(Milwaukee) – French royalty Jerry Lewis today announced he would be holding a special telethon to benefit society\’s least fortunate member, Milwaukee County Executive Scott Walker. In March of 2006, Walker was diagnosed with a terminal case of a terrible campaign. \”No human should have to go through the injustice of being told that they can\’t be Governor of Wisconsin,\” said Lewis. \”Forcing him to go back to his crappy job of representing 600,000 people is almost inhumane,\” said Lewis. \”Wisconsin residents are now stuck with a GOP candidate who can actually win,\” moped Lewis.

The telethon was called in part due to Walker supporters wailing about his unfair treatment during the campaign. \”Walker deserves a purple heart for his decision not to make baseless and mean-spirited personal attacks against his opponent,\” said supporter James Wallace. \”Just like I deserve credit for going home every night and not calling my wife a dirty whore,\” said Wallace. Wallace\’s dirty whore wife was not available for comment.

Despite being unable to carry on with the campaign, Walker still manages to muster up the strength to respond to bloggers\’ criticisms of his campaign. \”That shows the type of thick skin that would have made him an excellent chief executive,\” said talk show host Mark Belling. \”The fact that he is willing to clarify his positions when nobody gives a damn anymore shows a never say die attitude,\” said Belling. Belling also pointed to Walker completely screwing up the announcement of his withdrawal as proof he had what it takes to lead our state. \”If you can\’t trust the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel with a secret, who can you trust?\” said Belling.

Yesterday, Congressman Mark Green announced a groundbreaking deal with Walker. In return for Walker withdrawing from the campaign, Green agreed to appoint Walker to the newly created position of \”The Guy I Beat.\”

Check out this state law, which describes the types of weapons that individuals under the age of 18 are prohibited from carrying:

948.60 Possession of a dangerous weapon by a person under 18.

948.60(1) (1) In this section, \”dangerous weapon\” means anyfirearm, loaded or unloaded; any electric weapon, as defined in s. 941.295 (4); metallic knuckles or knuckles of any substance which could be put to the same use with the same or similar effect as metallic knuckles; a nunchaku or any similar weapon consisting of 2 sticks of wood, plastic or metal connected at one end by a length of rope, chain, wire or leather; a cestus or similar material weighted with metal or other substance and worn on the hand; a shuriken or any similar pointed star-like object intended to injure a person when thrown; or a manrikigusari or similar length of chain having weighted ends.

First of all, for those of you who don\’t know what a cestus is, here\’s a picture:

So for those of you planning on starting a fight with an ancient Roman, watch your ass. Or those of you planning on throwing blows at Caesar\’s Palace.

Secondly, what is with all the dorky weapons references? Are the state\’s bill drafters big Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts? Did they put down the 12 sided dice long enough to draft up this law? Should we dictate how many hit points are given to a victim being attacked by a \”shuriken or any similar pointed star-like object?\”

Am I allowed to assault someone if I am a \”Skull Legion Mercenary\” or an \”Orish Warbringer?\” (loosely translated to English as \”Dateless Masturbator.\”)

So apparently there is a big controversy over in Racine \”popping up\” that involves tastless pictures sent out by a political operative. I\’m not really interested in the sordid details of the story, but I do think one part of the controversy is being completely overlooked.

The man is wearing the American flag as a banana hammock.

Any red-blooded American should support shutting down any business that produces American flag penis pouches. I mean, seriously – our men and women are fighting overseas for our freedom, and this guy is wrapping his crank in Old Glory.

Back in the boy scouts, we were taught that according to flag etiquette, you had to burn the flag if it even touched the ground. What are you supposed to do if this jerkoff is playing \”pig in a blanket\” with it? I propose the following amendment to flag etiquette – you have to burn it while he\’s wearing it. That will teach him a lesson.

Where will the Supreme Court stand on this? This gives Texas v. Johnson a whole new meaning. Only in flag burning cases, the dissenters are demonstrating. The only thing the hammock demonstrates is that this Bene-dick\’d Arnold must keep it awfully cold in his house.

If you haven\’t caught any of Republican U.S. Senate candidate Dave Redick\’s press releases, you truly are depriving yourself of one of life\’s great pleasures. They are truly the ramblings of a madman. They are a delicious bouillabaisse of non-sequiturs, different fonts, and semi-lucid stream of conscious observations (not unlike my posts). He\’s like your old uncle that has to register with the state Department of Corrections every time he moves, when he gets drunk and starts spouting off at the mouth.

In particular, check out this release from March 16th, which states:

\”Thus, I am proud to announce that I have mailed to President Bush today the draft of a settlement agreement to be used by him to negotiate the end of these wars. This document will be enhanced in the weeks ahead, and resubmitted, as volunteers contribute ideas. Please ‘Join David’ in this worthy project!\”

Seeing as how he is taking requests for his peace agreement with Al-Qaeda, I e-mailed his campaign the following:

Dear Future Senator Redick:

Thank you for having the stones to stand up to Republicans in their support of this most unjust and unholy of wars. This position will undoubtedly be what easily propels you through the Republican primary in September, when you will then beat that warmonger Herb Kohl. Your clearly stated and well thought out position on the war will undoubtedly resonate with the voters of this state, and will most certainly offset the tens of millions of dollars, name recognition, and unparallelled popularity Herb Kohl currently enjoys.

In response to your open solicitation for ideas for your peace agreement, I submit the following:

What we need to do is lure Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi to the negotiating table with a peace offering of the Season One \”Facts of Life\” DVD (U.S. intelligence has picked up that he has a thing for Tootie, pre-braces). When he leans over the table to accept this most valuable of gifts, I propose you punch him in the face really hard and knock him out. You then use a sharpie to draw a convincing beard on yourself and dress yourself in his clothes.

After going back to his terrorist base camp, you must take two weeks to assimilate yourself with the terrorists, so they don\’t suspect anything. During this time, you must continue to kill American soldiers and blow the limbs off of women and children – but don\’t worry, because it\’s for a good cause. Finally, one day you spike all of the terrorists\’ Red Bull energy drinks with arsenic that you have cleverly hidden in your colon for two weeks.

Senator Redick, it takes a man of superhuman fortitude to carry off a plan this foolproof. I believe you are just that man. May God bless you in your campaign of righteousness.

Stay black,

-Dennis York

I won\’t \”fisk\” the rest of his ridiculous release, but I do have to mention his genius in somehow working the Scott Jensen conviction into a rant about Vietnam. And I will end this post with these wise words from Redick:

\”An unbiased thinking person can find the REAL REASONS we started these wars with a little research on the Internet.\”

I think I might also be able to find the necessary forms for involuntary commitment on the internet, too.

I looked up the criminal record of a friend of mine, and it appears he had a little run-in with the law for a criminal transgression that I didn\’t believe existed. I looked it up, and sure enough, here it is:

Wis. Stat. 943.12 Possession of burglarious tools.

Whoever has in personal possession any device or instrumentality intended, designed or adapted for use in breaking into any depository designed for the safekeeping of any valuables or into any building or room, with intent to use such device or instrumentality to break into a depository, building or room, and to steal therefrom, is guilty of a Class I felony.

Burglarious? Are you kidding me?

In related news, a member of McDonaldland was recently convicted of possession of hamburglarious tools.

Peter had this article a while back, but I pulled this passage out to show why my love of Antonin Scalia is undying and unconditional:

Noting that the Senate confirmed his high court nomination by a 98-0 vote, Scalia said, “You could not get a judge with my views confirmed to the Court of Appeals today. “He said code words such as “mainstream” and “moderate” are now used to describe liberal judicial nominees.” What is a moderate interpretation of (the Constitution)? Halfway between what it says and halfway between what you want it to say?” he said.

For decades, the strategy to deal with homelessness in America has been to manage the problem, rather than fixing the problem. So says author Malcolm Gladwell in his New Yorker essay “Million Dollar Murray,” which details the complexity of dealing with the homeless population and the hopelessness of our current state and federal policies.

Gladwell is a refreshing read, as he’s a liberal who actually gets it. He makes reasoned arguments, and when he addresses a conservative position on a particular issue, his argument actually represents an actual conservative position, rather than an easily disposable lefty fantasy. Needless to say, arguments from people that use reason should be taken much more seriously than those who use hysterics and hyperbole.

Gladwell’s theory is essentially this: while Americans generally view the “homeless” as a unitary group with similar characteristics, statistics show that the most extreme cases, or the “chronically homeless,” make up only ten percent of the homeless population. Gladwell cites studies to support his theory that the homeless follow a “power law” distribution, meaning about ten percent of the homeless are far and away the most costly to society, due to the constant medical attention they need for mental disorders and substance abuse.

As an example, Gladwell uses “Murray,” an alcoholic homeless man in Reno who the police had to pull out of casinos on a regular basis. Local authorities estimate that Murray needed over a million dollars’ worth of medical care before he finally died. The tab for his medical care is either picked up by taxpayers or via private insurance payers through higher premiums.

One homeless service program in Boston tracked the medical expenses of 119 chronically homeless people. Their study showed that over five years, 33 people died and seven were sent to nursing homes, but that group of 119 people accounted for 18,834 emergency room visits, with a minimum cost of $1,000 per visit. While 90% of individuals are homeless for only a few days or weeks, it is the remaining 10% of the most severe homeless that are overburdening our social service system.

Gladwell proposes that instead of merely managing the homeless problem, it would be in our best interest to expend the resources necessary to solve the problem. He argues that our system of soup kitchens and shelters only allows the homeless to remain homeless, thereby providing a disincentive for people to straighten their lives out. Gladwell’s solution means identifying the chronically homeless and doing whatever it takes to help them, including providing stable housing, substance abuse services, and career counseling.

There are good conservative arguments against this type of approach. For instance, government would be going out of their way to help people that either don’t want help or don’t deserve it. Some families work extra jobs to make ends meet, and government would be picking up the tab to provide a new life for people who have shown no personal responsibility or initiative.

On the other hand, government will be paying for these people one way or another. It appears that spending money up front to help people with severe problems could be much less costly than our current system of paying their substantial medical bills on the back end. If it was necessary to shift resources away from the current soup kitchen-shelter system to fund such a re-prioritization, then that may be a worthwhile endeavor.

American government has a strong egalitarian streak which forces it to treat individuals the same no regardless of individual circumstance. This causes a lot of people to be partially dependent on government to maintain their way of life. It may be time to challenge this way of thinking and provide a few people with a lot of help.

I\’m up to 200 posts now, with most people still waiting for the first good one. Basically, I\’m just procrastinating writing a really long post I have in mind. A couple points on fast food:

Whoever thought of putting mayonnaise on a cheesburger deserves to be written into my will. Of course, that change to my will will have to be made quickly if I keep eating cheeseburgers with mayonnaise on them.

Why does McDonald\’s even bother selling salads? Have you ever seen anyone order one? Essentially, you have to pay more for your food to subsidize the presence of salads, so McDonald\’s will seem more health conscious. There\’s no way salads are pulling their own weight.

If I ever become homeless (and if I had to make a living by blogging, I would be), the first place I would look for spare change is under the drive-through window. I swear I drop coins about every other time I pick up drive-through food. Somewhere, there\’s some guy that\’s been following me around that just bought a three bedroom in Shorewood Hills.

One of my doctor friends told me that it\’s not bad to pig out on fast food, since once you consume a certain amount of fat at one sitting, your body can\’t process any more fat and just expels it. Heartened, I decided to test this theory about five times a week, with no noticeable weight loss results yet.

For some reason, my wife likes eating her french fries with tartar sauce (she\’s a closet Euro, which explains why she voted for Kerry). I am being generous if I estimate that they remember to put her side of tartar sauce in the bag 30% of the time. I would be less surprised to see a map to bin Laden\’s cave than I would if they\’d remember the tartar sauce.

The death penalty is still illegal in Wisconsin, yet McDonald\’s is still allowed to sell McGriddle breakfast sandwiches. Where is the consistency?

Back in January, I posted this:

Besides showing that drug use is alive and well among the left wing, let’s assume Feingold gets his way and Bush is impeached. That would leave us with this:

Suck on it, Democrats!

On March 25th, this editorial cartoon appeared in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel:

Pure coincidence? I concede, it’s a pretty obvious point. But I am reasonably well read at the Journal-Sentinel, and it seems suspect that the one editorial cartoonist to make this point would be in Milwaukee.

If the Journal-Sentinel wants me to start writing their editorials for them, I’d be happy to. Don’t be surprised if you see Eugene Kane come out in support of Mark Green in the next couple of days…

Some lefties are taking shots at Republicans for contributions made by an individual named Ambrose Schwartz to some GOP campaigns. Schwartz, you see, owns the 4 Mile Gentleman\’s Club, which is a strip joint.

Schwartz, however, has given money to both Democrats and Republicans. It\’s pretty clear that he\’s a member of the Wisconsin Tavern League and likely gives through his conduit. That means the Tavern League holds on to his money and sends it to candidates that they support. He may have given money to legislators that he had never even heard of.

And when a campaign receives a check, it can\’t possibly take the time to look up the background of every contributor. If you do have the time to research every donor, you\’re not running a very good campaign. Plus, the name \”4 Mile\” wouldn\’t immediately signal \”strip club\” to me. It\’s not like it\’s the \”Bear Chest\” in Beloit or \”Beansnappers,\” which everyone agrees sounds dirty, but nobody can figure out why.

As for the propriety of receiving contributions from strippers themselves, I would argue women that can pick a dollar bill up without using their hands have more dignity than the teachers\’ union, and nobody seems to care about their contributions.

This is in stark contrast to the Doyle administration, where the whoring takes place after the contribution has been received.

Wow – from Wispolitics.com:

— Republican Scott Walker plans to withdraw from the governor\’s race and plans to throw his support behind GOP rival Mark Green, according to a top GOP source. See more in the right-hand column at www.wispolitics.com

The original Milwaukee Journal Sentinel article is here.

Let\’s see – the chair of the national Republican Party, Ken Mehlman, tours the state on Thursday, and Walker drops out on Friday – think a discussion was had between Walker and the big shots? The GOP is desperate to have a Republican Governor in Wisconsin in 2008 to help organize support for whomever might be their presidential nominee. It only made sense that they thought Walker was in the way of a strong Green challenge to Doyle.

Walker was a good candidate and will move on to higher office in some capacity. Best of luck to him. Hopefully, the party will take care of him in his next endeavor in exchange for gracefully bowing out now. Here\’s his statement.

The aggressive tactics he started a few weeks ago signaled that he was in need of a Hail-Mary. He must have looked at his polling and tried to take one more big shot, and when those fell flat, it was probably the end.

And while this is bad news for Walker, it is great news for Republicans. In fact, Walker and Jim Doyle are the big losers today. Doyle is now looking squarely down the barrel of a multi-million dollar Green war chest and sagging approval ratings that rival Billy Packer\’s. The cannons can turn on him now, as opposed to September. Not even the fundraising prowess of his toupee can get him out of this.

Now we can get on to discussing the issues that the public is really interested in – like whether Green\’s campaign manager likes Limp Bizkit or not. Or whether he once went to a Bucks game.

Normally, I\’d try to post something for the weekend, but Duke and Gonzaga taking a flamethrower to my NCAA bracket has me dispirited. I actually fell to my knees and wept as Gonzaga melted down.

So everyone have a good weekend.

Love,

Denny-o

I\’ll take Jay Bullock for the block, Whoopi…

Pretty sure he\’s never heard that one before.

You’re awake at 2 AM, and occasionally flip away from Showtime during the “uninteresting” parts of what you’re watching (otherwise known as the parts with “dialogue.”) In between ads for 1-900-HOT-LOVE (my home number, coincidentally), you see an opportunity to advance your education. Maybe it’s DeVry, maybe it’s ITT Tech, maybe it’s a cosmetology college. Now you feel like a sucker after you wasted six years of college, knowing that you could have an exciting career in audio/visual production in, like, 36 minutes.

Believe it or not, these schools are actually regulated by the state. Every year the Wisconsin Educational Approval Board releases its Directory of Private Postsecondary Schools, which provides a complete list of schools you normally don’t think anyone actually attends. As funny as some of them are, they are essential to getting people to work and provide great services to people with jobs who are looking to further their education. They include cosmetology schools, technology schools, auto repair, graphic design, accounting, health care training, and other necessary professional training.

That doesn’t mean, however, that some of them aren’t funny. Here are the schools, the writeups they provide in the directory, and my smartass comments:

Institute of Equine Therasage (p. 68)

The Institute of Equine Therasage is a 60-hour equine sports massage therapy certification program. This specialized course provides the education needed to help horses compete at their full potential. Our concept of what preventative maintenance massage therapy should be revolves around the horse as a whole. We have combined many unique methods of hands-on stretches, touch therapy, massage, and exercise mechanics with in-depth anatomy to create an outstanding program.

I had to think about this one for a second before I realized that it was you giving the horse the massage and not the other way around. I mean, seriously – the dropout rate in Milwaukee public schools is 50%, but we have schools to teach me how to massage horses? Isn’t this why al-Qaeda hates us?

Unfortunately, I had them in my Sweet 16.

John Robert Powers (p. 82)

John Robert Powers is committed to providing professional training for persons aspiring to explore or enter a career in film, television, print or runway modeling… Integral to the educational process at John Robert Powers is an emphasis on growing the character, maturity, and integrity needed for the demands of a career in the performing arts.

Yeah, if there’s anything actors and models are known for it is the “character,” “maturity,” and “integrity” with which the deal with the “demands” of their careers. Some sample classes:

Week one: The proper way to hit your assistant in the face with a cell phone
Week two: Why is Robert Downey, Jr. in my house?
Week three: Lab work on Colin Farrell’s STDs
Week four: Convincing denials about why your nose is bleeding

Bottom line: You have a better chance of making it on TV by running onto the field and dropping a deuce on second base at a Brewer game than by attending John Robert Powers.

Sister Rosalind Gefre School of Professional Massage (p. 146)

Sister Rosalind Gefre Schools and Clinics of Professional Massage is based on Christian principles and seeks to work in harmony with God’s plan for spiritual, psychological, and physical well being. Our mission is to promote the healing of the body, mind, and spirit through touch following Jesus’ example.

My favorite one. Ah, the soothing touch of the Hand of God. Who can forget the Biblical passage when Jesus turned water into wine, turned bread into fish, and provided deep muscle massages for the poor?

I seem to recall the legendary Biblical story when the small, coughing poor child tugs on Jesus’ leg and says:

“Jesus, my father is a leper. And my brother has no legs. And I have this terrible stiffness in my neck that could use a little work. Can you help us?”

Martin’s College of Cosmetology (p. 92)

The purpose of Martin’s College of Cosmetology is to educate, motivate, and mold students into successful, happy professionals in the fields of cosmetology and massage therapy. The Massage Therapy program at Martin’s provides students with the skills and confidence needed to become competent massage therapists.

Because you wouldn’t want to walk into a massage and see the masseuse cowering in the corner, shaking, because he’s lost his confidence. And you can see they really aim high here – their goal is to promote “competent” therapists. What do you have to do to fail? Perform a massage with ranch dressing?

Midwest College of Oriental Medicine (p. 93)

Are you allowed to say “oriental” anymore? Isn’t this considered racist now? Isn’t it hard to perform acupucture with a white hood on?

Midwest Power Yoga School (p. 96)

The mission of the Midwest Power Yoga School is to help each student broaden her/his knowledge of yoga and to like his/her personal yoga practice and life outlook to a new level. The Midwest Power Yoga Teacher Certificate program will give individuals the tools, hands-on experience, and confidence needed to teach a dynamic and challenging (physically and mentally) power vinyasa yoga class teaching in the tradition of Baron Baptiste.

“Mentally challenging” power yoga? Are they asking you to recite the Pythagorean Theorem while you wrap your leg around your head? When Ivy League researchers working on the mystery of cold fusion get stumped, do they call the Midwest Power Yoga School for tips?

Milwaukee School of Massage (p. 102)

The mission of the Milwaukee School of Massage is to prepare students for a satisfying and sustaining career in massage and to make the health and spiritual benefits of massage available to a wider audience.

Distinctive features of the Milwaukee School of Massage are…

– Unique and fluid curriculum design. We teach the anatomy in bite-size pieces. For instance, we will teach the cranial and facial bones, then the muscles that provide facial expression and mastication. This is then followed with the instruction in face massage. The face massage sequence competency is then satisfied by performing the sequence on the instructor. The physiology is taught in tandem with the massage or protocol it influences. An example is the circulatory, respiratory, and lymph systems are taught prior to instruction of the lymph massage.

– Introduction to a broad variety of bodywork therapies such as Foot Reflexology, Orthobionomy, Reiki, Benevolent Touch, Neuromuscular Therapy, Craniosacral Therapy, Myofacial Therapy, Infant Massage, Chair Massage and Lymph Massage, and Swedish Massage Therapy.

Jesus Christ, lady – I just want a massage. If I’m tense and I hear talk of “mastication,” I think I’d just rather have a brownie and ride it out.

And what’s with “infant massage?” I’d like to hear my wife pitch this one to me – “Um, honey – little Kabeer is awfully stressed out these days – he’s really been feeling guilty that his poops haven’t been inadequately solid. He could really use some ‘me time.'”

St. Croix Culinary Institute (p. 149)

The mission of St. Croix Culinary Institute is to provide in-depth, intense course of classical culinary preparation. Our curriculum is based on the tenets of classical French cuisine and is designed to prepare candidates to become chefs and pastry chefs for the culinary world…
The course is demanding and hands-on.

Imagine that – a cooking school that is “hands on.” Is there some other part of the body other schools teach their chefs to use? Have I been eating croissants rolled with someone’s feet all this time and just not known? That reminds of a joke about how one chef made donut holes… never mind.

Also, it’s good to see that they state clearly that they intend to prepare students to become chefs. You mean you don’t go to culinary school to become a motor scooter mechanic?

Hypnosis & Wellness Training Center (p. 63)

First class: Introduction to hypnotism
Second class: Why is my wallet empty?
Third class: When do classes start again?
Fourth class: Why is my wallet empty?

NASCAR Technical Institute (p. 110)

NASCAR Technical Institute (NTI) is owned by Universal Technical Institute, Inc., and was founded in 1999 following completion of an agreement with NASCAR to provide quality entry-level technicians to NASCAR and related automotive industry companies.

I see some cross promotional potential here: Can’t they team NASCAR school up with the Professional Institute of Dental Assisting? If you’re looking for people that need free dental work, doesn’t the NASCAR community immediately come to mind?

Alignment Yoga (p. 2)

Alignment Yoga’s Advanced Studies Program offers a comprehensive training in the practice of Hatha Yoga. Yoga is a study of body, mind and spirit, and the Advanced Studies Program provides a well-rounded exploration of all aspects. Guest lecturers from India share the richness of yoga’s spiritual underpinnings, while readings are selected to challenge and expand our understanding of yoga and the world around us.

I hear they take this India theme pretty far. In fact, as a class requirement, you have to steal the job of an American worker for a week and fix Dell computers over the phone for 38 cents an hour.

Wisconsin Institute of Natural Wellness (p. 175)

Wisconsin Institute of Natural Wellness (WINW) in Racine, Wisconsin, is a non-profit organization offering Professional Certification in Massage Therapy… We are committed to providing quality, professional education in massage therapy and an overview of other modalities of complimentary healthcare in order to insure that graduates will offer effective, compassionate and ethical treatment to those seeking holistic wellness.

What is “ethical treatment” of those seeking holistic wellness? Does this mean you can’t shock their nipples, shave their head, cake their face with mascara and force them to date a monkey? Should PETA get involved?

Wick Insurance Services (p. 176)

It is the goal of Wick Insurance Services to work with students, in teaching the necessary material to enable the student to be ready to take and pass the required state insurance exam. The school works in a friendly classroom environment, equipped with visual aids such as overhead projectors and easel presentations.

I clearly remember having the following conversation with my Dad when deciding to go to college:

Dad: “So, Christian – is it going to be Dartmouth or Brown?”

Me: “Who did you say had more easels again?”

And finally, the grandaddy of them all:

Wisconsin School of Chainsaw Carving (p. 179)

The purpose of the Wisconsin School of Chainsaw Carving is to teach students professional techniques and methods of carving in order for them to do high-quality chainsaw sculptures. Our goal is to raise the standard of chainsaw sculptures from one of a crude art form to one of a refined piece of art.

Who cares if their summary doesn’t make a damn bit of sense? How great is this school? In fact, you can check out their website at www.chainsawcarvingschool.com. I was all set to make fun of the school, but it’s actually something that Wisconsin should be proud of. It’s the only chainsaw carving school currently in the U.S. – take that, Arkansas!

Their website boasts that they provide “In depth Chainsaw Carving Training for the career oriented student.” Somehow, I don’t think the words “career” and “chainsaw carving” probably belong in the same sentence.

But they seem like a really nice family with a good organization. Check out the course catalog here. I would think the schedule of classes would look something like this:

Cutting Wood with a Chainsaw 101
Cutting Wood with a Chainsaw 102
Cutting Wood with a Chainsaw 103
Cutting Wood with a Chainsaw 203 (Doctoral Level)

Who needs the UW System? Shouldn’t we stop bragging about stem cells and start telling the world that we can turn logs into bear sculpures?

I\’m sorry – I just had to see if I could type those two words together without laughing. I was unsuccesful.