By Phil Brinkman, Wisconsin State Journal Reporter

Madison police today released a sketch of the individual they believe to be responsible for over 14 muggings in the downtown area this year. \”The perpetrator is believed to be between zero and 400 years old, and stands between 6 inches and 12 feet tall,\” said Police Chief Noble Wray. Papa Smurf was immediately released from custody, as he is 542 years old and stands only three apples high.

It took weeks for Madison Police to release this vital demographic information about the perpetrator, as they reportedly were worried about the negative effects releasing a description might have on Stick Figure Americans. \”The race of the mugger really isn\’t relevant,\” said Wray. \”What\’s really important is that the victims are mostly white,\” said Wray, noting that nobody really cares if any crime happens on the poor Allied Drive, but it looks like the Hurricane Katrina relief effort when a crazy white girl gets lost in swamp.

\”It\’s really nobody\’s business who might attack you with a deadly weapon,\” said Wray, adding, \”we need at least 300 muggings to take place to really get an idea of who we\’re dealing with.\” Wray said there were no leads, but David Hasselhoff had been brought in for questioning – not because he\’s connected to the crime, just because he really wanted to meet David Hasselhoff.

The importance of Stick Figure Americans was illustrated last week during a rally known as \”A Day Without Stick Figures,\” when they were urged not to come to work. Mass confusion ensued, as traffic and bathroom signs were rendered incomprehensible. In one particularly ugly incident, a group of third grade boys wandered into an unmarked Capitol bathroom to find Attorney General Peg Lautenschlager on the throne \”issuing a subpoena.\”

Little else is known about the perpetrator, other than he strongly supports Kathleen Falk for Attorney General.

On this day in 2005, I set this crappy little blog up with the purpose of annoying everyone with semi-lucid, rambling and only occasionally coherent thoughts. It appears I have been successful (except for when I quit for a couple months). So here\’s a thanks to everyone who\’s stopped by and for those who helped me get this little idea off the ground. Of course, you people that helped me get started probably deserve more blame than credit.

To infinity and beyond.

Really good story by Jason Stein this weekend regarding all the gas price pandering at the state level (by both parties). Nice to have someone look skeptically at the information they\’re fed – I think he used to be a business reporter, so he probably gets how market forces work. From the article:

But economists are panning most of these short-term solutions, saying there\’s not much a state like Wisconsin can do about gas prices besides promote long-term solutions such as alternative fuels. What\’s more, they said, taking steps to artificially lower fuel prices may actually send consumers the wrong message – that they can keep blithely guzzling gasoline without cutting back.

Exactly. (Disclaimer: I am biased pro-Stein, as he spent an hour interviewing me for this story.)

And in that vein, I dug up this column from UW-Superior Professor of Environmental and Cultural History Nicolaas Mink, in which he illustrates the long term benefits of higher gas prices. He says:

I hope gas prices climb higher.

While the $3-per-gallon threshold certainly makes many rethink (and perhaps even question) their suburban automotive escapades, gasoline selling at $4, $5 or $6 a gallon, as it does in Europe, would radically alter American habits, culture and society for the better.

This line of thinking was what I was trying to illustrate with this post. The Democratic Party as a political operation may be trying to squeeze some good publicity out of the gas price issue, but I believe honest liberal thinkers would support anything that causes cutbacks in consumption and more conservation. Even a good conservative thinker like Charles Krauthammer advocated for increasing gas taxes to keep the price artifically high. On this issue, I think the Democratic party apparatus is out of step with its base.