to express themselves. There’s no law banning what people can put on a bumper sticker, so why do we care what goes on their license plate? If they are willing to pay extra to be an imbecile in public, let’s let them — most people get to be morons for free.

In fact, the state is turning down extra revenue every time it doesn’t let some guy with a mullet put “HELLYEA” on his El Camino’s vanity plate.