Okay, someone has to have the guts to say what we’re all thinking, so I’ll be the one to do it:

The chipotle chicken sandwich at Panera is DELICIOUS.

The only problem I really have with the sandwich itself is the fact that Panera pushes the fact that it’s “antibiotic free” chicken. Aren’t the antibiotics what make the chicken so delicious? Can I go up to the counter and request they slather my sandwich with extra antibiotics? In fact, I’d actually prefer my chicken to be the Barry Bonds of chickens, even if it does keep it out of the Poultry Hall of Fame. (But I’d refuse to eat a chicken who was a heavy gambler, like Pete Rose. You have to draw the line somewhere.)

(By the way, when did the word “chipotle” become a real word in the English language? Five years ago, nobody had ever heard it, now you can probably get chipotle flavored baby formula. I propose the following: No word can be added to English common usage, until one drops out. For instance, “chipotle” can’t be added until we determine once and for all that nobody can ever use “oriental” again.)

But here’s the thing that intrigues me about Panera in general: Go in there during the day and check out all the people in there with their computers, working, with papers spread all over their tables. They sit there, all day, putting together their graphs and charts for work.

When did it become acceptable to sit in Panera all day and do all your work? Do these guys really have to wear ties? Why should my bagel purchase subsidize this guy’s office expenditures? It wouldn’t shock me to see some guy with a picture of his wife and kids propped up on the table.

I imagine he has a conversation at home like this:

Child: “Daddy, are you coming to my dance recital tonight?”

Dad: “Sorry, honey – I have a big day at Panera tomorrow that I have to get ready for. I’m planning on trying the asiago cheese bagel, and I have a lot of preparation to do ahead of time.”

I imagine it’s a tough day at Panera when the manager has to cut one of these guys loose:

“Hi… (looks at receipt)… STEVE. I have some bad news… We’re going to have to let you go. No, no, stop crying. It’s nothing you did – your reports on the deliciousness of our chicken salad sandwich were really solid. But we’re going to have to ask you to clear off your desk, and finish your soda. I hear Einstein Bagels might have a spot open on the West Side. Best of luck to you and the kids.”

Next time I go in, I’m going to grab the “order up” microphone and announce to everyone in the restaurant that Friday is now Hawaiian Shirt Day.

In fact, I put together this graphic representation of my love of the chipotle chicken sandwich. As can be deduced from the chart, the more bacon that’s on the sandwich, the more delicious it becomes:

The methodology for this study can be found in the footnotes to this report.

For those waiting patiently for Wisconsin Secretary of State Doug LaFollette to chime in on the issue of gas prices, here’s his press release of today, in its entirety:

Better Choices

Sacrificing our coasts will not bring down – and keep down – energy prices. Drilling our coasts will not solve the problem of high natural gas prices. It simply takes too long to develop a natural gas field to impact prices in the short term. The estimated long-term drop in natural gas prices from drilling new sites is so small that the average American would likely not notice it at all.

The honest answer to our oil problem is to use less of it, and that means better fuel economy faster and a shift toward renewable energy. Instead of the failed policies of the past, it’s time to break our addiction to fossil fuels by shifting our priorities-and our policies toward creating a clean energy economy.

Instead of offering real solutions on energy, global warming and transportation, we are being given false solutions and empty promises. Congress should continue to raise the fuel economy of our cars, encourage the use of renewable energy like wind and solar power, and adopt other, existing energy-saving technologies that cut pollution, curb global warming and create good jobs. These solutions do not require us to put our beaches and our favorite vacation spots on the chopping block.

Thanks for weighing in, Doug.  Now you can get back to guarding the state seal.

With the Brew Crew in the midst of being smoked by the Cubs again, I’m trying my hardest to remain positive. I keep telling myself that the Brewers aren’t really in a race against the Cubs – they’re really locked in a race against the Cubs, Cardinals, Mets, Phillies, and Marlins. So whatever happens with those teams is just as relevant as what happens in this series against the Cubbies. I am also thankful that it started raining here in Madison and my satellite went out, so I was unable to watch Ben Sheets get bombed in the 6th inning. The inclement weather may have saved my life.

But even as you try to spin it positively, these losses are heartbreaking. If someone called me and told me Iran attacked America and now controls the state of Oregon, I’d probably shrug and say “ah, we probably have too many states anyway.” But seeing the Brew Crew fall flat on their faces in the season’s biggest series is almost too much to take.

What’s particularly galling are things like this: The Cubs are up 1-0 in the fifth, and Zambrano looks unhittable. Runner on first, one out. Ben Sheets is up, and… SWINGING AWAY? What in the name of Don Money is going on here? Someone should check and see if Ned Yost is betting on these games. That can be the only explanation for Sheets not bunting the runner over to give Ray Durham a chance to tie the game.

Speaking of Ray Durham, assuming he’s not hurt badly, he should be playing 2nd base from here on out. I’m sure Rickie Weeks is a wonderful baseball player, aside from his inability to either hit or field. Perhaps he’s an exceptional speller. Maybe he has exemplary penmanship. If he’s a great “clubhouse” guy, then good for him – that’s where he can stay. Unfortunately, where he falls short is his ability to play baseball. And that’s something the Brewers kind of need right now.

So instead of continuing to grouse, I’ll leave everyone with this oft-linked to ad:

I’m a Brewer believer. Son of a bitch.